a/n: Yet again, thanks for all of the reviews, guys. I'm so flattered you all like this story x. And if it's not any trouble, could I get a volunteer to beta the next chapters for me? I have this habit of not even looking at the thing after I'm done with it (I sound like an abusive mother). If you do, I will send you internet luff. I am so so sorry you all had to wait this long for a stupid chapter like this but I love you! And you love me, right? ...right?

Sakura stared at the handsome, taller male before her with suspicious green eyes, and Deidara almost started to sweat. Damn, Itachi's woman could be pretty scary when she wanted to be.

"Are you lying to me?" she asked him indignantly. "I don't think Germans even exist in this world. And you look Japanese."

"My mother was from Mist!" he inserted, laughing cheerfully though in truth he was about to piss his pants. Sakura must have gotten stare-down lessons from the Uchiha heir. "My dad was an ex-Nazi, so you know…met her after the war, got her knocked up, married her so there wouldn't be a scandal, then pop! I came out into the world screaming and crying and shitting. My mom raised me and gave me the talk and made me comb my hair everyday so…"

She eyed him. "Right…Hans…why don't you walk back with me to my apartment?"

He grinned, and despite himself and Itachi's death threats he blurted out, "Oh, you want me all to yourself? You want a piece of hot German ass?"

She frowned. "Not in the slightest."

The girls surrounding the German and the pink-haired woman almost wilted in their relief. Ever since Sasuke left there had not been anyone more attractive than him, so the fangirls were left to mope and groan about 'lost love' and shit like that. Then this man came, and oh! how their hearts were lifted! There was someone to swoon and fight over, someone to have wet dreams about at night and someone to practice making kissy faces at the mirror for. Oh, happy happy joy joy.

Deidara brushed his bangs aside for a brief moment, so both sparkling blue eyes were revealed. The girls around him (excluding Sakura, of course) sighed and melted in response to such sexiness. The medic merely frowned at him and turned around, continuing to walk in the direction she had previously been traveling. Deidara pushed past the throngs of horny woman that gathered around him and blocked his view, and rushed on long, lean legs to catch up to the kunoichi. "That's not very nice," he breathed. "You could have at least waited. It is the polite thing to do."

"It's not polite to lie about your heritage."

"But…I'm not!"

She rolled her eyes at his retort, finding it utterly…retarded. Like his face. Yeah.

"So, what's your name?" 'Hans' asked slyly, keeping up with her very much shorter strides with ease. Sakura envied his long, muscular legs—oh, to be tall! To tower above your friends and enemies and reach for the last damn piece of pie on the top of the fridge, to hit your head on lamps and fall unconscious and wake up with one hell of a goose-egg on your forehead! Actually, it's not that big of a deal. Don't fall for the trap, Sakura. Resist it!

"Are you asking my chest or me?" she replied dryly, noting the way his blue eyes never left her not-even-big chest. Maybe the lack thereof was sexy. Sakura decided she would never understand the male's mind. Go figure.

"Well, if I was, I would be saying: "What are your names?" But I didn't. I was asking you."

"Sakura," she said in a clipped voice, nearing her apartment. "All right, Hans. Why don't you come inside for some tea—"

"What? No beer? I'm used to drinking beer for every meal. Don't you have respect for my culture?" Deidara demanded, placing his hands on his hips in a very un-manly-like gesture. "These Japanese ninjas are all the same, thinking everyone likes the same thing. How rude!"

Of course, Hans was a Japanese ninja too, but Sakura didn't know that.

"Tea," she decided, getting her keys from her pocket and slipping them into the lock. She jangled it around for a bit, then finally took it out. She wasn't looking forward to find Itachi waiting for her (no doubt eating some of her food again), standing up immediately as she entered to push her down on the couch and have his horrible, nasty way with her. She was sure he wouldn't try such an endeavor, since she seemed to have a German (who wasn't really a German but a pyromaniac S-class criminal who had an annoying habit of blowing up anything with a pulse) at her side, bouncing up and down and demanding to have beer.

Of course Sakura didn't have any beer. It was sake (only in moderation) and tea, and tap water. Wonderful, wonderful tap water. She was not eager to get this Hans character drunk, at all. She'd seen drunken men before. They scared her!

"Shut up! I don't have any beer! All I have is year-old tea and some crusty rice balls!" she exclaimed to her guest, pushing her way into her humble abode. He followed her. "If that's what you like, then that's great. If not, well, then you are screwed, aren't you?"

"How nice of you to say so," he said in reply, ignoring her tone like a mother would with an irate daughter. "No sausage? No pastries? No blonde girls with cleavage and pig tails? This is unfair. This is unjust! I remember the good ol' days in Deutschland. Drunk girls with enormous boobs, creepy old men wearing lederhosen, beer that always tasted good… Japan sucks. All I get here are horny, skinny girls with eyes that are too big with oddly colored hair."

Sakura was about to kick this German out of her house when she spotted Itachi lounging casually on her couch, sipping some of her year-old tea (without permission!!) and watching Finding Neverland with widescreen and subtitles. He didn't even turn to look at her and her guest as they entered the living room, but he paused the movie and continued to drink the nasty tea that Sakura should have thrown out.

"This tea is horrible," Itachi said monotonously. "You should have thrown it out."

Sakura replied with a muffled groan as she slapped her face with her hand. Ow, that stings.

"Hello, Deidara," Itachi said, finally turning to look at the two nincompoops standing in a very stick-like manner a few feet away from the couch. "I thought you said you were going to 'find some girls to screw then come back insanely drunk'."

Deidara coughed. "Yeah, well, your girlfriend interrupted my pheromone party, so I couldn't get any girl to rent a cheap hotel room so we could bang until something broke, un."

Un? Deidara? Deidara, un?

"I knew it! I knew you were lying about your heritage!" Sakura exclaimed, pointing an accusatory finger at the blonde nin. "There's no such thing as Germany here, or lederhosen! The whole world consists of Japanese ninja!"

Deidara was just happy to have his accent back. Yeah, baby, yeah.

"You were the blonde faggot who threw clay dolls around like they were Barbies! And I killed your partner who looked oddly like a prepubescent boy!"

"Don't talk like that about Sasori-danna, un," Deidara sniffed. "Just because he looked like a twelve-year-old boy doesn't mean anything, yeah. He had the heart and mind of an old hag."

Itachi stared at the two before finally opening his sensuous mouth to cut in. "I apologize for interrupting, but Sakura and I have some…catching up to do." Sakura flushed at this. "I can only watch so many Johnny Depp movies before I start to compare myself to him."

Deidara rolled his eyes, since he could roll both now since his scope was in his pocket. "We're more perfect than Johnny Depp, un. We're animated pretty boys, so we're allowed."

"This is true."

"Stop talking about Johnny Depp!" Sakura said, reaching past Itachi to turn the TV off. Itachi grabbed her and pulled her down onto his lap, and she squeaked her protest, squirming around for a bit before finally settling down, because squirming in a man's lap isn't the best thing to do, especially when said man is 'raring to go'.

"Oh, God," Deidara moaned, his voice high to mimic Sakura's. "Don't stop, Itachi. Touch me right there. Oh, God, oh, yes. Don't stop, don't stop!"

"WILL YOU BE QUIET?!"

Tsunade tapped her pink nails against her desk and bit her bottom lip in thought. It was a lot easier to think when she was sober, surprisingly, so she could muse over her interrogation with Sakura in full detail. As far as she was concerned there was no ANBU with brown hair, who was a monster in bed, and enjoyed movies like Romancing the Stone. It just wasn't possible! No straight male could like that movie and be such a beast in the bedroom at the same time.

There was only one male possible of doing both at the same time. Only one man with enough self-control and testosterone to still look manly enough for Sakura to be attracted to him after watching such a romantic movie.

If only she could think of such a man. But she was sure there was only one.

"Any leads, Tsunade-sama?" Shizune asked, placing more paperwork down on the busty Hokage's desk. Said Hokage exhaled through her nose in irritation.

"Not a one. Everything that came from her mouth was obviously a lie. For a ninja she has horrible lying skills. Who raised her?"

"Some anonymous civilians, apparently. No one knows. We never see her parents. They're not important enough to the storyline, it seems."

"Poor things."

AND CUT.

Yay writers block.

So a sucky chapter for such a long wait. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. -kowtows at your feet-