A/N: Ahem. Your attention please. Stargate Atlantis has been nominated for the People's Choice Awards! (pcavote . com) So. You know what to do! You don't want Dr. Who to win, do you?!?

And now, on with the story...

--Of Cat Ears and Fangs--

"Physically he's fine. I've given him a full checkup; blood tests, x-rays, everything. Except for a slight alteration in his DNA, he is perfectly healthy."

'Oh sure, I'm just fine 'n' dandy.'

"Will he be able to go on off-world missions?"

'Hello, he is right here!'

"I don't see why not, although he may have to keep the new… developments… to his physique hidden, just in case they startle the natives."

'Ya think?'

"Okay, then, what's the problem?"

"I have CAT EARS, how's that for a problem?!"

Carson blinked, turning to look at John, who sat on a bed at the opposite side of the room. "You don't have to yell, Colonel. You could have just come over here and spoken like a normal person."

John glowered at both Elizabeth and Carson, his fuzzy, black, four-inch-long ears twitching furiously. "This. Is. Not. Funny."

Elizabeth didn't even bother to hide her smirk. "We never said it was, John."

"I don't see what you're all worked up about, myself," Carson added. "Your new ears are extremely sensitive to sound; I suspect that's why you were able to eavesdrop on us from the other side of the room. "

John shook his head quickly, as if trying to rid himself of the furry triangles that were nestled in his hair. They flapped around a bit, but stayed firmly attached to his head. "I can't be seen like this. I won't be seen like this," he growled.

"Oh, but you look ever-so-adorable." Rodney entered the room, smirking. His snide voice grated on John's hearing, causing him to instinctively pull back his ears and bare his teeth. Rodney stopped dead in his tracks, staring in surprise. "What, cat canines too?"

John glowered at him. "Yes, Rodney, I have fangs." They were driving him nuts; he kept accidentally biting his lips and tongue, coating his mouth with a thin layer of blood.

Elizabeth still looked amused. "Well, as interesting as this is, he can't stay like that forever. Have you made any progress with the Ancient device that caused the change?"

"Yes, about that…" Rodney started, frowning slightly.

John groaned. "Oh god. He has no idea how to fix this."

Rodney glared and huffed. "Just because I don't know how to yet doesn't mean I won't soon. Now shut up and listen."

The Colonel frowned, but stayed quiet as Rodney continued, "We found out from the database that the device was originally intended to completely convert humans into an animal of their choice. The setting was on ivakil, which is a mammal found on the mainland that has similarities to an Earth puma. When the Colonel here activated the device, it tried to turn him into one of those animals," Rodney explained rapidly, a slight smirk on his face. "Now, it didn't complete the transformation because it was almost out of power. The energy it spent changing Sheppard's, ah, ears and teeth has completely drained it."

"So recharge it," John snapped.

"It's a ten-thousand-year-old, extremely complex Ancient device, not a cell phone. You can't just plug it in an outlet and wait for the battery to charge," Rodney said, giving Sheppard a look that made it clear he thought the pilot was mentally challenged. "Besides, the device was made to turn humans into certain mammals. There is no indication that it is able to reverse the process."

"If you don't find a way I'll get that thing to change your DNA. And it'll be set to one of those whale fish, too," John growled.

Elizabeth sighed loudly, preventing Rodney from replying. Rubbing at her temples, she asked, "Can or can't you fix what's happened to John?"

The scientist hesitated. "Well – maybe. Possibly. If we find a way to calibrate a Naquida generator to feed energy to the device, we might be able to turn it on and fix it so that it changes mammals back to people instead of the other way around."

"Good. Work on it," Elizabeth said. Turning to John, she added, "In the meantime, it might be best if you stayed on Atlantis for the next week, just to make sure there aren't any side effects from the machine."

Rodney looked smug. "Who knows – maybe it changed your brain into a cat's, too. But then again – we'd never be able to tell the difference." He quickly ducked out of the infirmary to avoid getting slammed by the pillow John sent in his direction.

Elizabeth and Carson exchanged looks at John's slumped, dejected form. "Why don't you talk to him," the doctor murmured. "He seems a wee bit upset."

"I can hear what you're saying, you know," John called.

Elizabeth winced and nodded to Carson, who left after giving John a sympathetic look that would have softened him had it not also been wholly amused. As Elizabeth approached him, John laid his ears flat against his head, looking woefully miserable. She struggled to suppress the smile that threatened to bud across her face; John's left ear had cocked to listen to her footsteps, and while it seemed like the motion was unconscious, that only made it all the more adorable.

"Coming to practice your bedside manner?" John grumped.

Biting down on her lip to stop the smile, Elizabeth said, "John, it's not like you're in mortal danger here."

He glared at her. "Oh no, I just look like I'm a month late for Halloween." One of his ears flicked irritably, making her want to either giggle in a way that was completely undignified for an expedition leader, or reach out and pet the flaps of fur, which was also totally inappropriate.

Clamping down on both urges, she said, "Look. I know you're probably unhappy with the change. But by now you should realize that Rodney can fix this. Just give him some time."

"I know, I know, the genius will figure it out eventually," John muttered. "But how long is eventually? I have a social life, you know. I can't be seen like this! Ronon and Teyla will never let me live it down. The military commander, with fuzzy cat ears? My men will bust their ribs laughing. Not to mention what the chicks will thi - " he stopped, blinked, and then looked sheepish. "Did I, uh, say that aloud?"

When Elizabeth merely raised a disapproving eyebrow, the ears drooped. Combined with his kicked-puppy-dog look, it had enough cute power to melt the stoniest heart in an instant. She didn't stand a chance.

Giving in, she said, "Ronon and Teyla will probably tease you a little, but I'm sure you'll survive. And while your men may find the new additions somewhat, ah, humorous, I doubt they'll start rebelling or even laugh to your face. As for the 'chicks'…" She rolled her eyes. "Somehow I don't think you need to worry about that. Take it from me; in general, women love cats, or any other small, furry animals for that matter. Combined with an attractive guy and, well…" she shrugged, hoping he'd get her drift.

He cocked his head at her, the ears perking up. "Really? Do you like cats?"

"I'm more of a dog person myself, but," she finally gave in to the urge that'd been pestering her and reached out to briefly touch his ear, "I have to say, they are pretty cute."

John looked considerably more cheerful at her words. "Thanks, Liz. I gotta say, your bedside manner has really improved." He smiled at her winningly, although his charm was somewhat tempered by the two fangs that poked out from under his upper lip.

Elizabeth narrowed her eyes at him threateningly. "Don't call me Liz."

"Or what?"

She smiled pleasantly. "Or I'll lie and tell everyone you have a cat tail, too."

"You wouldn't. They'd never believe you."

"Really? Between the two of us, the reliable leader of the expedition and the flyboy who has his image at stake, who do you think everyone will believe?"

"That's cruel, Elizabeth. Very cruel," he said, ears drooping again.

She laughed and briefly touched his knee. "Go do some work, Colonel. You still owe me two mission reports."

"Fine," he said, pretending to sulk out the door. "But since I'm stuck with these things, you know I'm going to use them," he said in a matter that fully promised trouble for all.

Elizabeth just smiled wryly. "I'd expect nothing less."

--FIN (or is it?)--

A/N 2: Now go vote, if you haven't already. Maybe leave a review, too. I seriously doubt I will continue this, as it's simply a one-shot that popped into my head, but if it has sparked your muse in any way, you are welcome to take the idea and use it. Just tell me first so I can read it. :)

EDIT: Better yet, go vote now, give me a good idea of something I could use to continue this little idea, and I'll try and write something else. Deal? Good.