So this is my angsty Sirius fic, it's the first one I've written from his POV and I hope you'll enjoy it:D
Rating: PG-13 for some a bit of British style swearing…but I mean come on, what did you expect with Sirius as the narrator?
Discalimer: If I owned Harry Potter, I would be saying this with a
British accent...unfortunately I am not, therefore I am not JK Rowling.
Finding Home
It was truly pathetic.
"Bloody hell." Sirius swore quietly as he crept through his home, if it could even be called that.
It was pathetic what he had been reduced to. He was so desperate to get out of this hellhole that he was creeping around in the middle of the night gathering his belongings and preparing to make a beeline for the door if that woman woke up.
"Sleep tight mommy." Sirius whispered sarcastically as he passed the master bedroom on his way back up the three flights of stairs to his room. He didn't have many personal items to bring with him, but it had taken him a few trips to get all of his books. Sirius wouldn't have even bothered if he hadn't been sure that Professor McGonagall wouldn't accept running away as an acceptable reason for not doing his summer work.
Running a mental tally of anything he might have forgotten Sirius alighted gently onto the top stair near his bedroom. Looking into his dimly lit room, Sirius became even more depressed.
It was stark bare.
All of his photos and everything that had ever given the place a bit of personality had been taken with him; after all he was never going to return to this piece of shite they called a home. 12 Grimmauld Place had never been remotely anything like a home to Sirius. He'd spent sixteen miserable summers here, the rest of the time was spent at Hogwarts for the past six years, boarding schools before that, and a period of time he called the 'good years', the years when he was five or younger.
Because they were a blur and he couldn't really remember anything in particular, they were better then anything Sirius was experiencing now.
Grabbing his backpack and broom off the floor by his bed, Sirius paused one last time to survey the room and wrinkled his nose in disgust.
He'd left the bed unmade and the floor had a covering of dust that reflected Kreacher's lack of cleaning in the room. When he'd been Sorted into Griffindor, his mother had been so furious that she refused to let Kreacher do any work for Sirius other then cooking, screeching that only a real Black could order Kreacher around and he was not a real Black.
Sirius could care less. The house elf was a vile old thing, mad in nature and disturbing in presence. He goal in life was to be beheaded. If that didn't scream insanity, Sirius didn't know what would.
Sirius' face broke into a smile for the first time all day as an idea popped into his head. Placing his pack down again, Sirius began rummaging through it.
"Ha!" Sirius was still surprised by his own brilliance sometimes. Pulling out his wand and several large posters, Sirius muttered a quick incantation and watched with satisfaction as the laminated posters flew onto the walls and sealed themselves with a quiet squish.
Now several large Muggle posters were permanently on his wall. Posters of Muggle girls. Clad in bikinis. And now they were stuck with an Unremovable spell. And the maker was serious when he said Unremovable…
"Good luck getting them off, pops." Sirius muttered darkly and pulled his pack up once more, pausing only to spit at the bed, standing obnoxious in the middle of the room like it had never done anything to Sirius.
He didn't need to worry about using magic; his mother had paid off a Ministry official years ago to allow Regulus to practice magic at home. Only problem she didn't think of was that this allowed Sirius to do magic as well.
Sirius was suddenly chilled and swiftly left the room, wanting to get the hell out of this house. Unfortunately, in his haste Sirius forgot that the top stair squeaked.
Pausing like a mouse caught near a cat, Sirius froze and waited to see if Regulus had awoken.
"Sirius?" A sleepy figure emerged from the opposite bedroom.
Damn him for being a light sleeper…"What are you doing?" Regulus was immediately suspicious as he surveyed Sirius' pack and broom, "Where the hell do you think you're going?" Sirius felt bile rise in his throat as he saw a corner of the green clad room his brother occupied. He was tempted to ignore the question and just continue, Regulus wouldn't follow him, he didn't care enough.
But Sirius couldn't just throw his brother over to his parents.
"Come with me Reg." Sirius came back onto the landing reaching a hand out to his brother. Regulus backed up against the door jam and Sirius felt as though he had been slapped.
"What can they offer you Reg?" Sirius asked, the words coming out harsher then intended.
"What can you offer me?" Regulus challenged, his face the mirror image or Sirius, while his personality couldn't have been more different.
"A life…" Sirius whispered, conscious of the fact that every moment he spent here was one more chance for his mother to wake up, "A life where you aren't asked to kill people…innocent people." Regulus just sneered.
Lucius must have taught him that. Sirius thought, anger coursing through his veins. How could his own flesh and blood be so different from him…so evil?
"You have nothing." Regulus tilted his head inquisitively, "Where are you going to live?" Sirius paused, he hadn't actually found a flat yet.
Regulus sniggered, "Hadn't thought that far had you? Just thought it'd be fun to run away? To be different? That's the way it's always been with you Siri, you never have a plan, you just want out of anything that presents a challenge…" Sirius' wand found itself at Regulus' throat.
"You think this is a joke?" He snarled, letting his anger get the better of him, "You think that if you behave and do as mommy says you're going to have this fabulous life? Well you're wrong, let me paint you a picture…
"You're going to graduate from Hogwarts, no one will give a shit about your grades as long as you're good with curses and potions…then motherdearest will tell you that You-Know-Who is coming over for tea and wouldn't you like to join the Death Eaters? But by that point you'll be so filled with fantasies about how Purebloods are better the Muggle borns that you won't think twice. You'll clap your hands in excitement and throw on your best robes. Maybe you'll even become his favorite killer, do you like that Reg?" Regulus' face was red. From frustration, anger, or humiliation Sirius wasn't sure.
"But here's the kicker Reg, "Sirius couldn't stop, he knew that Regulus wouldn't come with him but at least Sirius could say he tried, "That's all you will be…a killer. Is that what you want?"
"Shut up you bastard." Regulus had finally had enough, "You know nothing, you're a worthless piece of shite…you think you're so great with your little Griffindor friends and spouting your bit about Muggles and Mudbloods…but you are an idiot who will never truly believe in a cause because you're to concered with your own arse to be willing to die for something." Sirius took a step back, feeling much older then his years.
"Is that what you think this truly is?" He asked, his voice hoarse, "You think this is a joke…
"Go back to bed Reg." Sirius turned away. Regulus wouldn't follow.
"I just hope I never have to face you on a battle field." Sirius whispered, not knowing if Regulus could hear him or not. Because that's what this would come to. Maybe not for a few years, but war would come and he would be forced to face his family.
Trudging down the stairs for what he hoped would be the last time in his life, Sirius felt all of the pains of his past years here pilling themselves on his back. Would he never be free of them?
Sirius entered the cold, stone walled kitchen and paused. This part of his plan was the most difficult. He knew that he had his own bank account with his portion of the Black family fortune, mostly given to him by Uncle Alphy, and he'd be damned if any of those bastards got to keep it. But Kreacher held the keys to protect them and Sirius knew that as soon as he found a loophole in the wording Sirius used, the elf would go running to Mrs. Black. It was disgusting how he worshiped the woman.
Sirius quickly grabbed a piece of coffee cake from the counter, after all who knew long it would be before his next proper meal, and moved silently into Kreacher's den.
Sirius nearly threw up the food. He'd forgotten why he never came in here; it smelt like something had died and then puked its guts up postmortem…but then again that was quite possible with Kreacher involved.
"Kreacher." Sirius whispered loudly, nudging the elf with his foot rudely. The loud snores stopped but Kreacher feign sleep. Sirius rolled his eyes.
"Kreacher wake up." Even though he was hated, Sirius was a legitimate member of the family and Kreacher had to obey a direct order and rose unwillingly to his feet
"What is Master Black doing up so late at night?" Kreacher asked suspiciously, clearly wanting to add some rude remark but fearful of the 'evil Black boy.' It was ironic because he was probably the only good one among them.
"Don't ask questions." Sirius snapped, he was running out of time, "I need you to do something…go fetch my vault key and bring it straight here, do not make noises while getting it, do not inform my mother, do not go near anyone other then me and come directly back here…got it?" Kreacher paused before nodding sullenly and Disappearing.
Sirius smiled. If Kreacher was unhappy it meant he couldn't find a way around the order.
A moment later Kreacherre appeared soundlessly.
"Your key, master." For his mother Kreacher made the word sound like an equivalent for God, but for Sirius it was a horrible bug.
"Thanks Kreach." Sirius' grin widened at Kreacher's apparent horror at being given a nickname. Grabbing the key, Sirius turned on his heel, and walked towards the door, shouldering his broom. He paused at the door and put down his backpack, crouching beside it to put away the key.
Sirius straightened with his wand and took a deep breath, surveying the gloomy hall one last time before opening the door leading to the front stair where Sirius had placed his trunks.
Howls echoed through the house and Sirius crashed into the door jam out of shock. More screams bounced through the hallways, now joined by the slamming of pots and pans.
A loud bang echoed through the house and the door Sirius had been holding open was now slammed very close to his nose.
"Rot in hell you damn elf." Sirius swore, turning with his wand out.
Kreacher, stop." Mrs. Black called out calmly. The pathetic elf came skipping into the hall, sniggering as he saw Sirius huddled against the door with his broom and pack, "You may return to bed now, you've done a good job." Kreacher was clearly against the idea of not seeing Sirius being punished, but was placated enough by her praised to return to his den without complaint.
Sirius observed his mother through narrowed eyes. She looked like a madwoman, her long black hair flowing halfway down her back in mussed ringlets. She was still wearing her flowered nightgown, but her wand was out and her chest heaved from the sudden movement as she had sprung from bed.
"Mother." Sirius spat, staring into her cold, calculating eyes. Her lips curved into a sneering smile.
"Sirius…running away?" She chuckled menacingly, gliding closer. Merlin she was insane, "Now that's a naughty thing to do, so what should your punishment be."
Cold dread ran through his body, but Sirius refused to betray any emotion.
"Shut up you hag." Sirius spat, he couldn't take this anymore, "You're despicable, I can't even look at-"
Sirius collapsed as pain ran through him. It only lasted a moment but it left him short of breath.
"That wasn't even the worst I can make you feel you insolent boy!" Now she was standing directly over him, "I've raised you and this is what you've amounted to? You disgust me. You are a weak sniveling coward." With another flick of her wand Sirius was thrown against the door leading to the room with their family tapestry. The door flew open under his weight and Sirius scrambled to his feet. Hurrying to the other side of the room, Sirius planted his feet firmly down and his back against the wall.
He would fight his way out if it came to that.
"Sirius darling…" His mother crooned coming into the room, "You should really be thanking me, you've already lost so much potential, I'm just trying to help."
"Thanks mummy." Sirius said sarcastically, "But funnily enough, my life goal isn't to become a cold-blooded murderer." Sirius clutched his chest as his shirt was ripped and a gash appeared on his chest.
Lovely…something to remember her by. Sirius thought, refusing to cringe at the pain. Mrs. Black smirked.
"Well if there's one lesson you learned it was discipline…but don't forget boy, this is a mere taste of what I can do to you."
"Bring it on you bitch." Sirius taunted, if he was leaving he might as well say everything he'd ever felt.
But Sirius continually forgot her proficiency with nonverbal spells and soon found himself flying through the air again and smashed into the opposite wall, landing at his hysterical mother's feet with a sickening crunch as Sirius felt his wrist snap beneath him.
"When will you learn, you stupid child!" She screeched, "You are weak and foolish! You have no skill and you can never beat me!"
"Wanna bet?" Sirius muttered weakly, spitting blood out of his mouth. Employing his Quiddich muscles strength, Sirius snapped out both legs, hitting her squarely at the knee.
He took a moment's delight in her surprised scream, but quickly pointed his wand at the wall and set it afire before forcing himself up and out of the door.
No matter how much she wanted to hurt Sirius, his mother valued the Black family tree much more.
Flinging open the door again, Sirius stumbled into the night air, only just remembering the grab his backpack and broom from inside the door before clutching his trunks and Apparating the hell out of there. He smiled vaguely as he heard a scream of anger and a blasting noise that surely meant his face had been knocked off of the family tree, finally.
Please Merlin don't let me Splinch myself right now. Sirius prayed reverently as he was squeezed uncomfortably through space. But as he collapsed onto a plush carpet, Sirius was happy to note that he didn't feel like anybody parts were missing.
"James?" Sirius croaked. The bleeding on his chest seemed to be increasing but it was his wrist that hurt the most.
"Bloody hell Padfoot…its 2 AM." James muttered, rising slowly from sleep, "If you're drunk again I swear to Merlin I-" But as he sat up, James caught sight of his best friend.
"MUM!" He called out, flinging back the covers and rushing over Sirius who was lying dazed in the middle of his room, "HELP!"
Sirius couldn't help but laugh darkly at the differences between their households.
"Bloody hell Sirius," James breathed, gently lifting Sirius' broken wrist, "what happened to you?"
"Mum got a bit pissed that I was running away." Sirius replied, trying to not flinch.
"James?" Mrs. Potter stumbled in, Mr. Potter rubbing his eyes behind her, "What happened?" The parents caught sight of Sirius and Mrs. Potter pounced, shouting for Mr. Potter to go get her wand.
Smiling, Sirius allowed himself to slip into sleep. Fighting his mother always tired him out…
"No, no." Mrs. Potter had returned and was brandishing her wand, "No falling asleep dear, we don't know if you have a concussion." Mr. Potter stumbled through the door carrying a large pile of blankets and immediately set about making a temporary bed for Sirius.
"I'm sorry dear, but could I ask you a question?" Mrs. Potter inquired kindly while gesturing for James to fetch some towels from the kitchen.
"Sure Mrs. Potter." Sirius said drowsily, smiling as the feeling of being safe made his limbs lethargic.
"I heard you say your mother…" Mrs. Potter bit her lip, clearly not wanting to accuse something falsely. Sirius had never asked James to hide his family life, but he'd asked him not to bring it up unless necessary, and the Potters were far too polite to inquire because of the infamous nature of the Black family.
"You know what we're like Mrs. Potter." Sirius said dourly, he couldn't keep the spite out of his voice, " My mother's no different…I've always been a failure for being kind…"
James re-entered the room loudly, "I could only find three Mum do-" but was quickly silenced by a look from his father. Meekly he returned to Sirius' side, sitting on the right just beside his head.
Sirius sighed.
"I'd had enough of it." He barked a laugh, "After sixteen years of hatred, how much can you take? Anyway, Mum hates losing so she wanted to punish me for leaving…she's a bitc-" Sirius hurriedly changed the word after receiving a glare from Mrs. Potter, "bad woman, but she's got some talent in silent curses."
The room was silent as the Potters-two wonderful, kind parents- absorbed this knowledge. Sirius glanced quickly at his best mate and wasn't surprised to see his face hardened with anger. James had wanted to track down Mrs. Black and kill her the first time he found about Sirius' abuse.
"I'm so sorry dear." Mrs. Potter said, wiping the blood off of Sirius' chest gently. Sirius felt like kicking himself in the arse as he saw wetness on her cheeks.
"Please don't be upset…"Sirius begged, why was he always causing problems?" It's really not that bad."
Wrong thing to say. Sirius was appalled to see Mrs. Potter begin to tear up even faster and reach out to clasp him to her chest, ignoring the bloodstains she would undoubtedly get.
"You poor boy." She sobbed, "No one should treat a child like that." Sirius tried to pat her back, but winced in pain from some broken ribs.
"Mum." James said, prying her gently off of the patient, "I think Sirius would rather you Heal now, cry later."
"Of course, of course." Mrs. Potter resumed her brisk manner, "Alright then lets start with this gash…"
"I'm sorry to trouble you like this." Sirius winced slightly as the skin on his chest came back together, "I promise I'll be out of your hair in a few days…it shouldn't take long to find a flat."
Fwap"James!" Mrs. Potter shrieked, "Don't hit him!" Sirius couldn't agree more.
"What the hell Prongs?" Sirius said, glaring apprehensively at the towel-armed figure now standing above him, "Why'd you hit me?"
"Because you're a wanker!" James said, ignoring the cries of "Language James!" from his mother, "You're moving in with us! I've been saying it for years! This is your home."
Sirius stared at his friend incredulously, silent for a moment.
"You know he's right son." Mr. Potter chimed in, speaking for the first time since Sirius' arrival, "I was about to suggest it myself."
"I've always wanted another boy." Mrs. Potter added with a motherly smile.
"Oy! I'm not good enough?" James teased, ducking as his mother went to ruffle his hair. Sirius just stared on with confusion.
Shaking his head Sirius tried to speak.
"That's really kind of you, really, but I couldn't-"
"You can and you will…or I won't be friends with you anymore." James said firmly, "This is your home now, deal with it mate."
It was a moot point Sirius quickly realized as the three Potters chatted amiably about whether the boys should share James room or if Sirius should take the spare one. Sirius smiled, a warm feeling spread through him, it was an unusual feelings, but not unpleasant.
It was being taken care of, for no reason other then love. Sirius smiled and realized that after sixteen years, he had found his home.
Please review!
And I just wanted to note that I did NOT forget to put in two quotation marks, if you start a new paragraph with the same speaker you don't end the other quote.
THANKS!