What if…kid Kyuubi?

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.

Warnings: borderline crack and major WTF?ness. Also, total massacre of the canon storyline.

What if….kid Kyuubi?

By Spazzcat.

The Yondaime Hokage stood atop Gamabunta, staring impassively across the ravaged battlefield up ahead stood the massive form of the Kyuubi no Kitsune, the nine-tailed demon fox.

His face grim, the Yondaime watched the Kyuubi approach. He readied the jutsu that would hopefully save Konohagakure. The Kyuubi saw him, snarled, and was about to attack, when—

A large burst of smoke appeared between the two combatants. After a moment, it cleared to reveal a kitsune that was nearly four times the size of the Kyuubi, and with too many tails to count. But before the blonde Hokage could ponder this new development, he was interrupted.

"KYUUBI DREW ARCHIBALD KITSUNE! WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING? STOP THIS INSTANT!" The gigantic fox yelled.

The Kyuubi cowered. "Aw, mom, I was just—"

"SAVE IT! YOU'RE IN BIG TROUBLE, MISTER!" The kitsune snarled. It grabbed one of the Kyuubi's ears in its teeth and dragged it over in front of the Hokage. It then put a massive paw on the Kyuubi's head and forced it to bow. "Apologize!"

"…Sorry…" the nine-tails mumbled.

"For what?" the larger fox snarled.

"Attacking the village…"

"AND?"

"It won't happen again…"

"It better not! I'm very sorry about this, sir," The really big fox said to the Yondaime. "He will be soundly punished for this, don't worry." With that, it grabbed one of the Kyuubi's ears again, with a tail this time, and dragged it away through the forest. "We are going to have a long talk about this young man, just wait 'til your father gets home…"

The Yondaime just stared. Then he shrugged and went back to the village to finish doing his paperwork.

Twelve years later, Uzumaki Naruto graduated from the Academy as Rookie of the Year and the most popular kid in Konoha, only to die painfully later that night when a jealous Iruka pushed him in front of an over-sized shuriken.