-Selfish-

A Tales of the Abyss drabble by Digitaldreamer

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Warning: There be spoilers ahead!

Hey guys, I'm back!

I guess people liked Numbers, and since I couldn't get this out of my head, I felt like I just had to write a companion piece for Guy. Guy's reaction was just so drastically emotional for him, so drastically different from Jade's, that I just had to write this.

...well, okay, that and I just love Luke and Guy's relationship a lot.

Right, onward!

Disclaimer: I don't own ToA, because if I did there would be even more Guy/Luke fluff and no one but yaoi fangirls would be able to stand the game.

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It's selfish and Guy knows it.

He's selfish.

He's selfish and he doesn't care.

He hears Jade's words and his blood boils, the sort of anger he thought he'd forgotten, that he thought had melted through days of childish laughter and warm smiles, bursting to the surface like fire.

He sees Luke's expression and he wants nothing more than to scream, to tear that stupid mask of grim determination off his face, to rip away the raw fear of a terrified little boy beneath and thrust it before Jade's eyes and yell and yell until everyone understands just what it is they're asking.

Don't they understand what they're asking? Don't they see?

The boy they've placed the weight of the world upon is only seven, he's only seven years old, technically. He has the face of a seventeen-year old and the shoulders of one too, but can't they understand that it's all an illusion and how young and fragile this boy really is?

Can't they understand everything he's been through? Can't they know of all the things he's suffered through, the metamorphosis that's occurred? Can't they see that the world has already taken away the boys innocence, his laugh, that the honest smile Guy loves so much is already gone? Can't they see? Can't they see Luke deserves to live for himself?

Can't they see that by doing this they're not just killing one, they're destroying five others?

Can't they see they're taking away all that Guy has left?

Can't they see?

It's selfish, Guy knows. It's selfish, so horribly selfish. It's selfish and he doesn't care.

"Don't you care about the world, Guy?" They would ask. There is no world without Luke in it. "Don't you care about those people?" Those people would never care about Guy, had never cared for Hod, had never cared for the lives lost in these stupid wars, had never cared for the ones that sacrificed themselves for them and never would. Those people would act grateful, yes, but they would never really understand just how much had been given so they could continue living their peaceful little lives.

They would never understand that for them to have their silly little peace, Guy would lose all he had.

He wants to hate them. He wants to hate all those people who wouldn't care, their stupid mindless following of the Score, he wants to hate this city, this place, this world, ...and yet he knows he can't anymore.

Luke took that away. Now what was Guy supposed to do if Luke wouldn't give it back and planned on leaving too?

He wanted to hate him. He looked at those green eyes and he wanted to hate them. He wanted to grab Luke by the throat, something he hasn't wanted seriously in years, and he wanted to crush it, to bash in that stupid face that kept trying to smile for his sake. He wanted to strangle the life from that boy, to squeeze until the life faded from those eyes and Luke collapsed into his arms so he can never leave. He wanted to pound that frail body into submission, he wanted to cling to that stupid white coat with that stupid childish design on the back and hold Luke close. He wanted to run his fingers through that hair that he used to brush every day, wanted to let that boy cry on his shoulder like he obviously wants to.

He wanted to wrap his arms around his best friend, the closest thing he has to a brother, and never let go because he knows the moment he lets go will be the last.

It wasn't right, it wasn't fair.

Guy is selfish.

He wants to yell and he does, clenching fistfuls of Luke's white coat and shaking and shaking him. He screams and screams until his throat hurts and no matter how much he does it can never come close to the agony that expression of pain and sorrow, something just barely held back by an emerald gaze, causes.

Can't this stupid world see what it's doing!? What it has done!? What it's asking!?

Can't they see this boy is only seven and he's still a child, a child still, and in spite of those broad shoulders and that determined gaze Guy will always see a little boy in his pajamas begging Guy to read him one more story. Can't they see this boy still has nightmares that leave him waking up wide-eyed and shaking in the middle of the night? Can't they see even Guy's calloused hands aren't enough to hold it all back anymore, and even then that boy's still sometimes asking if he can sleep with Guy because it's just too much for him right now?

Can't they see?

But no, though Luke has technically only lived seven short years, he is a man now. He's grown into a man. Those broad shoulders and that sword strapped across his back belong to a hero now, and in spite of what the world may think, in spite of all the mistakes Luke has made, Guy will always see him as that. Guy will always see that and he's proud, so very proud, to see that boy finally grow up and think for himself and care for others.

And yet some part of him wishes Luke hadn't changed, that Luke's sense of self preservation, his will to live hadn't been the cost of this transformation. Luke doesn't laugh as much anymore and Guy misses it.

The old Luke would never even consider such a sacrifice. The new Luke would do it with hardly a second thought.

Guy almost wished for the old Luke at this point, if that was what it took to keep him here and warm and breathing.

He's selfish.

He wanted to say he would gladly give the world if only Luke would keep on living. He wants to say it.

He wants to say it and he can't, because he knows it's not his choice to make.

He knows what Luke will choose before Jade has even finished speaking and he hates it.

He knows the words Luke will say to those three world leaders before he says them and he hates it.

He knows the tears Luke sobs out against his shoulder the night before, when everyone else is asleep or feigning it, will not change what happens the next day, and he hates it.

He knows no matter how tightly he holds that small body against him won't change anything, and he hates it.

He hates it.

But the next day they're standing at the top of the Tower of Rem anyway, and the sword is in Luke's hands, and the lift is as blindingly white as it always was. It's blindingly bright already and Luke seems brighter still as he holds up the sword, and even as he prepares to bring it down Tear rushes to stop him, and Guy holds her back in spite of himself.

He holds her back, and it's not so much that which is difficult as it is to keep himself from releasing her and running right after her.

"Guy...thanks."

Nothing hurts more than those words, and it's all Guy can do to not release Tear then and there, to let her run so he can run too.

Running right after her and stopping this stupid plan and keeping Luke alive.

Running right past her and throwing the stupid sword from Luke's hands and holding him so tightly that he could never leave no matter how much he wanted to.

He has lost his family, his home, his country.

And now he would lose the only thing he had left.

"You stupid bastard."

He looked away and grit his teeth, because he could not keep his eyes on the sacrifice he knew had to be made. He could not, because if he did, he would stop Luke from doing what he had always known Luke would do.

He could not keep his eyes on the destruction of his best friend, even when he knew Luke was scared too.

He could not, because it hurt too much to even stand and support him.

He couldn't.

How selfish.

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-End-

Please review and tell me what you thought.