I lay in silent content as I waited for the sleep that seemed to be allusive tonight. I could feel his arms tighten slightly around my waist. Oddly, tonight my mind was filled with mismatched thoughts. None of my thoughts went together. They kept on switching from one thing to another. Finally I sighed and turned to face the angel that lay beside me.

Seeing my frustration on my face, he asks, "Bella what's the matter?"

"I can't sleep," was my soft reply.

He chuckled softly, "Bella, Bella, Bella. You don't know how amusing that statement is to me. "I can't sleep", he quoted, "well neither can I."

I felt my cheeks flush. "That is not what I meant Edward. I'm trying to keep my thoughts away from you!"

A brief flash of hurt flashed across his golden irises. Good. At least he had fed recently, I thought. That hurt was quickly replaced by confusion. "Why do you want to keep me out of your thoughts? You know that I can't read them."

"It's just… Every time I start to think about us, I eventually start to think about other things," I implied.

Apparently Edward didn't understand what I was referring to because the confusion was even more evident. "What do you mean Bella?"

My blush deepened healthily. "You're blushing." It wasn't a question. "What are you thinking Bella? It's driving me crazy!"

I couldn't respond, it was just too embarrassing. We had talked about it before, but I still think we could have more. I decided to just come out and say it. The more I stalled, the more he would push. "Every time I close my eyes Edward, I picture us. I picture us doing things that we can't do now. I picture you and me being intimate in ways that we can't be now because of me being human. I love you, I really truly do, but sometimes I can't help but dream about what it would feel like to kiss you for real!" I tried desperately to stop the tears that threatened to spill down my cheeks. I hoped that he wouldn't be mad at me. He asked. I closed my eyes tight and waited for his expected temper to flare; the scolding and chastising about our physical boundaries.

When the reprimanding never came I opened my eyes only to stare deeply into pained orbs. His eyes held pain, suffering, and guilt, but mostly it held sorrow; sorrow for the love that he couldn't give me. I knew that we couldn't be intimate in the ways that I wanted, and I suddenly felt very guilty that I was doing nothing on my part to actually help our relationship.

"Bella, I honestly have nothing I can say except that I'm sorry. I'm not worthy of you Bella. I can't give you the one thing that you ask of me without the possibility of me hurting you. I'm so sorry Bella."

"No! Don't ever say you're not good enough for me! It's me who is not good enough for you! All this time I've acted so childish because you can't give me one thing. My body calls for yours, true, but my heart calls to your love even more. I can survive without having intimacy between us. What I can't survive without is you!" I cried to him.

His arms tightened around me and he pulled me tight against his stone chest. It was only until now did I realize how close we were. "Bella," he whispered softly.

"Edward," I said softly back.

He buried his nose into my neck and ran his lips along my throat. My heart rate quickened, and my eyes fell shut. "Bella this is pure torture. I wish with every ounce of my undead body that I could make love to you. So many times have I thought about holding you, touching you, and wanting you. You are not the only one who wishes for a better relationship…"

"Couldn't we try though?" I asked timidly. "I mean. I know what the risks are, but isn't that what love is all about. We can just take it one step at a time. For instance, I can work on controlling my body movement, and you can work on your control."

"It's not that simple Bella, but I do understand where you are coming from. Maybe we could try working our way up. It could start with just deepening our kisses," he smile that crooked smile as I blushed at his choice of words.

I nodded in agreement, "I think that would work."

"So it's settled then. We both work hard for a better relationship," I groaned, "I feel like I'm in a soap opera."

Edward laughed, "Your right, but not tonight. You, my beautiful human, need sleep."

I sighed. "You'll be right here when I wake up?" I didn't need to ask, but I did anyway.

"Right here."

And so I drifted off finally, dreaming about the next few weeks. I couldn't wait to see how this worked out. Groan Alice will want to take me shopping!