The marauder's advice to YOUR problems!
Lily – Normal
Sirius – Bold
James – Normal underlined
Remus – Italics
Peter – Bold Italics
Hi everyone and welcome to the marauder's advice to-
BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, no one cares what it's called!
Still it was rude to interrupt me!
No one cares, please don't lecture me, I don't care about your views towards life.
Go and snog someone in the broom closet Black, I thought It was one of your daily activities.
Evans why can't you ever be nice to me?
Hmmm that could be because you are arrogant, egotistical, a womaniser AND you are so immature, that goes for Potter too.
I'm too cool to be mature.
Your definition of 'cool' is different to everyone else's, Padfoot.
We should get on with some questions.
Here is mine – Moony why are you such a moron?
If you don't shut up my foot is going to go somewhere no foot has ever been before!
MOONY!
Q. – To James and Sirius, why do you always go for pretty girls? – Wondering-beauty
Because they are egotistical jerks.
Evans I believe this questions was directed at me and Prongs. I also believe that the title of this is called 'The marauder's advice' are you a marauder? NO!
How dare you insult Lily, she can be a marauder if she wants!
Trust me potter I would never want to be a part of your little 'club'.
I'll have you know we have people lining up to join our group.
Yes Black, I'm sure.
Back to the question, I do not always go for the pretty girls!
Yes you do.
But the ugly ones are just so, so ugly.
You got that right!
Do you see what I mean by arrogant and egotistical?
The ugly ones just don't live up to mine and Prong's standards!
The only problem with pretty girls is that most of them are mean, at least the girls you call 'average' have a personality.
See Potter, that's why I like Remus, you and Black just go for girls with outer beauty, Remus goes for the girls with inner beauty.
That's because Moony is gay.
WHAT?
How did you draw up that conclusion?
I can tell by the way he looks at me.
Padfoot, are you mentally retarded or something?
He gives me the 'I want you look' I get it from girls all the time.
I think your mistaking it for the 'you repulse me' look.
You cut me deep Evans.
We are getting way off topic.
Well, it's like what Padfoot said before the ugly ones just don't live up to our standards.
And what are your standards, Potter?
Wouldn't you like to know.
That is why probably why I asked.
Well for me the girls just have to be pretty and not fat.
You are so shallow.
Evans, any girl like you would live up to my standards.
NEXT QUESTION PLEASE!
Q. What girls/ boys do you go for? – Unlucky-in-love
Unlucky in love, if you're pretty meet me in the broom closet later.
God, Black, you don't even know who this person is.
Yeah, she could be a slytherin!
Okay, I rephrase that, if you're pretty and not in slytherin meet me in the broom closet.
That sounds like a romantic date.
You can be afters if you want, Evans.
I'll pass, I'd rather drowned myself.
Evans is MINE! Back off Sirius.
I'm not one of your possessions Potter, not like your stupid broom.
I can't believe it, your woman just insulted Quidditch!
Again with being one of Potter's possessions, I do not want anything to do with Potter!
My ideal woman would be tall, with long red hair, green eyes and she would have to be good at charms.
Potter, you just basically described me!
Yes now you can describe me! You might want to add sexy, gorgeous and has the best hair ever.
Yeah but then she would be describing me!
I would want someone who is the total opposite of Potter and Black.
So you want someone ugly, stupid and has bad hair? – So Snivellus really?
Haha good one Padfoot!
Severus? No I do not like Sev, he is my friend unlike you guys!
So I'm not your friend?
I didn't mean you Remus.
Why do you call someone as greasy as Snape your friend, but not us?
She doesn't call me her friend because I'm her boyfriend!
Severus is my friend because he is funny, kind and isn't arrogant, unlike you.
I must have been looking at a totally different person these last few years.
Me too!
Me three!
I don't agree with you, Snape isn't all that bad.
I can't believe you are you marauder or not?
Yes I am but I don't agree with you always bullying snape!
That's what we live for!
Yup.
Moony has always been a bad egg, I guess it's just me and you Prongs, against all of the death eaters and friends of death eaters.
Hey! I agreed with you.
Yes but your just a brainless twat who always agrees with us because you don't have your own opinion.
That was a bit harsh.
Yes, I guess it was, you can come and be on our side if you want Wormtail. I'm sorry if I kill you Moony! But it was you who decided to turn to the dark side!
Thanks Sirius.
Its okay, together we will fight the sources of EVIL and we will WIN!
Don't mind Sirius everyone, he is always off in his own little world.
HEY!
Q. I really like this guy, what can I do to make him like me? Lessonsforlove
You should do nothing, you shouldn't change for a boy to like you.
Evans, stop poisoning the population of Hogwarts.
Its true Sirius, girls only do this to themselves because of egotistical jerks like you!
That's right. I still love Lily, and she didn't change at all.
Shut up Potter.
For girls to get my attention they must:
(a) Where make-up
(b) Wear very fitted clothing
(c) Not be fat
(d) Shower me with gifts
(e) Make me the centre of there attention.
Sorry to stop you Padfoot but if you carry on there will not be enough letters left for you to use.
Sirius you are the shallowest person I know, apart from James.
Why do you always insult me when you're trying to insult Sirius?
It's a gift Potter, a gift.
You're a cruel one Evans.
Well, what can I say?
Lessonsforlove, the answer to your question is, to get this boys attention you should be yourself. This boy should then become comfortable around you, he then could ask you out.
I told you he was gay.
How do you know this stuff Moony?
I just do.
Only gay guys know about women's feelings.
I will never call you gay again Sirius, you know very little about women's feelings.