Title: Damages Incurred In the Process of Training
Author: Dayadhvam
Rating/Pairings: PG. Slight Sai/Sakura if you squint.
Summary: She restrained herself out of the goodness of her heart, Sakura told herself. She was not going to beat Sai up just because the hapless boy had managed to insult her again despite her attempts at teaching him something remotely resembling social conduct.
Notes: Written Dec. 2007; minor edits made Sept. 2014. I asked in an LJ post for fic prompts involving romance since I wanted to play outside my gen comfort zone. helike prompted Sai/Sakura. This kind of turned out more friendship than romance, and verges on crack. (I prob. amped up Sai's awkward turtle factor too much. Or maybe he's trolling. Who knows?)

"What is the purpose of blushing?" Sai asked. He sat down next to Sakura, who was making her way through several slices of watermelon at the outside table of a little snack stand.

Sakura turned to look at him quizzically. "What?" she said. (It was not, perhaps, her most eloquent moment.)

"In one book I read, it said blushing is when your face turns very red because you're near someone you like. But why don't you just tell the person you like them, so then you don't have to blush every time?"

"Sai," Sakura sighed, and wanted to say, I'm not a psychologist, go ask Gai-sensei if you want answers—he'll tell you all about youth—but then thought that Sai was her teammate and really, the poor boy's emotional development was obviously very stunted, and it wasn't exactly his fault that he was so clueless about this kind of thing. "I don't know—I can't explain it in detail now. It's just one of the ways your body reacts to someone in close proximity when you're romantically interested in them—an involuntary reaction of sorts. I suppose you could control your blushing if you worked hard at it"—Sakura glanced at Sai, whose skin was ridiculously pale and looked like it had never seen a blush in its life—"but that would take time. It doesn't hamper shinobi abilities, if that's what you're wondering about."

"Oh, ok." Sai nodded, his face still very blank, and—was he taking notes? "So how do you deal with people who blush around you?"

She raised an eyebrow. "Why are you asking?" she said, and took another bite of her watermelon.

Sai put down his notepad. "At the onsen during the last mission, Naruto was getting red in the face when he was in the water," he explained very seriously. "So if that's what blushing is, then it stands to reason that he is either romantically attracted to me or Yamato-taichou. I'm honored that he may have chosen to think of me in that fashion, but—ah, why are you choking, Sakura?"

"I—got a watermelon seed stuck in my throat," she managed to say. "Er—I don't really think so, Sai. It's more likely that he was just mad at you. No offense, Sai, but he didn't really like you then."

"But if you can blush when you hate someone and when you love someone, then I don't see why it means anything," Sai replied.

"It's not really blushing. It's just—well, getting very red in the face." Sakura fanned herself, trying to get her breath back.

Sai said, "Oh." He was silent for a moment. Then he said suddenly, "Oh! I see. Naruto hated me because I look like Sasuke, and he loves Sasuke, so that way he can blush because he hates and loves—Another watermelon seed? I can take you to the hospital."

"I'm a medic-nin, I'm fine," Sakura coughed, and continued choking.

"And your face is turning red too, Sakura. Does that mean you are interested in me as well?" His voice was politely inquisitive.

Sakura glowered into Sai's face. "No, it isn't," she snapped. "I just can't breathe enough right now."

Sai cocked his head to the side. "But," he said, "I read somewhere that people become breathless around others they like, so—"

"I'm breathless because of the watermelon seeds, okay?" Sakura retorted.

"You're in love with the watermelon seeds, then?" Sai said thoughtfully. "It's very logistically hard to work out how to have sex with inanimate objects, you know."

He did not just say that. How Sai could think the strangest things—it's not his fault, though. It's just because Root didn't teach him anything about normal human beings, she thought. He could be excused for traumatizing her—maybe.

He kept talking, though, and Sakura shifted uneasily.

"That's quite all right. It would be highly uncomfortable for me if you liked me. After all, you have a very large forehead, and I think that might get in the way if we were kissing—"

"Really?" she said in a sweetly dangerous voice. She restrained herself out of the goodness of her heart, Sakura told herself. She was not going to beat Sai up just because the hapless boy had managed to insult her again despite her attempts at teaching him something remotely resembling social conduct.

Large forehead, huh!

"Yes, really," Sai replied in all seriousness. "Also, you're not the most attractive girl I've ever seen, and you have a comparatively small chest. The opposite is what's most appealing—Kakashi-senpai's book told me that—"

.

When Tsunade got the report for damages, she turned around and said rather loudly, "Shizune, where's the sake?"

.

So she hadn't managed to leave the bill to Tsunade after all—her teacher had called her in and foisted the responsibility back onto her, much to Sakura's secret dismay—even though she'd filed it under "damages incurred in the process of training," which would normally excuse her from such responsibilities.

It was a valid categorization too, Sakura rationalized. Konoha needed more psychological help. For certain people. Really.

She slouched down more on the bench, boring holes into the ground with the strength of her glare. Step step step, and someone stopped next to her—

"I got you watermelon," Sai said.

Watermelon? Sakura looked up. He was, in fact, carrying a watermelon. She blinked. "Thanks, Sai," she said. She noticed the fading remnants of a bruise on his face, and felt a little bit of her goodwill trickling back.

He gave her that little smile of his. "I thought you might want it," he said, sounding rather satisfied—satisfied, with the tone of I have predicted others' emotions and actions rightly this time, how wonderfully I am learning now. "I read that a very violent person may be sexually frustrated, and there was a lack of watermelon on the last mission—and this has lots of seeds—"

Her goodwill vanished. What. The. Hell.

"—and also, am I supposed to hug you to make you feel better? That's what people often say." He was still smiling that damn smile.

"There's another way you can make me feel better," she said, and drew back her fist.

Sai made such a convenient punching bag at times.

-fin-