Disclaimer: K-Tizzite own's Bleach, but I, Q-Jizzle, own this story (though its a crazy one!)

Summary: Ichigo is forced to spend the week of Christmas with Rukia in Soul Society. He learns very interesting and bizarre things, and even earns a kiss from Rukia underneath the, what is that? ZankpakTOE? Crack fic. Happy Holidays!!

That's right, a Christmas crack fic, just for all of you! I hope you like this!!

Under the Zanpaktoe?

"Ready?" Rukia asked in a bubbly tone, a very too much bubbly tone.

"Ah." Ichigo replied, crossing his arms over his chest. Rukia took out her sword, pointed it thin air, and made a turning ninety degree angle turn, unlocking an imaginary door. Two old looking sliding doors appeared before Ichigo and Rukia, opening up all on its own. Rukia stepped inside first, and after a long groan, Ichigo stomped into the weird and almost magical like doorway.

It was safe to say that Ichigo was not happy.

"You'll really like it. It even snows!" Rukia said, grinning brightly. It was kind of cute to see the midget so excited, but he was trying to stay aggravated.

He was spending an entire week in Soul Society, and not just any old dandy week, Christmas week. Ichigo would have to open his presents from his family the day after Christmas, the worst day of the entire year.

Ichigo sighed, getting impatient as he and Rukia stood on the elevator like room, only it didn't feel like they were moving at all.

"Stop being such a grouch." Rukia muttered, elbowing Ichigo's side. He rolled his eyes, rubbing the sore spot, and turned his body further away from Rukia.

"Why do I have to do this again?" Ichigo whined, still facing away from her. He could hear shuffle next to him, and he feared that she would elbow him again, or hit him.

"Because idiot, do you not remember our agreement?"

"Yes I remember our stupid agreement, but that's just it, it was STUPID!"

"You're the one that suggested it!"

"Yah, and I was joking, but you took it literally." Ichigo finished. Rukia tended to take a lot of things literally in the human world.

"Either way, a deal is a deal. You said that if I spent the week of Christmas in your world, that you would come the following year to mine."

Ichigo growled next to her. "When are we going to get there anyways?" Ichigo muttered.

"Now." Rukia snapped, walking towards the doorway. The sliding doors slid open, and Ichigo and Rukia stepped into Soul Society. He was surprised at how different the scenery looked, with the snow, that Rukia had been thrilled about, falling onto the ground. Everything was always bright in Seireitei, but now it was one dull color, white.

Rukia led Ichigo to Byakuya's mansion, where he would be staying for the holidays. Ichigo knew Byakuya wouldn't be thrilled about it, but apparently Rukia had already discussed his coming, and Byakuya had agreed.

So now, he was walking inside one of the biggest homes he had ever seen, hoping that he wouldn't run into Byakuya due to its large size. To his luck, Ichigo made it to his room in one piece, Rukia following behind. They sat down on the floor, and Rukia began speaking.

"Alright Ichigo, I'm going to begin explaining the difference between what your world calls Christmas, and what ours calls…Chrismakkuh."

"…"

Seeing that Ichigo wasn't going to nod or tell her to continue, she did anyways. "The Shinigami Women's Association wanted to make the 'Holidays' more diverse, and so, they created the title Chrismakkuh, a combination of Christmas and Hanukah, the two most popular celebrations over the holidays."

"…"

"So, unlike your world, or your family really, where you open presents on one single night, we scattered the days out to seven, creating the Hanukah effect. Any questions?"

"Did you have to draw everything out using your sucky bunny drawings?" Ichigo asked, pointing to Rukia's out of no where sketching pad. He of course in return earned a smack to the head.

"Anyways, tonight is the first night, seeing that it is Sunday. You pick one other person to exchange gifts with, and you go from there."

"Do I get to choose who the person is?" Ichigo asked. Rukia blinked at him, looking surprised.

"What?" He asked. She shook her head.

"Yah, I guess you could pick, I just assumed I would be the one to exchange gifts with you."

Ichigo blinked back at her words. "Well sure, I just figured you would with Renji or somethin…"

An awkward silence formed, but Rukia picked up on explaining the rest of the weird holidays. So, as Rukia had explained. Two people exchange gifts with each other every night up until the day of Christmas. Then, on Christma-Chrismakkuh day, instead of exchanging one gift to one another, a personal gift of any choice is made.

It was the weirdest thing Ichigo had ever heard of, and Ichigo knew weird pretty well.

"So then what? If the other gifts throughout the week aren't 'personal', then what are they?" Ichigo asked.

Rukia grinned widely, flipping the page to her sketch pad. "Each day has a theme. The first day is 'Give a clothing article for cold Spirit Particles'. Day two is 'A good gigai loves some soul pie.' Basically you give a pie or cake, or some sort of desert to the person you are exchanging with."

"Ok…" Ichigo mumbled, noticing Rukia's picture of what was supposed to be a round pie looked more like a pecan trapezoid…

Rukia rolled her eyes, and turned the next page. "Day three is 'Think of food oh, and not Hueco Mundo'."

"I thought there was already a pie one, doesn't that count as food?" Ichigo asked.

Rukia shook her head. "Day three means have dinner with the one you're exchanging gifts with."

Ichigo didn't breathe out a word as Rukia continued on, knowing it would earn him a good punch to the stomach if he said anything.

"Day four, which is my personal favorite, is entitled 'Be happy, and give a stuffed Chappy'."

"You've got to be effing kidding me." Ichigo muttered. There was no way in hell he would get Rukia a Chappy doll, and there was no way he would accept her Chappy doll to him.

"Let me guess who had a say on this particular theme…" Ichigo mumbled, glaring at Rukia. She smiled, giving her answer away.

"I might have said a thing or two, but all the other women, well most, minus Captain Soi Fon and Vice Captain Nanoa, agreed with me."

Ichigo clenched his hands into fists. He was seriously about to bolt out the door. Rukia would never be able to catch up with him if he did. Then again, she'd come to his house, and Ichigo didn't feel like being on the run from Rukia…

"Ok, what's day five, and I hope it's better than four." Ichigo muttered, placing his hands on his knees.

"Day five is my least favorite, but I'm sure you'll like it. It's called 'Chrismakkuh eve is approaching in one night, so celebrate with a good fight'."

"So what, I get to fight you or something?" Ichigo asked.

"Yep." Rukia replied. Ichigo smirked. He knew good and well he could whip Rukia, but how on Earth did it count as a gift? He didn't bother asking as Rukia talked on. The sixth night was 'Appreciate Rukongai, and spread a little butterfly.' In which the two exchangers send a black message butterfly wishing a poor Rukongai family a Merry Christma-Chrismakkuh."

And the day that was beyond stranger than any of the other days, was the last day. 'Feel the cold of Seireitei reiatsu made snow, give a kiss under Zanpaktoe.'

Ichigo refused to ask, refused. He figured he would learn about it when he needed to, on the last day. And so, the week began. The first day, 'Give a clothing article for cold Spirit Particles', Ichigo bought Rukia a crummy scarf he found in a crappy Rukongai shop, not having time to really look around for her, and he had to pay back Byakuya in Soul Society dollars. Rukia in return bought Ichigo a nice black and red beanie for his head during the winter, and Ichigo felt a little guilty for getting her a torn up scarf. She didn't seem to mind though.

The second day, 'A good gigai loves some soul pie' turned out to be a big mess. Ichigo couldn't find any food shops, and had to ask Renji for help to make Rukia a nice strawberry pie. The pie turned out ok, but Byakuya's kitchen looked like pink, covered in strawberries. Rukia bought Ichigo a chocolate pie from a store located right next to the Kuchiki mansion. "You have to use your reiatsu to get inside, it's tricky." Rukia told him, accepting her strawberry pie from Ichigo. Byakuya was not happy of course, to find his kitchen a disaster, and forced Ichigo to clean it all by himself.

The third day, called 'Think of food oh, and not Hueco Mundo' was pretty normal as Rukia and Ichigo went to some restaurant in Seireitei. The only bad part was when Ichigo stood up to use the restroom, and ran into a waiter, food dropping all over him. So not only did he have to pay for Rukia's meal, but for the food he wasted. Ichigo then owed even more Soul Society dollars to Byakuya.

The fourth day 'Be happy, and give a stuffed Chappy' was probably the worst, as Ichigo expected it to be. He found a little Chappy shop in Rukongai again, and bought her a pink Chappy bunny doll. Rukia took the gift happily, and set it in her room next to her other exact replicas of the same Chappy the bunny doll he bought her. Ichigo was more embarrassed when Rukia gave him a Chappy doll with orange hair on the top, black Shinigami robes on, and a stuffed sword in the doll's right hand.

He was mortified.

Ichigo got to stretch his muscles on the fifth day entitled 'Chrismakkuh eve is approaching in one night, so celebrate with a good fight'. Rukia had improved a lot on her fighting, but was no match for Ichigo. He went easy on her, because it was almost Christma-er Chrismakkuh, and almost let her win, almost.

On the sixth night, Rukia showed Ichigo how to create a live message in one of the black butterflies, which was a lot like leaving a message on a message machine, only on a butterfly instead…When the message was ready; they sent the butterfly to a family of seven in District 62. Unfortunately, Rukia forgot to tell Ichigo that they could only say the message once. And so, the family in District 62 received these kind words:

Dear Rukongai family,

We hope you have a wonderful Chrismakkuh— OW. Rukia! What did you step on my foot for?

Sorry, I didn't mean too! Why did you put your foot there?

Because Rukia, I didn't know it would be such a problem, as my feet were no where near you.

Ichigo, you're feet are kind of big, which definitely can lead to a problem, like someone stepping on them.

This is stupid, can we go home now?

Ichigo!! We're still sayin the message YOU IDIO—

End of message…

"So, what exactly happens tomorrow?" Ichigo asked, realizing the next day would be Chrismakkuh. Rukia stared at the roads ahead as they walked to Byakuya's mansion.

"We celebrate in the morning with a huge breakfast, sing and play games all day, and then when it starts to get dark, we exchange a gift, and give a kiss under the zanpaktoe."

"Right." Ichigo replied, as it was all he could say. He had bought Rukia the gift, but she still hadn't explained the zanpaktoe business.

And so, the following morning, Ichigo joined Rukia in the Seireitei main halls, where the Gotei thirteen had a huge breakfast, topped with pancakes, muffins, and eggnog galore. It actually felt like Christmas, or, Chrismakkuh, and he was happy.

"Enjoying the week?" Rukia asked, giving Ichigo a genuine smile. He grinned back.

"It's different from how I celebrate the holidays, but it's nice, in a weird way I guess."

Instead of giving Ichigo a kick, Rukia nodded, and turned back to whatever she was doing. The games followed, which of course naturally freaked Ichigo out. Songs like "On the First day of Christmas my captain gave to me", "Rudolph the red nose (because his nose has more reiatsu than the rest of his body) reindeer" and his personal favorite "Zaraki bells, Zaraki bells, Zaraki all the way" sung by Yachiru. The games were pretty fun too, which included "Pin the sword on the Hollow's Head" (though he didn't know what that had to do with Chrismakkuh) and "Name that Reiatsu" (which yet again had nothing to do with the holidays)

Night time was quickly approaching, and Ichigo was pretty nervous as to what would happen. All the Gotei thirteen moved outside to a huge field, surrounded by a pretty water fountain. Everyone was paired up, and Ichigo felt a little nervous when people pulled their zanpaktous out, sticking the blade into the ground so that the two handles crossed one another.

Ichigo gulped when people pulled out what looked like…

Mistletoe.

He watched sickeningly as they tied the mistletoe to the two zanpaktous, pushing the swords closer. Then, each couple sat on the ground, facing one another. Ichigo turned to Rukia, hoping that mistletoe meant some thing different in Soul Society.

Rukia pulled her sword out and shoved the blade into the ground like everyone else. "See what I just did? You try." Rukia mumbled, crossing her arms to watch. Ichigo sighed, pulled his large sword out, and tried shoving it into the ground.

First of all, because his sword was so effing big, it wouldn't fit into the ground. Second, kind of like Ichigo's height compared to Rukia's, his sword was far too tall.

"So, what am I supposed to do?" Ichigo asked, scratching the back of his head. Rukia rolled her eyes, trying one last time to get it into the ground.

The thing wouldn't budge.

"Go bankai." She said flatly. Ichigo looked at her with disbelief.

"Why would I do that?"

Rukia glared at him. "Think about it, your sword is smaller when it's in bankai form, so just…do it!"

Rukia could be a little ridiculous sometimes, but he couldn't believe she had really asked him to go bankai just so he could get his flipping sword in the ground.

"I'm not doing it —OW!" Ichigo screeched. Rukia had of course kicked his shin, a little harder than usual.

"OK ok fine! I'll do it! BUT, since I'm wasting my breath here and releasing my bankai, then you have to release your zanpaktou." Ichigo said to her playfully. Rukia crossed her arms, looking to the side.

"Fine." She replied shortly. And so, Ichigo went bankai. In front of the entire Gotei 13 on Chrismakkuh Day. Just for Rukia.

How much did he like her again?

Rukia released Sode No Shirayuki as well, and all eyes fell on them. Ichigo figured if he had to be embarrassed, then she would too. Rukia was the first to push her sword into the ground, and Ichigo followed, happy that his sword went in much more easily. He kind of liked how it looked, with her sword being white and his being black. It looked much better than everyone else, who had dull silver blades.

Ichigo gulped again when Rukia pulled out the mistletoe, and tied it to the ends of their blades. She sat down as everyone else did, and Ichigo followed.

"So what now?" Ichigo asked, trying to keep his eyes off of the mistletoe that dangled over his head.

"We exchange gifts."

"And then what?" Ichigo asked.

Rukia smiled. "You'll just have to wait and see." She replied. Ichigo sighed, and pulled out the present from underneath his kimono. She pulled her gift out of the same spot by her chest, giving Ichigo a blush.

"We'll exchange on 3, ok 1, 2, 3!" Rukia said, and they passed each gift to one another. Ichigo's gift was wrapped in something big, or at least bigger than the small box he had given her.

He opened his gift slowly, curious to what the petite girl would pick out for him. She had done good with the other presents, and so he wondered what she would get him on the "personal gift" day.

Ichigo was…shocked.

"A sock?" He asked. Rukia shook her head, giggling. The "sock" as Ichigo thought it was, literally looked just like a sock, except there were no turns in the fabric like socks had, and it also had red and green all over it.

"Ok, so what is it?" Ichigo asked.

"It's a hilt cover." She replied. His mouth fell open, seriously, fell open.

"A hilt cover?" He repeated, completely dumbfounded.

She smiled. "You know, like when your hands get cold you wear gloves, well, what about when it's cold outside and the hilt is cold? Slip that hilt cover on and the problem is solved."

"…"

"Well…thanks Rukia." Ichigo replied, scratching his head. He didn't want to be rude as it was her personal gift to him. It was better then the flipping Chappy doll he had to admit.

"Are you going to open yours or what?" Ichigo asked, seeing that Rukia had only torn a small piece at the end of her gift. She nodded, smiling again, and gasped at what she found.

"A bracelet?" She asked, holding the jewelry up. Ichigo nodded.

"I don't know if you're a huge fan of jewelry or not, but I thought you might like it…" Ichigo mumbled.

"I love it." She replied sweetly. The bracelet was gold, with a few shiny violet emeralds on it, just like the color of her eyes.

"Help me put it on." Rukia stated, holding her hand out. Ichigo didn't make any complaint as he helped attach the bracelet, blushing a little at the contact of his hands touching her skin.

"So, now what?" Ichigo asked.

"We kiss." She replied. His eyes widened. Did she really just say what he think he said?

Sure enough, her words were true, because only seconds following did Rukia's lips touch his gently. He knew he was in shock, not because he didn't want it…but because...

He did.

It was crazy, but Ichigo liked it, a lot, too much really, and brought his hands to her shoulders, pulling her closer to deepen the kiss. Their mouths didn't touch for too long, but it was enough to send Ichigo pretty good vibes.

He had feelings for Rukia, and she apparently did too.

"I think I like Chrismakkuh." Ichigo whispered, earning a smile from Rukia.

"Want to redo the deal? I go to your house for the holidays next year, and you come to mine the year following?" She asked.

"Sounds good to me." Ichigo replied. He forgot that the mistletoe was even there, and kissed Rukia again.

When they pulled away again, Ichigo looked around him, suddenly wondering about something.

"Hey Rukia?" Ichigo asked.

"Yah?"

"Well…I couldn't help but notice that Byakuya and Renji are exchanging gifts with one another, so um, what do they do about the mistletoe thing?"

Rukia closed her eyes. "That's still a problem the Shinigami Women's Association is working out, as not all partners are male and female." She finished, and had to turn away when Byakuya and Renji leaned towards another. Ichigo swore he could see tears in Byakuya's eyes, and he knew it wasn't because of the holiday spirit.

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A/N: HAHAHAHA. Seriously, I'm laughing, because this was SOOO RETARDED!! It was soo much fun to write though, and I wanted to do a Christmas story. SO, look, I made everything up obviously, so don't hate, and remember that this was crack (meaning I sat here one day writing whatever came to my mind down). Review, because you know you want to (or not because of how retarded this was).

HAPPY HOLIDAYS!!