"I really, really hate you right now."

"Oh come on Remmy, don't be like that."

"Don't you, 'oh come on Remmy me,' Sirius. In case you haven't noticed, I'm mad at you right now."

"But you had fun."

"Fun? Fun? Let me tell you something about fun, Sirius. Fun is not being kidnapped from Hogwarts at the crack of dawn to go to a strip club. Fun is not using fake I.D.'s to get so severely intoxicated that I end up dancing on stage doing my own strip tease. Fun is not being arrested because of said fake I.D.'s and thrown into a Muggle jail! And what, may I ask, are you grinning at?"

"Sounds like a good time to me. You've got to admit that was one wild birthday."

"Sirius, I told you I didn't want to celebrate my birthday."

"Preposterous, Remus. I couldn't do that to you. You just turned seventeen. You've become a man and I needed to send you off befitting your new status in life."

"And that means scantily clad females, copious amounts of alcohol, and brain traumatizing rock music?"

"Exactly, all that's missing is facial hair and you'd be a real man like me. Oh wait…"

"Sirius, get away from me and stay on your side of the bench. You reek of beer and-stop touching my face!"

"Nope, just a kiss mark on your chin. Why Remus, you sly old dog."

"Oh great, I've probably lost my virginity to a thirty-year-old floozy and I can't remember it. I've probably contracted some type of disease now. As if I didn't have enough problems already."

"Well now you've got one less thing to worry about. Sheesh, seventeen and you haven't done it with so much as one bird? You should be arrested for having your virtue intact for so long."

"In case you didn't notice, Sirius. I have been arrested, no thanks to you. Oh Merlin, Dumbledore will expel us when he finds out you snuck us out of school. My parents will murder me and then bring me back to life to do it again."

"That's if they find out, Remus. We'll just break out of here, take the Knight Bus back to Scotland and sneak right back into Hogwarts. No one will ever know."

"You want us to break out of jail!"

"Not so loud, Remus. Do you want those Muggle police to hear us? And it's not really breaking out of jail. This is a holding cell, really. One quick spell and the door is open and we'll be on our way."

"Hmph. Fine. It's not like we aren't in enough trouble."

"Excellent! I'm glad to see my sense of adventure has rubbed off on you. So do you have your wand with you?"

"What? No. My wand was in the back pocket of those ridiculous leather pants you made me wear and that's back at that strip club with the rest of my clothes."

"At least Totsy Tanya was nice enough to lend you hers before you were dragged offstage. And I must say that pink boa looks rather fetching on you. It matches the color of your tank top nicely."

"Oh shut up. And why are you asking me where my wand is?"

"I left my wand back at Hogwarts."

"Sirius!"

"Don't worry, Remus. Just check the pockets of your miniskirt for a 10p. I heard the Muggles allow you one phone call home and we can call my Uncle Alphard to pick us up. He's fascinated with Muggle culture and had one installed in his house. It was partly the reason he was blacklisted off the family tree."

"When we get out of here, I'm going to strangle the life out of you."

"Oh Remmy, one day you'll look back on this and laugh at all the good memories. I know I will. Who knew you knew how to dance like that? Rowr."

"…I really, really hate you right now."