Star Across the Nighttime Sky

By Seabreeze

Chapter Four: Passion

A/N: I enjoy this chapter. I'm sorry it's taken me so long to get this chapter up, I was just unsure of what to do with the ending.

Disclaimer: Damnit. No. Leave me alone. I don't own anything.

- - -

::Fool. A complete failure,:: Kreia's voice echoed in her head the moment she left the cockpit. ::You exacerbated the problem, and now not only must you work against your own emotions, but his as well.:: she sounded very disappointed indeed, and Taset felt a flare of anger that she calmed immediately.

Anger, revenge, lust for battle – all emotions she could control.

It was passion she struggled with.

Keeping her mind silent, she made her way to where Kreia kept her solitude. Kreia looked somewhat surprised when her protégé practically stormed into the room.

"None of that anymore, old woman, we are speaking face to face from here on out," she said sternly. Some part of her was shocked at being so forwards with Kreia.

"You will speak to me with respect," Kreia said severely. Taset frowned and crossed her arms.

"I demand the same respect from you."

"Do not be an idiot, girl," Kreia said, a warning in her voice.

"Listen to me," Taset said. "My problem with my emotions and with Atton is my problem, and I will deal with it how I see fit. I do not want to hear your opinions on the matter any longer, nor do I need them." She took a deep breath. "I am a grown woman and a full-fledged Jedi, and I must make my decisions on my own, whether you deem them to be right or not."

"If you think – "

"I respect that you are my teacher, Kreia, and that I have much to learn from you. But I ask that you understand that outside of what you have to teach me about the Force, my life is my own and you have no room to comment or advise me on it."

She turned on her heel and left the room, knowing that for her, at least, the conversation was over. She busied her mind, putting up a mental barrier as Atton had taught her to block Kreia from entering her thoughts. She felt bold and shaky as she walked back to the women's dormitories to meditate in solitude with Visas.

- - -

Atton had been in a perpetually bad mood ever since Taset has confronted him with her problem in the cockpit. He outright refused to talk with Taset or Mira outside of what was absolutely necessary, and he was rude to anyone else on the ship who dared to speak to him. Taset could feel his anger towards her at all times, like heat, which complicated meditation and, in general, every day life.

On the way to Onderon they were gunned down and landed on the Onderon moon Dxun, and she felt relieved when Atton offered to stay behind to repair the ship.

She took Bao-Dur and T3-M4 with her on the mission, and despite the many challenges presented to her, she couldn't help but think back to her disgruntled pilot back on the ship, and wonder if he would ever forgive her…

- - -

"Look, Rand, you're going to have to try to get over this tantrum you've been throwing for the last week," Mira said as she leaned against the wall in the cockpit. Atton was working and covered in grease, and he shot her a glare over his shoulder. "Oh, come on, grow up, loverboy. She told you she loved you, what more do you want?"

"She told me she loved me and asked me to help her stop," Atton replied sharply.

"Can you blame her?" Mira retorted. "You know how those Jedi are. She can't help herself. It's part of her nature. But that's not really why you're mad, is it?" she asked. Atton took a minute to reply.

"I don't need to tell you why I'm mad at you," he snapped. "But her…" he shook his head and went back to work.

"Look, whatever it is, you need to get over it and go talk to her."

"Why should I?" Atton sneered. "I love her, she loves me… but nothing can be that simple, no. What's the point?"

"You're just mad you got interrupted before you could kiss her."

Atton shot the bounty hunter another glare and grumbled under his breath.

"You are such a child. I don't know what she sees in you. But the fact is, she does see something in you, and you're just acting like a mynock's hindquarters and hurting her. Go fix it." She slapped the pilot upside the head and left him to ponder her words.

- - -

"Hey," the voice was reluctant, but she knew it was him before he even opened his mouth. She turned and looked at him expectantly. "Look, I'm sorry I… I'm sorry I avoided you these past few days."

The Exile nodded.

"I'm sorry for how I left the cockpit the other day." She said solemnly as she looked at the man she couldn't help but love.

"Look… can we talk?" he asked, sounding a little pained. Taset nodded.

"Should we go to the cockpit?" she asked.

"Nah. I told Mira we'd be in here. She said she'd tell everyone else to leave us alone."

Taset nodded and went to make her cot. "I was starting to think you'd never talk to me again." She commented while her back was to him. He was quiet for a minute.

"I know I overreacted," he said, sounding surprisingly upset for Atton. "I was just… disappointed." Taset sat down on her bed, hands folded in her lap as she stared up at the pilot.

"Disappointed?" she repeated.

"You told me you loved me!" the pilot exploded, hands out before him. "Do you get how impossible I thought that was? How it felt waiting for something I thought would never come, and then having you tell me out of nowhere that you have feelings for me?"

"I didn't expect you to return my feelings, either," she told him quietly.

"But you didn't want me to," he retorted.

"I never said that." She said. She said it so softly he almost didn't hear it. He stared at her blankly. "You're surprised? I knew that my feelings for you were wrong, yet I couldn't help but hope that you felt the same." She smiled up at him sadly. "It can't be simple, can it?"

"Why not?" Atton demanded, coming closer. "I love you and you love me. That's simple."

"It's anything but simple, and you know it." She told him firmly.

"If loving is wrong for a Jedi, then you've already been wrong hundreds of times." Atton argued.

"What are you talking about?" Taset asked, bewildered.

"You love everybody. You don't call it love, but it's there. You love everybody on this ship. Even Kreia. You love everybody we meet. I see it in you wherever we go – you help because you love, and you fight because you love. It can't be wrong, because it's what makes you who you are, it's what makes you such a threat…"

"You flatter me," she said, trying to sound dry despite the blush on her cheeks.

"And you know its true. What's so different about me?" he said. Standing so close to her that from her spot on the bed she had to look almost directly up to see his face.

"Having a lover is much more personal." She informed him, refusing to meet his eyes.

"More personal than spending three extra days in Iziz so you can get a fatherless family an open starport visa out of Onderon?" he challenged.

"Don't be stupid, Atton, of course it is! Look, I told you the other day – I need you to help me fight this, not make it harder for me."

"I'm sorry, sweetheart, but I can't do that." He said stubbornly. She crossed her arms and turned her face away, upset. "Look, I think this could be good for you. Honest."

"Good for me?" she repeated, somewhat disgusted. "Atton, I can't make this any clearer: I am a Jedi."

"The last Jedi," Atton snapped. "Who's gonna call you out for bending the rules a little?"

"I am!" she said, standing so they were nose to nose. "I can't let the code fall away just because my pilot makes my heart beat a little bit faster than normal!"

Atton's face softened and he hooked his fingers in her belt loops, to her confused surprise.

"And I can't just let you walk away from me," he said quietly, giving her belt loops a tug that pulled her closer to him. She felt her thighs, stomach and chest against his and flushed as even more confusing emotions flooded her senses. His body had always filled her with a strange sort of fascination: she had always wanted to…well, to touch him. To see if his stomach and chest were as hard as they looked. She shook her head of such thoughts.

"You… you let me go, Atton Rand," She said, shaking her finger in his face and trying to be as commanding as possible. "I mean it."

"I don't think you do," Atton teased, grinning.

"I do," she argued weakly. "You're making things… complicated…"

"You could very easily simplify them if you wanted to," he pointed out, lifting a hand to pull out her hair tie and running his fingers through her hair. He pressed his lips against her neck and a muffled whine escaped her throat.

"Stop that," she said, ducking her head away from his.

"You're not leaving here until you decide to try this thing with me." He said, wrapping his free arm around her waist and pinning her to himself. "You'll find I can be quite persuasive," he gave her a devilish grin that melted most of her resolve, which irritated her more than anything. She glared at him.

"I'm not some giggling, insipid Twi'lek," she retorted, trying half-heartedly to use her arms as leverage to push herself away from him.

"Do I detect a hint of jealousy in your voice?" he asked with a raised eyebrow. Taset scowled and looked away. "That was practically a month ago!" he exclaimed.

"I know what went on in that private pazaak room," she told him resentfully. "Like it was hard to figure out, her running around half naked…"

"You were jealous!" he laughed, sounding almost delighted. "If I had known you were interested, I would've taken you in there instead." He said, giving her a suggestive wink.

She scoffed, disgusted.

"Don't insult me. Jedi don't play Nar Shadaa rules," she snapped.

"Jedi also don't find themselves wrapped up in a lover's arms," he said huskily.

"Lover's arms," she scoffed, trying not to blush at the tone of his voice. "Please let me go."

"I don't think you want it enough," he said teasingly. She sighed.

"Don't make me beg," she said earnestly, looking him fully in the eyes. Atton chuckled.

"Sweetheart, that's exactly what I plan to do,"

"I have a name, you know," she said, her voice lowered as his face was merely a breath away from hers. He chuckled.

"Taset," he breathed into her ear, making a shiver slide down her spine.

"Please, Atton," she said, feeling shame overwhelm her. She dropped her head so that it rested against his sternum, and she took a deep breath. "I know you don't understand… I wish I could help you. It's not love that the Jedi have a problem with… it's how people act when they are in love. If my feelings for you were to become too strong, I could throw everything away for you." She pressed her eyes tightly together, preparing herself for a hurt or angry reaction, but all she felt was his fingers twine gently in her hair as he stroked her head.

"Yeah, alright," he said quietly. "I get that."

"Thank you, Atton," she said with a sigh, relieved and strangely disappointed.

"Oh, don't thank me yet, sister." He said. Taset lifted her head and stared at him.

"What do you mean?" she asked. Atton rubbed the palm of his hand along her jaw line, letting his fingers trail against the sensitive skin of her throat.

"I told you I'm not giving up and I'm keeping my word," he said, grinning roguishly. Irritated, Taset pushed him away.

"Stubborn pilot," she muttered under her breath, crossing her arms across her chest.

"You can fight and argue all you want, but anyone who's ever met you knows that you put your duty above all else." He said firmly. "And that," he said, backing her so that the backs of her knees hit her bed, "is why I see no reason you shouldn't be with me."

"I wouldn't let anything stop me from uniting the Jedi," Taset agreed in as normal a voice as she could muster, despite being in such close proximity to her pilot.

"Exactly," Atton said huskily, and before she could figure out what was happening, his lips had captured hers in a desperate kiss. A kind of wonderful pain seared down from her throat to the pit of her stomach. She did not react at first; lips frozen and eyes wide open in shock as he kissed her tenderly and anxiously again and again. He had been so confident in his seduction, so sure of her feelings and so sure she would give in, but his kiss told a different story. He kissed her like he wanted her and needed her but wasn't sure if he could have her. His hands cupped her face and his thumbs stroked the sides of her face lovingly, and slowly, slowly, her eyelids began to fall shut and she tentatively moved her lips against his, unsure of what to do but wanting to do it anyway. Her fingers reached in terror for the front of his jacket; for something to hold on to. With her positive reinforcement, Atton seemed to gain confidence, deepening the kiss and pulling the Exile in even closer.

He felt her balk, however, and remembered it was her first kiss, and slowly pulled his lips away. He pressed several final chaste kisses to her lips and rested his forehead against hers. She was shaky underneath his hands.

"Not bad," he whispered, teasing and overjoyed. Taset, for one, could not find words to speak. For the millionth time in the past few days, she felt herself overwhelmed with strong, conflicting emotions: an irrepressible joy, and the deep, deep shame of betrayal. He was whispering to her now, stroking her hair, but she was distracted trying to prevent tears from welling up in her eyes. She hadn't cried since she was a child. It felt strange and awful.

"Taset?"

"It's a lot to take, is all," she said, wrenching herself away from him and staring out the window into the endless expanse of the universe. She heard a frustrated snarl behind her and sighed. It wasn't fair to him, not at all.

"Look, I'm sorry!" Atton exclaimed as he stormed over to the Exile, sounding desperate and aggravated all at once. "I didn't mean – "

"Don't apologize," she said softly and kindly, turning to give him a smile. He looked so distressed that she reached up for his face.

"I've obviously done something wrong," Atton said plaintively as her fingers shakily brushed against his cheekbones. She sighed.

"No, I don't think so," she said. "Just give me a little bit of time to figure this out." She took his face between her hands and stared into his eyes with burning sincerity. "Alright?" Atton seemed chastened in her sight.

"Yeah, alright."

------

Something always brings me back to you

It never takes too long

No matter what I say or do

I'll still feel you here 'til the moment I'm gone

You hold me without touch.

You keep me without chains

I never wanted anything so much than to drown in your love

and not feel your rain

Set me free, leave me be

I don't want to fall another moment into your gravity

Here I am

and I stand so tall

just the way I'm supposed to be

But you're on to me

and all over me

- - -

A/N: "Gravity" Sara Bareilles.