HOTARU: The Owner's Guide and Maintenance Manual

The Care and Keeping of Our Favorite Ditz

Disclaimer: I do not own Samurai Deeper Kyo or "The Owner's Guide and Maintenance Manual" series. This story was completely inspired by Hikari Hrair-rah's outtake of Theresa Green's series.

CONGRATULATIONS!

You are now the proud owner of a HOTARU unit! To insure you get the most out of your new unit, please pay close attention to all following instructions.

Basic Information:

Name: Hotaru (may respond to Keikoku, Luciole (if you're French), and, "Hey, dumbass!")

Date of Manufacture: August 13th, 1582.

Place of Manufacture: Mibu Headquarters???

Height: 166 cm (roughly 5'4"). With shoes: 176 cm (5'8").

Weight: 53 kg.

Length: Double-edged.

Your HOTARU will come with the following accessories:

One pair of Four-inch Red Sandals

Magically Mended Shirt©

Poofy Pants

Mysterious Goyousei Robe-Thing

Do not open your HOTARU in the rain, as he will become very moody and unreliable. Open your HOTARU unit in a dry place and make sure to keep lots of caterpillars and natto around.

Programming:

Your HOTARU comes programmed with the latest state of the art software that is compatible with the following tasks:

Light Source: With his talent for conjuring flame, your HOTARU unit makes for an excellent lamp. Just instruct him on what to do—very clearly—and watch him to make sure he doesn't go all out. If he screams, "Ma'oh-en," then you are quite screwed.

Bodyguard: If the Mibu is after your ass, your traitorous HOTARU unit can help! Unfortunately, HOTARU is the most selfish unit to date, and it will take a lot to convince him to do anything for you. Try dangling caterpillars under his nose. It would also help if an ONIME NO KYO unit were nearby.

Idiot: Unfortunately, there is little more use to the HOTARU unit aside from being a complete and utter idiot. Good luck on getting him to do anything.

Your HOTARU comes in the following modes:

Spacey (default)

Angsty

Drunk

Demonic

Domestic

Brother

Out of Character (locked)

Child (locked)

While your HOTARU does not have a Slash Mode, it is easy to program it when your HOTARU unit is in Out of Character Mode.

Relations to other units:

SHISEITEN (Sekigahara Set): Your HOTARU unit will have a fierce loyalty toward his friends (whether he wants to admit or not). Make sure he doesn't have too much overexposure to BONTENMARU units, as this will result in a broken arm.

SHISEITEN (1604 Set): See above.

SHINREI: We advise the owner of any HOTARU unit to generally stay away from SHINREI units, unless said SHINREI units are either fighting a KYO unit or a FUBUKI unit. This will cause your HOTARU unit to automatically switch into Brother Mode.

YUAN: A YUAN unit and a HOTARU unit will constantly bicker, and sometimes take the other's eye out, but be not afraid; HOTARU and YUAN units are highly compatible.

ANTHONY: Most of the time it is wise to keep HOTARU and ANTHONY units far from each other, as a meeting between the two will result in a spectacular food fight.

YUAN FAMILY (Set): Includes a YUAN unit and an ANTHONY unit. Overexposure to the YUAN FAMILY set will automatically cause your HOTARU unit to revert to Domestic Mode. (See Frequently Asked Questions.)

TAIHAKU: Though your HOTARU unit will not like your TAIHAKU unit, he will not mind his presence. Should the TAIHAKU unit die, your HOTARU unit will cremate him as easy as one, two, three, with no extra hassle or cleanup!

Personality:

Your HOTARU unit might not appear to be very energetic or smart, and that's because he's not. HOTARU units are quiet, ditsy, and they enjoy poking caterpillars. They are good for a laugh (but not much else).

Frequently Asked Questions:

Q: My HOTARU unit has suddenly donned his weird robe-like outfit and is calling himself Keikoku of the Goyousei. What's going on?

A: This is an irremovable programming error that we at Samurai Deeper Kyo Manufacturing have been trying to get rid of for years. Your HOTARU has been fooled into thinking that he is loyal to the Mibu. Crack him over the head a couple of times and he should return to normal.

Q: I took my HOTARU unit for a walk in the park, but he refuses to go anywhere and just spends his time poking caterpillars. What should I do?

A: Don't worry! This is a common occurrence. Simply offer your HOTARU unit some natto and/or lure him away with a caterpillar on a stick. Soon enough he will forget what he was doing and wander off. This is a good sign that your HOTARU unit is acting normally.

Q: My HOTARU unit shrunk a couple of feet and now appears to have transformed into a SASUKE unit. What happened?

A: Not to worry! You have unlocked your HOTARU unit's mysterious Child Mode. His resemblance to whatever SASUKE units you may own is accidental.

Q: I lent my HOTARU unit to my friend, who owns the YUAN FAMILY set, and now he won't stop lazing around and having food fights with the ANTHONY unit. What happened?

A: Your HOTARU unit has been switched into Domestic Mode. To break him out of this, have an ONIME NO KYO unit show up. Your HOTARU unit will be sure to follow the ONIME NO KYO unit wherever he goes. Careful, though, because if this is your HOTARU unit's first time seeing an ONIME NO KYO unit in four years, this may result in your HOTARU unit switching to Demonic Mode, which can only be removed by having him be defeated by the ONIME NO KYO unit.

Q: My HOTARU unit never listens to me. Why is that?

A: It is because you ordered a HOTARU unit and not a KYOUSHIROU unit.

Q: I love my HOTARU unit! I want more!

A: Sorry, because of the incredible number of orders for HOTARU units, there is a limit for one per fangirl. You may consider breeding him, however, with the female and/or male unit of your choice. Just tell him to plug Object A into Object B and pretty soon you'll have little kids running around.

Troubleshooting:

Problem: How can I get my HOTARU unit to listen to me? He spends all his time staring out the window and doesn't even look up when I talk to him.

Solution: Sorry Ma'am/Sir, but your HOTARU unit's main mode is Spacey Mode. This mood cannot be removed, and the only way to switch him out of it is to stick him with either a solitary ONIME NO KYO unit or a whole SHISEITEN (Sekigahara or 1604 Set) unit.

Problem: I followed your directions for getting my ONIME NO KYO and HOTARU units together, but it's been two years and I still don't see any cuddling, or any mpreg. Why not?

Solution: This is because, by nature, your HOTARU unit and your ONIME NO KYO unit wouldn't get together in a million years. But if you are resolute, sneak up behind your HOTARU unit and hit him over the head with a serving platter to switch him into Out Of Character Mode. You may have to hit him pretty hard, though, so this may not work for the guilt-ridden. However, if this does work, your HOTARU unit may soon switch into Slash Mode.

Problem: My HOTARU unit left for a couple of years, and now he's back with a pirate hat and an insatiable want to look for an ONIME NO KYO unit. I can't get him to stop.

Solution: You have one of the rare HOTARU units, the kind that includes the extra Wanderer Mode. Your HOTARU unit has traveled all over the world—from camping with pandas in China to getting lost in the Pyramids of Egypt. To switch him out of Wanderer Mode, have an ONIME NO KYO unit show up.

Problem: I love my HOTARU unit. I'm trying to get him to love me, but he doesn't pay any attention.

Solution: Similar to his half-brother, the SHINREI unit, your HOTARU unit doesn't really understand romance and will never understand you. I know this is unfortunate, but you must force yourself to be content with just having him as a servant—I mean, friend.

Final Note:

With proper care and maintenance, your HOTARU, a certified idiot, will live to an old, old age. However, you must accept the fact that, when he stops prodding caterpillars, that his time in the world is coming to an end. We suggest that you send him to visit with a YUAN FAMILY unit, where he can switch into Domestic Mode and live out the rest of his life surrounded by chaotic "family" members. In the meantime, enjoy him while you can!