Disclaimer: I don't own Inuyasha or related characters, Rumiko Takahashi does.

Warnings: Nothing happens at all. There isn't even an implied lime. Well, not exactly… It's all about communication. At any rate, there are… themes… humor that is… "Adult" ISN'T the word… "Mature" is definitely NOT the word… I guess… "Inappropriate for children", let's go with that.

Warning 2: I was half asleep when I wrote this. I found it giggle-worthy, but I find a lot of things giggle-worthy when I'm this tired. And I'm probably rating this too high, but I wasn't sure. Nothing is stated directly, but... still... ew...

"Speaking"Father thinking

"Sesshoumaru? Where's your mother?" the general asked, confused. He had just returned from fourteen years of war and conquest, and the mother of his pup was nowhere to be found. A thorough search of the den, the mountain ridge, the valley, and the nearby fields hadn't given him a scent fresher than a decade.

"She left." The pup replied, never pausing in his practice.

"Left?"

"Left."

"Left to where?"

"She didn't say, Father, only that three seasons celery is too much."

"Celery?" Celery? What?

"Yes, celery—far too much celery. I didn't see any, but I guess they must have taken it. Where do you go when you have too much celery, Father?"

Celery? They? "They? They who?"

"Mother and her friend. She didn't tell me his name, and I thought it might be rude to ask… It seemed a little rude that no one introduced him…"

"His name? Oh! Do you mean 'celibacy'?"

"What is cell… what is that?"

…Nope, not having that conversation… "Never mind."

"So? What would you do?"

"Well… If I had too much celery, I would go visit… a friend… and… make soup. We'd make lots and lots of soup, until the… celery… was gone. I think that's what your mother must have done."

"Oh… that makes sense. I think if I ever have a celery problem, I will go to a friend and make soup too."

Awkward. "Ok then…"

"Except…"

"Yes?"

"If there is much too much celery, wouldn't it be better to invite more friends to make soup with?"

"Um…" Not going there…

"Yes, lots of friends to make soup with, that would fix it! And Myoga, we could invite him!"

Blegh! "What on Earth for?"

"Because if we could convince him to suck our soup he might not suck our blood so much!"

Ulgh! "Um, maybe you should…"

"And Totosai! He'll swallow anything, I bet he'd want lots and lots of soup!"

No. Never. That image is never going to enter my mind.

"And Bokseno! Wait, do trees like soup?"

"No… no I don't think they're built for soup…"

"OH! Of course, sorry, that was silly."

Thank heavens.

"Trees like nuts, right?"

Oh no.

"We could get—"

"You know what? How about I go catch us some rabbit meat, and you can train while I'm gone."

"Okay!"

-The End-

A/n: I almost fell asleep, and then I wrote this. I probably shouldn't even post this, but who knows, maybe someone will find it amusing. Hopefully someone will read this giddy with sleep deprivation so they might enjoy it as much as I am.