The locker room was spinning. The colours all blending into one drug induced swirl, the sounds of his colleagues amplified tenfold as they jostled with each other, ribbing each other mercilessly.

It meant nothing to him.

He was happiest when left to his own devices, could only reach peace when in oblivion.

At least the pain disappeared.

At least his back wasn't aching, the flow of agony momentarily blocked for now. He knew it would return sooner or later. It always did.

He also knew that all he had to do was reach into his bag for a handful of pills and the pain could be replaced by this feeling of emptiness; of floating.

Nothingness.

The most flamboyant superstar in wrestling history felt best when he felt nothing.

He didn't even start when he felt the heavy hand hit his shoulder; he just turned his head slowly, his eyes travelling upwards to see the concerned face of his former tag team partner staring back at him.

"What have you taken?" he muttered, his voice heavy with accusation.

"Nothin'" slurred Shawn his body limp, his attitude carefree. The drugs had the power to devoid him of all emotion and he loved them for this fact alone. They blocked everything out, halted all physical and emotional pain, and temporarily granted him an hour or two's release from his demons.

"Shawn"

"Go 'way Hunter," he slurred, feebly attempting to push his friend's hand away. His actions were slow and sluggish; his demeanour disorientated. He wasn't fooling anybody least of all his best friend.

"You know you'll get your ass fired if you keep throwing them things back" snapped Hunter exasperated. He couldn't understand Shawn's addiction. He never had. He understood the temptation to take the pills; especially in the face of an injury or two, but Shawn's pain was all psychological.

"So let 'em fire me" mumbled Shawn, "Let them, I don't give a damn anyway. All they do is tell me what to do and what not to do, where I can go-"

"Bullshit Shawn" exploded Hunter furiously

"It's my life!"

"Yeah well what about Rebecca's life? What about your kid Shawn?!" retorted Hunter ruthlessly.

Shawn gave a shrug; his shoulders slumped as he leaned back against the wall resting his hot pounding head against the cool tiles.

"Don't you even care about what you're doing to your wife and kid Shawn?"

His brow furrowed in annoyance as he stared into the burning eyes of his friend.

"Of course I care!" he spat bitterly, "They're my family Hunter"

" So why don't you go start acting like you're part of that family instead of popping pills back here in a dingy locker room? Christ Shawn you're better than this. Fuck man what happened to you?!" cried Hunter furiously.

"They stopped cheering" muttered Shawn bitterly. He stood up and pushed past his colleagues leaving a bewildered and confused Hunter staring at his retreating back.

"Stopped cheering?" he whispered breathlessly, "That's the lamest excuse for popping pills I've ever heard!"

Hunter faltered as he felt all eyes on him as the gurgle of locker room chatter drained to silence. Realising he had spoken slightly louder than he intended to he slammed his holdall against the bench and rapidly began unpacking his wrestling attire. Let Shawn act like a jerk, Hell he'd been high before it wasn't like he couldn't take care of himself –

He hesitated. Sometimes Shawn wasn't all that capable of taking care of himself when under the influence of drugs. The knife of concern continued to cut and slice at his heart. He emitted a frustrated sigh, stuffed his attire back in his bag and stormed from the room allowing the door to slam shut behind him.

Shawn sat outside, his legs strung over the wall, fiddling with the silver crucifix around his neck. He didn't really know why he was still wearing it. It didn't do anything. It was just a token piece of jewellery. A silver necklace that showed his mother he was still catholic, even if he couldn't remember the last time he'd stepped foot in a church, and a token to show Rebecca that he did indeed know who Jesus Christ was. It meant nothing to him personally.

So why couldn't he remove it? It wasn't as if it was glued around his neck, far from it. It hung loosely against his tanned skin, buried amongst folds of red cotton.

He brushed his hand against his glistening forehead, shoved the blue cap backwards so that it sat more comfortably atop his knotted hair and exhaled deeply. The painkillers were beginning to lose their effect and he felt himself plummet to earth, the searing fist of pain clutched at his heart and sent torrents of agony rampaging through his contorted spine.

He winced as he felt the hurt intensify.

"The come down crash not as great as the start up buzz?"

Shawn startled at the condemning tone. He whipped around to see Hunter staring at him through narrowed slits of disappointment.

"You would know" spat Shawn snidely.

"You see me doing that shit lately Shawn?" retorted Hunter, his voice torn with annoyance, "I did it a long time ago, with Kev, Kid and Scott. I woulda thought we'd all grown up since then. Come on Shawn, you're not the showstopper anymore, the Kliq's long been dead and this isn't 1995"

"I suffer from herniated and crushed discs in my spine Hunter, not memory loss!" snapped Shawn furiously, the memories dragged from the dirge of his mind eating him up with resentment.

"Keep taking those and you soon will have"

"Yeah well, I could be taking a hell of a lot worse" countered Shawn his face aflame with anger.

"You think you can act all holier than thou because you're not taking 'roids or blow? Shawn you have a wife and son to think about! Are you having a hard time grasping that? Have the drugs and chair shots really scrabbled your scrawny little brain that much? Jesus Shawn! You can't run around getting high, sleeping with Sunny when it takes your fancy, you can't go out every night, get totally wasted and then brag about how many fights you just squeezed out of the next day. You can't do it anymore! You're thirty five years old for fucks sake! Isn't it about time you grew up a little bit?!" roared Hunter irately. He stared intently, his contorted face reflected in the ardent sapphire pools of fury.

" I don't want to sleep with Sunny, I don't want to get totally wasted!" he protested, his tone laced with anger and injustice.

"Then stop taking the drugs" snapped Hunter, emphasising each word slowly as if his friend was an idiot.

"Who are you to stand in judgement of me?" spat Shawn coldly, his eyes narrowed with displeasure, "Just who are you? So I take painkillers now and again-"
"It's not now and again Shawn" interrupted Hunter sharply

"So I take painkillers now and again," continued Shawn pointedly; disregarding his friend's words, "At least I never took steroids, never took cocaine, and never smoked hash from arena to arena. I didn't do any of those things Hunter. That wasn't me! I never cheated on my girl!"

Hunter flinched; the truth as cold and crisp as a sharp slap to the face.

"No, you just cheated on your wife" he retorted finally, the words spilling forth on a torrent of spite.

"Yeah cause me and Theresa had such a strong relationship" spat Shawn his eyes blazing with fury, what did Hunter hope to gain from dragging up the ghosts of the past?

"Still cheating no matter how bad the relationship is" muttered Hunter softly.

" Yeah well, you would know" retorted Shawn snidely, he untangled his golden brown hair from the elastic band, shook it free angrily before scraping the frizzed mess back into a loose ponytail, snapping the strands into place haphazardly. He caught the baseball cap before it slid to the ground, yanked it into place, venting his frustration on the frayed material.

"What's the matter with you Shawn?"
" Why does something always have to be the matter with me?!" cried Shawn, his tone biting. He was sick to death of being interrogated, of being dictated to. This man before him was meant to be his friend; not his surrogate father. He balked at rules and regulations; could not stand to be ordered about like a small child, he never had been able to stomach the concept of obeying authority; not since his days living under the roof of the 'colonel'. Living as an 'army brat' may have installed respect for authority in some, but for Shawn it installed a rebellious streak. He wasn't in the army, that was his father's forte; his father's passion. The thing that was loved and forsaken above all others including him. His eyes darkened to a storm wrenched blue as the torrents of anger continued to pulsate at the peak of them.

"Because you're taking drugs Michael!"

Silence crashed into the gulf created by the warranted use of Shawn's legitimate Christian name. He pursed his lips with fury, nibbled at the flesh in an effort to quell the explosion he could feel bubbling beneath the surface. He despised that name, loathed it in its entirety and knew that Hunter was throwing it out there as an underhand shot. He stood, his eyes blemished with rage as he gazed at his burning reflection in Hunter's regret flecked ones.

"Look, Shawn I'm sorry I called you-"

"Just leave me alone!"

The angered cry split the air, tore through the efforts of peace-making. Shawn shoved past his friend, slammed the door sharply behind him as he entered the building. He closed his eyes as he leaned against the wall his whole body quivering. He raised a trembling fist and sent it crashing against the plaster punctuated by a harsh cry of torment. The animalistic screams spilled from shaking lips as he vented his fury on the wall.

"Shawn!"

Roused from his violent display of temper Shawn startled, he turned, his knuckles a mesh of fresh black and purple bruises, veiled thinly in dust and residue from the cracked plaster. He stared, felt his throat tighten at the look of frosted displeasure and disappointment strewn across Vince's face. He gulped, desperately tried to dislodge the lump he felt building. What did it matter if he pissed Vince McMahon off? It certainly wouldn't be the first time. What was he gonna do? Fire him? Please.

"What?" he muttered hoarsely

"Don't what me!"

" Well don't talk to me like I'm five!" exploded Shawn, " I'm not some kid you found scrawling on the wall in magic marker Vince, I'm a grown man of thirty five who's punched the wall once or twice cause he's had it up to here with this shit! All I get, all the time, non-stop is 'Stop that Shawn, you'll hurt yourself Shawn, You're wrecking your life Shawn, what about Rebecca and the baby? Why can't you grow up?' I'm fucking sick of it!"

Vince stared, his lips firmly pressed together; he raised an eyebrow questioningly in the heavy silence.

"Why don't you go back to San Antonio for a few days? Looks like you could do with a break" he suggested finally

"What I need Vince, is something to do"

"You've got something to do Shawn; you've got a family to support. But there is no way I am allowing you to enter a public arena and perform in the state that you are in. Do you honestly think you're in any condition to go out there and cut a promo? To do anything?"

"I could cut one hell of a shoot" spat Shawn his eyes blazing

"Yes and you'd regret it when the pills were completely eradicated from your system" said Vince dryly.

Shawn stared at him before casting his eyes to the ground, the sapphire blue smeared with shame. He was unaware that his addiction was such common knowledge.

"You didn't think I knew about that did you?" questioned Vince softly

"I don't take pills" denied Shawn harshly as he raised his eyes swiftly

"Oh come on Shawn"

"I don't take them!" he cried angrily

Vince emitted a heavy sigh; shot him a look of disbelief before raising his shoulders in a non committing gesture.

"Go home Shawn" he muttered finally

"Fine, FINE!" roared Shawn furiously, "I'll go, I'll go home and I won't come back!"

" Are you ever going to grow up ?"

" Yeah when you stop telling me what to do" snarled Shawn

" You know what Shawn I'm getting mighty sick of that chip on your shoulder" snapped Vince glaring at the younger man.

"Yeah cause you're just plain perfect aren't you?" spat Shawn, "The owner of a multi-billion dollar company who makes a living dodging the feds"

That's right Shawn; deflect the light from your own shortcomings onto someone else's. Good strategy.

The voice of reason niggled at him, battled its way through the cloud of anger and denial. He continued to employ his usual tactics and pushed it aside choosing to allow his anger to run rampant.

"I'm gonna let that one slide for now "said Vince slowly, his voice edged with danger, "But if you don't clean up your act soon there are gonna be serious consequences Shawn. Even Hunter's getting fed up with your actions for Christ's sake and he's your best friend!"

"What?" snapped Shawn furiously; he had blocked most of Vince's chastisement, only choosing to hear the words "Hunter" and "fed up".

His deep sense of paranoia and infamous short fuse was only intensified by his use of the pain pills. He felt a surge of rage and indignation bubble and boil through his veins.

"Shawn-"sighed Vince

"Oh don't worry I'm gonna leave, I mean it's ok I won't wreck anything especially not your precious show. God forbid it might interfere with the ratings!" sneered Shawn cutting him off swiftly. He turned on his heel and stormed from the building allowing the exit door to slam sharply behind him.

Hunter had claimed Shawn's previous seat on the wall . He sat there the argument with Shawn replaying itself in his mind over and over like a stuck record.

"Happy?!"

He startled at the sound of Shawn's furious cry, turned in his direction to see the scarlet face of rage before him.

"Sorry?"

"You happy now? I'm going home; Vince is pissed so why don't you run along and tell him some more crap about me? You're supposed to be my friend!"
" I don't know what you-"

"You know what I mean!" spat Shawn cutting him off harshly, "Why would you do this to me? After everything I've done for you, you selfish son of a bitch. I can't believe you would stab me in the back like that man!"

"I haven't "snapped Hunter his face awash with a mixture of concern and fury, "I just mentioned to Vince that-"

"You shouldn't be saying anything to Vince about me!" cried Shawn indignantly, "What I do is my business. It has nothing to do with you or anyone else."

"Except your wife and kid" retorted Hunter, "Why can't you see that you're in the wrong?! I didn't even do anything Shawn. You are the one who keeps popping pills like they're skittles!"

Shawn glared at him, rage permeating from every pore as he stood. His fists were clenched by his side aching to be released to pummel the disappointed look from Hunter's face.

"Just go fuck yourself" spat Shawn finally.

Hunter watched him leave, didn't bother wasting his breath to call the other man back as he stormed to his car.

If Shawn didn't want his help then he wouldn't give him it. Let him drug himself to death. Right now he could care less.

He turned on his heel and re-entered the arena, not giving Shawn a second glance.

A six year friendship was well and truly severed.