AN: I never intended this to be so long, but here it is. I thought Kairi deserved some happiness after all the angsty stories I've been writing about her. They're not my characters.
I want him, I need him and I don't give a damn that it's completely wrong. For the last month or so, all I've been dreaming about is red hair and emerald eyes. Axel's hair and eyes, if you want to be specific about it.
I shouldn't even be thinking about another guy – I'm with Sora now. We're… happy, I suppose, though I can't summon up any enthusiasm when he starts pawing me. It's not that he isn't eager, but that he hasn't got a clue when it comes to women. He just wants to see how far he can take it before I stop him, which isn't usually long. Sometimes, it's downright painful. I bet it wouldn't be like that with Axel. I reckon he'd know exactly what to do.
Not that he's ever shown any interest in me, but that doesn't seem to matter in my dreams.
…………………
Sora's out tonight, gone somewhere with Roxas and the guys. It's Roxas and Naminé's wedding in a couple of days, so I dread to think what state they'll all be in. Anyway, I didn't want to stay in the house alone, so I wandered down to the beach and sat watching the waves.
"Something wrong, princess?"
I know who it is before I turn to look – only Axel ever calls me princess. It goes back to our days of adventuring, when he kidnapped me for being one of the Princesses of Heart. That all seems like such a long time ago now.
"No… nothing's wrong."
I don't sound convinced, even to myself. And he's surprisingly good at picking up on emotions.
"You're only pretending it's all ok, that's pretty obvious."
"Maybe you're right." I don't want to admit what's wrong just yet. "Anyway, why aren't you out with the others?"
"Didn't feel like going. Roxas is just too damn cheerful these days." He grimaces, though it's only a joke. I couldn't help laughing at his expression.
"He has changed, hasn't he? But I guess we all have."
And that's the problem, I think. Sora came back expecting me to be the same girl I was before, the one who was head over heels in love with him and always had been. But I've grown up since then. We've all grown up, changed, matured, become different people, almost without noticing. I'm not the same girl I used to be. Hell, I'm not even a girl any more – we're all legal adults now.
I skim a couple of stones across the waves, waiting for Axel to ask me what's wrong again. He doesn't; instead he sits on the sand next to me.
"Any time you want to talk, princess, I'll be here to listen."
He will, I know. I can talk to him about anything. Well, almost everything – it'd be somewhat embarrassing to tell him I want to know what he's like in bed.
The sun slips below the horizon, and finally it's night. Sora's probably had far too much to drink tonight, which means he'll be trying to get me to have sex again when he gets home. Suddenly I realise that the last place I want to be tonight is in the house I share with my boyfriend. The boyfriend I can't bear to have touching me. Axel would let me borrow his sofa, if I asked, which I probably will do. I could tell him about my Sora-shaped problem, but I don't know if it would help. What the hell. I need to talk to somebody, and none of the girls around here know how to keep a secret any more, except Aerith. Aerith and I aren't exactly what you'd call close – she's always been Sora's friend, rather than mine.
"Is it… um… normal for a girl… to be completely uninterested in…" I can't get the words out, however hard I try. But he understands what I'm attempting to say.
"Sora doesn't know how to please you in bed, is that what you mean?"
I'm blushing almost as red as his hair, I'm certain, but I nod, as I still don't trust my voice to be steady.
"And you think you're the problem?"
Another nod from me.
"You're not, trust me. He just doesn't know what he's doing, which isn't unusual."
Again, I can't help wondering what Axel would be like. It certainly sounds like he'd know what to do, and I'm convinced he's had more experience than Sora. I'm not sure how I feel about that – in one way it's good, right?
There I go again, thinking about Axel when I should be daydreaming about Sora, who's actually my boyfriend.
I lie back on the sand and look at the stars, allowing my traitorous mind to wander where it liked for a while. Until Axel's voice cut into my thoughts.
"He ever go down on you?"
I sit up, spluttering with indignation.
"Pardon?"
"You heard me, princess. And from that reaction, I'd guess the answer is no."
He's right, no surprises there. I'm not sure Sora even knows it's possible to do that.
"But I bet he expects you to do it for him, right?"
"How do you know?" Of course Sora expected that, and it was the thing I hated the most.
"I know how guys think. After all, I am one." He smirked, though I couldn't see it very well in the dark.
We sit in companionable silence for a while, until I decide to ask a question that's been burning a hole in my brain.
"Axel, if I asked you to kiss me, would you do it?"
"Do you want me to, Kairi?"
"Would you think I was betraying Sora?"
"I'd think you wanted to know how it felt to kiss someone else."
Damn him, he knew I'd only ever been with Sora, and he was exploiting that.
"It's up to you, Kairi." His voice is soft in my ear, and I know he's moved closer. It's a case of now or never, as I turn to face him.
"Please."
One word, that's all it took – I didn't need to say any more. His arms wrap around me, pulling me close, and his lips brush against mine, ever so softly. Sora never kissed me like this, even when I wanted him to. But here, now, with him, it isn't enough. My hands find their way into Axel's red hair, longer than my own hair, which feels strange. As if he could read my mind, the kiss deepens, and I let out a moaning sound as my lips part. When I realise, I feel embarrassed and pull away from him, hiding my face in my hands.
"Kairi?"
His fingers run through my hair, and I realise he isn't going to laugh at me like Sora does. I lift my head up, and whisper that Sora laughs whenever I make sounds like that, which admittedly isn't very often.
"Princess, he's completely clueless."
I was beginning to realise that for myself, thanks to what Axel had been saying, and that kiss. I could do that forever, and never get fed up.
Our lips meet again, and I swear this time there are fireworks. I need this, I need it, I need him. He was making me feel alive – something I now realise I hadn't felt since Sora had returned to the Destiny Islands and we'd got together. I realise something has always been missing between Sora and I, and that was passion. I loved him, sure, but I'd never really seen him as my boyfriend, I don't think. All I know is, I have to end it.
My hands are wandering all over his upper body – I'm not paying attention to them. Eventually, we have to break apart in order to breathe. Our hands though, are clasped together, and somehow I've ended up in his lap.
"Kairi," he breathes softly.
I brush a lock of his hair back from his face, and smile. With Sora, he'd have had his hands in my underwear already, and I'd probably already have pushed him awy. Not Axel, though. I'd probably agree to anything he wanted right now.
"You have to break it off with Sora before I'll go any further, princess."
"I'm going to, Axel. Next time I see him, I promise."
"No, that's your choice. But this is as far as it goes until then."
He's right, but it's so infuriating. I've never felt like this before, and now I have to wait? No other guy would be like this.
……………………
I go back to Sora's house (I can't call it mine, I've never really felt like I belonged there) to wait for him. But, of course, it's Roxas's party, and I don't want to sit there all night alone. Grabbing a pad of paper and a pen, I scribble a note for Sora. Then rip it up and start again. It takes about ten attempts to write a letter that I'm happy with. It's fairly short, but gets the point across. Even if Sora's totally drunk when he finds it, he should still understand the message.
Leaving the letter on the kitchen table, I let myself out of the house and run down the beachfront to Axel's place. He doesn't seem surprised when he opens the door, just indicates that I can come in.
"I couldn't stay there, Axel, I just couldn't."
"It's ok, princess, I understand."
"I left him a note, telling him I didn't think we were right for each other. I'm worried about how he'll take it."
Axel just laughs. "I imagine he'll be more annoyed with me, when he sees us together. Don't worry about him, princess, he'll just have to learn to cope, same as everybody else does."
He hands me a drink I didn't even notice him pouring, and we sit down together on the couch. I know he said we couldn't do anything serious until I'd broken it off with Sora, but as my head rests on his shoulder and his arm wraps around me, I decide it's not too bad. I can cope, as long as I'm with him. But I'm not going to wait forever – I need to know what all the fuss is about, and he's definitely the man to show me.
I don't know how long we sit there, idly chatting about nothing in particular, but when I start yawning, Axel decides it's time to get some sleep. I object to this, but he just picks me up and carries me into his bedroom, placing me carefully on the bed. Then he turns to leave.
"Stay," I call out after him.
He looks back at me, and I pat the space next to me.
"Just stay here, please."
"Only to sleep, princess. No funny business tonight, ok?"
"Only to sleep, promise."
He does wrap his arms around me, and I snuggle up against him. I'm pretty sure that's how I fall asleep, curled up in Axel's embrace.
…………………
When I wake the next morning, I'm still wrapped in his arms, but something's pressing into my abdomen. Opening my eyes to find that Axel's blushing, I'm pretty sure what it is.
"Morning, Axel."
"Morning, princess."
I'm feeling brave this morning, so I run my hand down his body until it reaches the bulge in his trousers, and then press my hand gently against him. He groans, then tries to pull my hand away.
"Kairi, please. You don't know what you're letting yourself in for."
"So show me."
"We can't, yet."
"You said we couldn't do anything last night. You never said anything about this morning." I grin, knowing he can't argue with that. It was, after all, what he'd said to me.
"You're going to be the death of me, you know."
Before I could reply, he'd rolled me onto my back, and his body was pressed against mine as we kissed again. I'd never get enough of his kisses, ever.
"If you want me to stop, just tell me." I nod, knowing I wasn't going to stop him.
His fingers run lightly over my body, down to the hem of my T-shirt. He pulls it carefully up and over my head, then looks at me. I start to feel embarrassed, and try to cover my chest, but he doesn't let me.
"Don't hide from me, Kairi, you're too gorgeous to hide."
If I hadn't been blushing before, I certainly was now. I'd never really thought I was pretty, let alone anything more, and no-one had ever told me otherwise. Until now.
When he started kissing my skin, I couldn't help but let out quiet whimpering sounds. I wanted him. Suddenly, I realise that the noises I'm hearing are coming from me, and I clap my hands over my mouth. He pulls them away.
"Make all the noises you want, Kairi. Does a man's ego good to hear them." He smirks again, and resumes whatever he was doing.
I barely notice him removing the rest of my clothes, but his mouth in a particular place definitely got my attention. If it didn't feel so absolutely fantastic, I'd be as embarrassed as hell about what he was doing. I can't help screaming his name.
……………………
Later, we're curled up together under the blankets, something I'd never really done with another person before.
"How could you think there was something wrong with you, when you're so bloody responsive to everything?" His fingertips brush a sensitive spot, and I shiver.
"No-one's ever done that before."
He laughs, and holds me tighter. "I may never let you out of this bed again."
"You won't hear me complaining."
Except, of course, we do have to get up. Not least because we both got hungry. And getting up means I have to deal with Sora. Axel walks back to the house with me, because I don't think I'd do it on my own. He waits outside, though, so I have to face Sora by myself. Nervously, I knock on the door.
"I wasn't aware you'd moved out already, Kairi."
"I'm sorry, Sora. I just…" I pause, and take a good look at him. He seems resigned to the fact that I'm leaving him, and I don't try to explain. Everything he needed to know was in the letter.
"Bye, Sora." He follows me to the front door. "Can I pick up my stuff later?"
"I'll bring it round for you."
"Thanks."
As I step outside, Axel's standing there waiting for me.
"You hurt her, Axel, and you'll have me to deal with, understand?"
"I get it, man. And I'm not planning on hurting her."
He wraps one arm around my waist as we walk away. I know Sora's watching the two of us together. Maybe one day we can be friends again. I hope so. But for now, I've got Axel, and I know I'm going to be happy with him.
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