I own what I do, not what GAINAX does.
As life is best lived by and exampled by the living, and in living, there are no censors to experience. So too, is fiction. This fiction, at least. Rated T for now, but be warned it may go M. Life happens.
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Chapter Two:
The afternoon had worn on without much fanfare. It seemed Yagata hadn't really spoken about her 'plan' to anyone else on the team, and even now they doing little else than introductions as friends and classmates.
He tried to remember the names of everyone, but that was proving difficult with so little reference to work with. No sooner had he met someone, then they were off back to the pond – the large empty basin, skating again. All in all, it was a rather anticlimactic afternoon considering all the internalizations he'd put himself through just to be there.
'Not that I mind it being something simple,' he reminded himself. 'Hell, better this than her asking me out, that would have been odd.' He sat and watched, as the team Yagata led, DisEngage he thought she'd called it, spun and wove into and out of the people who also gathered to spend time here. Despite his growing curiosity about the group, he remained and watched, a silent observer for most of the afternoon.
Glancing at his watch, the time was nearing the point where he'd need to begin the trek home, to make his curfew at Misato's apartment. Standing and resettling his bag along his back by the straps, he waved Yagata over and waited for the black jacket she wore to separate from the milling mob and make it's way to him.
Rolling up beside him she spared him a glance and furrowed her brow, "Hey, leaving so soon? You've barely been here an hour."
Nodding, the Pilot looked up at the sun and grimaced. "Yeah, I live on the opposite side of town from the School, near route 736," realizing he'd been fairly descriptive, after the fact, of where the apartments were, he kicked himself mentally. "Anyway, I need to get moving."
Yagata waved to some of the people still skating, and followed him, barely shifting her weight to keep pace with his walking. "So you are... going to skate with us right?" Despite the agreement and nearly argument earlier, it still concerned her, the workings of her plan. He had been so angry to see that photo it seemed, but rather than treat it like many people would, an item that raised ire, he had cradled it, kept it in a book in his satchel to avoid it getting fouled.
"Yeah, but I need to get things, equipment again," he grinned lopsidedly as he thought about this. "Well, provided I have the money to do so." It was a few moments till he realized the sound of her skate's wheels had stopped, and he turned to face the somewhat incredulous girl. "What?"
She shook off her bemusement and regarded him like he was joking, "You're serious, I know you well enough to know when you're kidding, and you hardly ever do. You do get paid to Pilot, don't you?"
The brown haired Pilot shrugged and chuckled, waiting for her to catch up to him a moment before continuing on, "Hard to say, I think our NERV ID's are like bank cards, but as for paid... no idea. I'll ask my guardian."
Rika again found herself with more questions, particularly about this last bit, but kept them for later. "Well, if you need things, best place to go is actually Mamoru's, shop. He's the one that came down the overpass, if you were watching." She fished around in her pockets and produced a worn card case, much dented and roughed. Shinji supposed she kept it on her even while skating, which amused him somewhat.
"Ah, here we go... there's his shop's card, should be easy enough to find," She grinned and held out the dog-eared card, the grin widening as he took it without hesitation or comment.
After stowing the card somewhere he'd be able to retrieve it later, he leveled a glance at her, appraising. "So do you all get gear from his shop?"
Shrugging, she nodded, "More or less, it's easy to keep things simple that way. We always know what kind of gear to expect, what kind of replacements we each need. We tend to sync our gear for that reason. Just in case." He nodded, understanding.
'So they really are a pretty close knit team,' he mused, expression souring a bit. 'Why ask me to come in then? So obviously an outsider, and with what she said earlier...'
"You know, I never really liked you..." the words echoed around inside his head a moment, the look on her face then, somewhat guarded but direct. He'd not doubted her statement – on the contrary, he understood it well. He wasn't very likable and knew it, but that didn't change the fact that Shinji was hesitant about this entire situation.
It reeked of planning, schemes. He'd had enough contact with his father and NERV to become sensitized to the machinations of subterfuge, and though he found it distasteful, he didn't let his naiveties rule him. "One thing... Yagata. Why did you ask me? Why approach me, out of the class for this? You must have some reason." Shinji's last statement bore the weight of recrimination, but his tone was neutral.
Rika sighed, knowing this was coming eventually, but hoping he'd be... well happily settled into working with her and her's before it came up. "You want the long version, or the short one?" She trimmed beside the boy as he walked, swaying slightly, little motion needed to keep his pace.
Shinji considered her a moment before shrugging, "Hrm, I guess the long version, unless you have somewhere to be." Sparing her a grin, he gestured down the street. "I live about an hour's walk from the basins."
"An hour's worth of story? Hrm... probably won't take that long," She sauntered up ahead and glided backwards as she pulled her goggles down again, settling them around her neck and slipping her trademark silver rims over her ears. "Besides, I have my own curfew to think about," smiling she settled back beside him as they made the slow trip from the Tokyo-3 metro outskirts to the deeper city.
She trimmed there a few moments, Shinji assumed collecting her thoughts. In truth, Rika was watching him from the corner of her eye, comparing what she'd learned, what she'd known against rumor and hearsay. Lifting the corner of her mouth, she kept a surreptitious eye on her companion and started the rather boring tale of her ill thought-out plan.
"I've... only really had the track team, as long as I was in Municipal, like Toji," She seemed to find a cadence between her slow pace and story, Shinji found the counter, the sound of the wheels skimming along concrete and tarmac between her words somewhat peaceful. "Well, then things got bad, you know. Angels."
The Pilot nodded, a rueful expression on his face as they paused by a crosswalk, the buzzing of the signal prompting her to continue. "Well, things were actually looking up, for me. See, I am – well was, vice captain of the girl's track team," nodding again, the Pilot signaled this was know to him. "I guess... was it after Asuka arrived and that last bombing run I think.
"Yeah, it was that one. The one bombing scared people, then when it died, there was that mountain," she shivered and Shinji heard her skates roll over a crack on the sidewalk harshly. "A third of the class moved, disappeared like smoke after that. After that, the school... I guess there was something like resignation, it felt like."
Stopping to scan the skyline, Shinji remembered that fight. The sense of dread that washed over him when they failed the first time to eliminate the Angel. It was NERV's first official failure, and it was a telling blow to the city's faith in their protectors. It was a feeling Shinji had no desire to feel again, and he had no illusions that anyone else wanted to be here, if they weren't part of or involved with NERV.
Hell, he didn't want to be here, but if Shinji wouldn't Pilot, then someone else would suffer. Would be forced into that seat, forced to face those monsters. "Maybe you, maybe Hikari, maybe even Kensuke," he muttered under his breath, eyes narrowed against the streetlights, the glow of the city an artificial dawn that never came behind the mutable horizon.
"Excuse me, I don't follow."
Shinji laughed quietly and shook his head, "Nothing, just talking to myself."
She watched him, expressionless, the night lights glinting off her glasses. "First sign of madness, they say."
"Oh, don't worry. It's in the job description, I think." The Pilot picked up the pace, using the motion to still his thoughts. "Sorry, for interrupting. Go on."
Rika felt there was much more that motivated those words than simple humor, but it was neither the time nor place. Sighing, she also realized it was her story to tell, not his. Not tonight, at least. "I've always skated, I suppose. It was something my brother got into, and when mom just left... well it stuck I guess. It was what my brother and I did."
Something in her manner clicked to Shinji, maybe it was the empty way she phrased it. 'It was what... I did,' he thought, suddenly reminded of his own coping mechanisms. "Yeah, I understand."
She trimmed her skates and spun in place a few times, arms out to slow her down. "Well, after that Angel, things went south, obviously. Some of us really only have small things, like track, or grades," she paused and looked at him meaningfully, "and Piloting."
"Small? Have you seen that thing?" He chuckled as she did the same.
Lacing her fingers behind her head, she smiled, "Yeah, but that's more or less it. After it looked like they were cutting track, some friends and I decided that the only way to really, well, belong I suppose, was to put that energy elsewhere."
The Pilot laughed suddenly, startling her, "Basket weaving not cutting it?" Rika stared at him and blinked, instinct keeping her skates in line.
'I really must reassess my views, there's more to this one that I thought,' the girl mused. Outwardly, she shrugged, "Well, you have to realize most of us were sports types, or not really the academic sort. To be honest, it was just easier to get together outside of school, rather than try and find something inside." He nodded, but stayed quiet. In truth, it made more sense than he let on. After all, in school, the networks, clubs would be subject to the same stresses that closed down the sports programs. Outside of it, there was less control, less likelihood of things going south, outside of the group's control. "Anyway, so I put things together with my brother, and we started asking around, then things just clicked.
"We started the team, and organized with other displaced students, and finally had something solid, you know?" Yagata laughed ruefully, mirth missing from the sound. "He was killed, recently. Gangs."
Wincing, Shinji stopped, hands and mouth working silently a moment. "I'm... sorry. I didn't know."
Rika shook her head, rolling some small distance ahead of the Pilot. "No way you could, so don't worry. That leads to now, though, and why I asked the famous Pilot Ikari to join my humble skating team."
Silently, he walked on, following the swaying of her body, the skates putting her above him. Silly as he may have felt, it was oddly familiar, that situation. He had a quiet moment of remembering the picture, hidden away in his science book, the slightly faded frame of white seeming to creep around his vision for a moment. The feeling passed as suddenly, and he reminded himself that this person, the fledgling woman before him, wanted him for some purpose that extended beyond just his company and participation.
"As it stands, we want to keep on skating, with purpose. We race, to have that... but we need people to race, ones that have drive." Turning, Rika favored him with a quiet smile, "Which, is where you come in. Can't think of anyone more driven than a Pilot, and well, if truth be told I was hoping having you in our numbers would um," she bowed, an awkward gesture as she skated before him, backwards.
"Was hoping you being on the team, racing or not, would net us some new members, I guess," the skater straitened, and dropped back beside the Pilot, sighing. "Not my best idea, I know."
He smiled, realizing her reasons weren't so bad, considering. 'Publicity, a little socializing, some exercise, and hell, maybe a few new friends,' he mused, thinking of all the things he could to justify accepting her offer, for both their sakes. Shinji resettled his satchel, and considered the young woman beside him, "So, you think having me around will help things, to keep on moving forward, then?"
"It's my hope," she admitted, her hands now laced behind her back. He noticed, that skating slow made her fidget, keep shifting her hands, and stifled an apology that welled up for keeping the girl so long, there beside him; Rika's discomfort, though not really his concern, still told on his mind. Shinji took no pleasure in her discomfort.
The Third smiled suddenly, glancing at his companion. "Hope, hrm? I think that's good enough reason for me, really."
"That'll do huh? Well, I guess I should have just stuck with the short version... seeing as I'm already about an hour into this little walk," Rika chuckled, curving up ahead on a curb to a stop. Shinji started and realized they were only a block away from Misato's apartment. Bowing, he started to apologize but stopped once his companion skated beside the Pilot and nudged him hard enough to knock him over if he did so. "None of that."
Nodding slightly, Shinji stopped at that corner, careful to remember the protocols established by NERV. Among those being that he should minimize exposure of the Pilot's domiciles to civilians. "I guess this is where we part ways, then," Smiling, he shrugged and motioned in a direction opposite the side of the block the apartments were on. "I'm right over there, but I have to drop by the corner market too."
Yagata stilled her rolling and fidgeting and came to stop near him. "I just wanted to say, thanks, for this. Not just the skate team thing, but talking with me, even though you really had no reason to," Arms wrapped around herself, she seemed very vulnerable to Shinji, but despite the talk, the company, he wasn't comfortable enough around her to offer comfort. The impression faded as she buttoned up her jacket and grinned at him, "Well, I guess I'll see you tomorrow at lunch, if that's ok?"
Shinji nodded and made a mental note to warn his usual table mates of this before lunch tomorrow. Better to have no more surprises, he reasoned. "Yeah, that'd be good actually... you can give me more of an idea about what to expect and such," an odd idea flickered through his mind and he grinned slightly. 'She wanted more people... I wonder.'
"Night, Yagata, I'll see you later," the Pilot quipped, before heading in the wrong direction, determined to circle around once, keeping with his guise.
She waved briefly, and started skating to the south, obviously home at that hour. Luckily, the Yagata residence wasn't too far off, as time was measured skating.
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The apartment seemed quiet, as he arrived, which was typical of that hour. The walk out to Sengoku and back had taken up most of his afternoon and night. He paused outside the door and and listened, but only hear the sound of the television playing beyond the door.
Shrugging and deciding to just get it over with, he palmed the door open and slipped his shoes off, wincing at how tender his feet had gotten from all the walking. 'Should have listened to Yagata's note and taken the bus,' thoughts of the afternoon were stilled, though, as he blinked into the living room.
"Welcome home, baka-san. How was the date?" Asuka smirked, leaning back against the couch in her usual night clothes, the video game in front of her forgotten for a time.
Shinji smiled and shook his head, settling on the couch by his roommate. "Pretty depressing if it was supposed to be a date, actually," he laughed at bit as she harrumphed and turned back to face her game, the screen blinking patiently, paused.
The redhead wrapped her arms around her legs and leaned her cheek against pale knees. The two teens sat that way, silent and still for some time. Finally, she shifted, impatient with her own curiosity, "So, what was it she needed, so badly then?"
He waited, watching her play the game for a few minutes, aware of her growing impatience. Finally, when she'd taken a moment to get a drink from a nearby glass, he spoke, "Well, it was a bit awkward at first, the dark alleys, her leather outfit..." water splashed the television as Asuka sputtered in surprise. "Kidding, kidding."
"Damnit, stupid jerk, you did that on purpose!" Coughing and trying to get her breath, the Second Child glared at him, swatting at his leg as she did so. "You know, Misato almost cooked tonight because of you!"
Grimacing, the Pilot shook his head, "Yeah, was afraid of that. How'd you keep her out of the kitchen?"
Asuka grinned evilly and reached under her backpack, pulling out her rather bulging wallet. "Poker game."
Shinji blinked and stared at the girl like she'd grown snakes in her hair, "When did you learn to play that? And did you go easy on her?"
Snorting, the girl shook her head. "Hell no! She kept playing like an idiot. I swear, how does she pass as a tactician if she can't even bluff well at cards?" Sighing, she started packing her backpack again after looking at the clock. "Getting late, we should sleep soon."
Starting, Shinji looked at the clock and saw just how late it was. 'Did I miss Rei's call? Should call her soon myself, just in case,' he figured, knowing some days she got wrapped up in her studies or was so exhausted by the tests and activities at NERV to spare him time. He didn't mind; Shinji knew she had a very intense schedule, easily twice as harsh on the Evangelion side, for some reason.
He reached out and stilled the fiery Pilot before she could shuffle down the hall to her own room, "Hey, one minute, before you go?"
Blue eyes scanned across his hand then up to meet his, expressionless for a time. "Hrm. Sure." Settling back on the couch beside the young man, Asuka resisted the urge to fling his hand off her shoulder. 'We've been getting along so well recently, no reason to foul that up just because. He's not so bad to deal with when he loosens up at least.'
Nodding, he seemed to think a moment, sorting what he wanted to say. "Ah, about tonight, and the Yagata thing..."
Rolling her eyes, Asuka shook her head. "Don't tell me if you don't want to, baka."
"It's not that," he added quickly, sighing slightly into the gloomy room. "I know you hate it when I apologize, but this seemed important; the way she approached me and all. Besides, you know how bad I am at telling people 'no'." Grinning, he shrugged. "Sorry for making you deal with Misato on your own, I know you two don't get along well."
Closing her eyes, she untensed her shoulders slowly, fighting the impulse to just shove him away and run to her room. "Baka. Just remember, you owe me." When he nodded, grinning wryly she sighed and leaned back against the Pilot. "So, tell me about this mysterious meeting. Seems to be bothering you."
Shinji reflected on the situation, himself leaning back on the arm and the corner of the couch, the pretty redhead facing away from him but leaning back into his chest with her arms across his knees. Since the Seventh, things were less outwardly tense between the two, but there was a distinct stress on other things.
One was this, and the Pilot could never quite sort out what it meant. Asuka knew he and Rei were dating, or if their hesitant, somewhat stumbling progress toward that didn't quite qualify, were moving that direction. Yet still, on days when it happened that Misato was at NERV late, or slept early, some days they'd end up like this, intimately close to another but just that.
Oh, he'd never pushed the topic. After the night where he nearly kissed Asuka, and her nightmare, he'd stopped backing away from the hot-headed Pilot and stood his ground with her, not so much confrontationally but emotionally. That night helped him realize that despite his respect for Asuka's strength and pride, she was still human. Like him, sometimes she needed comfort.
He began what had been set down as routine, pulling her A10 connectors out gently and letting her hair fall, before leaning over to the side and fishing the brush from her satchel. "We've talked a lot today, haven't we? More than since the day after the Seventh, anyway." He separated her hair in his fingers, drawing some to the side to brush as she tilted her head. Shinji could imagine her expression – half annoyed contemplation, half uneasy.
"Yeah... complaining? I could always go back to communicating with my fists," the light hitch in her shoulders told him she'd laughed, and he chuckled as well.
"No, I prefer really conversations, honestly. Hold on, tangle," he worked at the small knot, probably wind-tied, for a moment, concentrating on it so no to irk the redhead. Freeing the offending strands he smoothed them back into the fall of her hair, "Yagata... it was awkward, really. Did you know she skated?"
Leaning back against the warmth behind her, Asuka shook her head. "I'd only heard about the track thing, and maybe something with her brother," biting her lip, she sighed. "Hey... mind if I ask you something important?"
A small tingle of dread crept up his spine, but he stilled the brush and nodded, then answered, mentally chiding himself for forgetting she couldn't see the motion. "Y-yeah, go ahead."
Taking a breath, more to still herself than fuel the sigh after, Asuka half turned to watch the nervous Pilot she was resting against. "Why have you never... well. Tried anything?" When he blinked, confused she quirked her lip into a wry grin. "Well, that's an answer in some way I guess, but to clarify... I meant, with me."
He knew this conversation would happen eventually, ever since talking with Kaji that one day and getting his advice on Rei, back when Asuka had just arrived. The Agent had told him that in their situation, it was likely that eventually the redhead Pilot would grow fond of him, but he never believed it, but then during Synchronization training, things changed. Still, having heard about it then being confronted with it were two different things.
Mental exercises Shinji could handle without much conflict, this was causing him mild panic. "W-well, for on-one thing, I guess," Taking a deep breath, he counted to ten slowly, letting it out. Asuka smirked at his discomfort and leaned forward, arms still draped across his calves, but lessening the contact between them. "I really respect you. I don't... hm.
"You know how I get upset with Ken over his damn photos?" She tensed and nodded, fully aware that her image was a good portion of the funds for the otaku's newest video camera. "That's one thing, I never liked the idea of him... I guess reducing people down to objects. I don't see you as just a pretty girl, someone foreign and exotic like a lot of campus does."
Asuka stilled, her mouth a bit too dry to speak, but something in her mind was screaming that this wasn't what she wanted, and in the same voice it was telling her it was. Standing suddenly, she nearly unbalanced the hapless Shinji into the floor, then without looking back at him strode to her room, hoping he'd not-
"Asuka, I'm... will you meet us for lunch tomorrow? Please?" He shoved the impulse to start spouting apologies somewhere deep and dark, hoping he'd not said something to upset their tenuous friendship.
She only nodded slightly and slid the door shut, never turning to watch as the youth seemed to deflate where he sat.
It was nearing midnight when he stood to shuffle to his own room, pausing for the length of two heartbeats by her door, the sound of hitched breath and sniffling coming from behind the thin wall. Bending into himself a bit more, he less settled so much as tripped into his bed, and rolled to face the ceiling, eyes unfocused and blank. 'I can't seem to do right with her. I mean, I don't... want to give her the wrong idea, but she seems to need a friend, badly. Someone to open up with, but she just can't.'
Running a hand through his hair, he slipped out his cell phone, and pointedly not looking at the time, called Rei. The phone rang, three times as it seemed it always did, before she answered.
"Hello, Shinji," her voice seemed strained, tired and he was suddenly wondering if he'd do anything right that night.
Stifling a sigh he wondered if he should just end the call quickly so she could rest. "Hi Rei, are you not feeling better from class earlier?"
There was a small pause, one he knew meant she was weighing what to say. "I am feeling better from that time, yes."
Chuckling slightly, he closed his eyes. "And so what has you sounding so weary now?"
"There were... complications at NERV, and I was there until just recently," her tone was the flavor cold neutral he'd come to recognize as disgust, and he wondered what it was, precisely that they did with her, so often. And not for the first time. "I was just getting dressed when you called."
Swallowing, the youth attempted not to stutter a response to that, the realization that Rei may be naked on the other side of the phone causing his color to side sharply. "Er, sorry for that. Do you feel up to talking for a few minutes, though? I know you're tired... I just need to, I suppose."
Rei paused a moment, briefly, to consider his words. Usually, Shinji rarely if ever asked anyone for anything, preferring to do things himself, or to simply let the issue pass were it not vital or something weighing heavily on his mind. She was relieved, truthfully, that he asked, it showed he was willing to break those small barriers that separated them, slowly. "Please, go on. I do not mind," she answered simply.
Shinji nodded to himself and recanted the afternoon's events, the meeting with Yataga and agreeing to her idea. While he was briefly going over the event, he remembered the picture, and swore quietly, "Ah, damn. I forgot to ask where she got that picture, despite all that time walking. I was so caught up in that story of hers."
"Shinji, I have something I need to tell you," those words cost her much, and her body quietly railed against her for getting stressed, in her weakened condition. "I have been... somewhat untruthful about some things, regarding your father."
This last line nearly shocked the brown haired Pilot to the floor, and he was glad for his current position, laying on the bed. "Wha- how do you mean?" was all he could stutter out, the ideal he had of Rei suddenly seeming somewhat incomplete.
"First, you must realize he has been untruthful to you, in the past. He did not destroy all traces of your mother, Shinji." Her voice was low, sounding weary but he was caught by the last words, more than her tone.
His mouth worked a moment as he put the pieces together, "Why didn't you... why give it to her?" His tone warped from confused to angry in a moment, making the pale girl wince.
"What did you have before Eva, Shinji?"
The question stalled him, as he readied to ask her why this mattered, but his mind shut down a moment as the realization hit. "I didn't, well. I had nothing, really."
She sighed, slightly relieved he'd not just focused on his anger, for the moment. "And what do you see yourself, having after it?"
It was a question he himself asked, far to often. Thanks to NERV, his school activities, including possibly school itself was in danger. His mind clicked from one possibility to another, none seeming as bright as he could have hoped; but this wasn't hoping. This was reality. "I don't know, college I'd hoped, but with the Angels," he trailed off, the sentiment obvious.
"I understand, I myself have only just recently decided to have a future," he'd nearly interrupted her to ask about this but she continued, before he could do so. "However, the is also the 'now', to consider. It is why I... will you do me one favor, Shinji?"
Blinking, he answered, "Yeah, of course Rei."
Her small sigh of relief wasn't missed but him, "Please reserve judgment of me, about that action until tomorrow. I have something I want to show you, but I would prefer it to be somewhat of a surprise still. I was not quite ready, but I believe now I should simply show you."
"I wasn't going to judge you Rei, but I just have so little of her left, even something like that photo. You realize that's the first time I'd seen her face since I was almost four?" Shinji's voice cracked slightly, the photo in his hand from where he'd pulled it from the book a moment ago.
She stilled and hoped, in the future he'd be as forgiving another secret that she was even more hesitant to admit. "I am sorry, Shinji. Just trust me, a little longer. Please?"
"I do, and I will," Sighing, he set the photo to his nightstand and noticed the time. "We should sleep, Rei. It's really late, and I don't want to stress you anymore than we have already."
"I understand, Shinji," Rei said quietly, knowing he was still hurting over her actions, but unable to soothe him for now.
"Alright, I'll talk to you tomorrow, so sleep well."
Her voice caught slightly, forcing her voice and last words into a whisper as she clicked the call button quickly after.
Shinji stared at his phone, blinking for many minutes as his memory played back again, and again. He tried to convince himself otherwise, but he knew he heard what he did.
"Did she just say...?" Sighing wearily but with his mind whirring frantically, he turned and settled to try and sleep, but it was long in coming to the restless Pilot.
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A/N: Ending at an opportune point.
Yagata Rika's design was influenced by Yadomaru Risa from Bleach