Friends with Benefits

By simplydZ

Chapter 3: Kissing

They had shed their innocence. They had always been aware, so painfully aware of the circumstances of their lives, an annoying flicker in the back of their minds, a constant reminder in the background of their everyday lives.

Ever since cognition, they had been aware.

But they had been hopeful. They had been hopeful that perhaps as the time went by, the corruption would lift. That his family would realize their wrong doings, that her mother would be able to escape her painful sexual cage.

They hadn't. She hadn't.

But they had learned to deal. He had grudgingly accepted that he was powerless at a mere age of seventeen, that his elders were complicated, that they weren't black and he wasn't white as he dreamt in his childhood. They were complicated. And he was no angel.

And she had reluctantly accepted her mother's occupation, had seen her mother's imperfections, had seen through her mother's reluctance and inability to step away. And she had learned to love her mother, imperfection and all. Because at fifteen, that was the best she could do. That was the best she could do for her tattered mother, because she was no savior.

They had shed their innocence. The circumstances of their lives had dulled to a subtle ache.

But that ache seemed to temporarily fade as he gently nibbled on her lower lip.

It was an impulse.

It was the ice cream. He blamed the ice cream. He blamed the skimpy summer uniform, he blamed the sprinklers in the fountain she had just happily jumped through, an exuberant smile on her beautiful features. He blamed her radiance, the simple innocence in her giggle as she licked her popsicle, blamed the way a droplet had trickled down her now see-through shirt.

He tasted her strawberry ice cream on her lips, and ignored as he heard the same popsicle drop from the delicately small hand he had grabbed to pull her closer and deepen the kiss.

He had never done that before. He had never been so impulsive. He had had many other kisses in his short life, with many other girls.

He had never imagined any of them to be with Sakura.

"Syaoran…?" her voice was tentative as they broke apart, and she looked up at him with wide eyes and cheeks and lips slightly redder than usual.

And he dived back in to the bliss that was her, and he could only imagine in the back of his mind the scene they most likely made, kissing in front of a beautiful fountain in a beautifully green park under a beautifully blue and sunny sky.

And even after so many kisses with so many others, this first one with Sakura felt so much more right.

And he felt like a blubbering helpless sap.

"Why did you do that?" he demanded as they broke apart again.

Why do you have such a beautiful smile on your face? Why do you see life so beautifully, so innocently, so courageously, when you and I both know how less than innocent it is? How difficult it is? How painful it is?

"Do what?" her eyes were wide from confusion this time.

"Do that. That! Jump into that blasted fountain! Now you're soaking wet!"

Do that, that smile that shows how in love you are, in love with life because you believe it so beautiful? How do you have the courage to believe, to accept the worst of your situation?

She giggled, "because it's such an amazing day, Syaoran! The sun's shining the right way and the sky is so brilliantly blue, and it's so good to be alive, and why shouldn't I jump into the fountain?"

She saw the frown on his face.

"Oh, lighten up, Ran-neechan!" she giggled.

His frown deepened at her pet name for him, but he grabbed her and wrapped his jacket around her nonetheless.

"You'll get a cold, idiot," he grumbled. And all the guys can see through your shirt. Idiot.

"And I can see your bra," he gently teased.

She playfully smacked his arm, "watch where you're staring, mister!"

And they laughed.

She was no longer that brave and helpless little girl that had come to him for help. She was no longer bullied, for she had proven to her peers her worth. She had proven with her hard work her intelligence, had proven her wit, and had won their love and respect with her charm and infectious laughter. Everyone knew of her mother, but they no longer spoke to her and of her in hushed and harsh tones.

Because she was beautiful, and they admired her.

He admired her.

He was jealous of her.

And as he watched her twirl around on the grass, lightness in her steps, he laughed at her silliness. He had never imagined any of those kisses to be with Sakura.

That was a disgustingly blatant lie.

He loved her.

And he was scared.

He wanted to protect her.

He was ashamed. What could he do? He was a coward.

He didn't deserve her.

But he loved her.

"Syaoran! Come play with me!" she laughed mid-twirl.

He grinned, "you're a weird one!"

"Syaoran!" A pout.

He loved her.

TBC

Disclaimer: me no own CCS!

I can't believe it took me two summers, 4 semesters, and countless heartaches to put this up. I know this one doesn't have that many readers, but I hope that whoever that's left that isn't fed up with my idiocy and lack of dedication will give it another chance.

Because it seems that no matter what path my life takes me down, no matter how busy I am and no matter how far I segway from my writing, it always comes back. And sometimes I'll re-read my old works (if anyone can call it that) and wonder what would happen to the characters. Because even I don't know, heh.

And sometimes, in these fits of lunacy I'll actually want to see what happens to these characters I created. And sometimes, I'll finally get the courage to follow through, and play with these stories that I started when I was still so much younger and so much more naïve and so much more immature.

I'm still debating whether or not to continue. If I do, I think it may be Hubris next. Then perhaps Deep Water.

Who knows?

But I'm in love and I'm out of love and I want to share these with the whole world, if you would give me that chance.