Chapter Twelve

What Jack, Elizabeth, and Will found behind the door was nothing short of beautiful. In front of them was a path paved with alternating black and red bricks. Along either side of the path were towering hedges. There was a circular opening in which stood a giant fountain, tinted a faint pink, that depicted cherubs holding vases and floating banners embossed with hearts. In the distance there was a magnificent castle with twisting spires, large, open windows, and a red and black pattern similar to the pavement under their feet. Up ahead, the road turned in two directions and there were several directions from the passageway before that. That could mean only one thing.

"A hedge maze," whispered Elizabeth.

"How will we get through to the castle?" Will asked, despairingly.

"Compass," said Jack, waving the object in front of Will.

"Oh, yeah," he replied, dumbly.

"Also, William, there are many hearts everywhere. If we want to find the castle we just have to find a heart shaped passageway."

"What?" Will asked.

"Never mind. We'd best start if we want to get through today," Elizabeth said.

So, what can I say? They did. Elizabeth held the compass, as Jack's heart's desire at that moment was not to get home, but to drink the beverage that tasted better than rum.

'Although, rum's good, too,' Jack thought.

Will kept trying to peer up at the arrow to see where they were headed but Elizabeth held it too high. Jack had taken to whistling "A Pirate's Life For Me" as he walked.

"Jack, could you whistle something else?"

"As if I would whistle anything else," was his answer.

"Then could you stop whistling?"

"No," he said like a child being asked to share

His only, special, and best friend ever: Mr Teddy Bear.

But Jack did stop whistling. As they continued walking, however, the sound was still in the air.

"Jack, I asked you to stop!" Elizabeth said.

"'S not me, love," he said.

"Then who is it?" asked Will.

They exchanged looks and heard the noise clearer. All of them turned towards it. Luckily enough, there was an "open door" of sorts. There was an opening in the hedges directly near the sound. Jack simply walked to it and was about to step through when Elizabeth protested,

"Jack! You can't just go in there!"

"'Course I can! Watch me," he grinned, continuing on his route.

"Should we go?" asked Elizabeth.

"Do we have an option?" asked Will.

Elizabeth shrugged and went after Jack.

What she saw was easily the most bizarre thing that she'd ever seen.

'This is easily the most bizarre thing that I've ever seen!' she thought.

She had seen some of the card-things, the Ace, two, and three of spades to be specific, painting a tree of white roses with red paint. Jack was singing a song with them but not helping them in any way.

"Jack!" Elizabeth whispered.

Jack turned his head in her direction. "What is it?"

"Sh! Not so loud!" the cards said in unison.

"Why ever not?" Elizabeth asked.

The Ace came over to her. "You see, miss, we planted the white roses instead of the red roses and-"

"The Queen she likes them red,

If she saw white instead-"

"She'd raise a fuss-"

"And each of us-"

"Would quickly lose his head."

"Goodness! Hm, where did that come from?" Elizabeth pondered at her polite outbreak.

"Since this is the part we dread,

We're painting the roses red!"

"Did you get that explanation, too?" asked Will, speaking of the previous song.

Jack nodded, "Sad, but that's why I'm a pirate."

"So, you don't have to deal with tyrants like this Queen person?" Elizabeth inquired.

"No, so I don't have to feel any sadness for them."

"Jack that's cruel!"

"Relax, love, they're cards."

"Painting the roses red,

We're painting the roses-"

Out of nowhere a trumpet was sounded and the cards leapt up in fear.

"The Queen!" said the Ace.

"The Queen!" said the two and three.

"The Queen!" said the pirate, the lady, and the kitten.

Now, a procession could be seen marching through a row of heart shaped arches. All of the card-painters got down on their stomachs with their hands above their heads. Elizabeth quickly followed suit being careful not to hurt Will.

"See?" Jack said. "I told you if we found a passageway shaped like a heart it would lead to the castle."

Elizabeth grabbed his sleeve and pulled him down next to her.

"I told you already, Elizabeth, you're taken," he said.

She rolled her eyes. Will stared in awe at him. Jack gave him a funny look.

"How did you know?" Will asked.

"Elementary, my dear kitten," Jack said, patting his head.

"Jack!" Elizabeth hit his arm. "Stay down!"

"Fine, fine!"

The music and all the card-feet stopped. A single horn was blowing now and it was rather annoying. Finally, it stopped and a person, who had apparently been running, stopped near Elizabeth's head. "Announcing her Grace, her Excellency, her Royal Majesty: The Queen of Hearts!"

"I ain't a Queen!" yelled a rough, male voice.

'That seems familiar. Vaguely familiar. Now, where have I heard that before,' Jack thought, raising his head.

The silence that had settled over the area was shredded by Jack's laughter. When he had looked up at the scene before him, he instantly knew why the voice had sounded familiar. Standing in front of him, surrounded by card-men, a rabbit, and Jack the monkey in a king's robe, and bound up in a dress, was his rival, Captain Hector Barbossa. Jack, feeling no danger what-so-ever, stood up and walked over to him as best he could. After all, his body was being racked with laughter. Would you be able to walk at that sight?...Take your time, I can wait. In the mean time-

"Hector, I knew you were unlucky, but this! This is the worst I've ever seen you! This is the worst I've ever seen him," he said happily to Elizabeth and Will, pointing to Hector. "And I know bad with this man. I have seen some terrible things involving this man. This goes beyond anything with you even! This is the worst thing I have ever seen in my entire life!"

Hector had simply been growing angrier and angrier as Jack had been growing jollier and jollier. Everyone had noticed except Jack and the card-men knew what the next thing that came from the "Queen"'s mouth would be.

"Off with his head!"

The card-men jumped into action, all leaping at Jack to take him away. The confused, previously painting card-men saw this as the opportune moment and ran for the door the Cheshire Cat had opened. Jack began fighting off the cards as did Elizabeth and Will. How did Will fight? Well, he was a kitty ninja! So there!

Now, in a normal adventure story, this would be the part where the author goes into detail about the battle happening. They may even go into the individual fights between people, perhaps. But, this is not that type of adventure story. We have neither the time nor the budget to produce such things. It would take innumerable amounts of chocolate e claires and spinny-office chairs and um...something else that rhymes with that...pears! To complete such a project. So, I will briefly describe the most interesting aspects of the events. There was absolutely no showdown with Jack and Barbossa. There was, though, a showdown with Barbossa and Will, with Will being the more successful (being the kitty ninja that he is as a kitty). Will also took on Jack the monkey but the monkey pretty much won that one. Jack spent a lot of time running away from card-men just to run up a card-slide made of card-men and slide back down to the card-men he was originally running away from. Elizabeth was variously told that she had nice ankles by Barbossa, Jack the monkey, and the White Rabbit (who knew he had it in him?), all of which she slapped with imaginary gloves out of embarrassment. Somewhere in between Elizabeth receiving a nasty paper cut from a card-man (because they're made of paper) and Jack the monkey tearing up the White Rabbit's Elizabethan collar for stressing his master, Jack the human made a realization.

"STOP!"

Did everyone do as they were told and go to bed without desert or any warm milk? No, but they all stopped.

"Why are we fighting card-people?"

All of the creatures thought about that for a moment.

"He's right! Why am I a kitten?!" asked Will.

"And why am I in a revealing dress?!" asked Elizabeth.

"And why am I even in a dress?!" asked Barbossa.

"And why am I married to my owner?!" asked Jack the monkey, in adorable little monkey language.

Jack, Barbossa, Jack the monkey, Elizabeth, and Will all looked up out of the story and glared at cheshirexpirate.

"Ha! Um...hello..." she said, awkwardly.

"Why did you do this to us?" asked Jack.

"I thought it would be funny, you know, like a joke. Ha ha!"

"Well, it isn't! I'm not even the same species," Will cried.

"Look, I didn't even know you could talk to me! But, because you can feel all this stuff happening to you, and because I have a heart, I'll put you back."

cheshirexpirate tapped away at her keyboard and wrote them right back into Pirates of the Caribbean.

"Fancy that!" Jack said, when he found himself back on the Black Pearl.

"Thank you!" Elizabeth exclaimed, when she saw that she was properly covered.

"Yes, but remember, lass, if this ever happens again..." Barbossa threatened.

"Yeah, yeah, I know: you'll cut off my nose and force me to eat it," she replied.

"Good," replied Barbossa, firing a cannon at Jack on the Pearl.

With that, the battle continued and everything in the Caribbean was back to normal. cheshirexpirate shut down her computer and went to bed, knowing she had done the right thing. Just kidding! She stayed up and watched the Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson.

The End