Separation Anxiety
Chapter 02
The Hedgehog's Dilemma - Part I

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The closer two beings come to each other, the more likely they are to hurt one another;
however if they remain apart, they will each feel the pain of loneliness.
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"If it's with you, then it's okay."

Kaoru hadn't always felt like that way, had he? Their Little Devils act at the Host Club really was just an act. Right? Then again, maybe it was because of the act that he was so willing to accept the predicament. The act had lessened the guilty feelings—They had been doing it for almost a year now. To them, it was natural.

--

"Kaoru," whispered Hikaru as he shook his brother's arm. "If you don't wake up soon, we'll be late for school."

Hikaru was feeling energetic, despite the lack of sunlight that morning. It would, he admitted to himself, be nice to crawl back into bed and snuggle Kaoru until he was ready to wake up. "Hey, Kaoru, c'mon… You've been asleep for nearly twelve hours!"

After a few seconds, Kaoru made the struggle to open his eyes. Once they were open, though, they seemed ready to close again. "Mmph… Can't I have five more minutes…?"

"Afraid not. Sleeping too much isn't healthy, either." Hikaru leaned over his brother and folded his hands behind his back. "Aren't you ready to face the world and its news media?"

"Hikaru…"

"I've been thinking for a while—I've been up since seven—and I've come up with a few good stories to tell Mom." Hikaru tapped his chin thoughtfully. "So far, the best one is about how we professed our love to each other in front of the church to protect Haruhi. Some muggers were going to kill her if we didn't—"

"Hikaru…!"

"What is it, Kaoru…?"

"You're rambling." Kaoru rubbed his eyes sleepily. "You ramble when you're nervous. And…" He pulled the blanket up to his chin. "I don't feel very well."

"You got sick?! Should I go call the doctor?" Hikaru sat on the bed and stared anxiously down at Kaoru. "What should I do?"

"I think it's just a cold. I'll be fine, really. But what are we going to do about school?"

"…You're right. It's never been just one of us sick… Should I go?"

"You're the older one," Kaoru pointed out. "You should be making the decisions, not me. But… I'd really like it if you stayed home, today."

Hikaru looked at the expression on Kaoru's face. His heart thudded almost painfully against his ribcage. Kaoru looked so innocent, almost in a Hunny sort of fashion. There was something about Kaoru that was different from himself. He wondered why, if there was this obvious difference, no one but Haruhi tell them apart.

"How did you get sick?"

Kaoru closed his eyes thoughtfully. "I'm not sure. It could've been a few days ago when it rained. You were holding the umbrella all wrong, and I ended up getting pretty soaked anyway…"

"Th—This is my fault?! You're sick because of me?!"

"Hey, Hikaru! Calm down…! I wasn't trying to blame you or anything. I only meant that the weather was bad, and I got sick because of it."

Hikaru crossed his arms and glanced towards the door. "Mom stayed home today, too. Dad's plane is supposed to be landing in a few hours as well. Guess we'll have to tell them ourselves if they didn't already see it on the news."

Kaoru waved his hand dismissively in the air. "Our Dad is too judicious to say anything. He may not accept it, but he'll still probably act like he does."

"And Mom…?" Hikaru tilted his head questioningly.

"Mom will be absolutely furious. I hope she doesn't spiral into depression. It's not exactly her fault she's a famous fashion designer, or that dad's a business man always working in other cities or countries. It's not their fault we were left to fend for ourselves." Despite his cold words, Kaoru's face was pleasantly content.

"…Uhm… Kaoru?"

"Really, really! I'm fine, just a little tired. You can tell Mom I won't be going to school, though." Kaoru frowned a bit. "You never answered my question, either. Are you going to stay home with me?"

"Of course! I wouldn't leave you alone here. Mom and Dad may be present, but it'd feel all alienated and weird."

"Right…" Kaoru gave a relief-filled sigh. "Thank you."

Hikaru unbuttoned his blazer and wriggled out of it. After tossing it at a chair, he patted Kaoru's head and stood up. "I'll go and tell Mom we're not going to school. Try and get some sleep, okay?"

"Okay… Hikaru?"

"Hm?"

"I love you…"

Hikaru laughed and placed a hand on his hip. "Kaoru, you always sound so forlorn when you say that. But, I love you too, so it doesn't matter. Get well soon, okay?"

Kaoru nodded and pulled the blankets over his head. His stomach gave a monstrous roar, but he felt too sick to eat without throwing it right back up again.

---

"Mom!" Hikaru rushed down the stairs so fast he nearly tripped over the final three steps. "Mom, where are you?" He wandered into the kitchen and tapped the shoulder of one of the maids. "Sorry to interrupt, but do you know where Mom is?"

The maid furrowed her brow. "Young Master, I believe she was reading the newspaper. She seems terribly shocked over whatever its content is…"

"Th—The newspaper?" Hikaru laughed nervously and crossed his arms. "I see. So she's in her 'Inspiration Chambers', eh?"

The maid nodded. "I'm not sure if she's upset or not, but…"

Hikaru frowned a bit. He realized he did not know the maid's name. Then again, he was certain the maid didn't know whether he was Hikaru or Kaoru. The guilt quickly faded. "All right. Thanks a bunch!"

Hikaru grabbed a plate of freshly prepared pancakes, a fork, and two bottles of maple syrup before making his way out of the kitchen and sharply rounding the corner. He set his future breakfast on the dining room table for later, and then went to the 'Inspiration Chambers'. He knocked twice on the door to his mother's chambers and peeked inside. "Mom?"

The 'Inspiration Chamber' was virtually one big multi-colored room. It was as though hippies had gotten a hold of the room, had a paint fight, proceeded by a flower fight. Yuzuha Hitachiin was sitting in the middle of the room, two different stacks of designs in front of her. The current newspaper was resting on her lap.

"Hey, Mom? Kaoru's sick today…"

Yuzuha looked up at her son, and Hikaru felt unsure as to what she was feeling. Kaoru—the emotional and sensitive twin—would probably know. Unfortunately, he was a floor above him, and had probably fallen asleep again.

"I know you two are ambitious," Yuzuha said. Her voice was shaking—but not out of amusement. That meant it was a fifty-fifty shot between anger and sadness. "But honestly, the front page? With that picture?" She held up the offending newspaper and offered it to Hikaru, who took tentatively took it.

"Hikaru and Kaoru Hitachiin — Lovers For Life," read Hikaru. "Well, isn't that a wishy-washy title?" His mother was not amused, so he took a more serious tone. "Hikaru and Kaoru Hitachiin, sons of famous fashion designer Yuzuha Hitachiin, confessed their love in front of Gippalai Church—previously scheduled to be closed this Friday." Hikaru glanced at the picture. Of course, it would be a badly angled shot of him kissing Kaoru on the nose. From that perspective, it looked like so much more.

"I can't believe you two…! Typical incest is taboo enough, but you two just had to take it to the extreme…!"

"Mom, that's not what happened. Let me explain."

Yuzuha sighed heavily. "Okay."

Hikaru's voice seemed to have gotten caught in his throat. "We…" Hikaru kicked nervously at the floor. "Kaoru and I… We're in the Host Club at school, you know?"

Yuzuha nodded. "Yes. It's the after-school activity that you and Kaoru go to every day. You said it made you a lot of friends…"

Hikaru nodded, glad that his mother was seeming to be more accepting of the matter. "Well, see… Our… Kaoru and I… Our act is called the Little Devils. I mean, it's a good name because the two of us are pretty…mischievous. But, we also have a gimmick. At the Host Club, we play the role of… incestuous twins. I guess it kinda… rubbed off."

"So," confirmed Yuzuha, "you two got this idea because of that club?"

"No! No, Mom. It's not like that. You know how close Kaoru and I have always been. It… It was bound to happen! We've made the friends we've always wanted. We don't need to break apart!"

"Hikaru, look. I love you and Kaoru with all of my heart. I'm your mother after all. But… Feeling that kind of attraction to your brother—your twin brother—just isn't natural." Yuzuha stood and placed her hands on Hikaru's shoulders.

Hikaru lowered his gaze and stared at the floor. He could feel his temper and emotions rising drastically. But he couldn't explode at his mother. "We don't want to be normal!"

"Hikaru, listen…! If you and your brother were attracted to members of the same gender, I would be fine with that. I am, really. But I just can't accept you and your brother feeling that way about each other."

"This conversation is going in circles." Hikaru glared aside. "Look, Kaoru is sick. I'm going to stay home and keep him company, okay?"

"If Kaoru is sick, then he needs his rest. Maybe it's better if you go to school without him, today."

"Mom! I already promised him that I'd stay home! If I go to school, I won't be able to go to the Host Club."

Yuzuha gave another sigh. "Perhaps continuing to go to that club isn't such a good idea, either. I know you've made all of your friends from that club, but I don't want you to keep up the club activities if it involves being incestuous with your brother."

"Mom…! You can't make us quit the Host Club! We'll hardly be able to talk with any of our friends. We don't see the seniors during the normal day, so..."

"Sweetie… Hikaru." Yuzuha tried a different approach. "Have you thought about how Kaoru feels? You may be his twin, but there must be times when you both think differently. From what I've seen as a mother, you always take the lead and Kaoru willingly follows. Maybe he's doing this to make you happy…? Besides, you're both young. You could just be confused."

"I'm not confused." Hikaru angrily pulled away from his mother and stormed out of the room. "I'm not going to school!"

"Hikaru! If you don't go to school, I'll have to pick up the phone and call a psychologist. I can make an appointment for today."

Hikaru stopped in his tracks. The thought of sitting there in some strange room with some person who has mastered 'Psycho Babble' did not seem like much fun. Having his mind pried into… All that psychologist would be able to do would be to try and convince him and Kaoru that their forbidden love had its reasons for being forbidden, and that it was wrong, and sinful, and that he and Kaoru should care that it was wrong and sinful. Hikaru clenched his hands tightly at his sides. "Fine," he muttered vehemently. "I'll go to school."

"…No Host Club either, okay…?"

"Sure. Whatever."

"If you two really do harbor such feelings toward each other… If they're honest feelings, they'll still be around in a year or two, right? As your mother, I'm doing this to help you. Maybe it won't be so taboo then."

Hikaru shook his head and waved his hand dismissively. "I have to go get my blazer." He marched stiffly out of his mother's chambers, past the dining room where his breakfast remained ignored, and back up the stairs he had almost joyfully skipped down a few minutes before.

He stuffed his hands into his pockets as he walked into the room he and Kaoru shared. With a sigh, he snatched his blazer from the chair and put it back on. Then he looked at the lump on the bed that was completely covered by the blankets. "You're asleep, aren't you? Kaoru...?"

When Kaoru made no response, Hikaru gently pulled back the blankets. "Hey," he whispered. He placed a hand on Kaoru's warm cheek. "I'm sorry for breaking my promise to you." He leaned down carefully and kissed the corner of Kaoru's mouth.

"Have you thought about how Kaoru feels?"

Of course he thought about how Kaoru felt! Kaoru was always the one saying 'I love you' first. But… Kaoru was also the one who agreed to—not suggested—that they practice kissing. Kaoru was also the one who was waiting patiently to be kissed. He didn't seem nervous at all. Didn't people in love, who are about to kiss for the first time, tend to be nervous?

"You're not lying to me, are you, Kaoru? You love me, the way you say you do, right?"

Kaoru merely stretched slightly and threw an arm casually over his face to block out the invading sunlight.

"You're not being the hero and taking a step back and letting me dominate everything we do again, are you?" Hikaru kissed Kaoru's forehead and straightened. "I hope not."

With a heavy heart, Hikaru grabbed his school work from their desk and marched outside and over to the limo.

He climbed inside, and stared at Kaoru's normal, and empty seat. "This is so weird…"

"Young Master, is your brother not riding with you today?"

"No…" Hikaru frowned. He pushed the button on the side of the door to raise the tinted, soundproof glass window. Then he pulled his knees to his chest and struggled not to let more than the first few burning tears slide down his face.

"Kaoru…"

Author's Note: …Wow! So much angst. I thought this was supposed to be a romantic comedy! Bad Raserei Hojo, bad! I think the next chapter will be full of angst, too. There's romance, though! But the chapter after that should will contain comedy! Romance, too. Possibly intense romance! Please leave a review! They are greatly appreciated. Also, do you think there was too much dialogue…?