Chapter 1
Disclaimer: I don't own anyone you recgonize. I am not making any money, so please don't sue.
Rated PG for some language, but there is nothing worse than you would hear on the show.
Summary: Secrets have a way of not staying hidden. Now, with one of his sons fighting for his life, John has realized that family secrets must come to light, secrets that will change the Winchester family forever.
Chapter 1
"Mary Winchester," the receptionist called out across the crowded waiting room.
Mary Winchester picked up her purse and walked slowly across the room toward Dr. Tyler Oppen's consultation room, as if she were walking to her execution. If this went the way she feared it was going to, then maybe she was going to wish she was. John had offered to go with her, but she had told him it wasn't necessary. She didn't know why, this was just something she just wanted to face on her own.
Three years ago, Mary James had been the happiest girl in the world. She had been born and raised in Lawrence, a small town in Kansas. Her father, Mark, was a self-employed plumber and her mom, Frances, worked as her dad's assistant. She had been an only child and the apple of both her parents' eyes. She loved children, animals and books, and was currently studying to be an RN. She was at the top of her class in nursing school, and was only weeks away from graduation. She even had her dream job already lined up, a position at the local hospital, in the maternity ward.
Then one day, just after graduation, Mary and her best friend Kathy decided to take a trip for the weekend before they both started their new jobs, and the brake needed to be replaced in Mary's car. Every garage she'd called was booked solid except one. It was a garage that had just opened and Mary decided that she would just have to take the chance. It was chance she would never regret taking.
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John Winchester had also been born and raised in Lawrence, Kansas, the only child of Dean and Samantha Winchester. His mom was a stay at home wife and his father had been a mechanic. John himself, had just received his honorable discharge from the marines after being injured in Vietnam. He'd saved several lives when his platoon had been ambushed, and he had been awarded the Purple Heart.
John's father had passed away shortly after he'd come back from 'Nam and John missed him terribly, so in memory of his father, John had secured his mechanic's license and started a business with his childhood friend, Mike Guenther.
He'd been on duty alone when a young woman walked in, looking to get her breaks repaired. It had been a meeting that had changed John's life forever.
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The two had hit it off instantly. John had fallen in love with her from the moment that they had met and it had been the same with Mary. When she'd returned from her road trip, she and John had begun dating. They were married a year later and John had never seen anyone as beautiful as Mary when she walked down the aisle that day.
The newlyweds had decided right from the start that they wanted children, and more than one. The only thing both had wished for growing up was a brother or sister. They had wanted kids right away, but since they were both just starting out with a small, one bedroom apartment, and with things extremely tight financially, they reluctantly decided to wait a year.
There were several ups and downs in that year. John and Mary's best friends Kathy and Mike had also hit it off, and they were married shortly after the Winchesters' own wedding. Both had named the other couple as future god parents of each other's children and a couple of months later, when Kathy had announced that she was pregnant it, brought about a strong return of Mary's yearning for her own child.
John's mother had been in declining health since his father's death and she eventually passed away. It was rough, but John got through it with Mary's love and support. His mother had left them his childhood home and John and Mary had quickly moved in. Business at the garage was also picking up, Mary was working full time and they now had a good place to raise their child. They decided it was the perfect time to try for one.
A year later, they were still trying. John had gotten a full check up and was told there was no reason he couldn't have a child. Mary had made her own appointment and that's where she was today. At the doctor's office, waiting to hear if her dreams were about to shatter.
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No sooner had Mary walked into the office than the expression on the doctor's face gave her the answer she had been dreading.
"Mary, please have a seat," Dr. Oppen said as he gestured toward a chair with his hand.
"Thank you," Mary said politely as she took the offered seat. "Please just tell me," she pleaded.
"I wish I had better news, Mary," the doctor started and Mary immediately felt her eyes fill with tears that she desperately tried to keep at bay. "You have some old scar tissue on one of your ovaries. I'm afraid that the odds of you conceiving are less than 5 percent."
A few tears finally escaped, despite Mary's best efforts to hold them in. It was days like this that Dr. Oppen really hated his job. He knew how much having a child meant to this woman, he had worked with her on the maternity ward.
"It's not completely hopeless though, right?" she asked, trying to find some opening to allow hope to grow.
"No," Dr. Oppen said. "Nothing in medicine ever is, but you have to understand that even if by some miracle you do conceive, there is a high probability that you won't carry to term. I'm truly sorry, Mary. I know how much you love children, and I truly hate to have to give your this news," he added sincerely.
"It's not your fault," Mary said, her voice wavering.
"Have you and John ever considered adoption?" the doctor questioned. "I have some brochures that you should read." The doctor handed Mary the information and she absentmindedly put them into her purse without really hearing the doctor's words. She was just trying to keep her emotions at bay. She wanted out of there. What was she going to tell John? How was she going to explain this to him?
"You can come to me, Mary, if you want to talk about anything, or if you and John have any questions."
"I will, thank you," Mary said sincerely. She knew it wasn't the doctor's fault that her body was defective.
She managed to get home before the floodgates finally opened and she broke down, and that was how her husband found her about an hour later.
"Mary, I'm home," John called as he entered the house.
He was home early. He had known that Mary was getting the results of her tests back today. He had been relieved when his tests came back fine and John had desperately wanted to be there for his wife, but Mary wouldn't let him.
"Mary, he called out again when he didn't get an answer. He knew she was home, the Impala was in the driveway. He'd given her the car to use and said he'd catch a ride home with Mike.
He went to his bedroom to change and that was where he found Mary. Sprawled on their bed, sobbing.
John immediately ran forward and gathered her into his arms. "Are you hurt?" he asked fearfully.
"NNNOOOO!" Mary sobbed.
"It's okay, honey," John soothed. There was only one other explanation for Mary's hysterics. "We'll get through this." He repeated over and over.
He felt Mary cling to him tighter and a few tears slipped out of John's eyes as well, he hated to see his wife in pain. He had to admit that he was privately disappointed that Mary would never give birth to his child, but the only thing that mattered to him right now was his wife. She was his life and he loved her with all his heart and soul.
Finally, about an hour later, Mary had cried herself to sleep and John remained by her side until she woke up three hours later.
"I'm so sorry, John," she apologized to her husband once again.
"There's nothing to be sorry about. It's not your fault. There's nothing different you could have done."
"I feel like such a failure," Mary said as tears once again filled their eyes.
"You listen to me, Mary Anna Winchester, you are not a failure. There is nothing you could have done." He repeated.
"What about our dreams, John? You wanted a son. I can't give you that."
"Do you think that's the only thing I care about? I love you, Mary, I have from the minute I laid eyes on you. That's never going to change," John said trying to make his tone both gentle and firm. "Nothing's hopeless, Mary. In 'Nam, there was no way we should have survived that ambush, but we did. Never give up hope, Mary."
"Less than five percent, John. That's what the doctor said."
"See, less than five is not zero," John pointed out, trying to find some hope in the situation.
"He also said that even if I managed to conceive, there was a high probability that I won't carry to term," Mary said as she let the tears flow once again.
"High probability is not guaranteed," John said trying to see the glass as half full. "Look, you get some rest. I'll bring you a grilled cheese sandwich," he said as he named Mary's favourite food.
"I'm not hungry," she said, a touch of anger entering her voice. He didn't know what she was going through, he could never know. A nap and a sandwich were not going to change the fact that she couldn't do what every other woman on the planet could do.
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As the next several months passed by, things went down hill for the Winchesters. It seemed that they fought constantly over everything, even what to watch on TV turned into a major battle.
Mary's friend, Kathy, had given birth to a little girl and Mary couldn't bear it whenever Kathy brought her god daughter around. It reminded her too much of what she would never have. She had even thought about quitting her job since it was so hard to be around the babies. Mary had never been so miserable in her entire life.
One evening, she had been sitting and staring at the TV when she heard her husband call out to her.
"Mary, dinner's ready," John called from the kitchen.
"I'm not hungry," she snapped back as she continued to stare at the TV.
"You should eat. You're working backshift tonight. You need to keep your strength up."
"I'm not going," Mary stated firmly. "I was just getting ready to call off," she replied.
"You've already called off four times this month."
"I don't care," Mary snapped.
"Look, I know it's been rough..."
"Do you?" Mary questioned roughly. "I go in there and all I see is happy mothers who've given birth to healthy babies. I will never have that. Never! Do you know what that's like?"
"You don't think I hurt too?" John blurted out. "I see cars dropped off at the garage with car seats. Mothers and fathers with their children picking up the cars from the shop. You don't think that reminds me of what I may never have," John added before he could stop himself.
"I knew it," Mary replied icily.
"What?" John asked in confusion.
"You blame me," Mary accused.
"What... No, I don't. I never did."
"You do," Mary said refusing to be placated. "We both know it's me with the problem. You could go out and get some other girl pregnant tomorrow."
"I don't want to knock up any other girl, Mary. I love you. I want to be with you, whether we have children or not."
"I can never give you a child," Mary lamented.
"You blame me as well," John suddenly fired back, his temper getting the better of him.
"What are you talking about?" It was Mary's turn to be confused.
"You blame me for not being the one with the problem. You wanted it to be me, didn't you? Then you could lay the entire thing on my shoulders."
"I HATE YOU!"
"You know what, Winchester?" John said out loud to the empty room. "You really can be an ass sometimes." With that, he went to try and talk to Mary, but she refused to answer the door.
Inside the bedroom, Mary was fuming, she couldn't believe the nerve of her husband. She glanced at the clock on the wall. It was nearly time to start getting ready for work. She really hated the place. What had been her dream job was quickly turning into a nightmare, but as her husband had said, she'd already called off four times this month. After the last time, she'd been called to her supervisor's office. He was sympathetic to her situation, but he told her that they needed someone they could rely on.
She personally didn't care if she got fired, but she and John weren't rich. They needed both incomes to get by and she knew that she couldn't afford to lose her job. She would go into work tonight as she needed to get away from her husband, but when she got off in the morning, she would go to her supervisor and request a transfer. She just couldn't stay in maternity any longer.
She was so glad that she had made the decision to go to into work that night because something happened that would change all their lives.
TBC
A/N: The format of this story will be a little different. It will alternate between the past and the present. Chapter 2 will take place in the present, and chapter 3 will go back to the past, and so on. They may not seem to connect at first, but I promise that they will. I would also like to thank Soar for once again being my beta reader and both Soar and Sinead-Conlan and JuliaAurelia for letting me bounce ideas off them when I first thought about writing this story.
As always, please read and review. It keeps the muse happy.