A/N: This story was an entry to the WAFFATHON 2007 contest in the non-lemon section. It won 3rd place out of 6... which obviously doesn't say very much about it at all. I think the most fun to be had with this story lies in determining the meaning behind the title. Look very closely. It's in there.

Butterfluff

"…so of course I tried to keep my eyes level and pretend like I wasn't looking."

"Of course," said Kensuke. "Your only course of action really."

"Of course," Toji continued. "But when I looked back up I could see I was caught. You should have seen her face. She looked all embarrassed and angry."

"Aw man, what did you do?" asked Kensuke looking anything but sorry. In fact he seemed to be enjoying his friend's relayed misfortune.

"Well," said Toji smiling slyly, "I looked right up at her and said (I said it really calmly too) I said, 'My sister has a shirt just like that one.'"

"You didn't!"

"You know I did."

"And she bought that?"

"Well, you know the class rep. She's all about that sensitive stuff. As soon as I mentioned my sister she was all like 'that's so sweet that you think about her'. I nearly had to hide my face to keep from laughing."

"But she's in the hospital!" said Kensuke smiling from ear to ear.

"I know," said Toji. "That's why she thought it was 'so sweet'. There she was about to accuse me of staring at her chest and then she realizes that poor Suzahara was just thinking about his poor little sister. You can imagine the look on her face."

Kensuke laughed. "You're a horrible person."

"I really am."

"No I mean it!"

"Me too," said Toji laughing along. "I swear I'm going straight to hell."

On one hand Shinji didn't know how to feel about the duping of Hikari. On the other hand he was working very hard to stifle a snort.

There was something about walking with Kensuke and Toji that filled Shinji with an indescribable energy. He felt a flowing sort of anxiety mixed with fear and wonderment. He found himself questioning their next moves. What would they say next? Would they crack a joke? Would it be at his expense? Would they suddenly decide to race, leaving him to run after them in a flurry of confusion?

He didn't know and that was more than half of the excitement. He walked a step or two behind them listening carefully to their conversation over their shoulder. The two of them conversed so loudly that it was impossible not to hear. Besides, it wasn't like they were trying to hide anything from him. In fact they sometimes went out of their way to include him. Adding little joking snippets to get him riled up, or asking him to be the final voice of judgment in a dispute. These moments always caught him off-guard though, since he had pretty much resigned himself to a role of listening. In this regard that day was no different.

"Hey Shinji what's that noise?" asked Kensuke peering back at him from over his shoulder.

"What noise?" asked Shinji.

"What do you mean, what noise?" said Toji. "You'd have to be deft or stupid not to hear that ringing."

Shinji was on the verge of defending his hearing and intelligence, when the sound of ringing assaulted his ears. He had been so busy listening to his friends laugh that he hadn't noticed it had been ringing all along. He reached in his pocket and pulled out his cell phone, but this was not the cause of the noise.

"It's not me," he said.

"It is you," said Toji.

"My phone is on vibrate."

"It's coming from you, Shinji." He found Kensuke's certainty to be slightly annoying.

"I don't think it is."

"Then where's it coming from?" asked Toji. "Neither of us even have cell phones."

"How should I know?" said Shinji sounding irritated.

"It's coming from your backpack."

"How do you know that?"

"I have military trained ears," Kensuke proclaimed.

Toji snorted. "Going to some dorky camp over the summer don't make you military trained."

"It was an academy!"

"It stopped," said Shinji. And indeed the ringing noise had stopped, but neither of his friends took note of this.

"Come on Ken, you said yourself that there were like 5 year-olds there."

"Age is of no consequence to the well trained warrior!"

"There it goes again," said Shinji as the ringing began anew.

"Well stop it," said Toji.

"How am I supposed to do that?"

"It's coming from your book bag," said Kensuke. "These ears don't lie."

"Fine then," Shinji sighed. He slung his bookbag back around to his front and dropped to his knees.

"Well I'm not going to wait for you to dig around in there," said Toji. "I've gotta go visit my sister."

"If some divine power doesn't strike you down before you get there," Kensuke kindly pointed out. "Not that you wouldn't deserve it."

The two of them walked off contemplating Toji's eternal salvation.

"I'll catch up with you guys later," Shinji yelled after them. His response consisted of two waving hands and nary a backward glance. He sighed and began to shuffle through the contents of his bookbag. In the large compartment he rifled through folders and shifted his chemistry book. He briefly glanced at the pencils and pens in the small pouch at the top. And he moved around his calculator, note cards, and the ringing phone in the small compartment in the front. He had almost zipped up the compartment before it dawned on him that he had just picked up and replaced a ringing phone.

He took the phone in hand. What struck him first was the deep red casing. What struck him next was how skinny the device actually was. He was relatively positive that he had seen this model on a commercial. It occurred to him that the phone probably wasn't cheep. It also occurred to him that it was still ringing.

He quickly flipped the phone open and pressed the green button labeled "Talk".

"Uh… Hello?"

"Hello," said the girl. Shinji's heart jumped. It was a girl.

"Uh… hi." He instantly felt stupid… he had already said that.

"Who's this?" asked the girl.

"Didn't you call me?" asked Shinji feeling rather bewildered. There was a drawn out pause before the girl answered.

"Yeah, but how did you get my phone?"

"Your phone… This is your phone?"

Of course it was her phone. He listened in silence as she explained how she had left class with this nagging feeling in the back of her mind. How she had been texting her friend under the cover of the desk as her teacher gave his boring lesson. How she never remembered putting the phone back in her purse. Of her shock when she went to go call her father and ask him if she could stay out later, only to find that her means to make such a call had mysteriously disappeared. She explained how she went back to the classroom and looked everywhere, yet to no avail. And in a last ditch effort to find it she spent her own precious coinage to call the cell from a pay phone and the panic that ensued when no one originally picked up.

And then she asked a perfectly reasonable, yet completely unanswerable question.

"How did you get my phone?"

Shinji audibly gulped.

"I don't know… it was in my bookbag. I swear I didn't take it or anything."

"But how could it get in your bookbag?" the girl persisted. "Wait… who exactly are you anyways?"

"I'm Shinji… Shinji Ikari."

"OH!" exclaimed the girl. "I can't believe I didn't recognize your voice. It sounds so much deeper over the phone. Why didn't you say it was you?"

Shinji was glad that blushes could not be detected by phone calls. No one had ever said his voice was deep.

"Uh… didn't think about it…" he explained. He wished he had the slightest idea who he was talking to.

"Shinji it's me."

"Oh…"

"Me… Sayuri."

"Uh-huh…" the name rang a few bells, but only dimly.

"I sit right next to you in class. I must have accidentally dropped my phone in your book bag."

"Oh… sorry."

"Don't be," said Sayuri sounding almost cheerful. "I'm just glad you found it. I don't know what I'd have done if I'd lost it."

"Right…" said Shinji.

And just when he was beginning to wonder if he was sounding as dumb as he thought he did, Sayuri took charge of the conversation and brought things to a close. She arranged a meeting place for him to give her back her phone (it was the weekend, and she couldn't go that whole time without it). She seemed very thankful of him for going out of his way to get it to him, and there was a brief period where her gratitude was almost overwhelming.

"It really is nice of you to do this."

"It's no problem."

"Oh but I'm sure you have plans. It is a Friday."

"I don't have any plans."

"But it's so nice of you! Are you sure? We could do it tomorrow if it's better for you."

"Today's good."

"Ah you're so nice!" she said enthusiastically. Shinji was beginning to feel embarrassed. "How many people would go out of their way to return a phone like this? You're a great guy."

"Really," said Shinji. "It's no big deal."

The conversation more or less ended after that and Shinji found himself staring at the phone in disbelief. Just moments before he had been walking peacefully with Toji and Kensuke. Now he was meeting a relatively unknown girl, one who thought he was so nice to return her phone to her. There was one word for this: surreal.

Nevertheless, he slung his bookbag over his shoulder, made an about-face, and marched his way toward town.

Kensuke would have been proud.

Shinji watched with passing interest as the world warped upon itself. The sidewalks became wider, the buildings taller, the people more numerous. He was headed towards the city.

The closer he got to the looming city skyline, the more advertisements that came his way. He passed by Japan's Best Massage Parlor, saw the cheapest hotel in district C, and could smell the #1chicken teriyaki sauce in the providence. He also took note that the power company was working with him, for him, by him (whatever that meant) and that WZKW 105.9 had the leading morning program in all of Tokyo 2 and 3.

He hit the switch for crowd mentality.

Shinji understood that the key thing about being in a city crowd was to never take note of your position within you. You have to remember that you are in a crowd, not with a crowd. These people are not your friends, schoolmates, or even random associates. They are obstacles to pass at leisure. They are not waiting for you to look them in the eyes with your fake smile and say hello. They impatiently wait the moment which you cease to occupy the space you are in so that they can fill the passing void. Avoid their eyes. That is essential. If you catch their sight and they catch yours, you both will come to the realization that you are people. People deserve acknowledgement, a formality that crowd mentality cannot afford to respect. Acknowledgment takes time. But your time is being used to remove yourself from the occupation of space. If you cease your removal, then others will have to cease theirs and the whole system crashes.

So Shinji kept his eyes down as he walked. It was relatively easy to avoid their eyes as they were all avoiding his. But at the same time he generally made a point of glancing at faces. It was a discrete thing though. He would wait until the passerbyers had nearly passed by before taking a discrete look at their mugs. Most of them looked rather bored. Some of them extremely focused. Some upset. And even a few happy folks here and there. He took note of how they acted when forced to pass him. There was a man talking on his cell phone who seemingly didn't notice that he was there. He saw a couple of high school kids who were apparently dating (if their joined hands were any indication) that smiled at each other, caught the briefest glance of him, shared a short simultaneous grimace, and then went back to smiling. Though it was a little forced admittedly.

But what really got to him was this one woman who passed by him as they both crossed the street. A very pretty woman, by Shinji's account. She was dressed professionally, as if she had just left from work. And boy was she glowing. Smiling brightly at nothing. Lost in her own little world of momentary bliss. The confident way she walked and her cheerful demeanor was enough to make Shinji smile himself. The woman seemed so real and full of life, that for just a moment he allowed his crowd mentality to falter. It didn't just seem as if she was smiling for herself. It was like she was smiling at the world. Smiling at him. So he looked up into her face and threw a small smile of his own back at her. An expression so mild, it almost seemed to be a reflex. Enthusiastically, he went over a few greetings to share with her in his mind. "Hello" "Hi" and "Nice day, isn't it?" made his top three.

As they both reached the middle of the street the woman finally took notice of his attention. In an instant she shut down her personality and entered the crowd mentality. Her walk became less confident and more mechanical. Her smile dimmed to an uncertain smirk and then diminished to nothing. Her eyes widened for a fraction of a second, and then just as quickly she looked away from him. Though it probably would have been less awkward if she had stared him down.

Shinji finally realized what a stupid mistake he'd made. He'd let his guard down. He had to remind himself that just because someone seemed nice, didn't mean they were a human being. At least not to him, anyways. He wondered why they couldn't look at him, or even each other. Truly a shame.

Shinji shook his head to clear his thoughts. He was nearing the spot where he was supposed to meet the girl from his class. Moving his head this way and that, he surveyed the area for any sign of her. Despite the fact that he'd obviously been in contact with her on a day-to-day basis, he feared he wouldn't recognize her. But then he saw her standing just outside the double-doors, waving a hand his way with gusto.

"Shinji!" she called out over all the other people. He didn't know why, but having his name shouted that way made him embarrassed.

"Hello," he said when he finally made his way over to the girl. But he instantly regretted it. He should have gone with "Hi". Clearly the better choice.

"You came," said Sayuri sounding almost surprised.

"Yeah," said Shinji. "Got your phone."

"Oh thank you, Shinji!" said the girl as she roughly grabbed him around the back and pulled him into the most spontaneous public display of emotion that he'd ever experienced in his life. Despite the surprise he managed to choke out a mumbled "you're welcome" from behind her back. If she heard this, she gave no sign of it as she continued to hold onto him, lightly pressing their bodies together. Shinji took note of how the top of her head came just barely above his chin. And even though he'd just recently had a growth spurt he couldn't help but mouth the word, "small".

All this was well and good until Shinji realized that it wasn't exactly coming to any sort of an end. Several long, deliciously agonizing moments passed before he came to the realization that people were starting to stare. He cleared his throat, but apparently Sayuri didn't hear him. The only conclusion he could come to was that this girl seriously loved her phone.

"Uh… let me get it for you. It's in my bookbag."

"Huh?" she said before the realization sunk in. She finally let him go. "Sorry about that. It's just that I really really need that phone. If my dad knew I lost it, he'd probably kill me or something, you know? And I was just so worried that I'd never find it. Especially after you didn't pick up the first time. I thought it might be in some place where no one could hear it. But I'm so glad you did find it because Daddy would really have flipped. Which I don't even understand anyways. He went into this big spiel about how the thing was expensive and if I lost it he wasn't going to buy another. So that makes it my responsibility right? But then he keeps on hassling me about it anyways. At least once a week without fail he'll ask me, 'do you still have the phone?' and I just think 'no Dad. No I don't have the phone that I call you on practically every hour of every day. I've actually been talking to you with a tin can hooked up to our phone line using invisible wire.' But of course I don't say anything like that because, you know, he's my dad. Still I wish he'd just trust me a little more with these things, you know? I bet your guardian doesn't hassle you about your stuff that way, does she?"

The sheer volume of words that streamed out of the girl blew Shinji away. It was really an amazing feat of gab. How she was able to talk so quickly and still be clear and intelligent was far beyond him. Still he hid his shock pretty well. He reached into his book bag and handed her the red cell phone.

"Well, she does bug me sometimes… only when I forget it at home though. She thinks I should take it everywhere."

"Oh, is it for your job?" she asked.

After some hesitation, he replied, "Yes." He wasn't used to anybody referring to what he did at NERV as a job. He almost opened his mouth to correct her. But instead he kept silent. For a moment neither of them had anything to say.

"Well, I have to call my Dad," said Sayuri. "He makes me call him all the time… it's annoying."

"Okay," said Shinji. He wasn't sure if that meant he was free to leave or not.

"Crap!"

That sure got Shinji's attention.

"Sorry," said Sayuri. She held up her phone for Shinji to see. "But the battery is dead. After I made you go all out of your way to bring me the phone, this happens. I can't believe it!"

Shinji thought it was cruelly ironic indeed. What were the chances, really? It seemed that someone in the world actually had worse luck than he did.

"I'm sorry," said Shinji. It was the only thing he could think to say.

"Oh Shinji, you don't have to be sorry." The way she said it struck Shinji as odd. Her tone had changed completely and it was almost like she was talking to a child. But for some reason he didn't feel like it was a condescending thing at all. "It's not a big deal really. My dad won't let me stay out by myself unless I call him every now and then, so I'll just have to go home and wait for it to charge. Then I guess I can come back out after that… but it'll be so late."

"Oh."

"But I guess there's nothing to do about it. I just wish I didn't have to go back because of my stupid phone. I was really looking forward to going out today."

A brilliant idea struck Shinji in that moment. One that was so painfully obvious he would have had to be rather stupid to not have thought of it.

"You could use my phone if you want."

It was amazing how quickly Sayuri's frown turned upside down. "Really?" she asked excitement oozing from the words. Shinji thought it was a little over the top, actually.

"Yeah, sure," he said.

"Oh but… You know I need it the whole day right?" Shinji hadn't realized that. "Otherwise I won't be able to call my father later on. So I guess we could just hang out together for the rest of the day, if you don't have anything else to do." She noticed his hesitation and added, "I mean, you don't have to if you don't want to. But it would really make my day, Shinji."

Shinji watched Sayuri's carefully crafted expression as she all but begged him to say yes. It was a lightly pleading smile that said, "I know I'm imposing on you, but I really don't care so long as you do what I want." He took this time to soak in the situation in its entirety.

He received a call from a phone he didn't own, which accidentally landed, in his book bag. He answered the phone only to find out that the person on the other line was a girl. A girl who he somewhat already knew, at that. The girl asked him to bring the phone to her, which he did. But the phone is dead, and the girl really needs one in order to enjoy her day. So the girl asked him to spend the day with her in order to use his phone.

As logical as all that seemed, it made no sense.

He was Shinji Ikari. This meant that he was doomed to a life of tragic bad luck, even in the best of circumstances. And yet there was this girl asking him to spend a day exclusively in her presence. And she was pretty too. Shinji took this down time to carefully admire that fact. Her dark brown hair came down to her ears, bangs reaching down just short of her eyebrows. Her eyes themselves some dark color, indistinguishable at such a short glance. But he did take note that her face was sort of mousy… the cute kind of mousy, complete with the quaint little nose, and thin little mouth. She sure was small. Probably one of the smallest girls in his class. But as he stood there observing her he couldn't help but notice how… proportional she was. No aspects of the girl's physical assets were particularly big. But she had this curviness about her. It was a very nice thing to see. Maybe a little too nice…

He had only been looking for a fraction of a second, but apparently that was all that was needed.

"Is there something interesting down there that I don't know about?" asked Sayuri. Her sarcastic tone and mischievous smile made it more than clear that she was onto him.

"No… I mean yes… I mean…" He said the first thing that came to mind. "My sister has a shirt just like that one."

That was a mistake.

"Don't lie, Shinji!" said Sayuri mocking anger. "You don't even have a sister."

"Well… yeah, I know that… it might have been a cousin or something… Aunt… grandma… maybe Misato?"

He was relieved when she busted out laughing.

"You are quite possibly the worse liar I have ever met, Shinji."

Shinji laughed nervously himself. Though the humor of the situation was less apparent to him. He decided to save face the only way he knew how.

"Uh… well I'll do it then I guess. I mean, if you still need a phone…"

He really should have seen the hug coming the second time. Luckily (sort of) she let go a lot quicker this time. When she pulled back Shinji was left feeling oddly dazed.

"Thank you Shinji, you won't regret it!"

"Uh-huh," said Shinji.

"We're going to have so much fun today, I promise you!"

"Uh-huh," said Shinji. His eyes weren't exactly focused on anything.

"You're a life savor Shinji, you really are."

"It's no big deal," he said.

"Well thank you any ways."

"You're welcome."

Shinji wasn't even sure what he was feeling just then.

"You want to go in?" asked Sayuri.

"… sure," said Shinji.

Of course they were standing outside the mall.

"You smell that, Shinji? That is the smell of our money flying right out of our pockets. The knowledge forged from thousands of years of consumerism, gathered all together into one compound structure. You see those golden arches? You may think that they're just like any other fast food restaurant found anywhere else in the world, but there are a few key differences. The first of which is pricing. Notice how most menu items are identical to that which you would find in any other of restaurant of this particular chain. Yet there are important differences. See exhibit A: lack of a dollar menu. This is because they have us in a closed venue. By stepping foot in such a structure which supposedly has everything we could ever hope to buy, we have already pigeonholed ourselves into buying only from the supplies held within. This includes food consumption, of course."

"However, this is not the only extent of their magnificent marketing marvels. Not only is this a closed venue, it is also a closed circuit venue. Whereas with a normal restaurant we would have the opportunity to smell the fries from our car and only have a few moments to decide whether to give into our hunger compulsions, in this situation we are given numerous opportunities. Notice the not so coincidental placement of the food court. It is situated right at the entrance, which also doubles as an exit. In this way our olfactory nerves are assaulted twice, at the very least, by this pleasantly fried and greasy aroma. If we are not currently in a disposition to eat when we enter the establishment chances are, with all the walking around and exhaustion of shopping, we'll be ready to eat something by the time we leave. Even as we sit here talking, debating upon our next course of action, the smell of the food is attacking our brains and causing us to question the previously certain state of our stomachs. By sitting here and talking, as normal people are wont to do, we have already predetermined our fate as part of the well-oiled capitalistic machine. This outcome is inevitable. Before we leave here we will order, we will eat, and chances are we will like it. So my question to you, Ikari Shinji, is one that has probably been quietly stirring in your mind since the two of us first arrived and took our seats at this very table."

The amused smile she displayed was nothing short of amazing.

"Are you hungry?"

Shinji stared quietly in amazement for several moments before shaking his head no. He smiled uncertainly, wondering why all the smart and beautiful girls in the world also had to be crazy.

"No?" asked Sayuri smirking a bit. "Me neither. Honestly, I was just looking for an excuse to mention all of that. I wrote a paper on the topic about a month ago. Got an A. It's one of the few A's I've ever gotten that I actually think I deserve. I've wanted to show it to somebody for the longest time, but never really had the chance to share it with someone who would appreciate it. Dad thinks that I deserve every A I get, like typing non-researched information into a word document at the very last minute makes me worthy of the grade I receive. I think I deserve to fail. Honestly, even if a person has a knack at placing words and phrases in a way that a teacher finds impressive it doesn't take away from the fact that absolutely no effort went into the process."

Shinji thought briefly of several papers he'd worked hours on that had earned him solid C's.

"But whatever right? I'm not going to go ask the teacher to reduce my grade either? So what am I even complaining about?" Sayuri's laugh was rather nervous. "Anyways, the point is that I just thought about the whole paper when we walked in. I must sound like such a nerd huh?"

"Nahh," said Shinji as he thought, A little…

"You don't have to humor me, Shinji," said Sayuri. She smiled at him very reassuringly. Shinji waited patiently for her to say something further. Just when he was positive that she would continue to give him that strangely reassuring smile she spoke up and said, "So what do you want to do today?"

Shinji watched her eyes for a brief moment, realizing how stuck they were on his own. He looked down at the table, pretending to be in thought. When he looked back up, she was still looking at him. He felt extremely stupid as he repeated this process one more time, with the same results. It was official. She was staring at him. He decided he better throw out an answer in the form of a question.

"Shop?"

"Is that what you want to do?"

"Uhhh…" he hadn't expected her to throw it back at him. "I don't really care."

"Oh don't say that!" Sayuri whined. "You do care and you know it. Would you want to spend the whole day walking around clothes stores, waiting in chairs as I tried on pants and made you look after my purse?"

"I guess not."

"See, so you do care don't you?"

"I guess so."

"Of course you do. The only reason you are suggesting to shop is because you think that that is what I want to do. While I think it's real sweet of you to think of me above yourself, honestly I don't feel like shopping. Don't get me wrong, I like to shop. But right now I don't really have the kind of cash I usually like to bring with me when I go shopping. If I went now I'd just find myself staring at things that I can't even buy and what's the point of that?"

Again Shinji waited for the girl to fill the silence, but was soon disappointed by her lack of desire to do so. He realized with dawning dread that she actually expected him to answer that question.

"I don't know…" he said, wavering smile held awkwardly in place.

"My point exactly," said Sayuri. "Besides, it's all thanks to you and your phone that I'm able to be here, so I don't want you to have to be bored all day. What type of person would I be if I made this day all about me? I don't want you to think I'm just using you for your phone, Shinji. You don't think I'd do something like that do you? Because that's not the type of person I am at all. I want to do something you want to do. Something you think is fun. So tell me, Shinji, what do you usually do when you come here with your friends?"

Though neither of them would ever want to say so, Kensuke and Toji liked to think of their friendship as somewhat of a balance. From the outside looking in, it would be easy to mistake Toji as the obvious leader of the group. Shinji, having personal knowledge of the situation, knew this not to be the case. While Toji often tended to bring the limelight upon himself with stories of misdeeds involving the fairer sex, recalled highlights of various sports escapades, and sometimes self-degrading accounts of failed academic endeavors, it was Kensuke who maintained the relationships functionality.

The militant youth realized from the very beginning the difficulties of holding together such an oddball relationship, and was ready to counter these difficulties with good old fashioned diplomacy. To him was given, is given, and shall always be given the task of coordinating activities, an undertaking which he treated with the utmost delicacy and care. He was well aware of their conflicts of interest. He realized that neither Shinji nor himself held any particular athletic skills which would allow them to dream of physically competing with their well-built friend. Likewise he recognized that neither Toji nor Shinji had the will power or discipline to participate in his off the record military endeavors.

Given these hampering restraints, he settled for what he considered to be decidedly neutral activities. For instance, bowling was a sport at which they all mutually sucked. The three of them seldom achieved a combined score that totaled over two hundred. Another such activity was heading to the arcade. While it was true that Kensuke had a natural knack for these types of video games, it was often possible to play cooperatively, and when competitive play was unavoidable, Kensuke was not above occasionally allowing one of his companions to win as it incited that little spark of hope necessary to continue regular gaming function. But these activities, as frustratingly entertaining as they were for Shinji, never really compared to his one true love and passion. That is namely the art of miniature golfing.

It was not an activity that the three of them frequented often, just as it wasn't often that they played basketball, or attended a guns and knife show, but whenever they did hit those luscious indoor greens, Shinji's heart leapt for joy. There was something about the finesse of the game that rung true to his quiet, mundane nature. And even though Toji dismissed it as "not even a real sport" and Kensuke considered the obstacles of the terrain to be unrealistic for ball-to-hole combat, Shinji felt at one with the ball and the club and the obviously fake green carpeting. He held no doubts that there was something almost spiritual about it. Something undeniably instinctive. That's why he couldn't help but be befuddled by Sayuri's instinctive confusion surrounding the game.

"So I hold the club like this?"

"Not quite," said Shinji. He could see at least 3 things visibly wrong with her stance. Her hands were backwards, her thumbs where curled under her other fingers, and her legs were insufficiently spread apart.

"You hold it like this." He said, hoping that the added inflection in his voice would somehow magically convey the message he'd been trying to send her for the last 2 minutes or so.

"Isn't that what I'm doing?" She was beginning to frown.

"Not quite," said Shinji frowning as well. He had hoped she wasn't serious.

"Could you show me?"

"Like this."

"No," said Sayuri. "Come over here and show me."

He wondered if she could tell how much he had wanted to avoid doing just that. But he sucked up his reluctance and said, "Ok."

There was an instant shift in Sayuri the moment Shinji came and took up the space immediately beside her. Her face seemed to relax in an eerily calm way and it was almost as if the frustrations of just a moment ago had fluttered away. When he looked back up from explaining her poor feet placement he thought he caught a glimpse of a smile. And as he held out his arms to demonstrate the proper grip, he could have sworn that she was leaning into him a bit as she looked over his shoulder. But when she asked him to place her hands on the club for her, he thought that things were starting to get a little bit ridiculous. Nevertheless, he complied with her wishes.

It was a strange and exciting thing to mold Sayuri's hands onto the golf club. He placed the palm of her left hand at the top and curling it around the grip. He placed the right hand below it in a similar fashion, both thumbs pointing downward toward the business end of the putter. He found her skin to be soft and surprisingly cool. Yet when he withdrew his hands they felt as if they were on fire. He hoped to god he wasn't blushing.

Sayuri seemed delighted.

"So that's how you hold it!"

Shinji nodded his head. It wasn't rocket science, but he thought it would be rather rude to point that out to her. Instead he showed her where to place her ball. "You can go first."

It turned out that Sayuri had a feel for the green. At first she stumbled through the course a bit, using too much power, sending the ball at slightly odd angles, and all the usual novice type mistakes. It only took her a few (very) personal demonstrations from Shinji before she had full grasp of the mechanics. He was quite proud of her progress. By the fifth hole she was making par, but opting mostly to avoid the course obstacles and putt her way around it. At hole 10 she somehow managed to make a hole-in-one at which she squealed in excitement and forced Shinji into another completely one-sided hug. By the eighteenth hole she had achieved harmony with the course, utilizing the rocks and windmills as tools and not obstacles, reading the incline of the green with calculated precision, and feeling each stroke before the ball even entered its motion. Naturally Shinji's score, a 53 on a 64 par, was several points lower than Sayuri's. But from the twelfth hole to the finish their scores were extremely close, his beating hers by only a stroke or two. She was a natural.

The two of them retired from their half-hour golf tour with smiles firmly held in place. They decided to grab a quick snack from the concession counter located in the corner of the large twisting room. The lady who served them seemed less than pleased to be there. She took their orders impatiently and told them flatly that it would take a few minutes before it was done. The two of them took a seat at a nearby table to wait for their food.

Shinji couldn't hold back any longer.

"You're very good at this."

She deflected his praise with a flick of a wrist. "No I just got lucky."

"No really… you did great for your first time."

Shinji should have seen her answer coming from a mile away.

"I had a good teacher."

This time he knew he was blushing. "I'm okay, I guess."

With an air of finality Sayuri said, "You are great."

"Thanks." More blushing.

"You enjoy it don't you?"

"Yeah, it's fun," said Shinji.

"What do you like about it?" she asked. Had Sayuri been any old acquaintance she might not have been able to get an answer out of the boy, but since he could tell that she too was now an aficionado, Shinji paused to think about it.

"I think I like it cause it's not a flashy game. There aren't any tricks or secrets to it. It's not so much about showing off and outdoing the other players as it is about doing the best you can yourself."

"It's not overly competitive," Sayuri offered.

"Yeah, that's part of it. You don't have to worry about hurting other people's feelings or anything if you win. No matter how bad people do, most of them come away from it having a good time."

"You like when other people have a good time?"

Shinji shrugged. "Doesn't everyone?"

"Ohh!" said Sayuri and Shinji felt the heat rise to his face.

"But that's not all of it. I just like the way that everything works out, you know? Like, each hole has a sort of plan. If you can hit off of a certain rock, or hit into this hole, or bounce off of a corner you at least have a chance of making a hole-in-one. No matter how difficult the hole looks, there's always a way to beat it. And I think I like that."

Sayuri reached across the small table and lightly touched his arm. "It's reassuring, isn't it?"

"Yeah."

That's when he noticed them for the first time. Those dark reflective surfaces staring back at him. Deep brown in color, their intensity held no match. He mentally went over a list of others, but only one pair even came close. Ayanami Rei. But even she couldn't hold him the way he was held then. He wasn't just lost. He was utterly confused. He didn't understand how such shallow lenses could appear to go so deep. He thought that if he could just sit there and study them for a little while longer, he could understand what was behind them. He could understand what made them so-

"Ikari!" called the lady from behind the food counter. "Your order's ready."

Shinji made a point of standing up quickly. The 'moment' from before still heavy in his mind. It was unusual for him to just lose control like that. Sure he'd zone off sometimes. But never before had he so openly stared at someone. Embarrassment hit him like a ton o' bricks. He must have looked like an idiot to her.

If Sayuri was offended or embarrassed by his actions, she hid it very well. She told the lady thank you and grabbed her food. However as Shinji went to take his own food in hand, he noticed something was missing.

"Excuse me," said Shinji rather weakly. He had to repeat himself before the lady heard him. "Um, I ordered some French fries as well."

The look she gave him was the embodiment of skepticism.

"I don't remember you ordering fries."

"Really?" asked Shinji beginning to regret that he'd spoken at all. "Because I thought I had."

"I don't think so," said the lady. She sounded a heck of a lot more confident then he did. But it was Sayuri who had the last word.

"If he said he ordered fries, then he ordered fries."

The woman gave in after that. Reluctantly she informed the two that the fries would be a few more minutes still. They took the food they had already ordered and sat down at their table. The whole minor ordeal left Shinji a little shocked. He hadn't expected Sayuri to look so pissed.

"Can you believe her?" she asked.

Shinji didn't feel the need to take sides. He shrugged.

"Why wouldn't she believe you? What reason would you have to lie?"

This time he tried the non-committal smile. Sayuri didn't smile back.

"Doesn't it even make you a little bit mad?"

"… just a misunderstanding…"

Finally Sayuri cracked the barest of smiles.

"I wish I could be as good natured as you are. You don't even care that they treat you so badly all the time do you? It's sweet, is what it is. If more people thought like you did the world would be a better place I think. I mean you would have believed someone who said they ordered something, would you?"

The silence that ensued proved once again that this question was unavoidable. Shinji made a mental note to answer all of this girls questions, no matter how seemingly hypothetical they were.

"I guess."

"Exactly. You would have assumed that you were wrong instead of assuming that someone was trying to pull something over on you. You would have understood that you are human and you can make mistakes!"

The way that she raised her voice at those last few words made it clear that she wanted to be overheard. Shinji noticeably cringed.

"Sorry," said Sayuri, all the bite worn out of her. "Sorry! I get carried away sometimes. It just really bothers me that some people are so untrusting. I just don't get it. Like what makes you trust a person anyways? The way they look? The way they talk? Something in their eyes?"

"I don't know," Shinji said quickly. He was rather proud of himself for avoiding the silence.

"Me neither," said Sayuri. "Some people do say that you can tell a lot about a person from looking in their eyes. Do you believe that?"

"Uh… no, not really."

"Me neither," said Sayuri. "I personally think it's loaded. But even if it were true, how could somebody think 'this guy's a liar' when they're looking into your eyes. I mean… you know… look at you."

"…"

Both of them were blushing then.

"But I don't think that's the way to tell about a person at all, though it's very close. I think it really is all about the eyes. But it's not important what they look like. What matters is what they're looking at."

She gave Shinji a little time to let that sink in and then continued.

"You can tell a lot about a person by what they're looking at. The more they look at something the more interest they have in that thing. Like when we were putting out there. I saw your face. I saw how concentrated you were on the green and on all the obstacles. Like your whole being went into getting that ball into those holes. It was amazing. Or when we were walking around out there. How your eyes seemed to go everywhere. It was like you didn't know what to concentrate on. You didn't have any real goals. You looked a little loss, really. Or when you were walking up the street to meet me. I saw how you kept scanning everyone's faces, trying to look for someone familiar. Just looking for me. You know what I mean? If you just take the time to look where people are looking, you can see what they really care about the most."

That's when it clicked. It wasn't until the very last words that everything Sayuri was saying fell into place in Shinji's mind. The eyes were not a window to the soul, but a mirror of it. By observing what others looked at you could see where they're interests lie. He himself liked miniature golf. Even as they sat and talked his eyes would occasionally dart back to the green. He could see the lady behind the counter staring at the cash register. Money, of course…. It explained a lot. And then there was Sayuri.

He attempted to follow her intense gaze. He looked to his right and could see nothing there. He looked to his left and found the same. When he looked behind him, there was nothing important to be seen. So there was only one conclusion, as illogical as it was to his self-defacing psyche: she was looking at him.

Shinji blinked several times in rapid succession.

He thought he might have a bit of a crush.

"Yes Daddy, it's a weekend. I can stay out as long as I want!"

"You know what I mean! It's only six o'clock anyways."

"It's not a five hour film! I'll be back well before eleven!"

"Dad! We just met! Shinji barely knows me. We're just friends!"

"Well Shinji must be a much better guy than you were when you were young."

"I know…"

"I won't…"

"Don't worry."

"The perfect gentleman"

"Ha-ha Daddy. I'm always the perfect lady."

"Alright then."

"I'll call when it's over."

"Alright Dad!"

"I'm hanging up now!"

"… Love you too."

"Bye."

Sayuri hung up the phone with a weary smile. She handed it back to Shinji and said, "Sorry about that."

Shinji shrugged. "It's no problem."

"It's just that he worries so much."

"hmm."

"You don't mind me using you like this do you? We can go home if you want."

"No, it's okay," said Shinji. As an afterthought he added, "I'm having fun." He was relatively surprised by how true that was.

Sayuri merely smiled. It was a nice little moment.

"So what do you want to see?"

The two of them were standing in the lobby of the mall's movie theater. Shinji thought it was a rather grandiose establishment to be located in a mall. There were lights scattered everywhere. Around the concession stands, around the now playing board, and even around the bathroom. It reminded him of pictures he'd seen of old time theaters from long ago. Rather retro really.

"Sinking Dead was good," said Sayuri. "It's about these people trapped on a capsized boat. Not very original, but some pretty good moments. Decent affects. Too bad I already saw it." She openly frowned. "Oh! We could watch The Romancing of You! Ah… but never mind. That's a chick flick. I won't make you suffer through it. How about Clash! The action in that is supposed to be amazing… oh but you already saw that, didn't you? I guess that's out of the question. And you already saw that superhero movie as well. Hmm… not many choices are there? I guess we can see Hard Living. A bit psychological for a Friday afternoon, but it's got good reviews, I hear. What do you think?"

They went to go buy the tickets. The movie ticket ripper-upper guy ripped up the tickets and told them theater eight, down the hall, first right. Even before entering the movie theater it was easy to tell that it wasn't quite as good as the other ones. For example, the sign used to state the name of the movie was written on white poster board as opposed to the regular eye-catching drama of a normal movie sign. Upon entering the theater there were even more signs of qualitative downgrade. There was no balcony seating whatsoever. This was particularly disappointing, seeing as it was a prime feature in all the other screens in the theater. Theater 8 also provided Shinji with the loneliest movie going crowd he had ever seen. Aside from the two of them there were only 4 other people there, all of them certainly over the age of 35. Cleary they had not chosen to see a popular movie.

Neither of them chose to comment on this. Instead they both chose to quietly sit there and wait. After roughly three or four hours of previews the movie finally started.

What a movie it was. The basic premise involved a poor married couple who seemingly hated each other, and loved their children. The man was abusive to his wife, often coming home drunk yelling at her, and in one gruesome scene going so far as to beat her. The wife spent most of her time in front of the TV sitting with their youngest child (whom she had somewhat of an unhealthy attachment to even by maternal standards). When she was not at home with the children, she frequently could be found at random motels having affairs with near strangers. But despite their obvious dysfunctions and inability to communicate with each other, by the end of the movie it was clear that all of them, even the man and wife, loved each other. The experience put a serious damper on Shinji's innocence. However, it wasn't the actual movie itself that did this, but more the person who he was watching it with.

Sayuri somehow managed in two hours to destroy any hope he'd ever had in discrete flirting. Her obviousness was astounding. At first he noticed how she quickly took up the armrest that came between him. This was a key part of her strategy. Instead of placing her arm face down as any normal armrest user would, she turned her hand so that it was palm up. This of course looked very odd and uncomfortable. At first, Shinji couldn't comprehend the meaning of it. It was only after they walked out of the theater a few hours later that he understood that she wanted him to hold her hand.

Then there was the incident with the drink and the straws. When they had gone to the concession stand to buy food, Sayuri had opted to buy them large popcorn and a single large drink for the two of them to share. Shinji, not quite getting it, offered to buy his own drink instead. But Sayuri said that that was ridiculous seeing as she didn't want to drink that much anyways and it would be easier just to share with two straws. But when they sat down for the movie it was apparent that she had somehow "forgotten" to grab another straw. Shinji quickly volunteered to go get another one, and Sayuri had to physically grab his arm and pull him back to stop him. "We can just share this straw," she said taking a sip from the drink and handing it to him. Slowly and reluctantly Shinji raised the straw to his lips. He could see from the corner of his eyes that Sayuri was watching him carefully. When he began to suck on the straw all he could imagine was that mountains of Sayuri's spit was traveling up the tube and into his mouth. It took all he had in him to force himself to swallow.

"Is it good?" she asked, most likely taking note of the disgusted look on his face. Shinji nodded yes, but he didn't take another drink of the pop that day.

However, what really topped the cake happened somewhere around the middle of the movie. There was this relatively calm point in the story where one of the married couple's kids was having a hard time in school. Sayuri took this time to yawn. Complete with loud yawn noises and everything. This wouldn't have been a big deal if she hadn't kept doing it. She waited a few minutes, then yawned again. A few more minutes and another yawn. Shinji was beginning to wonder just how tired this girl was. One of the adults sitting somewhere behind them whispered something about lack of respect. And then, in the most obvious display imaginable Sayuri let out the biggest yawn yet. She stretched her arms toward the ceiling arched her back, and really let that yawn go. Shinji observed from his peripheral view, that when she was done with this massive yawn, she seemed almost exhausted. Her arms fell limply downwards, one fell to her right, behind the empty seat next to him, and the other fell to her left behind the seat he was occupying.

On the outside he looked calm, but on the inside Shinji mentally freaked. He had just become a victim of the old yawn-and-stretch technique. Boy was it disheartening. She couldn't have been more obvious if she had sat directly in his lap. The transparent nature of the move completely shattered any illusions he held that he could one day try this on a girl. Before she even made her next move, he saw it coming a mile away. But out of sheer nerves and a desire to spare her from embarrassment, he pretended to be intently watching the screen as Sayuri brought her arm from behind his chair and placed it around his shoulders.

Even though he was expecting it, the action wreaked havoc on Shinji's mind. What would happen next? Was this the moment where the two of them turned and met each other's eyes, both feeling the tension flowing between them, realizing that each needed the same sweet release? Would Sayuri lean her body over the arm rest, the only barrier between them, and capture his lips in a kiss, leading them to spend the rest of the movie in a passionate lip lock, while the old folks around them were appalled and yelled, "Get a room!" from behind them. And then the two of them would take their advice! They'd get a room and…

If Shinji was truly waiting for something such as that to happen he'd be waiting a very long time. Sayuri was more than content to leave her arm where it was and watch the rest of the movie with relative inactivity. Occasionally she'd rub his left shoulder a bit, an action which did not cease to shake him up, no matter how many times it was repeated. But aside from that there were no more moves for the girl to make. She had accomplished what she'd wanted to, and for that Shinji was glad. He was able to relax and spend the remainder of the movie doing what he felt he should be doing in a movie theater. That is namely watching the screen.

"So did you like the movie?" asked Sayuri as the two of them wandered aimlessly through the mall.

Shinji sort of shrugged. It was a good movie certainly. Though he knew little about the subject, he thought the camera work was excellent. He made a note to ask Kensuke about it later… maybe. The acting was decent as well, although the only actor he recognized was the woman who played the mother. The problem lied within the plot. It was not a likeable story. In the end the husband ended up killing the wife's lover, and of course the wife knew about it. But she said she loved her husband and for a while agreed to keep it a secret. But at the end she betrayed the husband and turned him in to the police. Why'd she do it? "I did it for the children Takashi, I did it for the children".

"It was sad," Shinji said.

"Yeah it was sad," she agreed. "But it was more than that. It was real, you know? I know it's just a movie, but at the same time the writer has to base this off of something. The actors have to draw their inspiration from somewhere. And where do they get it? I think real life."

Shinji thought she might be on to something there. "I'd never really thought of it that way."

"I don't think a lot of people do," said Sayuri. "It's not something that's really pleasant to think about, is it? Because real life is a lot like that for some people. Bad things happen every day. Horrible things. And nobody cares to see it. We all ignore it so that we can live our own lives and pretend that everything is okay. We think that as long as our lives are good, there's no reason to worry about other people. It makes me wonder sometimes. Is this world a good place? Is this world worth existing in? Does the good outweigh the bad?"

If Sayuri expected Shinji to have an answer to that question she was truly barking up the wrong tree.

"How should I know?" he said, but felt bad after realizing how flippant it sounded.

"I'm glad you asked!" said Sayuri. She actually did seem glad. "I've been thinking about this for a while really. And I've come up with this test."

"A test?" said Shinji. Did this girl truly believe she could test the value of the world?

"It's simple," she said. "But you have to think a little laterally."

"Hmm…"

"Imagine everything good in the world." Her hands seemingly gestured everywhere at once. "All the kind people you know. People who give gifts. People who provide for the poor and needy. People who are willing to give their lives to save others. Who are willing to devote their time and effort toward the betterment of mankind."

"Now imagine all the bad things in life. The people who kick others when they're down. The people who lie, steal, and cheat, justifying it all by saying the ends instead of the means. People who don't care about anyone but themselves. Who will do anything to accomplish their goals."

"Step three. Flip them."

"Flip them?" asked Shinji.

"Yes, flip them," said Sayuri. "For every murderer there would be a martyr. There would be a robbery for every gift freely given. Every kind word would be an insult, and every loving touch would be a punch in the face. If you can imagine a world like that, then you could understand the worth of the world we live in now."

It was here that she official lost him.

"How does that work?" He certainly didn't understand

"It's simple," she said for the second time since she'd begun to explain. "The inverted world would be a mirror image of our own. So if that world were better off than the one we live in now, then we'd know that this world is more bad than good. If that world was a horrible place, then surely this one is a good one."

"So it's just backwards then?"

"Yes, that's it exactly. If we could see ourselves inverted we could tell who we are without being biased. We wouldn't recognize ourselves, so we'd be able to judge each other without our feelings getting in the way."

"But what if the world was exactly the same?" asked Shinji. "Like if there was the same amount of good as there was bad."

For a brief moment the wind fell out of Sayuri's sails. But before long she was cruising again.

"Well, then I guess that's a possibility too. That we're neutral. That it's all the way you see it. It could be that the world is neither good, nor bad. That it's only the person who is viewing the world that can determine how they feel about it themselves."

Shinji was skeptical.

"Can people do that? Just deciding what's good and what's bad on their own?"

"Why not?" asked Sayuri, now openly smiling. "It's your life isn't it? Why can't you decide how it goes?"

Shinji's brow furrowed at that. He felt the implications of this were astounding.

"Why can't I?" he asked quietly to no one. Sayuri continued to smile.

"Look Dad, I said I'm sorry. I just forgot to call. It's not that big of a deal."

"What do you think I've been doing? Just walking around with Shinji."

"Yes we're still here. Where else would we be?"

"I know not to go over some boy's house alone."

"Well you worry too much."

"I know, I know."

"Honestly, we're just going to get some ice cream."

"Do you really need to know that? … Strawberry, I guess."

"I'm not carrying a cone all the way home."

"If you want some then you'll have to come get it yourself."

"No Daddy! I'm just kidding. I'm with Shinji now. Are you trying to embarrass me?"

"Not funny."

"Still not funny."

"Alright, I'll talk to you later."

"Bye."

"Love you, Daddy."

Shinji licked at his vanilla cone with mild interest. Again they found themselves in the food court as Sayuri had correctly predicted. As it was later in the day, the area was more crowded than before. In truth they were lucky to find a table. But because of the space restraints they were forced to sit a little closer together than expected. After grabbing their ice cream their conversation died down. At first it wasn't noticeable, seeing as they were content with their frozen treats. But as the minutes ticked away, Shinji became nervously aware of how neither of them was talking. The moment he secretly feared finally came upon them. They had run out of conversation.

"So… you and your father are pretty close huh?" Shinji managed to stop himself from saying. It was a stupid comment and would lead them nowhere. Sayuri would just say yes and then he'd feel stupid for having brought it up. It would only remind him of his relationship with his own father, which mostly consisted of him saying, "Pilot it" and Shinji saying, "Ok."

Shinji decided to map out a few more conversations in his head.

"This ice cream is good" – "yes it is" – silence.

"So we're back in the food court, huh?" – "Yup" – silence.

"Why aren't we talking?" – "So you're uncomfortable being around me when we're silent." – "no it's not that at all." – "I want to go home now." – "I didn't mean anything by…" – "I said I want to go home now." – "okay." – "I never want to see you again." – "But we have class together." – "I'm going to ask to be transferred." – "That's kind of extreme don't you think?" – "nothing is too extreme when it comes to getting away from you!" – She gets up and leaves – silence.

Needless to say, things weren't going so well in Shinji's head. Luckily for him, Sayuri decided to take over and save him from the torture of silence.

"I've got an idea," she said. "You want to people watch?"

In truth this was an option that had not occurred to Shinji. The prospect of people watching stirred up a certain feeling within him that reached deep down inside making him say, "Huh?"

"Take that guy for instance." Sayuri pointed to a teenager who just entered the mall. "What do you think about him?"

"uhh… I don't know," said Shinji. He watched as the teenager walked slowly through the food court, throwing short glances around the room. "I guess he looks like a regular guy."

"Do you think he's a nice guy?" asked Sayuri.

Shinji stated his uncertainty. He had no idea how he was expected to explain that.

"Yeah, it's not easy to tell that from just a few minutes of watching. But if you had to guess, what would you say?"

Shinji still felt a little awkward about randomly judging people he didn't know, but he answered her anyways. "I guess he's as nice as anyone else around here."

"A very diplomatic answer, Mr. Ikari."

"yeah…"

"I'd say the same thing too." Her opinion seemed to validate his. "What do you think brings him here to the mall?"

"Hmm… shopping?" asked Shinji.

"I don't think so. Look at his eyes Shinji. Where are they going?"

From their table they could see that the man continued to glance in many different directions.

"He doesn't seem to be focusing on anything."

"Exactly! You see? He's looking for something around here. At first I thought it might be food, but then I realized that he was looking way too long. It doesn't take all that time for someone to pick what they want to eat."

"Uh-huh."

"So…"

"eh?"

"So… that means he's looking for something else doesn't it?"

"Yeah," said Shinji. "That makes sense. What do you think it is?"

"Look."

Sayuri pointed again towards where the guy was standing. For a few moments nothing happened. But then suddenly his face lit up in a smile. Shinji followed his line of view to a group of other teenagers that were heading in his direction. 2 guys and a girl. The closer they came, the more obvious it was that they knew each other.

"He was waiting for someone," said Shinji. He had the feeling that Sayuri was aware of this the whole time.

"Yup. He had all the classic signs. Looking all around the room, standing by himself, checking his watch every now and then. He might as well have put a sign on his head." She laughed a bit. "People are pretty obvious if you know what to look for."

Shinji didn't disagree. He just kept silent.

"Hey Shinji?" Sayuri asked drawing his attention. "What do you think all these people think when they look at the two of us?"

Shinji really wished she wouldn't put him on the spot like that. It wasn't very good for his health. Every time she asked him a question with an obvious answer his heart rate increased and he could feel his body heat rise. In this situation doubly so. What was he supposed to say to that? Two fourteen-year-old kids (at least he assumed she was fourteen) sitting at the same table eating ice cream and talking to each other with no one else around… what conclusion could he come up with? The realization wasn't as shocking as he thought it might be. Everything that had miraculously happened this day had led him here. It was just saying it out loud that would be difficult. He just hoped Sayuri wouldn't take it badly.

He scratched at his head with his free hand, making sure to avoid eye contact at all cost.

"I guess… they might say… if they weren't paying attention that is… they would probably say that the two of us could maybe look like we might be dating… or something…"

"You really think so?" asked Sayuri. Shinji still didn't look directly at her, but he got the impression that this news wasn't so bad to her.

"Well," he said feeling as if he were under spotlights. "We are sitting kind of close…"

Sayuri's eyes widened. Apparently this was news to her as well. Shinji wondered if it was even possible for her not to notice their proximity. They had accidentally touched knees several times since sitting down. But as shocked as Sayuri was by this realization she made no apparent move to remedy it. Not even a minor shift in position.

"Oh Shinji you must think I'm some crazy girl who keeps feeling all over you. And we barely met too."

"No," said Shinji. He didn't sound very convincing. "of course not."

"You don't have to be polite for me, Shinji. I know it's strange. But I've always been like this. Daddy says I was a very clingy child. Always grabbing at his hand and hanging on his arm." She paused before speaking again, a heavy blush rising to her cheeks. "It's embarrassing to admit it but as I got older he actually had to start punishing me for climbing into his lap. He said it was inappropriate for a girl of my age." It shocked Shinji that even now she couldn't stop herself from putting a hand on his knee. It was almost as if this was her way of conveying the sincerity of her words.

"But listen to me! I just keep rambling on and on about myself. All day I've done nothing but talk you to death and ask you random questions. And I still haven't even properly explained myself. You must think I'm the most scatterbrained girl in the world, don't you?"

Shinji felt bad about her sudden shift in temperament. He could see that she was sincerely embarrassed by her behavior. He wished he hadn't brought it up at all. Sure it had been a bit awkward at first, but it hadn't really bothered him that much. He tried to remedy the situation.

"I think you're interesting," he said. But when the embarrassing honesty of that statement sunk in, he found himself blushing as well.

"You're too nice Shinji. Really. But I don't think I'm getting my point across. How can I say it? Well… you know how all these people are?" She gestured to the inhabitants of the mall. "They're all so wrapped up in their own little worlds that they can hardly stand to let someone else in it. You could walk right by them and they'd pretend like it never happened. If you speak to them they're ready to get offended. You know?"

Shinji knew. It was like she was reading his mind.

"But when you touch somebody… it's like… it's like opening a door to their world. I think that that's why we shake hands when we meet new people. It's the ultimate form of social acknowledgement. When I touch you on the arm or tap you on the shoulder you can't just ignore me anymore. You have to realize that I exist." She paused again, looking at Shinji with serious eyes. "Does that make any sense to you?"

Shinji could tell just how much this meant to her and was almost on the verge of lying. But instead he took the truthful route. "Sort of."

Sayuri sighed in frustration.

"How can I make you see? Just…. Just here." Abruptly Sayuri moved the hand from his knee and placed it on the side of his face. Shinji's eye widened in shock. Suddenly he felt extremely uncomfortable. His mind was a mixture of excitement and fear. And yet, he couldn't bring himself to look away from her eyes.

"When I touch you like this I know I'm not alone anymore. I can feel your skin on my skin. I can feel your body heat." Sayuri frowned, fearing that she still wasn't getting her point across. "Bit its more than that. I'm letting you into my own little world. I'm making you a part of my reality. Right now, with me looking into your eyes and my hand on your face, we can't pretend that we're not both here. We can't pretend to be strangers, or act as if the other person doesn't matter."

And suddenly it all made sense. Sayuri watched as Shinji's eyes widened further. Not in shock, but in complete understanding. She continued on anyways.

"So you see why this is so important to me now don't you?" her voice was barely above a whisper. An involuntary shiver went down Shinji's spine when Sayuri said, "This makes you real to me."

Rest assured that this extremely touching moment of connecting souls came to an equally extreme awkward ending. For several long moments they sat there staring into each other's eyes, Sayuri's hand firmly cupping his cheek. Then reality kicked in. They were sitting in a crowded food court surrounded by many other people, having a very personal moment. Sayuri quickly withdrew her hand.

"Sorry about that."

"It's okay… I mean… it's good or…"

"Really sorry, I shouldn't have gone so far I was just trying to prove a point and-"

"I just didn't get it quick enough… dropped the ball there, but really it's okay because-"

"…exactly what Dad says. I always go too far, I don't know where to stop and-"

"… not a bad thing at all. Because I like being real… I mean who wouldn't like being real… no wait… what I'm saying is that hands go on people's faces all the time and nobody says anything, so it's no big deal… well not that it doesn't mean anything, I mean it does mean something because… you know… but it doesn't have to mean anything either… unless you want it to mean something because then it can… but not if you don't. I'm going to stop talking now."

Sayuri burst out laughing. She tried to hold it in, but failed. It was a soft sound that Shinji might have been able to appreciate had it not been directed at him. She continued to laugh for a while until she noticed the downtrodden look on his face.

"Oh sorry Shinji!" she said still unable to wipe the smile off her face. "I'm not laughing at you… it's just the whole thing. You have to admit it's kind of funny."

When Shinji thought back to it, he realized she was right. He couldn't help but smile a little himself.

"We're pretty ridiculous aren't we?" asked Sayuri.

"Yeah," said Shinji. "Ridiculous."

And that was that. They found themselves right back in the same position they had started with when they first sat down to eat their ice cream. There was simply nothing to say. They licked at their ice cream, occasionally shared a few glances, and engaged in a few private people watching sessions. The only difference between then and the current situation was that neither one of them felt that the silence was awkward anymore.

"We should get going," said Sayuri after they had finished their cones. "It's been really fun."

"Yeah it has."

"Can you walk me home, Shinji? My dad doesn't like me walking alone in the dark."

"Sure," said Shinji a little eagerly, but then he thought about it for a moment. He forgot all about the sync test. "Actually… I'm not sure. Where do you live?"

"Don't worry," said Sayuri. "It's in the same direction as your apartment. I see you walking home from school everyday."

"Okay," said Shinji. "I only asked because I have… I have somewhere I need to be soon."

"Yeah, I know, Shinji. We'll get you to your test on time."

Test…

A test is something used to determine something's worth. In this case the value of the connection between the pilot and the machine that he pilots. A connection which can be seemingly strong at one point, but later found to be completely lacking. A falsehood, if you will.

"Well let's get going."

Shinji always liked his friends even if he wasn't quite sure what their friendship meant. They were drawn to him mostly because of his ability to pilot. Through a series of random coincidences (though tragic ones) Toji and Kensuke slowly grew to be some of his closest human contacts.

"Shinji are you alright?"

But coincidence is the key. You cannot plan coincidence and thus it is pure and unexpected. It is natural and real. The proof of a coincidence lies in its inability to be otherwise orchestrated. Such proof is often hard to come by, but many times assumed. But some things…

"Shinji?"

…are too good to be true. Because as close as Shinji felt to Toji and Kensuke there would always be a tainted background to keep them apart. The subject of their meeting was far from perfect. That is to say again, that their meeting was largely orchestrated by the advent of his piloting Eva.

"Please answer me!"

And while it was his status as a pilot that brought them together, it was also this status that kept them apart. Whenever he was forced to mention his "job" he could see the awkwardness descend upon them. Kensuke with his desire to accumulate knowledge, and Toji with his remembrance of just exactly what his piloting had cost his family.

"Did I do something wrong?"

But it was more than that. It was also the secrecy. Because there were certain things he couldn't tell them. He couldn't tell them about battles and meetings and personnel because such things were classified. There were things they shouldn't know!

"Shinji… please," Sayuri was close to him again. Her face so close and full of concern. "People are looking… and you're scaring me."

Scaring her. Shinji found it completely odd that he was scaring her. He found it even more peculiar that he didn't even care.

"You shouldn't know that Sayuri," it was the first time he'd actually said her name. "Don't you know that you shouldn't know?"

"Shinji what are you talking about?"

"You don't work for NERV do you… because that would make sense… but you don't do you?"

Sayuri for once kept silent.

"They tell me… they tell me time and time again not to let any information out. The robot, the training, and the tests… no one is supposed to know. But you know…"

"Shinji," said Sayuri very quietly. "Let's go outside so we can talk, okay. I think you'll feel a lot better if we just talk. Sometimes I think the world is going horribly and that everything is bad, but then I just talk to my dad and I feel better, so lets go outside okay?"

"And how do you know about my family? How do you know that I don't have a sister?"

"We should really go outside…"

"And the movies… the movies too. You knew what movies I saw and I didn't even tell you. You knew exactly which ones I'd already seen."

"Shinji that's enough." She grabbed him by the arm and gently tugged him to his feet. Shinji just closed his eyes and shook his head, but he didn't resist. He let her lead him like a child all the way to the mall's double-doors. It wasn't until they were outside that Sayuri began to talk again. She held onto his arm as she did so.

"You see, Shinji… you can't just think I'm one of those girls, because I'm not. I don't… I don't care that you pilot and I don't go around with those groups that squeal about how cute you are or anything like that. I just… I care about you. I care a lot about you."

She began to rub her hand up his arm as she talked. It was more of a reflex than anything.

"Really, if there's one thing you can't doubt it's that I really care about you, because I think you're great. You're just a nice caring person and I really like that about you. And I hate lying to you Shinji… I tried not to as much as I could. I don't even think I did. I just didn't tell you things and I know that's just as bad, but I hope you understand."

Shinji could take it no longer. He broke free of her hold.

"Now wait a second Shinji!" Her voice was sounding whiny. "You have to let me explain."

When she placed her hand back on his shoulder, Shinji's patience had reached its end.

"Don't touch me!" he yelled. The pain on Sayuri's face was evident. She looked like she was going to cry.

"Okay," she said. "I won't touch you if you just let me explain. Okay?"

But Shinji wasn't listening. He made his way over to the nearest sidewalk bench and took a seat. Sayuri silently followed suit. After sitting down Shinji reached into his pocket and pulled out his cell phone.

"Who are you calling?" asked Sayuri.

Shinji was silent. He punched in the only number he knew by heart. Luckily there was an answer.

"Hello Misato."

"Why are you calling her?"

"Misato there's this girl…"

"Shinji what are you doing?"

"No Misato. No one's pregnant."

"Shinji, please you don't have to do this."

"She's… sick. She's sick Misato."

"No!"

"A hospital wouldn't help."

"I'm not crazy Shinji!"

He put down the phone and looked at the girl sitting beside him. It was hard, but he continued to stare straight into her eyes and said, "You need help."

The results were instant. Sayuri hung her head and folded her arms over her chest. But even though he expected it, something instinctive clicked in Shinji when he saw that she was crying.

"Misato… I'll call back."

This wasn't what he wanted. This felt bad. There he was sitting with this girl… this girl he knew even less than he thought he did. And she was crying on a park bench. They were getting along so well… if only he'd never caught her slip none of this would have happened.

"Sayuri," he said tentatively. He hovered a hand over her shoulder, but decided against it. He wasn't sure what it would mean to her. He was too confused. "Sayuri, are you okay?"

Sayuri tried to bring herself under control. She sniffed loudly several times. When she wiped at her nose and eyes with the back of her sleeve before talking. Watching this just made Shinji feel worse.

"I'm so sorry." Her voice sounded weak and pathetic. "I just… I couldn't do it anymore."

"Sayuri?"

"I couldn't just sit back and watch. I had to talk to you. I had to see you and talk to you and… I just… I had to make you real."

"But why me?" asked Shinji.

"Because Shinji," There was nothing happy about the smile Sayuri gave him. "Because you're you."

"You're not… you're not the only one that I watch Shinji. I watch everyone. I see them moving through their routines everyday. I see them stumbling around through life, not sure what they're doing. I see them lying and hurting each other. And I see how they genuinely love and care for each other as well. People… they're just so… interesting. And when I see a person I just want to know everything about them. I want to see what type of person they are and know what it's like in their world."

"And I'll admit… at first I only watched you so carefully because you were a pilot. I still don't think you realize what you do. You save people Shinji. And even though it's not something you want to do, you do it anyways. I think that's amazing, I really do. The same goes for Ayanami."

"But you're not like Ayanami. You're… not so hard. Neither of you know how to adjust… neither of you really know what you're doing. But she… she's so good at hiding it that it's almost like she doesn't care. And I don't know… even after watching her I still don't understand her. She's so guarded. She's not as easy to read as you."

"And that's what I don't understand. These people… they can tell that something's wrong with you. They can see that you're not happy. That you're trying to reach out to them. But they just don't care. It just…" she paused and took a breath. "It just makes me so mad sometimes to think about it. And pretty soon… I don't know why I did it… but I stopped watching everyone else. And I just focused on you. I had to see what it was about you that made you so sad."

Shinji didn't know what to say to that. Was he sad? He didn't know. Was he happy? He didn't think so. But there was something about the way she spoke and the things she said that left no doubt at all. What she said was true.

"So I watched you and I know it's not normal… but Shinji… you're great. Every time I look at you… I just get this feeling. You don't know. It's just… even now I feel it. And I just… I learned so much about you. So many great things that nobody else cared to know."

"You always sing when you cook. I love watching you cook because it's so great to hear you sing. And I know, the moment anyone else comes around, like Misato or her blonde friend, you'll stop. And I think it's such a shame that you stop for them because I bet they'd like to hear you too. And in the mornings… I swear I don't watch you every morning, it was just a few times because I was curious… but in the mornings you wake up before your alarm and you always yawn this big huge yawn and stretch out your arms and legs all across the bed. And sometimes I think… don't hate me for this… I just wonder what you'd do if I was in there with you. I always laugh when I think about you yawning and knocking me off the bed."

"What?"

"But I don't want to do anything with you… I mean… not yet. I just… I don't want to lie anymore. I'm not going to leave anything out. I know that you always feel better when you're wearing that one pair of boxers. The ones with the vertical blue and white stripes. And I don't know why it is, but whenever you wear that pair, you always smile more. And you eat a lot slower when you're alone. You take your time and you enjoy each bite, and you don't even care if it takes you over an hour because you're enjoying the food. And I wish you'd play the cello more because you're very good I think. It's great to hear you, and I don't think anybody at school knows you're so talented. I don't know why you don't join the orchestra."

"But I just… I needed to talk to you. I needed to know you and I know I should have just come up to you and said hello or something but I was so afraid that you'd think it was odd… or that I'd say the wrong thing. And I needed to go in with a plan. That's why I put my phone in your book bag. Because it was the only way I knew I wouldn't chicken out. I had to get my phone back no matter what. I wasn't lying about that… my dad would be so mad. And I had to let the battery reach just the right strength so that it would die before you made it downtown to see me. And I know… I know it was sneaky and dishonest, but I had to do it. It was the only way."

"Because there's things I don't understand too. Things that I could only learn if I knew you, if I could see and touch and talk with you. Like when you hang out with your friends. Why are you so quiet all the time? Why don't you talk to them and share your ideas, because I know you have them. I know you do. And I don't understand why you don't go make friends with other people. Because if they knew you… if they really knew you, they'd love you like I do."

"Because you're nice to everyone. It doesn't matter how badly they treat you, you're still nice to them anyways. And even if they ignore you, you're just there waiting for the time that they'll pay attention to you again. I don't think there's a mean bone in your body. And if there is, it's only been used against you yourself. And I just don't know what to say Shinji. I love you. I really really love you."

Through it all, she never stopped looking at him. She kept staring at him watching each and every change in his face. If he was surprised by something she said, Sayuri saw it. If something embarrassed him, she saw that too. And if he was saddened by something, she could read it from his face. But she was happy to see that anger never crossed his features. There was plenty of confusion there, that's for sure. But anger was not a part of it. But any joy she had felt from his lack of anger, was sucked away at his next words.

"I don't even know anything about you."

"That's not… that's not important Shinji. You don't have to know me. I don't care."

"I care."

"Shinji?"

"Can I talk for a bit?" asked Shinji. Sayuri nodded. "I hear all these things you're saying and… I don't know. It scares me. I don't know who you are and you know everything about me. And I don't think you're dangerous. I don't think you're going to hurt me or anything like that. But I think that maybe you just… maybe you need some help."

Sayuri shook her head from side to side.

"Shinji… no…"

"You're a nice person Sayuri and I had fun today. But you're… you're a stalker. And I don't think I can do this. I don't how to deal with this."

"No…"

"You need help. Someone needs to-"

"I said no!"

The look on her face as she screamed was enough to quiet Shinji.

"It doesn't matter. Even if I'm… if I'm crazy because I don't care about any of that. If you want me to go see somebody, okay. I'll go. But you can't… you can't just forget about me! You can't stop me from seeing you! You know what everyone else is like. They walk past you and don't even care. They see you in pain with your heart on your sleeve and they don't even care! They're too busy looking at their watches and checking the time, and thinking about their jobs or their schoolwork, or their other friends to even give you a second glance. But me… I'm not looking at those things. I'm not thinking about other things. I'm looking at you. I want to be with you."

"And I don't care. I don't expect you to love me. I don't even want you to love me now… not yet… because it's not fair. You wouldn't get to go through what I did. You wouldn't get to see one person day in and day out, and learn to care so much about them that you could hardly think about anything else. And the thing is… you think that nobody likes you. That the only reason anybody is around you is because they pity you or want to use you."

"But me? I don't want anything from you." Her voice squeaked out at the end. "All I want is to be near you."

Shinji watched as she broke down in tears again. But this time she didn't curl up into herself. She just sat there staring at him. He saw as she reached out a hand to touch him again but abruptly pulled it back, almost as if he had invisibly smacked her hand. And Shinji saw that her pain was honest. That at the very least, she believed what she said was real.

Sayuri literally jumped when he spoke.

"I'm not…" he said but had to stop. "I'm not a good person. I don't know how you see any of that stuff in me I just… I don't get it."

Sayuri began to protest but Shinji held up a hand.

"I don't get how you can see that in… in anyone at all. But I think. I think it's really amazing that you can."

"Shinji?"

"Don't misunderstand me. I still think you need… you're not well. But you see things in ways I can't. And sometimes it's like you're in my head. You know me so well it's scary. But you still don't… you don't know me. And I don't know you at all. I'm sorry… but… you understand don't you?"

Sayuri couldn't look at him after he said that. It was all she could do to stop herself from crying again. She just nodded her head.

"I don't blame, you Shinji. I lied, and I spied on you, and I ruined your day. If I were you, I don't know what I'd do I just… I'm sorry I wasted your-"

But she stopped talking. She looked up and she saw his eyes. No they didn't tell her anything she didn't know about the boy. They didn't reveal the deep mysteries of his soul. But they were staring into her eyes. They were staring at her. And his hand had been raised. It was resting on her cheek. She could feel the smooth skin there bending to the contours of her face. And in that moment that seemed to last a lifetime she realized that she was real.

And just as quickly as the moment began, it ended. Shinji stood up from his spot on the bench and for a moment Sayuri thought he was going to leave her there.

"Come on," said Shinji offering a hand for her to grab. "You've got to get home right?"

"Get home?" She could barely comprehend what was going on.

"Yeah, I was supposed to walk you home wasn't I?"

Still feeling confused, she grabbed his hand and allowed him to pull her to her feet. When she was standing he did not let go.

"But… everything you said…"

"I don't want to worry about that right now. I think… it'll work out. Don't you?"

"Shinji… I honestly don't know what to say."

The thought of Sayuri at a loss for words made Shinji openly smile.

"You don't have to say anything, I guess," he said as the two of them began to walk. "I could talk about something… if you want."

Sayuri was silent for quite some time. Just taking in the scene. She had finally worked up the courage to ask Shinji out (despite the obvious trickery involved) and against all odds he had accepted. Not only that, but he had even enjoyed her company during the majority of the day. And even after she had gone and blown it, he was there forgiving her. Taking her hand and walking her home. He was going to give her a chance to be inside his life.

Even though it was all she'd hoped for, it made no sense.

"I'd like that," she said in answer. Who was she to mess with a good thing?

"I guess I should start with something you don't know then, huh?" asked Shinji

"That would be nice."

"Okay. I'll tell you about the first time I met Misato…" but suddenly Shinji turned deadly silent and ceased to walk. He turned to face Sayuri and stared deeply into her eyes. His was shaking slightly as he grabbed her other hand into his. And when he spoke his voice was barely above a whisper. It was clear he was deadly serious.

"But before we go any further, before I tell you anything more, there's one thing I have to ask you to do."

Sayuri didn't even hesitate.

"Anything. I'll do anything."

Shinji smiled, relief evident on his face.

"You've got to stop watching me undress."

AN: Well there you have it. That's my big anti-waff/waff masterpiece. Surprising? Maybe not. But I enjoyed myself with it, despite the two day marathon in which the majority of the story was written. Expect an omake sometime in the future... just a few short little fun scenes... maybe one day a continuation, if I ever manage to finish all my other chaptered fics (though that's unlikely). Also for anyone who's still looking for the meaning of title, here's a hint. Look between the lines... you see all that white space? There's your answer. Still don't get it? That means you're sane.