Chapter 1

Derek Shepherd was at the end of his long pathetic worn out rope. How long could one person possibly try at a relationship that obviously wasn't going to work for him anymore? He wanted to be with Meredith. He really did at one point. But now things were all different. He thought things would work out for them.

He was convinced of it and was crushed when they didn't. When Meredith suddenly took another sharp turn when things with Lexie got to intense after Thatcher practically drunk himself to death. When the two of them had to be there for each other for his rehab sessions and shut down as soon as they walked out of the door.

And Meredith shut him down again. Over and over and over again.

He had fought for her enough.

Mark Sloan had told him this a million times in the past year and Derek hated how completely right the man was. Because let's face it, Mark, wasn't exactly an expert on love and somehow he was completely happy with Callie. They were doing great and seemed to balance each other well.

Derek missed that feeling. The feeling of being able to balance someone. To love someone and have it be easy to be in love with them. He hated the that feeling like he was giving and giving and was getting nothing in return. He needed to get out of Seattle and he needed to get out fast.

Sam had called him. He told Derek that they had a position open for him. That if he would consider it everyone would be anxious to have him on the team. Especially Addison.

It might be Derek's imagination but it was the way that Sam said that last part that made his heart pull in a way he thought it stopped pulling. Like Addison wanted him there? She had everything she could ever hope for. A place far away from him and from the past she left behind. They both left behind.

He was equally responsible. Derek had come to terms with the fact that he checked out of their relationship long before Addison ever thought of cheating on him. He knew that. But what did this mean now?

Had he thrown away eleven years with his wife for two years of off and on happiness with Meredith Grey? He shook his head pressing his finger tips to his throbbing temples. He pushed the doors of the Chiefs office open and sat down. The Chief looked up at him.

"What can I do for you Derek?"

He sighed. "I have to get out of Seattle."

Richard stopped what he was doing. "I think I've heard that from a red head before. What's going on Derek?"

Derek leaned in and clasped his hands together. "If I stay here another second with Meredith Grey I am going to loose my mind. I can't do it anymore. I can't stay in Seattle. I'm sorry. This is my notice."

Derek went to stand up and Richard looked at him. "Wait just a second. Sit back down in that chair Shepherd and let me get this straight."

Derek sat down and Richard leaned forward in his chair. "I loose my top Gynecologist because of Meredith Grey. I lost my top Cardio surgeon probably because of Yang. Now I'm loosing my Neuro too? I don't know about this. You people need to get your personal lives in check."

Derek sighed. "I got an offer from Sam Bennet. They need me there and I need a fresh start, Chief."

He smiled up at me. "A fresh start with your Ex-wife?"

I shrugged. "At least it will be a familiar semi-friendly face. You don't need me here like you used to and we both now that for a fact. You could replace me in a second."

Chief shook his head. "That's where you're wrong. But Derek, I've seen the way all this stuff has played it's toll on you for the past couple years and it hasn't been good I can say that much. And while I have you sitting down and shut up there's something else I need to tell you that I've wanted too for awhile now."

Derek nodded.

Richard sighed. "I love Meredith as my own daughter. Which gives me the liberty and right to tell you that you made a mistake when you let Addison walk out these doors, Derek. You two may have had your problems but she loved you. Meredith has too much to work out with herself before she can commit to anyone. You are a decent, honorable person. You deserve someone who is decent and honorable and mature. Meredith is only two of those. Do you get what I'm saying?"

Derek smiled a little. "Yes, sir."

Richard sighed. "Go. I'm giving you a week leave to see if this is what you really want. Go take your fresh start while you still have it."

Derek stood up and shook Richards hand. "Thank you. I appreciate you understanding."

Derek was halfway through the door when Richard called for him. Derek turned around to look at him. "Do me a favor this time, Shepherd."

Derek made eye contact with him.

Richard smiled. "Don't break her heart this time. I know people who can kick your ass."

Derek laughed and nodded. "I doubt that'll happen. But I'll keep that in mind. I'll see you next week, chief."

Derek stopped off the plane into the warm California air. He understood why Addison liked it out here so much instantly.

He knocked on the door of the address that Sam had given him and a few minutes later the door swung open.

"Who ever invited such an ugly person to come out here?" Sam said smiling.

Derek laughed. "It's nice to see you are as snide as ever. Some things never change, huh?"

Sam moved out of the way letting Derek inside his house. "And sometimes everything changes from what I've heard."

Derek sighed and smiled at his friend. "I heard you and Niomi..."

Sam nodded. "And you and Addi.."

Derek nodded. "Yeah. It's a long story."

Sam crossed his arms. "Want to give me the abbreviated version? I'd like to hear your side of the story."

Derek ran his fingers through his hair. "I wasn't there. I mean I was there but I wasn't. Do you know what I mean?"

Sam nodded. "All too well."

"So Addison found what I wasn't giving her somewhere else. I found out and moved to Seattle and found someone too. Except somewhere in the time we were together without Addison knowing I fell in love with her. So Addison came trying to fix things and I acted like I wanted to because she was my wife. But things never got better and we got divorced. Now I'm single after three years of wasting my time on someone who didn't love me like I loved her."

Sam took a step back. "Wow. I don't think Addison's heard that last part has she?"

Derek shook his head. "No. She hasn't. How do you tell your wife 'The woman I left you for doesn't love me anymore' I'm pretty sure she'll laugh in my face."

Sam smiled. "You may be surprised."

Derek laughed. "I highly doubt it. Unless Addison is a completely different person than I last remember."

Sam shrugged. "You'll have to decide that for yourself when you see her. How long are you planning on staying out here anyway?"

Derek shrugged. "My Chief of surgery is giving me a week at most to figure out if this is a position that I'd be interested in taking. After that It's all up to me. Well and you really."

Sam nodded. "I'd like to take you over there so you can meet everyone if that sounds good to you."

Derek nodded and they got in Sam's car and drove to Oceanside. Derek was amazed by the beautiful scenery that was on the way to the center. They got there in about twenty five minutes and Sam guided him up to their floor. Derek instantly noticed the blonde sitting behind the counter who only looked about eighteen.

"Dell. This is Doctor Derek Shepherd. He'll be here with us this week and maybe after that."

Dell smiled at him and shook his hand. "It's nice to meet you. What do you specialize in."

"Being a pain in the ass." Niomi said turning a corner and smiling at him.

Derek grinned at her. "Well if it isn't my favorite out of the two. How have you been?" He said opening his arms.

Niomi ran and gave him a hug before pulling back. "I've been well. You on the other hand look like you've been to hell and back. They work you hard out there in Seattle don't they?"

Derek laughed. "Something like that. The fresh air works for you."

Niomi rolled her eyes. "Don't try to butter me up. I've heard a lot about you in the past year, trust me."

Derek looked at her. "All bad?"

Niomi shook her head. "Not all. Just most."

Derek laughed. "How comforting. Where is Addison anyway?"

She smiled. "Out with Pete. They got a call this morning and should be back with the baby in about twenty minutes."

Derek's heart picked up? Pete? And what where they doing picking up babies together? And most importantly, why did he care?

Niomi seemed to read his expression before it passed and smiled at him. "It's a program we do before you have a heart attack. Let me show you around the office."

Derek followed her and even though he hadn't meet anyone else yet, he already felt like he was at home all over again.