Okay, this one bumps up the rating a bit, but it was too silly to not post. This was originally in response to a prompt on a completely unrelated forum. I enjoyed writing it so much that I Naruto-fied it and decided to share it with you folks too.
3: Blobology
"I think my brain is beginning to liquefy and drip out on to my notes." Kiba leans over to Hinata and whispers this in her ear so she gets gooseflesh all down her neck. She flushes and gives his notes a perfunctory look.
"Um – I think that might just be drool, Kiba-kun."
"Aw, now that's not nice. Can I help it if I was born with dribble-prone lips?"
"Shhhh, Kiba-kun – I'm trying to pay attention!" It's an out and out lie. Iruka-sensei had lost her about 45 minutes ago. She just can't hang with his biology lectures.
They're sitting in the upper echelons of their classroom at the academy, staring down upon rows and rows of students – most dozing, some furiously taking notes. It looks like Naruto-kun has actually fallen asleep. Iruka is pointing at a picture of a blob which he has drawn on the blackboard at the front of the room. Hinata can't distinguish it from all the other blobs he's shown the class over the last few month. Blobs with tentacles. Blobs with eight-syllable names. Blobs in flowcharts. Blobs beget blobs beget blobs. Why couldn't they just study genjutsu?
Kiba's antics are a lot more interesting.
"D'ya think if we, like, acted out what he was talking about, it would make more sense?" He's whispering at her again. She tries to focus on the notebook paper in front of her only to find that her handwriting has been drifting free of its moorings on the lined sheet. May as well just give up.
"Um, well – I don't know what he's talking about."
"Okay, well I'll be the blob on the right…" He then proceeds to make a show of fixing his attention on Iruka. He forms a pulsating spheroid with his enterlacing fingers and even provides blurping sound effects with those "dribble-lips" of his.
Hinata watches Kiba, listening to Iruka's drone with half an ear. "Meiosis, not to be confused with Miosis or Mitosis, is the process by which one diploid eukaryotic cell divides…"
(Bloop-blurrp-blup, Kiba's fingers wiggle apart.)
" …twice to generate four haploid cells…."
('Shit, we need four – you have to do it too…' he gestures to Hinata's fingers. She obediently blurps as well, though much more quietly.)
"…The result is the formation of gametes…."
(Kiba holds up his hands triumphantly, Hinata lets out a silent giggle.)
"… in turn, two gametes from different sources may join to form a new diploid germ cell…"
(Kiba fumbles around for one of Hinata's hands. She gets the idea, and they form a new blurping blob. The giggles are getting pretty furious at this point.)
"… this is the essential process by which all eukaryotic sexual reproduction takes place."
Hinata gazes, horror-stricken, for a moment at the blob of hands between them, certain that she must be turning purple. Kiba is looking at the hands too. Both seem simply too shocked to pull away just then.
Kiba leans in to whisper in Hinata's ear again. He's getting closer – closer…
"Sweetie – it's a girl!"
Hinata faints dead away.
FIN