Chapter 10: Countdown to a (Yaoi) New Year!

Summary: The partay is on! Featuring the secret of Kimimaro's hair parting, DJ Kakashi, Dancing Akatsuki, an Epic Cursing Battle, WAY too many tongues and drunken sex!

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto or anything else.

WARNING: More YAOI than you can shake Itachi's stick at! Kaku/Hidan, Saso/Dei, Ita/Kisa. All the explicit yaoi scenes will be separated with an 's' line like this: ssssssssssssss

Look, you can pronounce that line! Say it with me now: "Sssssssssssssss"

The thing about the lemon slice was Ren Ren's idea. So is the verb form of Yaoi!

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ooooooooooooooooooooooo

"Daaaamn, check that shit out, un!" Deidara said as he entered the massive hall of the castle. There were scantily clad models (guys and girls) dancing in cages suspended from the ceiling, enough strobe light action to send Hidan into a permanent seizure, and plenty of food to keep Zetsu fat and happy for the next century.

Ninja and kunoichi in a bizarre mix of nin and civilian attire were scattered about the floor, many of them dancing in time to DJ Kakashi's jams, others knocking back drinks at the bar.

Jiraiya was bartending, spending most of his time chatting up sloshed girls that clearly wanted nothing to do with him.

As expected, as soon as Hidan's eyes came into full contact with the strobe lights, he went into a fit.

"Damn it, Hidan!" Kakuzu growled, grabbing Hidan by the hair and dragging him off to a bathroom.

Itachi tugged at Kakuzu's sleeve.

"Here, these might help," Itachi said tonelessly, handing Kakuzu the pair of designer sunglasses Kisame had given him for Christmas.

"Er…thanks," Kakuzu said, putting them on Hidan's face.

The convulsions actually ceased, and by the time Kakuzu got into the men's room, Hidan was awake and aware. Somewhat.

"Hn…the fuck?"

"Strobe lights," Kakuzu answered. Hidan nodded.

Kakuzu wiped the drool off of Hidan's chin with a paper towel and Hidan swung his fist at him.

"Don't touch me with those sand paper rags! What the fuck is wrong with you?"

Kakuzu sighed heavily and started to walk away. Hidan grabbed him back.

"I'd rather keep the drool there…so you can lick it off for me…"

"Sorry, Hidan…I'm not in the God damn mood," Kakuzu growled and stalked off.

Hidan stood there, looking very, very yaoi-licious in his see through shirt, snug pants and designer sunglasses. His slicked back hair and cocky demeanor only made him more so.

"After a few drinks, he'll be ALL over me," Hidan said to himself with a smirk, starting to walk towards the door.

"Wait! I'll lick you real good!" someone said from a nearby stall. Hidan froze and turned around to see a creepy old man with a hunch back emerge, shuffling forward. His entire face was bandaged, only revealing one eye.

"I can lick you really, really good!" the old man said again.

"Dosu?" another voice asked from another stall.

Another guy came out, this one much younger looking.

"Go on ahead of me, Zaku…be a good boy now…"

Zaku gave Dosu and Hidan a curious look before walking away.

"Look, old man, I ain't interested. So fuck off. I got enough old men after me, thanks."

Dosu shimmied up real close to Hidan and slapped him on the ass.

"Damn it, old coot, didn't you fucking hear what I said! I don't want to fuck you!"

And Hidan ran out of the bathroom, convinced that all old ninjas were fucking queer as hell.

ooooooooooooooooooooooo

All six Peins, with one very pissed Konan trailing behind, wandered off to another level of the castle, where there was an enormous stage studded with golden poles.

There were girls and guys dancing around them, painted rainbow colors by the pulsating lights overhead.

Even if you were straight as an arrow, you'd be gawking at the pretty boys. Orochimaru had an eye for pretty boys.

"This is some party, isn't it?" Leader Pein said. His other bodies nodded approvingly.

"I'm going to the bar to get a drink…" Konan said and headed for the booze. On this level, Tsunade was bar tending. She was so drunk she was hitting on Jiroubou, and that guy was definitely NOT sexy at all. Not because of his girth but his ugly ass hairdo.

Even Dei's mullet had looked better.

The same music from below seemed to be carried up to the other levels via speakers, and the pole dancers kept up a constant pace.

Four Peins got close to the stage and started stuffing money in g strings of the dancers as they jirated his way.

It didn't seem to matter to Pein which gender it was, either. Pein is an equal opportunity sort of guy.

It figures that the only man who has no problem hiring a giant plant, a suicide bomber, Frankenstein's older cousin, a priest, a living puppet, a weird guy who super glued his mask on, and a woman made out of paper would be bisexual.

"Lady, for the last time! I don't LIKE boobies. They're gross," Jiroubou was growling from the bar.

Tsunade was really trying hard to impress Jiroubou with her massive chest, but the poor guy wanted nothing to do with her.

Konan sent a paper kunai after Tsunade, and the old woman backed off.

"No weapons at the party, little girl," Tsunade slurred, crumbling the paper in her fist.

"Then you'll have to throw everyone who's a ninja out. We're all weapons, you old bitch. Now get me a drink before I kill everyone with the name of Pein."

"Boyfriend trouble?" Tsunade drawled, pouring Konan a shot of whiskey. Konan downed it and laughed.

"Ha! It would be fine if it was just ONE of him...but there's six…SIX! And every single one of them acts like a child! I feel more like his MOTHER than his GIRLFRIEND! And I think that he's cheating on me…"

Tsunade's eyebrows arched upwards.

"Really? Do you know who it is?"

"Yeah…" Konan said as Tsunade poured her another shot. Konan downed that one too, wiped off her mouth, and laughed again.

"He creeps off into the attic and screws himself…"

Iruka, who'd been a few stools over, spit out his bloody Mary.

"Isn't that just masturbation, Rinnegan style?" Tsunade asked, taking a swig out of a large bottle of sake.

"It doesn't seem like it…."

"Well, I don't understand why you don't just sneak up there one day while he's going at it…and join in…"

Konan choked on her third drink.

ooooooooooooooooooooooo

"Come ON, Danna! Let's dance, UUUUUUN!"

"Go dance with Hidan."

"Ew, no, un! I want to dance with you! Please, un?"

Sasori was at the bar, sipping at a Pledge cocktail. He nibbled at the lemon slice perched on the edge of his glass, more out of habit then anything else, and then sloshed some of his drink on himself as Deidara grabbed the lemon slice and put it in his mouth.

"Hey!" Sasori said, setting down his drink and trying to grab the lemon away.

"Uh uh, un! You'll have to try harder than that, Danna, un!"

Deidara ran off into the sea of people on the dance floor and started to shake his hips.

Sasori reached Deidara and swiped at the lemon in Deidara's mouth, but the blond turned away and started shaking his ass at the puppet, giggling.

Sasori had the major impulse to slap that ass, but he refrained from doing so. It wouldn't really punish the blond anyway. If anything, it'd make him even more impossible to deal with.

But he probably should have, because when Deidara turned around, Sasori grabbed the lemon in Deidara's mouth with his teeth.

Deidara's lips curved into a playful smirk and he let go of the lemon for a moment, only to clamp down on it again, taking more of it into his mouth and brushing his lips against Sasori's.

"Un…" Deidara growled out, his eyes watering from the sour fruit that was resting on his tongue.

He was still dancing in time to the beat of the music, and in order to keep their lips together, Sasori started to dance too.

Before either of them knew it, the crowd was edging away, giving them room.

Sasori stopped and spit the lemon out. He didn't like being the center of attention. Deidara grabbed Sasori, not caring in the slightest, and started dancing dirty, strutting his little ass, grinding into Sasori.

"Stop it!" Sasori hissed, pushing Deidara away.

"Oh, come ON, Danna, un! You're so boring, un."

"NO."

"Fine…I'll get some more people to dance…OY! Tobi, Itachi, un!"

Tobi, Zetsu, Kisame and Itachi broke free of the crowd, looked at each other, and Itachi shrugged.

Then as one, they started to do a synchronized dance, twirling and jerking their hips at the same time.

"See, now everybody's doing it! Leader'll be happy, it'll be good for the Akatsuki! Now shake that wooden ass, un!"

The Akatsuki danced for the crowd, who were cheering and roaring with laughter at once.

After all, as good as dancers as they were, the Akatsuki were still freaky as hell to look at.

Then the Akatsuki went free style.

Kisame started break dancing, spinning on his back while Itachi did the robot.

Tobi did…God knows what, while Zetsu did some kind of ghetto river dancing. He was a natural at river dance, considering that he has no arms.

Deidara just shook his booty at Sasori, who finally gave in and slapped him on the ass.

"Ouch, Danna, un!"

Sasori grinned and did it again.

"Smack that bitch up!" someone yelled, and DJ Kakashi, thinking it was a request, changed the song abruptly to "Smack My Bitch Up" by Prodigy.

ooooooooooooooooooooooo

"See, nearly everyone else is dancing! You fucking square!"

"Hidan, I don't really like parties. And I sure as hell don't like dancing. They all look like they're fucking with their clothes on. It's like…one big techno orgy, and I don't like it."

Hidan pouted.

"Fine. Be a pansy then."

Hidan turned and started to stalk away, accidentally bumping into Tayuya and making her spill her drink all over herself. She grabbed Hidan by the arm and glared up at his face.

"What the fuck's your problem, chibi?" Hidan asked rudely. Tayuya narrowed her eyes and flicked Hidan off.

"You spilled my drink, shit head."

"Oh yeah? Well clean it up then, bitch! You're low enough to the floor already that it shouldn't throw your back out! Now fuck off!"

"I don't think you get it, faggot ass!" Tayuya snapped, poking Hidan hard in the chest.

"Who you calling a fag, you ugly little carpet munching, cherry popping dike!"

"Oh hell no, you did NOT just call me a dike, you fudge packing, fashion sensible, fairy ass piece of dog shit!"

"Fuck you and the cunt you crawled out of!"

"Go to fucking hell, you piss stained, ass licking, cock sucking queen!"

"If you don't fuck off, I'm going to break a glass over your head and gouge your eyes out with the broken pieces!"

"Just try it, you fucking queer!"

"Alright, you two. Stop it," Kakuzu growled pulling the two, who had been yelling into each other's faces, apart.

"Hidan, apologize."

"What? Fuck you, Kakuzu!"

"Apologize, or else."

"OR else what? You'll rape him? I think he'd like that, actually," Tayuya said with a grin.

"Apologize NOW! Or I'll take up Tayuya's suggestion."

Hidan blinked, turning red. Then he smiled.

"NO."

"No?"

"FUCK NO. I am not apologizing to this chibi little bitch."

"Then you leave me no choice…"

Kakuzu yanked off Hidan's sunglasses, and the lights immediately sent Hidan into another seizure.

"Have fun," Tayuya grinned as she went back to the bar to get another drink.

Kakuzu grinned back and threw Hidan over his shoulder. He didn't know why it was so much fun to carry the man around like a sack of potatoes, but it was.

ooooooooooooooooooooooo

"Sasori…it's wonderful to see you out of that ugly shell," Orochimaru rasped in his creepy old scratchy pedophile voice. (Yes, pedophiles have a certain sound, you know they do. Well…maybe it's better that you DON'T know that.)

"Orochimaru," Sasori said darkly, nodding.

Orochimaru slipped his impossibly long Gene Simmons tongue from hell out of his mouth and bent down to give Sasori a wet kiss.

Sasori jerked away.

"As aloof as ever, I see. Except for your little blond, it seems."

Sasori's eyes narrowed.

"Deidara is my partner. Not my 'little blond.'"

"Ooh, I wasn't making fun…he's rather pretty, you know…he'd make a wonderful addition to my collection…"

"I'm not a piece of art to be put in any kind of collection, un!" Deidara said, face set.

"I'm a ticking bomb, and if you try anything, I'll fuck your shit up, un!"

"Ooh…feisty, too," Orochimaru crooned, tugging at Deidara's long bangs.

Deidara grabbed Orochimaru's hand and his palm bit Orochimaru hard enough to draw blood.

"Ouch!" the old snake man yelped, pulling his hand away. He slid his long tongue out and licked at the blood, grinning.

Deidara blew three raspberries at Sir Snake just as Kimimaro walked up. He eyed the missing Rock nin and sighed.

"Keep your tongues to yourself, blondie."

"I'll shove clay down your throat and blow your eyes right out your damned head, un!"

"Now now, boys, play nice…"

"Orochimaru-sama, you called for me?" Kimimaro said to his master. Orochimaru patted the pale boy on the head.

"Yes, I did. Stand still, now."

Kimimaro did as he was told, smiling cheekily at Deidara and Sasori, who glared stonily back.

Sasori had an idea of what as going to happen…

Orochimaru traced the tip of his finger down the zig zag parting in Kimimaro's hair, and Deidara gasped as the boy's head split along that line, opening up rather like Zetsu's fly trap.

Inside, instead of a brain, was a glass bowl. Inside the bowl was a bunch of pills in various shapes, colors and sizes.

"What the hell is that, Danna, un?"

"It's…it's Orochimaru's secret stash of date rape drugs!" Sasori answered in awe.

"I heard about that, un! Oh my God, I don't want to be raped by a snake, un!" Deidara yelped, and ran off before Orochimaru could offer the pretty blond some of his 'candy.'

"Care for a little fun in a capsule?" Orochimaru said softly, scooping out a handful of pills and offering them to Sasori.

"Orochimaru, for the last time, I'm a puppet, and so, pills have no effect on me."

"These yellow ones are filled with Pledge," Orochimaru offered, grinning.

Sasori blinked, then ran off after Deidara. There was a reason why he'd hid in Hiruko so often while Orochimaru was his partner in the Akatsuki…and this was only PART of it…

ssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss

"Hn…what the fuck now?" Hidan asked, waking up to find that he was lying naked in a bed with his limbs tied to each bed post.

"Punishment."

"Huh? What the fuck for?"

Kakuzu, who was drinking beer at the edge of the bed, shrugged.

"I honestly don't remember."

"Fucking senile old fuck! Let me go!"

"I don't think you want me to."

"YES, I do! I…oh, fuck! Damn it, Kakuzu, what'd you do to me while I was out? Suck me off?"

Hidan looked down at his crotch to see his cock standing at full attention.

Kakuzu looked at the dick too with a sheepish smile on his face.

"Actually…you were in and out of it…sometimes you were moaning, so I figured it was alright with you…"

"This isn't the way I wanted it to be, you cruel old fuck!"

Kakuzu reached over and squeezed Hidan, and he gasped and threw his head back.

"Fucking bastard…"

"And how did you want it? Standing up in a dirty public bathroom while those weird Sound nin watched? I've never liked having an audience…When I found out that sick old snake was renting out rooms for the night, I paid for one. Okay?"

"You…paid…for a private room…for us?"

"Yes. Now shut the hell up so I can kiss you."

Kakuzu set his beer down on the floor and crawled over Hidan, leaning in for a kiss. It was gentle at first, and then Hidan, frustrated with his restraints, plunged his tongue into the older man's mouth, running the muscle across the strange but pleasing cords that made up Kakuzu's own tongue.

Like before Kakuzu's threads slid deep down Hidan's throat, but this time Hidan managed not to choke.

Hidan started to moan. Kakuzu slid his hand along Hidan's length, his thumb swiping precum from the tip of the head.

The priest gasped, straining at his bonds again. All he could really do was flex his fingers and toes, and it aggravated him.

The fact that it turned him on pissed him off even more.

When Kakuzu pulled his mouth away to breathe, Hidan cursed into his face.

"Can't you go any faster? You're fucking with me on purpose!"

"I'm fucking with you…but I'm also going to fuck you…so shut up…your bitching breaks my concentration…"

"You don't need to concentrate! Just let your cock do the thinking, jack ass!" Hidan seethed, struggling again. Kakuzu got up off of Hidan, loving the way his muscles tensed when he strained on his bonds.

"I could spend an eternity just looking at you. You know that?"

"Yeah, well what the hell do I get to see? Shut the fuck up already and strip!"

Kakuzu chuckled and pulled his shirt off. He made a slower go at his pants, smirking as Hidan followed those pants down, down to the floor. The boxers went last, and Hidan kept his eyes on the prize, so to speak.

"Kuzu…hurry!" Hidan moaned.

Kakuzu sat in between Hidan's wide spread legs and grabbed a small bottle of personal lubricant and squeezed a liberal amount into his hand.

"What the fuck now?!"

"You said I should try to be more 'gentle' with you. I suppose that could be my New Year's resolution. To be gentle. If you have a problem with it, I can fuck you dry, but it'll be better for BOTH of us if I do things properly."

"Kakuzu?"

"…yeah, Hidan?"

"Are you really Orochimaru in disguise? Because I'm fucking creeped out right now."

Kakuzu sighed heavily and coated his throbbing erection with the lube. He slid his slick fingers around Hidan's entrance, poking his middle finger into it.

Hidan hissed and rolled his hips forward a little in response.

"If I was Orochimaru…I would have stuck my tongue up there…which…I seriously thought about doing, but if that creeps you out, I'll stick with the usual…"

Kakuzu pulled out his fingers and gripped Hidan's thighs, loosening the bonds (they were the old man's threads, his preferred choice of binding material) and allowing an easier angle for…penetration, yeah.

Kakuzu pushed his cock into Hidan slowly, slipping all the way out and then back in again.

The feeling of the head of Kakuzu's cock pushing in and out drove Hidan right out of his fucking mind. He started gasping random curse words.

"Fucking shit ass cock hole bastard…oh…Fuckuzu…"

"Fuckuzu? Did you just give me a swear word for a pet name?" Kakuzu growled at Hidan. But the man was somewhere in Yaoi La La land, licking his lips and continuing to moan and sputter out words.

Kakuzu started thrusting faster, altering the angle every few thrusts, searching for Hidan's sweet spot.

Hidan tensed and screamed "KUUUUZUUUU!"

"There we are," Kakuzu grunted and pumped himself in the same exact spot over and over again, thrusting harder and harder until Kakuzu was sweating from effort.

Sweat streaked down his back, dribbling in between the stitching holding his skin together (authoress squeals like a fangirl, drooling over her favorite part of Kuzu's body, his yummy back), the muscles in his butt tensing and straining as he drove Hidan crazy.

Kakuzu leaned down to lick at Hidan's lips, and Hidan opened his pink eyes, which were wet from unshed tears, and kissed him back, now gasping and moaning into Kakuzu's mouth.

When the old man started to stroke Hidan's length, Hidan lost it and came all over Kakuzu's chest.

The stitched man came a moment later, collapsing on top of Hidan.

"Ah…Hidan…I fuck you…" Kakuzu gasped in between breaths.

Hidan kissed Kakuzu gently on the lips.

"I fuck you too, asshole."

Kakuzu smiled and then passed out.

"Hey, untie me first, old fuck! Son of a bitch!"

ssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss

(Now for the Saso/Dei XD)

Deidara and Sasori ended up running to one of the balconies overlooking a shimmering lake.

The artists sat down on a bench and gazed out at the starry sky, the blaring music and loud voices reduced to a dull throbbing hum in the cold December air.

"That snake guy is SO creepy, un! And you had to be his partner! It must have been horrible for you…how come you never talk about it?"

"Deidara…I really don't want to dwell on the past right now. I'd…rather just think of good things. With you."

"Danna?"

"Deidara…I'm glad your hair is back to normal. It's the most beautiful work of art I've ever seen…I just wish it could last forever…"

"Nothing good lasts, Danna, un! One day I'll blow myself up, and I'll be smiling when I do it."

"I wish I had your kind of courage, Dei-kun."

Deidara snorted.

"I'm not courageous at all…un."

The blond leaned in, licked his lips, and kissed Sasori lightly.

"I love you Danna, un."

Sasori brushed Deidara's bangs out of his face and kissed him back.

"I love you too, Dei-kun."

The puppet slid his hands under Deidara's silk shirt and ran his fingers lightly over the smooth skin, tweaking teasingly at his nipples.

Deidara giggled and shuddered.

"Are you cold, Deidara?" Sasori asked, kissing down his neck.

"Not anymore, un," came the reply.

Sasori moved away from Deidara's neck and pulled the blond's shirt off, moving back in to lick at his shoulder, his collar bone, then flicking his tongue over one nipple while pinching at the other.

Deidara's hands slid down Sasori's face, licking and nipping at his ears.

Those strange hands slid down and started nipping at Sasori's shirt.

"Okay, I get it," Sasori chuckled, stripping off his own shirt and going back to tasting Deidara's soft skin.

Those same hands licked down Sasori's abs and a tongue dipped into his artificial navel and went lower, diving into his pants and slipping into his boxers.

The mouth on the palm swallowed the tip of Sasori's limp member, and Deidara's free hand slid wetly up Sasori's chest, sucking on his nipple.

That nipple acted as a trigger, and Sasori's woody sprung up, hard and unyielding.

"Un!" Deidara uttered happily and continued to work the puppet with his hands.

Even though Sasori was unable to have an orgasm, he sort of experienced something like it mentally, and soon, he was so aroused that he pushed Deidara down on the bench and stripped him the rest of the way.

Sasori pulled his last remaining garments off, and rubbed his erection against Deidara's.

"Uuuuun…" Deidara moaned, his breath blowing out of his gaping lips in a white cloud.

"You MUST be cold out here, Dei!"

"No…un…please, I love you, Danna!"

"I know…"

Sasori pushed Deidara's legs until they were above his head and thrust into him, pumping hard and fast.

"Un un un un UN!"

"Ah…Dei…"

Sasori pulled out of Deidara when the blond was nearly at his limit and kissed him deeply before pulling him to the ground and flipping him over. Deidara had his upper body resting on the bench, his ass up in the air.

Sasori stood over Deidara and thrust inside him again, immediately hitting that pleasure spot.

He hit it over and over and over again until Deidara started SOBBING his DAnna's name.

"Sa…sa…Sasori, Uuun!"

Deidara came on the cement, and Sasori pulled out, kissing down Deidara's spine and caressing his backside.

"I love you so much, Deidara…"

"Un…my turn, Danna, un!" Deidara suddenly cried, getting up and pushing Sasori to the ground.

"Wha…Deidara?!"

The puppet's own ass was forced high into the air and Deidara plunged into him, his licking, biting hands squeezing Sasori's ass. It was amazing how much the puppet could feel during sex.

Truthfully, it was the only time he really felt alive, and he shared this experience ONLY with his Dei-kun.

"Dei…" Sasori moaned into the hard cement. His knees were getting scraped up, but he didn't care.

He could sand them down and polish them up real nice…when they got back home.

Just as Deidara exploded inside Sasori, Sakon and Ukon happened to walk onto the balcony, lighting up a cigarette.

They froze and stared at the two artists fucking on the ground in front of them.

"Which one of you is the puppet?" Sakon asked, taking a puff of his cancer stick. Ukon blew the smoke out.

ooooooooooooooooooooooo

Orochimaru had moved on to other Akatsuki. This time, he was tempting Itachi with his date rape drugs from Kimimaro's head.

"No, Orochimaru."

"But they'll enhance your vision ten fold!"

Itachi glared in silence. Kisame loomed over Orochimaru, seething. He may not have his Samehada on hand, but if he had to break the weapons ban by summoning it to his side, he would.

"I. Said. No."

"You heard him, old snakey bastard," Kisame growled. Orochimaru smirked, flicking his long tongue out.

"Now don't get your gills all hot and bothered. I was just hoping for a little Uchiha fun. It is MY party, after all."

"Yeah, well your party sucks."

Orochimaru glared.

"Don't push me, boy!"

"Orochimaru."

The snake man looked to Itachi, who grabbed Orochimaru's hand still holding out the date rape drugs and snapped it cleanly in two.

"Go away. You're disturbing me."

Orochimaru howled in pain and Kisame grabbed Itachi and ran away, hoping that the snake wasn't slithering behind them…

ssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss

(Now for the last Yaoi, Kisa/ Ita!)

After a wandering far upstairs, Itachi led the way. He grabbed Kisame's hand, which shocked the shark at first, but it was firm and warm, and rather nice, actually.

It was sort of like being led by a child who knew all the shortcuts in a hedge.

Finally, Itachi stopped before a large double door with chains wrapped around it.

"No one will disturb us here."

"What? Where…" Kisame started to say, but Itachi stood on tip toe and kissed Kisame lightly on the lips.

"I thought you might like a pool all to yourself," Itachi explained curtly when he pulled away from the shark.

Itachi easily picked the lock with a hair pin and tugged on the chains. They thudded to the floor, and Itachi pushed the doors open to reveal a large heated pool.

Kisame grinned.

"It's HUGE!"

Itachi grabbed Kisame's hand again and led the shark nin into the room, kicking the doors closed and locking them.

"I knew you'd like it…"

Itachi started to shed his clothes immediately, and Kisame blushed.

"Ita…Itachi, what are you doing?"

"Going skinny dipping. Strip, Kisame. Strip for me."

Kisame swallowed hard, not moving as he watched Itachi strip into his birthday suit just for him.

He made a choking sort of noise, and Itachi cocked his head.

"Are you crying, Kisame?"

"Why…?" Kisame stammered.

Itachi padded lightly over to the shark and caressed his face.

"Why what, Kisame?"

Itachi kissed lightly at Kisame's lips as they moved, trying desperately to get words out.

"Why me? You're…you're beautiful, Itachi. Perfect. But I'm…I'm just…"

"Sh…don't talk, Kisame…"

Itachi kissed Kisame again, holding the shark close, his hands sliding down the larger man's back.

"Kisame…you didn't do what I told you," Itachi whispered against Kisame's mouth when they parted.

Itachi attacked his shark then, roughly throwing off his cloak and clawing at his bare chest.

The Uchiha found Kisame's willing mouth again as he tugged at the shark's pants.

"I…love…you…'Same…" Itachi murmured between kisses.

Kisame begrudgingly pulled away from Itachi and bent to remove his pants and his boxers. He kept his arm warmers on.

Itachi smiled. Apparently he liked the look.

"You're beautiful, Kisame," Itachi sighed.

"No, I'm not."

Itachi suddenly looked very stern.

"YES. You are."

The Uchiha held out a hand for Kisame to grab, but Kisame smirked and picked Itachi up.

"Let's go swimming then, Itachi-san!"

Kisame ran with the Uchiha in his arms and dove into the water.

Itachi gasped at the impact while Kisame chuckled, cradling Itachi in his lap.

The Uchiha licked at Kisame's gills (a very sensitive spot on the shark nin) and trailed his hands down Kisame's chest.

His ass rubbed up against Kisame's erection, making them both gasp.

Kisame reached around to cup Itachi's ass, gliding his fingers along the crack between the cheeks.

"Oh…Kisame…" Itachi moaned, sitting down abruptly on Kisame's cock.

Both of them gasped loudly.

Itachi gritted his teeth in pain.

"Aaah…Kisame…" Itachi whimpered. Whimpered? Can Uchihas whimper?

Kisame nipped viciously at Itachi's neck and began to lift Itachi up and down slowly.

"Faster…harder…'Same…"

Kisame sucked on the bloody wound he'd made on Itachi's delicate skin and slammed Itachi hard onto him while Itachi clawed at Kisame's back, marring his blue skin with small red scratches.

Their rapid movements splashed water up into the air, and Itachi threw his head back, wet hair flinging drops of the water onto Kisame's face, and came violently.

"S-SAME!" He howled. Kisame slammed Itachi hard onto him one last time and came too, digging his nails into Itachi's butt.

The two held onto each other for a long time, gasping and shaking.

(End Yaoi!)

ooooooooooooooooooooooo

It was nearly midnight now, and everyone, even those that were temporarily incapacitated, wandered outside to the massive courtyard to watch the giant ball drop.

"Where WERE you guys?" Konan asked Hidan and Kakuzu, who were the first she spotted .

"Checking out the upstairs." Kakuzu answered briskly. Hidan just smirked, smoothing back his hair.

"And where the hell were YOU two?" Konan asked Deidara and Sasori, who were both grinning so broadly they looked like they were going to split their faces in half.

"The two headed guy said they were enjoying the view on the balcony," Tobi said, eating a bag of Hot Cheatos.

Zetsu kept licking at Tobi's fingers.

"Stop it! Get your own bag!"

When Itachi and Kisame bumped into Konan and the others, sopping wet and rather smiley themselves, Konan sighed.

"Great. I was down here getting sex advice from an old lady while you guys were all yaoi-ing."

"Yaoi? What the fuck are you talking about?"

"Hidan…"

"Yeah?"

The large Big Ben replica at the other end of the courtyard started to chime loudly, and right on cue, the big ball started to drop.

Kakuzu grabbed Hidan up, dipped him and kissed him wetly on the mouth.

The crowd, as one, cheered as the ball began to drop, counting down.

"Five…four…three…two…one…"

Kakuzu let Hidan go right at midnight as everyone cheered even louder. Fireworks erupted in a colorful display in the darkness.

Hidan stared, flabbergasted, at Kakuzu, who was now looking up at the sky with a smile on his stitched up face.

"Happy New Year, dumb ass."

"Love you too, old fuck."

ooooooooooooooooooooooo

Epilogue: Right after the realization that the peace treaty was expired sunk in, everyone went at each other's throats. The Akatsuki hauled ass out of there.

Road rage you would NOT believe, people. Seriously. You do NOT want me to go there. Well, you probably do, but this chapter's long enough.

(Happy New Year, Merry Christmas, Always Use Protection!)