Author's notes: answer to the E/C Christmas challenge at CSI I had to break it into two parts cause it's too long. In this part the elements I included are: a cranky elf, glitter glue (lame), and a leaky tube. Enjoy!

It Came Upon a Midnight Clear
By Carolina

"Ryan, please give it a rest."

"No. I can't. How could I? You don't know the trauma that this is causing me."

"What trauma? You're blowing this way out of proportion," Valera said with an exasperated sigh.

As she walked she looked at him, but was quickly distracted by the various Christmas trinkets that hung from the ceiling and walls and graciously decorated the rented downtown locale. The room was bright and cheery, smelled like pine and fake now and Christmas, and there were carefully orchestrated luminescent icicles hanging from the ceiling. On the other side of the room, a table adorned a corner with more food than she'd seen in her life. Quickly she forgot about Ryan's ill temper as she hungrily eyed the food, her mouth watering, and she was about to make a mad dash for the table when Ryan started to fuss again, grumbling to himself.

Valera looked at him and smiled warmly. "I think you look adorable."

"I'm an elf, Max. I have curly-toed shoes," Ryan said bitterly, showing her his green elf shoes, and as he did so the jingle bells tangled in his shoe laces chimed merrily. His pointy green elf hat fell forwards and hit him on his forehead, and he angrily slapped the little red ball at the end of it back, but it swung in the air and hit him in the forehead again.

Valera raised her foot as well, trying to maintain her balance and almost failing. "So do I!"

"You're a girl," Ryan said, "and you're pregnant. When people look at you they go aww, look at the cute little pregnant lady in the elf outfit. So far tonight I've been given directions to six gay bars and job offer at Chuck-E-Cheese."

Valera sighed. "It's one night, Ryan. And it's for the kids."

"You mean the same little angles who called me Zippy Angel-Pants and kicked me in the shins?" Ryan said crabbily. "Yeah, as long as the kids are happy..."

"Well, you weren't exactly being nice back there, calling the orphanage a pest infested germ colony," Valera said. Remembering the altercation made Ryan smile, but it had the opposite effect on her and she sighed in sudden exasperation, slapping his shoulder hard. "We're having a baby soon, Ryan. You need to be nicer!"

"Ow! I am nice," he said defensively, rubbing his shoulder.

"What are you going to do when you have to change his dirty diaper?"

"Oh, I'm not going anywhere near the diapers," he said sternly. "Besides, I saw the credit card bill. You spent fifty dollars on a diaper genie? Steep, but I think we're covered."

"That is not what a diaper genie is," Valera sighed, her hand landing on her bulging stomach; she rubbed it slightly. "It's for storing dirty diapers; it doesn't magically change the baby for you."

"What?" Ryan exclaimed, turning to her. His shoes jingled. "You spent fifty dollars on a trash can decorated with Snoopy pictures?"

"Well, we can take it back, and then every time I change the baby I can hand you the dirty diaper and you can personally shove it—"

"Fine, fine," he said bitterly, sighing. "We'll keep the stupid diaper genie. I still would rather be witness than willing participant to any sort of diapering that goes on when that kid gets here."

"Yeah, we'll see," Valera said and looked around the room. The lights and the twinkle of the decorations made her smile and she took a deep breath, their bickering forgotten. "It's beautiful in here."

But Ryan was more obsessed with his own attire. He looked down at his green and red shirt, the oversized buttons that decorated it, and the stripped red and white stockings that that made his legs look like two giant candy canes. Never in his life did he imagine he would have to dress like this, not even for charity. It was humiliating, even more so than that one time his mother made him dress up as Peter Pan for Halloween... at the age of 13.

"Can't I at least change now?"

"Give it up, Wolfe," Eric said behind him as he entered the room, "at least you didn't have to dress like Rudolph."

Ryan looked back at him, his curly toed shoes jingling as he moved. "Rudolph is imperative to Christmas. He guides the sleigh. What do elves do?"

"They make the presents," Valera said, happy with her response.

"Big deal," Ryan said. "A large group of overworked, underpaid midgets putting trinkets together for ungrateful children. I've seen pictures of toymakers. They don't dress like Tinkerbelle."

"Look what I'm wearing, man," Eric said, showing off his brown jumper suit, the reins that hung off his back and the huge antlers. His nose was engulfed by a red ball that turned bright when he pressed on a button.

Ryan narrowed his eyes at him. "You know, you can take that off now."

"I know," Eric said indignantly, twisting his red nose back in place and smiling happily.

But the younger CSI rolled his eyes. "Leave it to you to actually enjoy this."

"It's Christmas, Wolfe," Eric said, patting his back. "Lighten up."

"Bah," Ryan muttered as Eric walked away, and when he looked at his wife he found her grimacing. His foul mood quickly disappeared. "What's wrong?"

"My back is killing me," Valera said.

"Here, sit down." Ryan grabbed her arm and led her towards a table.

"I can't," Valera said, twirling away from his arms. "I think I see a chocolate fountain there. And strawberries. Oh my God, Ryan, cheesecake!"

Ryan narrowed his eyes at her. "Are you sure you aren't eating for three?" he said suspiciously. "We're sure we're not having twins, right?"

"I'm sure," Valera said, hungrily staring at the table of goods.

"I mean, I know we've checked—"

"Ryan, I think I would know if there were two people living inside of me, don't you think?"

"I guess," he said, scratching his forehead. "It's just that, you know—"

She sighed. "What, I've been eating a lot lately and I'm a big fucking cow?"

"No!" he said quickly.

But she looked at him and huffed, pulled a chair back and sat down abrasively, staring at the center piece with reproach. Ryan ducked his head and sat next to her, tried to grab her hand but she pulled away.

"Come on, Max, I didn't mean anything by it."

She didn't reply, but her eyebrows furrowed even more and her eyes filled with tears. Ryan threw his head back and sighed. He loved his wife, he did. And he'd loved her even more throughout the pregnancy. He loved laying in bed at night with his hand on her stomach, feeling his son move. He loved taking her out for strolls and feeling ecstatic and proud every time a little old lady came forward to fuss over Valera's stomach, even those few embarrassing times when Valera would slap their hands away and tell them to mind their own business.

I'd been a long, anticipating adventure, like waiting in line for hours, getting ready to go on that rollercoaster ride. And though he wasn't a big fan of evincing joyful emotions, he'd loved every minute of it.

Except every once in a while Valera would go mad from crazy hormones and there was very little he could do to convince her that everything that went wrong in the world, from war, famine and hunger to the faulty toaster, wasn't his fault. And it would be much different if she got upset over upsetting things - like murder, death, abandoned puppies - but leave it to Valera to get upset and start crying over the most mundane things, like melted ice cream, "drizzly rain," and Angelina Jolie adopting a second Asian baby. Really, what the hell do you say to that?

Sure, sometimes he knew he needed to be nicer, more patient, understanding. Being pregnant wasn't easy, he'd heard, and those crazy mood swings weren't really her fault. But that didn't mean the pregnancy had been a cakewalk for him, either, and the same apprehension that grabbed her at times, the same fears, he felt them double. Not knowing how to express this, due to his emotional retardedness, sometimes he tended to say the wrong things.

He looked at her and inched his chair closer. When he placed his hand on hers again and she didn't move, he breathed a sigh of relief.

"I didn't mean anything bad, you know that, right?"

She looked down at her lap and nodded slowly.

"Alright," he breathed loudly. "I will get you some chocolate and some cheesecake and some strawberries and you can eat until you pop, and I will only love you even more."

She looked at him. "Really?"

Ryan smiled.

A surge of electrical energy suddenly overtook her and she shifted in her chair to face him. "Make sure you use one of those sticks to dip the strawberries under the chocolate fountain, okay?"

"Alright," Ryan said, smiling. He stood up and kissed the top of her head. "Be right back." He left her by the table, crying and smiling. As he walked his curly-toed shoes jingled. He tried to ignore the merry sound.

--

After scanning the room quickly, Eric smiled victoriously when he found Calleigh standing in front of a huge wall, putting up the final Christmas decorations.

She was wearing a Mrs. Santa Claus costume, complete with a gray haired wig and gold rimmed glasses. He smiled to himself, making his way over and watching her movements. She used a tub of glitter glue to decorate a paper tree made out of construction paper and promptly hung it on the wall, cocking her head to the side to make sure it was absolutely perfect. No one tonight, or tomorrow, or ever, would look at this tree. No one would notice it there. But to Calleigh, it still needed needed to be just right, and for some inexplicable reason this made him happy.

When he was standing behind her he leaned closer. "Well, you don't usually see Mrs. Santa Claus out of the house on Christmas Eve," he whispered in her ear.

Calleigh turned around and nearly laughed at his silly reindeer costume but managed to control herself. "Well, it gets lonely when Santa Claus is off delivering presents."

"I hate to break it to you," Eric said, turning her around and pointing to a section of the room. "But that's not what Santa is doing?"

Calleigh frowned. There was Horatio on the other side of the room, dressed as Santa Claus and chatting happily, or rather flirting happily, with Yelina Salas, who wore another reindeer costume. Calleigh gaped mockingly. "That two-timing whore!"

Eric smiled. "We don't call her Vixen cause it's a cute name."

"I meant him," Calleigh said.

"Forget him. He's an old man," Eric said. Turning her around so she faced him, he pulled her closer by the waist and buried his nose in her ear, making her shiver slightly. "He can't possibly have the necessary stamina to keep up with a classy lady like you. Speaking of stamina, did I mention I got to guide the sleigh tonight? All night. I could probably go for round two if I wanted."

Calleigh smiled. "I think Mr. Claus would have a heart attack if he discovered his favorite reindeer hitting on his wife," she said, gently pushing him away. "Besides, I am a classy lady."

"Every classy lady has a dark side. I'd say the classier, the darker."

She looked at him suspiciously. "I knew you looked too happy to have those reins fitted on you."

He chuckled bashfully and stepped back. She picked up another decoration and he watched her. "Are you ready?"

"I think so," Calleigh said absentmindedly, examining the wall to determine where the new decoration would be placed.

"You think so? Calleigh, we're leaving in 10 hours," Eric said, suddenly feeling antsy.

Calleigh sighed and looked at him. "Eric, you need to calm down," she said. "I could pack seven times in 10 hours."

"I know. I just don't want anything to go wrong."

"Nothing will," she said reassuringly.

But Eric's leg was already jittery, and for the first time he felt that nagging feeling on the back of his head become a little something more than a nagging feeling. He told himself to relax and try to push those feelings aside, but they were still there, tangled deep into his conscious like a thorn. Maybe he was just being paranoid. Maybe he was just anxious.

But something would go wrong. He knew it. He didn't know what, or when or how, but something was bound to happen. Experience, and that nagging feeling, told him so.

Taking a deep breath he tried to ignore the feeling, and he smiled when Calleigh finally found the perfect place for her final decorative concoction. He smiled when she did. "Jamaica."

Calleigh looked at him hesitantly, her smile fading slightly. "Eric, are you sure you can afford this?"

He sighed. "Calleigh..."

"I could pay for my own half."

"No," he said stubbornly. "It's my Christmas gift to you. You said you always wanted to go, so I'm taking you."

"I know, but it's too expensive."

"I don't care how much it costs and I don't want you to think about it," he said, pulling her towards him again. "We're going to Jamaica, we're going to lay in the sand and go in the water, and fill the time in between with activities that'll surely put us on the naughty list pretty much before the year is over."

"Oooh," Calleigh said devilishly. "You sound like a man who thinks he's getting lucky."

Eric grinned. "Let me put it this way: if we don't get out of here soon this nose is going to turn blue."

She laughed, and quickly a chiming sound caught their attention. Horatio stood behind a small podium, hitting a wine glass with a fork. The room quickly quieted down, and Eric grabbed Calleigh's hand and guided her back towards the only table with two chairs still available. It was plain to see why they were. Valera sat in her chair with an assortment of paper plates in front of her, all filled with different kinds of food. She smiled happily as she sampled from each one with Ryan sitting next to her, looking at her apprehensively.

Eric sat down and reached for a brownie, but nearly lost a finger in the process.

Horatio's speech ended with a toast, and as it did the music finally began. The dance floor quickly filled up with CSIs and detectives, much to Calleigh's delight, and judging by the little dance Valera was currently performing in front of her 52 plates, she guessed the snacks were a success, too. Everything was going according to plan, in a few hours they would be able to go home, and then she and Eric would be on their way to Jamaica. The night's absolute perfection alone made her happy, the added bonuses made her ecstatic.

"Oh my God."

Her smile faded and quickly she turned to Eric, dreading that something might've gone wrong, and the look on his face did nothing to qualm her fears. She followed his gaze towards the dance floor, and upon discovering the source of his outburst she gasped and covered her mouth with her hand. "Oh my God!" she recoiled in horror.

Ryan and Valera quickly looked up, and the former grimaced heavily. "Whoa, what the hell is that?"

"Oh my God," Valera added, piece of cheesecake in hand, and the four watched in horror as Horatio stood in front of Yelina with a huge smile on his face, his body moving strangely, out of beat, arms akimbo. His head jerked backwards and forward, like a proud rooster, and his shoulders swayed from side to side.

"Is he having a seizure?" Ryan asked.

Eric frowned. "I think he's... dancing."

"That's not dancing," Ryan said. "I've seen dancing, and it looks nothing like that. That is convulsing."

"Should we call 911?" Valera asked innocently.

"Wait, wait," Calleigh said. "I think he really is dancing."

All four stared in horror. Yelina didn't seem to mind, she merely laughed and twirled around, while Horatio managed to single handedly mangle every single step of The Hustle to the tune of a hip hop song.

"This is one of those things you think you may never see," Eric said, "like the end of the world or two cats having sex."

"I may need therapy after this," Ryan said.

"I may need a lobotomy," Calleigh added.

"Somebody tell him to stop," Valera said boldly. "I'm pregnant. My doctor doesn't want me to be upset."

Eric smiled, and promptly began to chuckle. "Somebody needs to go get a camera, right now."

"Why would you want to preserve this moment?" Ryan said.

"Bribery."

"Why isn't he stopping?" Valera said.

Calleigh smiled. "I think he's happy."

Valera frowned. "Why?"

"I think somebody spiked the punch," Eric said.

Ryan looked at him incredulously. "With what, cocaine?"

"He's not stopping," Valera said, getting visibly upset.

"Okay, alright," Eric said, "everybody look away... now."

But they continued to stare, nearly hypnotized by the sight.

"I... can't," Ryan said. "I'm trying, but I can't. It's like a horrible, horrible car accident and everybody involved is naked and out of shape."

"I want him to stop," Valera cried, her shoulders shaking, her eyes filling with tears. Ryan buried her head in his shoulder and tried to comfort her, while Eric chuckled and took a picture with his cell phone camera.

"At least he's having a good time," Calleigh said. "When was the last time any of you saw him smile?"

Valera quickly stood up and ran towards the bathroom, and Ryan stood after her but Calleigh decided to take over, and he was secretly glad. Until he realized he would have to continue watching Horatio dancing, and he heavily considered dealing with his crazy hormonal wife instead.

While he buried his face in his hands, Calleigh found Valera in the bathroom, standing in front of the sinks. She was looking down at the faucets, tears still streaming down her face. Calleigh found it funny, but knew she couldn't laugh or else Valera would get even more upset. So she approached her slowly instead, not knowing what to say, only knowing she was immensely glad she wasn't pregnant herself.

"Are you okay, sweetie?"

"It's just so sad," Valera said, blowing her nose.

Calleigh ran her hand through her hair. "I know."

Valera looked at Calleigh and her voice broke once more. "Why can't he dance?"

Calleigh smiled. "Some people just don't have rhythm."

Valera sniffed and looked down. "It's not fair."

Calleigh nodded. "Are you okay? It's not like you to cry over something like this. I don't think it's like anyone to cry over something like this."

"I know," Valera sighed. "I'm sorry."

"It's okay."

"I just... like, people die every day, and I don't care! I think I probably cared more about the victims when I wasn't pregnant," Valera explained. "But lately, just... stupid things just get to me. I can't help it, and my back hurts so bad."

"I'm sorry," Calleigh said, trailing her hand down and rubbing Valera's lower back slightly. "Do you want me to get Ryan to take you home?"

"No, you've been planning this forever, I don't wanna ruin your party."

"Oh, don't worry about that, Valera."

Valera sighed. "I'll stay just... just tell Horatio to please sit down, okay?"

Calleigh smiled. "I will."

"Okay," Valera added, taking a deep breath. She threw her moist paper towel away and avoided looking into the mirror, knowing her face was red and swollen and crazy and she didn't want to deal with that. She followed Calleigh out the door, and the sound her curly-toed shoes produced made her smile, but when they reached the table she quickly noticed all her snacks were gone.

Her expression must've been well defined, because upon seeing her Ryan quickly raised his hands in defensive mode. Her face quickly turned red, and Ryan braced himself for it, but then she stopped and looked down, feeling something strange in her stomach, the baby moving in a way he'd never moved before, and her expression turned from anger to shock.

Ryan stood up quickly. "Max?"

Valera looked at him. "I think there's something wrong," she said, her eyes huge and green.

Ryan quickly felt the panic take him. "What do you mean? Are you okay?"

Calleigh placed her hand on Valera's elbow. "How do you feel?"

Valera put her hand to her stomach. "I don't know."

"Here, sit down." Ryan helped her to a chair, but as soon as she sat down he felt something wet drench his elf shoes. He looked down, and water was dripping from her chair down to the floor. His eyes widened to the size of watermelons. "You're leaking."

"Oh my God," Valera said, looking down. Her tights were drenching quickly, and try as she might, she couldn't stop the flow. "I'm peeing!"

"No you're not, your water just broke," Calleigh said, kneeling in front of her.

"Whoa," Eric said quickly, standing up. He came over and knelt next to Calleigh. "Are you okay?"

"I'm peeing in public, Eric," Valera said, self-aware.

"It's not pee, honey, we need to take you to the hospital," Calleigh said.

"Wait, what?" Ryan said, and his heart rate quickened. "Right now?"

"Yes, Ryan, she's having the baby," Calleigh said. "Eric, get the car."

"No!" Valera quickly objected, but Eric ignored her and ran out of the room anyway. "The baby can't be born right now, I don't want him to!"

"Well, honey, you don't have a say," Calleigh said, quickly helping her onto her feet.

"I don't want a Christmas baby, I hate Christmas babies," she said. "They're always bragging about the fact that they were born on Christmas or complaining that they never get enough presents. I don't wanna have to tell my own kid to stop being an asshole!"

"Max, we don't have a say," Ryan said and realizing what he'd just said, he began to breathe quickly. "Oh my God. Okay, okay, this is... this is... we're gonna be okay."

Valera looked at him strangely. "Uh huh."

"Right? The baby's coming, and we don't have our bags, we're dressed like elves," he continued. "Oh my God."

"Ryan!" Calleigh scolded him.

He looked at her and quickly tried to compose himself. It didn't work. "It's okay. It's okay! Push, honey, push!"

"No--she can't push yet!" Calleigh yelled at him. "Help me get her to the car."

"No, no, I'm not doing this," Valera said.

"Honey, either we take you to the hospital or you'll have the baby here. And I checked the playlist, The Hustle is coming up around 10 pm," Calleigh said.

"Oh my God," Valera said, remembering Horatio's dancing. It prompted her to run out of the locale faster.

Outside, Eric was already waiting in his car, and with Ryan's help Calleigh gently sat Valera in the back seat. She thought Ryan looked even more panicked than Valera, but she couldn't take care of them both at the same time, so she hopped on the passenger's seat and Eric quickly drove out of the parking lot.

"Breathe, breathe," she heard Ryan say.

"I am breathing, that's how I'm staying alive," Valera growled.

Eric looked in the rear view mirror, and Ryan's panicked face made him frown. Speaking quietly, he turned to Calleigh. "Remember when you said nothing would go wrong?"

Calleigh looked at him and grimaced slightly. "Oops?"

Eric sighed and pressed on the accelerator.

TBC