A/N: Sorry for the massive delay in getting this chapter done. I had some major technical difficulties and then my class load got insane. Here's an extended update to thank you all for your patience and your comments. Hope you like it! Oh, and you can thank my awesome beta Moonlighter for not only fixing all my mistakes but convincing me not to be evil and cut off this chapter on a cliffhanger :)

Let Go – Part 22

Mick closed the door, briefly letting his head rest against the comfortingly cool metal as he pondered what he could possibly say to explain his deceit. Beth watched as he squeezed his eyes shut before pushing away from the door. Turning to face her, he uttered the only words he could think of. "I'm sorry." Beth's slight nod of acceptance urged him to continue. "I swear I was going to tell you as soon as this was over."

"Why?" Beth voiced the question that had been bothering her most. "After all we've been through, why didn't you tell me before?"

Because I was afraid to. "Because I didn't know how." Beth raised a disbelieving eyebrow and he let out a deep sigh, relegating himself to the inevitable. "We should sit down. There's a lot you don't know." He gestured towards the living room but Beth was slow to move, still fixing him with an assessing stare that made him feel like she was looking through him, almost as if she could somehow see into his soul.

Mick shifted under her scrutiny, his guilt and apprehension growing as the silence between them stretched out until finally he had to look away, but the damage was already done. Those captivating eyes Beth so often got lost in were far too expressive not to give him away. She'd seen his eyes darken to a dim brown and felt the change like a kick to the chest. Dark eyes meant dark emotion but that wasn't what worried her most. It was the dimness she saw there, the disappearance of that spark that always lighted his eyes no matter how upset or tortured he might be.

Mick waited for Beth to be seated on the couch before perching himself on the edge of the chair. Unsure where to begin, his eyes skirted around the room as he searched for the right words before finally deciding to just get the worst over with. "Do you remember when I told you my wife was dead?" He asked, easing into the topic as gently as he could. Beth nodded slowly, her confusion growing as she wondered what that could possibly have to do with her kidnapping. Then an image of a lady in white flashed in her mind and she grabbed a hold of it, trying to capture the memories that had always stayed just out of reach, but no matter how hard she focused they still managed to allude her. Frustrated, she looked to Mick, planning to ask what he was trying to tell her when suddenly a memory tumbled through her mind, rapidly followed by another and then another, all of Mick from another time.

She remembered his face aglow in the lamplight, her own personal avenging angel, and the woman who'd come down from the sky. Mick's image sparked more memories and she watched mere glimpses of the unnatural battle play out in her mind. Bodies clashed in midair. The tearing of beautiful flesh. A gasp of pain. Something shattered as four year old hands had covered her eyes and then there was nothing but blackness, the world suddenly going silent around her. She'd peeked between her fingers, unable to stand the darkness any longer, and she'd found him crouched low in front of her. He'd still worn the marks of battle but there'd been no mistaking who he was, the angel that had come to save her. He'd moved slowly, trying not to startle her as he reached out a hand and promised to take her home, but he needn't have worried. She went to him without hesitation, nestling into his arms and feeling safe for the first time in days.

Mick finally unstuck the words from his throat, pulling Beth from her newfound memories. "Well…" he started only to be interrupted by Beth's soft "Don't."

He paused but still couldn't bring himself to meet her gaze until he felt her hand on top of his. Looking up, he saw the tears shining in her eyes and felt a moment of panic grip him as she got up, but she only scooted onto the coffee table until she was directly in front of him. Reaching up to stroke his hair, Beth rushed to comfort him. "It's okay, Mick. I know." But she couldn't keep the tears from rolling down her cheeks, thinking of all the pain and guilt he must have lived with and just how much he'd sacrificed for her.

Her tears jerked Mick from his own pain and he quickly pulled her onto his lap, cradling her in his arms. "Shh, don't cry." He brushed the moisture from her cheeks even as he struggled to blink back the tears gathering behind his own lids.

"But," Beth started to argue there were a few damn good reasons to cry right now. Besides, she was supposed to be the one comforting him, not the other way around, but Mick pressed a finger to her lips before she could protest.

"No, Beth. No buts. I made my choice that night and I don't regret it." Well, not entirely but she doesn't need to know that. "I'd do it again in a heartbeat. You know that, right?" Beth nodded instantly, not doubting for a second, and Mick continued, admitting a thought he'd been wrestling with for the last month.

"Do you see why I couldn't tell you now? I killed my wife." His voice broke, and to his horror, he felt the sting of tears overflowing his eyes but he pushed forward, needing to get the ugly truth out in the open. "I killed my wife and as much as I wish it could have ended less violently, a part of me is glad I did it. Because if Coraline hadn't died I may have never met you, and that's one thing I couldn't live with. What kind of person does that make me?"

Beth reached up to stroke his cheek, holding him still when he tried to look away. Without a word, she lifted up to claim his lips, trying to pour her heart and soul into that simple press of skin on skin. When they broke apart, Beth pulled back enough to look into his eyes, needing that connection they'd always shared. Keeping her voice low, she answered his rhetorical question. "That makes you human, Mick. If anything, it just proves what an incredible man you are. I know you did everything you could to help your wife even after what she'd done to you, right? You could have hated her for taking away your life but instead you're the one who feels guilty. That's because you're such an honorable guy…maybe too honorable for your own good sometimes, but that's part of your charm.

"A lesser man wouldn't have beat himself up all these years, Mick, but now it's time to let it go. You're not Superman, remember? You can't save everybody. But you saved me, in more ways than you know. You were my guardian angel and the only reason I think I was able to get on with my life is because you made me feel safe, like nothing bad could ever really happen because there were heroes like you protecting the world. I don't think that would have happened if it had been anyone else who had saved me that night. It's you, Mick. It was always you.

"And for what it's worth, I feel the same screwed up way you do about all this. If it took getting kidnapped to meet you then it was worth it, because this is the way it's supposed to be. Deep down, I think you know that too."

Beth stopped to let her words sink in, hoping she'd gotten through to him, but Mick couldn't wait any longer. Half a beat later his lips were on hers, rough with emotion at first then slowly gentling to the barest of kisses as the mind-numbing urgency ebbed to a mild throbbing.

Pulling away to let her catch her breath, Mick took in her lightly flushed skin and slightly parted mouth and, almost to himself, whispered, "What did I do to deserve you?"

"You saved me," Beth reminded him softly but instead flashing her one of his little half-grins like she'd expected, she felt Mick stiffen against her.

Shit, he thought, realizing he still hadn't told her the worst of it. Pulling even further away, he left only his hands on her shoulders in an attempt to reassure her, though he had a feeling it was more for his benefit than hers.

Beth picked up on his sudden tension and started to ask what was wrong but Mick squeezed her shoulders to silence her, letting his thumb gently stroke her collarbone. Taking one last deep breath, he came to a decision. "There's something you need to see," he told her. "Wait here." Placing Beth gently beside him, Mick stood and stalked to his office like a man on his way to the gallows. With each step he fought the urge to look back at Beth, knowing that doing so would crumble his resolve in a heartbeat. He deserved a week in a tanning bed for the pain he was about to cause her but she deserved to know the truth, no matter how ugly it might be.

As soon as he entered the office he went straight to his file cabinet, not allowing himself the luxury of a breath. He didn't know how to tell her what he'd done, how to make her understand, but he could show her. Pulling the file that was his makeshift hiding place, he removed the evidence of their intertwined past and leafed through them one last time until he found the laminated newspaper clipping he was looking for. Slipping it into his back pocket, he made sure he had everything he needed before replacing the folder and slamming the file drawer closed with far more force than necessary. With one last steadying breath, he made his way back to Beth, all the while praying she'd be able to forgive him.

Mick opted to sit on the coffee table, as if the little bit of space between them would somehow make this easier, and that one move immediately put Beth on alert. He could tell she was confused but he didn't have the words to try to reassure her so he simply took her hand, giving it one last squeeze before holding out the pictures in his other hand. Turning her hand so it was palm up in his, he rested the photos face down in her hand.

Beth stared at the white backs of the photographs, more confused than before. She was used to Mick's moods and his stoic nature but she'd never seen him this solemn before and it was starting to scare her. She started to ask what was going on but he cut her off.

"I'm sorry, Beth. You know I'd never hurt you and I hate that I have to do this now but you need to look at these. Then I promise I'll explain everything, okay? Just promise me you'll give me the chance to explain." With one last pleading glance, he removed his hands from hers and leaned back to give her more space.

Beth's questioning eyes locked on his as she slowly turned over the photos. Something told her she wasn't going to like whatever Mick had to show her and for once her natural curiosity was absent, so she was hesitant to break their eye contact. Mick waited silently, returning her stare until finally, after a deep breath, she dropped her eyes to the pictures clasped in her hands.

What she saw stole her breath and she quickly flipped to the next photo, and then the next, but she didn't find any relief. They were all the same subject…her, in different stages of life. There was one of her at horse riding camp, another from one of her childhood trips to the beach. After the fourth picture, she couldn't take her own face staring back at her anymore. She threw the pictures down and watched them flutter to the floor, needing to get as far away from them as possible. She started to stand but the barest touch of Mick's hand on her knee stopped her.

"I understand if you hate me now," he said softly, his eyes focused on his hand on her knee, "but at least hear me out. Let me tell you the whole truth. You deserve that much."

Beth swallowed down the myriad of emotions flooding her brain, her eyes burning with unshed tears. He was right, she needed to know what had happened all those years ago. He'd saved her and then he'd followed her and she needed to understand why, even though she knew he had to have had a good reason. Despite the shock of seeing those pictures, she'd never doubted that. But she still needed time to process, time to make sense of it all but she needed the whole story to do that, so she leaned back against the couch, giving him her silent permission to continue. And, after a deep, steadying breath, he did.

"After your kidnapping…after I killed Coraline," he choked out the words he despised, "it changed me. I was reckless, flying through life and taking every stupid risk I possibly could to try to work myself into the ground. I want you to know that I never regretted saving you and even when I was at my worst I still would have done it again in a heartbeat, but at the time I didn't know how else to handle what had happened. I couldn't deal with what I'd done or how I felt about it, and I couldn't stop thinking that everything had been my fault. Coraline had kidnapped you, tormented you, all because of me, and she died because of my stake and my flame. So I thought if some scumbag got in a lucky shot and I ended up decapitated in a dark alley somewhere, it'd be what I deserved. Hell, even Josef was worried about me. I was so close to gone I didn't think I'd ever be able to claw my way back to the living, and I didn't think I even wanted to. I didn't think I deserved it. But then you saved me."

Mick shifted so he could pull out the clipping from his back pocket, holding it out for Beth to see. It was from the 'Bragging Grandparents' section, just a short article with a grainy black and white picture of a smiling, 6-year-old Beth. A few lines of text proclaimed she'd gotten straight-A's on her report card and an award for perfect attendance. Beth stared, riveted, at the long-forgotten article as Mick went on to explain, his voice rough with a cocktail of painful emotions.

"I was working a stakeout near your neighborhood. I picked up a paper to help me blend in and pass the time, and suddenly there you were. Shocked the hell out of me," he half-laughed. "You were so perfect, so happy and thriving despite the hell you'd been through. It was proof that I'd done something right, that I hadn't killed my ex-wife in vain. I knew that I'd rescued you that night but seeing with my own eyes that you were really okay somehow made everything different. It's like it was finally real, like I could finally believe that what I'd done meant something. I still struggled with my own demons and I probably always will, but in that instant, I had a purpose again.

So I kept this with me and looked at it every time I needed a reminder, every time I wanted to give up. I even had it laminated so it wouldn't disappear like so many other things in my life. And over time I started to get back to my old self-loathing self again. Because of you."

Beth took in his words, her heart breaking for all the pain he'd shouldered alone. She slid forward, placing a hand on his knee as she said a silent thank you to God or fate or whatever had brought that newspaper to him. Choking back her own tears once again, she told him, "I understand, Mick. You needed to check up on me to make sure I was still okay, right? And I was right all those years, you really were my guardian angel." She smiled through blurry eyes but Mick stayed grim.

"Guardian angel?" He forced a flat laugh, "I stalked you, Beth. Don't try to romanticize it. No matter what my reasons were, no matter what I say, it was wrong. Nothing's going to change that. Because If anyone else had done to you what I did, I'd have killed them with no questions asked. So how the hell can I be your guardian angel when I'm just another fuck-up?"

"How can you say that?" Beth exploded, giving him the full brunt of her pent up emotions. "I wouldn't even be alive if it wasn't for you. And maybe deep down I always knew you were watching over me. I told you before that the only reason I was able to move on was because it was you who saved me, because you'd made me feel so safe. Well this proves it. Maybe I always felt safe because I knew you were protecting me, and that's why I always called you my guardian angel. We saved each other, Mick, and now we're together and happy" when you're not being an idiot, "so I have to believe everything worked out exactly the way it was supposed to. Why can't you believe that, too?"

Mick shook his head, wishing he could agree with her and let it go, but just like before, his guilty conscience was holding him back. As much as he hated to, he still had a few more truths he had to lay on her before she could truly understand the situation, so he'd wait to see if she still thought of him the same way after.

"I never meant to see you again, not at first. But a few months after I found the article I had another kidnapping case. It didn't go well." That was an understatement if he'd ever heard one, he thought as his mind flashed back to that horrendous day. The gut-wrenching agony of a parent missing a child was something you never forgot, and he remembered that day with crystal clarity. From the tremble in the parents' voices as they begged him to bring their little girl home to the pool of her own rich blood she'd been soaking in when he found her.

He'd known before he spotted the body that there was nothing he could do, the stench of cold death already assaulting his nose, but still he'd inched closer, horrified by the sight before him until, for a moment, he'd sworn it was Beth's cherub face nestled among the small girl's blonde curls. It had only been a second, a quick trick of light and memory but Mick had run from the building at full vamp speed, gulping fresh air into his lungs and trying to keep his bloody breakfast from creeping back up.

That night, after he'd finished with the police, he'd had to go check on Beth just to prove to himself she was still breathing. It was summer, still early evening so he'd found her outside her house chasing fireflies and squealing each time she caught one. She was an adorable bundle of non-stop energy but she'd somehow calmed him, allowing him his first easy breaths all night.

She was so innocent, so carefree despite everything she'd been through and he'd marveled at her ability to bounce back. This small child could do what he couldn't. She'd managed to move on, to live a carefree life while he had to fight just to get out of the freezer each night. Captivated by her resilience, he'd kept to the shadows and watched until long after her mother had called her back inside.

He couldn't seem to make himself leave her, fearing that something would happen to the one last good thing in his world if he dared to leave her unguarded. There was far too much evil in the world and sometime in the last few hours it had become his mission in life to protect her from it.

Just before the dawn broke the sky, he'd finally left his post with the silent promise that he'd be back, just out of sight. Because this little girl deserved nothing but lightness and laughter and he was going to make sure that nothing dark ever touched her again…including him.

But obviously, that hadn't worked out exactly as he'd planned, though he did keep his other promise. He'd kept track of her from afar, using his P.I. skills to keep a virtual eye on her. And at least once a year on the day that was the hardest for him, he'd gone to her, reassuring himself she was still okay, still alive and happy. He'd seen her grow and watched as that youthful innocence had slowly drained from her eyes, leaving only a small twinkle untouched by the harsh reality of life experience.

It had hurt to watch that little princess disappear even as he'd been proud of the young woman she'd become. Until one day she was all grown up, and she hadn't needed him anymore.

It was only as he wrapped up his inner tale that he realized words had been pouring from his mouth during his trek through the past. At some point Beth had moved onto his lap again, resting her head on his chest, and his arms were circled tightly around her, unconsciously wrapping her in his protective embrace. Not about to question it, Mick closed his eyes and let himself bury his face in her hair, inhaling deeply to capture her scent as if holding it inside him could somehow cleanse his soul and erase the past. They were both content to stay that way, locked together in silent contemplation until Beth finally spoke up.

"It was you," she whispered into his chest, awed by the latest kernel of the past that had jumped into her mind. But it made perfect sense so she pulled back enough to look up at Mick, who was already staring down at her with a puzzled look on his face. "My first night at UCLA. It was you who sent the flowers and the teddy bear, the one with the leather jacket."

Mick sheepishly looked away, embarrassed both by what he'd done and the stupid pride he felt knowing she remembered his gift. It had been a lark that had driven him to the flower shop that day. He'd been there the day she left for college, needing to make sure she got off safely just one last time. He'd watched her leave everything behind from his spot in the shadows and known it was the end. She was leaving one part of her life behind to start another, a life he had no part in. She wasn't going to be there for him to lean on for the anniversary of her kidnapping in a few weeks, and he wouldn't be standing in the shadows waiting to save her.

For the first time in 14 years, they were both going to do it alone. A part of him was terrified by that knowledge but all it took was one look at Beth, bubbling with energy as she finished packing up her car, to reassure him. He'd be fine, because of her. She'd shown him how to survive again. Besides, he had to be ready. He never knew when Beth might need his help again and he planned on being here, just in case.

But as Beth pulled out of the drive and he'd turned to leave, something had stopped him. It seemed wrong for 14 years to end like that, to just walk away on such an important day. What if she got stuck with the roommate from hell? Or what if she got homesick? He couldn't be there to keep the bad things at bay any longer and even though he had faith that Beth could handle whatever came her way, he still felt like he should do something. That's what had motivated his brief stop on the way home, at least that's what he'd told himself. But maybe he'd just wanted her to have something to remember him by, even if she didn't know there was anything to remember.

Now, if the mischievous gleam in Beth's eye was any indicator, his little gesture was coming back to bite him in the ass. "Yeah, that was me." He grudgingly admitted, hoping she would let it drop there. But of course, this was Beth so he prepared himself for the third degree.

"You have no idea how much time I spent trying to figure out who that was from. Why didn't you sign it?"

Mick rolled his eyes. "Yeah, 'cause getting gifts from some random guy you've never heard of before doesn't scream 'stalker.'"

Well, she guessed he had a point there. At least now the note made more sense, and so did his choice of bears. She started to giggle, earning a glare from Mick who thought she was laughing at him. "A leather jacket?" she choked out between giggles, "Awww, you sent me you."

Oh God, Mick rolled his eyes, she just had to pick up on that. He still remembered standing in that damn flower shop surrounded by a million choices and trying to choose the right one, like it really meant something if he chose a dog over a bear or one with a bow over one with a hat. Then he'd seen the sepia brown bear with soft, silky tufts of fur and a dark brown leather jacket. It had seemed like such a perfect symbol, a throwback to the start of their relationship, so he'd bought it to go with the dozen pink-tipped white Moonstone roses, at least that's what the florist had called them. After agonizing over the card for half an hour and tossing out such frighteningly bad drafts as 'thought you could use someone new to watch over you,' he'd finally settled on simply 'A friend to help you start your new life – May it be everything you dreamed it would.'

Note: Here's a picture of the kind of rose Mick sent Beth in case you're curious: dixieroseclub[DOT]org/moonstone[DOT]html (you'll have to change the [DOT] to . since that's the only way it'll let me post the site)

I was trying to come up with the right flower for him to send (and, just maybe, procrastinating a little in the process, lol) and when I saw there was a Moonstone rose, it seemed too perfect to pass up.