J is for Jaguar

Author: Jelsemium

Dedication: To Jaguar, the Southern Kitty

Rating: T for Potty Mouths

Disclaimer: The characters are not mine, not even Frank

Warnings: Um, well, I am trying for humor here, so you might want to put down that drink.

Chapter One:

The last time Megan had moved across town, she'd been helped by four of her co-workers. She clearly remembered the reaction of one of the men who had helped carry boxes.

"Man, Reeves, what do you have in here, bricks?"

"They're called books, Fogle," Megan replied.

"Who the hell needs this many books?"

"Some people like to read."

Fogle had just shaken his head in disbelief.

Megan pushed that picture out of her head and concentrated on the present. This time, she was assisted by one co-worker, the co-worker's brother and the brother's co-worker. The difference in the mind sets between the two groups was staggering.

"Uff," Charlie grunted. "What's in here? Feels like books."

"Indeed?" Larry said. The carton wasn't sealed; the flaps were merely tucked into each other to keep them shut. Larry pried at the carton Charlie was carrying and peeked inside. "Looks like books," he said.

"Fleinhardt, move it before I drop these on your foot," Charlie grunted.

"Under what categories do your publications fall, Agent Reeves?" Larry asked. "Fiction? Non-fiction?"

"That about covers everybody's book collection," Charlie sighed as he maneuvered around his friend.

Larry pried open the top of another carton and peeked. "Ah, Dumas, Baroness Orczy, Isaac Asimov, Dame Agatha Christie, Dorothy L Sayers…"

"C'mon, Fleinhardt, less potential energy, more kinetic energy!" Charlie barked.

"Charles, you'll never make a living at stand up comedy," Larry muttered. He hefted up the carton and followed Charlie up the stairs.

"I could have told you that about thirty years ago," Don groused. The dark haired FBI agent was making a production out of being dragged here against his will, but Megan suspected that his complaints were merely a matter of form.

To Megan, Don added, "So, these aren't all work related?"

"Nope, I read for fun," Megan said. She braced herself for some mockery. It came, but it wasn't directed at her… not entirely, anyway.

"Really? You got some comic books in there?" Don asked with a slight smile. "Or maybe the latest issue of Fibonacci Quarterly? Charlie was droolin' over that one, I'm telling ya."

Charlie rolled his eyes. "Thanks for reminding me," he said. "I have to get my copy back from Amita. She wanted to read Branson's A Combinatorial Interpretation of Identities Involving Stirling Numbers and Their Generalizations."

"It was quite fascinating," Larry added serenely.

"Not my cuppa," Megan said. "I have some classical fiction books, like the ones Larry found. Plus I have the usual array of reference books… dictionary, thesaurus, Home Maintenance for Dummies, Faulk's Basic Forensic Psychiatry…" She shot Charlie a sly look. "Statistics without Maths for Psychology…"

Charlie clutched his chest and staggered backwards. "Et tu, Reeves?" he said.

Don forgot to pretend to sulk long enough to grin.

Larry cocked his head at her. "That last must be a British book, as it mentions 'maths' instead of 'math.'"

Megan nodded. "Yes, that was one of my purchases from Amazon dot UK," she said.

"My books have actually done quite well in the United Kingdom," Larry said absently.

"Doesn't surprise me," Megan said fondly.

Don gave her a sardonic look. "Reeves, you're inconveniencing your boss. I think you're buttering up the wrong man." He shook his head sadly. "Didn't any of your behaviorist studies include staying on your boss's good side?"

"That presupposes that you actually have a good side," Charlie pointed out.

Don aimed a kick at him that Charlie, through long practice, avoided.

"I really do appreciate you men lending me your muscle," Megan said.

"Ah, here comes the butter," Don said to the other two.

Megan made a face at him. "If I was going to butter you up, I'd have said 'handsome men,' she said.

"Does this mean you don't need another favor from us?" Don asked. He tilted his head to one side and laughter filled his eyes.

"Well, now that you mention it," Megan said. "I do need another favor from you boys."

Don and Charlie exchanged looks and Don shook his head sadly. "We went from men to boys in two minutes," he said.

"Gone from handsome men, yet," Charlie said. "That can't be a good sign."

"Her buttering skills need practice," Don said.

"C'mon, guys, I really do need you to help me carry…"

Charlie's eyebrows went up. "Someone who reads British psychology books should know that 'guy' is an insult in England. It's generally perceived as a reference to the infamous Guy Fawkes."

Don nodded. "I read about him, he's the one who tried to blow up Parliament." He shook his head. "So now we're what? British terrorists?"

"This is the United States of America," Larry pointed out. "The word 'guy' is not used as an insult. In fact, it's becoming a gender neutral word."

Charlie rubbed his chin thoughtfully. "So, we've gone from handsome men to boys to persons of no gender," he shook his head. "What is she going to call us next?" he asked Don.

"I am going to call your father," Larry said sternly.

Don and Charlie held their hands up in surrender.

"Okay, okay!" Don said. "No need to fight dirty!"

Still holding his hands up as if he were a prisoner, Charlie leaned toward Don. "Larry always fights dirty," he said in a stage whisper. "He's a physicist."

Larry did, in fact, give Charlie a dirty look at this point.

"I'm going to need some help carrying up cinderblocks," Megan managed to insert edgewise.

Don frowned and turned to study the staircase.

Larry and Charlie frowned sternly at Megan.

Megan held up her hands. "Wait, don't look at me like that! I need bookshelves!"

Don whirled around. "What? What's wrong?" he asked.

"Your brother and Professor Fleinhardt are givin' me the ol' 'So the dog ate your homework' look again," Megan complained.

Don laughed. "You being a bad girl, Megan?" he teased.

"I just want some plank and cinderblock bookshelves!" Megan protested. "Haven't you ever heard of them?"

"We've all gone the planks and cinderblocks bookshelves route," Larry said with a sigh.

"I haven't," Charlie said a trifle smugly.

Larry rolled his eyes. "Well, leaving out the precocious one among us."

"Is that Larry-speak for 'brat'?" Don asked Charlie lightheartedly.

"In this case, yes," Charlie said. "Larry knows more synonyms for 'brat' than Roget's Thesaurus."

Larry ignored them. "Most people who have attended college have done the plank and cinderblock bookshelves."

"But they're ugly, Megan," Charlie said. "Larry and I can build you better."

"Now who's volunteering our services?" Larry said archly.

Charlie smiled. "One of the two men that she rescued from a knife wielding junkie," he said.