This is just a cute little R/S filk that I wrote to "If You Were Gay" from Avenue Q. I thought it would make a cute conversation between Remus and Sirius because we ALL know that they love each other!

Yes, this is male/male if you couldn't tell. If you don't like it, then I have a little bit of advice for you. DON'T READ IT! All flames of me, this story, or the characters will be laughed at and cause of amusement between me and my best friend. Your stupidity will amuse us.

Oh…and Remus is an idiot.

[REMUS LUPIN is sitting in his favorite armchair in the flat he shares with his best friend, SIRIUS BLACK. He looks tired, but very content. A very large book rests on his lap and he clutches a cup of hot chocolate in his hand, being sure to keep it far away from the book. He takes a sip of the chocolate and then begins

REMUS: Ah. An afternoon alone with my favorite book, Hogwarts, A History. Sirius isn't here to distract me. How could it get any better than this?

[Door opens and SIRIUS enters

SIRIUS: Oh, hi Remmie!

REMUS: [slightly dreamy, yet annoyed tone Hi, Siri.

[SIRIUS takes his black leather jacket off, revealing a tight black shirt and black jeans. He is describable in only one word: yum! SIRIUS tosses the jacket to the side and then sits down in a chair opposite REMUS

SIRIUS: Hey Remmie, you'll never guess what happened to me when I was on my bike this morning. There was this other biker who was smiling at me and talking to me.

REMUS: [is flustered Oh, that's VERY interesting! [rolls eyes

SIRIIUS: [does not notice REMUS's attitude He was being real friendly, and I think he was coming on to me! I think he might have thought I was gay!

REMUS: [is VERY flustered and uncomfortable So, why are you telling me this? Why should I care? I don't care! What'd you hex Lily into cooking for lunch today?

SIRIUS: Well you don't have to get all defensive about it!

REMUS: I'M NOT GETTING DEFENSIVE! [notices the shocked look on SIRIUS's face and clears his throat Why do I care about some gay guy you met? Ok, I am trying to read!

SIRIUS: [is sorry that he has upset REMUS Well, I didn't mean anything by it Remmie. I just think it should be something we should be able to talk about.

REMUS: [is becoming increasingly upset Well, I do not want to talk about it Siri! This conversation is over!

SIRIUS: [is somewhat confused Yeah, but Remmie-

REMUS: OVER!

SIRIUS: Well okay, but just so you know…

[starts singing

If you were gay

I'd have to say…

What I mean to say

I like yoooooou that way

[REMUS isn't listening and misses SIRIUS's declaration

SIRIUS: [takes REMUS's hands in his

Because you see

If it were me

I would feel free to say

That's how I sway

So what do you say?

REMUS: Siri, please. I am trying to be serious. WHAT?

SIRIUS: Now that we're here

I want to always be near

REMUS: Siri! I am trying to be serious!

SIRIUS: Year after year

Because I love you my dear

And I know that you

REMUS: What?!

SIRIUS: Really want this tooooooooo

REMUS: I do?

SIRIUS: If I told you today

Hey, guess what?!

I'm gay!

What would you say?

[puts his arms around REMUS and sways slightly

I'm happy

Just being with you

So what should it matter to us?

What we do with the rest of our lives?

REMUS: Siri! Now you're just joking!

SIRIUS: No, I'm not!

[pulls REMUS to his feet and starts dancing him around the room

If you were gay

I'd shout HOORAY!

And here I'd stay

So that I could love you all day

You can count on me

To always beeeeeeeeeeee

Beside you everyday

To tell you I love you that way

We could just screw away

And as they say, it's in our DNA

WE'RE GAY!!!

REMUS: I AM NOT GAY!!!

SIRIUS: If you were gay… [pulls REMUS in and kisses him