Okay, my second lemon ever written. Hope you like it. TsuSoka forever!!

--------------------------------------------------

Hisoka tried to calm his heart as he started the water for the tea. Tsuzuki was in the living room sitting on the couch, idly glancing at one of the many books strewn across the coffee table. Friday night, a dinner date and home for tea. The usual sort of thing with them now. It had been over half a year since the beginning of their relationship and through all the insane incidences and swinging emotions they'd managed to come out stronger. And now he wanted…something more.

The question still remained however: how to start?

He jumped when the kettle whistled shrilly and quickly cut the flame. Filling the cups he willed his hands to remain steady as he carried them to the living room. His voice likewise had to be braced. "I brought extra sugar for yours."

"Ah, you know me so well," Tsuzuki chuckled.

"I should by now. I don't think I can count the number of times you've come by for tea by now."

"I think it's somewhere in the 'not going to stop anytime soon' range."

He smiled at the answer and took a sip, quickly blowing across the liquid to cool it. They sat in silence, but it was the silence of just enjoying the other's company. The awkwardness came and went but for now it was away and leaving them to themselves.

Hisoka took a deep breath and set his cup on the table. "Tsuzuki…"

"Yes?" He didn't do anything when he took the half empty cup and set it next to his. A small smile crossed his lips when the teen hesitantly pushed up to place their lips together. He grunted in surprise when thin legs came up to straddle one of his and the teen pushed him back against the armrest to deepen the kiss. A shy but determined tongue probed his lips till they parted. Not one to object to such closeness he met it with his own tongue, drawing the younger man's into a lazy duel. He gasped however when he felt hands at his top button trying to unfasten it. Breaking the kiss, he pulled back slightly to stair at his boyfriend in question. "Hisoka, what are you doing?"

The boy's eyes were already a little hazy with emotion as he leaned forward again. "I want this, Tsuzuki…I want it."

Amethyst eyes widened as soft lips trailed down his throat. He could feel how Hisoka's skin burned against his, maybe from embarrassment or maybe from something much more wild that had seeped it's way into him from somewhere.

"H-Hisoka, wait…we should wait…You're not ready—"

"No." He was surprise by the conviction in that simple answer but even more by the determination in them. "You're wrong, Tsu…Asato. I am ready. I want this, you, all of you. I'm not going to let any stupid fears or a past I can't change stop me from having the kind of relationship I want with you!" Bold though the words were the elder shinigami couldn't miss the waver that still remained in it. The smaller hands were fisted in his shirt to anchor him to the couch and there was a fine tremor of strong will and nervousness mingling in his body.

Slowly he smiled and cupped the back of his neck to bring him in for a kiss against his temple. "Hisoka, we should—"

"I said I don't want to wait anymore!" he growled, his usual ire at being contradicted coming up.

Tsuzuki just smiled and pressed their foreheads together. "I was going to say we should move somewhere more comfortable. A couch isn't ideal for this."

Hisoka blushed and nodded slightly as he stood up. He twined his fingers with Tsuzuki's and led him down the hall to his bedroom. Once in the doorway though he hesitated. Okay, now what? How do we….what do I…

Two strong arms came around and pulled him flush against a broad chest. "We can wait, Hisoka. I don't mind." Though I won't deny I want this as well. Very much.

The blonde sank back in the embrace and took a deep breath. "N-no, I'm ready."

So determined, Tsuzuki smiled and leaned down to drop kisses on his exposed neck. "Nervous then?"

"A l-little…" he admitted quietly.

"Don't worry. I'm sure you'll be quite gentle." He smirked when the boy's shoulders tensed under that implication.

"Y-you…want it like that?"

"I want whatever's best for you. I love you, Hisoka." Buried his nose in the hair and tightened his hold. "So, so much. I love you."

Hisoka's body burned as those words coursed through him again. He'd said them once before and his answer had never came. He opened his mouth and tried to force the words out but as much truth as they held they wouldn't come. He gritted his teeth in frustration. Dammit, why?! If I can't tell him…if I can't tell him…then maybe… He turned in Tsuzuki's grasp to wrap his arms around his back. Then he gently brought his lips to rest against the older man's shirt over his heart. He felt it flutter through the cloth and wished it wasn't there anymore, separating him from the warm skin beneath it.

"Hisoka…" He looked up at his name and moaned lightly when lips descended on his. Tsuzuki pushed him back until he tipped them over onto the bed. Rising into a sitting position, he watched as hands that were slowly losing that nervous shake pulled his shirt over his head. Pale, ivory skin shone bright in the cool moonlight leaking in through the window. Tsuzuki's breath caught as he took in the lean—not skinny, just lean and trimmed—form of his lover. Reaching out as if to make sure he was real, one broad hand trailed up from his stomach to his chest, grazing one pectoral softly with his nail. Hisoka's breath hitched at that and he looked up to see his eyes tightly closed. "Hisoka?"

"S…S'okay. Just getting used to…all of it."

Tsuzuki smiled and took his shirt to toss it onto the floor. He then took his lover's smaller hands and brought them up to rest on the shoulders of his dress shirt. "Help me?"

Hisoka blinked slowly before looking at his task and slowly unfastening each of the buttons. As each one came undone the expanse of skin he could see grew larger and more enticing. When the last button was undone he pulled the shirt from his pants and tossed it aside. With his chest bare Hisoka stared at the well toned planes not new but newly appreciated to his eyes. Leaning in he repeated his earlier show of love and kissed his chest just above his heart. It fluttered again and he smiled against the warm skin. He held his breath as his hands trailed down lower and fingered his belt with out actually working it out.

"Getting bolder now, hm?" The blonde flushed and stopped his idle toying but he had no time to react as Tsuzuki pushed gently him to lie back against the bed. His fingers continued to ghost over the addictive flesh now bare to him. "So beautiful…" he whispered and captured his lips again. Trailing his lips down he began to kiss and nip along his neck, then his shoulders and finally his chest. When his lips found an already aroused nipple he flicked his tongue against it and received a breathless gasp.

"A…Asato…"

He smiled and licked it again, then took it into his mouth. That got him a delicious moan and a hand in his hair, pulling gently. He's much more responsive than I first thought he'd be… The blonde twisted a little when his hand came up and tweaked the other nipple, and he gave another gasp when mouth and hand exchanged places.

Tsuzuki continued down after a few more moments of torture, kissing the flat stomach and dipping his tongue into his navel against his fluttering abdominal muscles. Hisoka bit his lip against making anymore embarrassing noises. Well, he couldn't have that. He came back up and meshed their lips together, prying them away from teeth with his tongue. The blonde tensed when his hands went to the catch of his pants.

"Is it okay?" Tsuzuki breathed.

"…Yes…" Hisoka wrapped his arms around his neck and moved his hips towards the hands in consent. Tsuzuki undid the button and the fly gently and then gripped the hem of the jeans. He waited a second to make sure there was no objection and then carefully slid them, and his boxers, off to join the growing pile of clothes on the floor.

He laid the boy back down and reared back to look at his prize. He forgot to breathe for a few moments as he stared at the form before him. Hisoka began to fidget under his gaze, bringing his legs together self consciously. When he leaned down for a deep kiss he relaxed a little more till he heard a hoarse whisper next to his ear.

"You're beautiful, Hisoka…don't hide from me. I love everything about you." Hisoka shivered as a hand came down and gently rubbed his hip. He seized for a moment, groaning loudly when his hand trailed over his erection lightly. "What do you want, Hisoka? Tell me and I'll do it."

The blonde gulped before reaching up and pulling him down, parting his legs just a little. "Like this…I want you like this…"

"You're sure?" He pulled back and looked into the green depths of his lover's eyes.

He nodded a little. "I'm sure. I know you won't hurt me."

"I won't, Hisoka. I promise I'll be gentle and make it good for you—" He broke off suddenly, the tender (and somewhat excited) expression suddenly turning blank. Then he cursed under his breath. "Hisoka, we can't do it now."

"What? Why not?"

"Because we don't have any lube." He sighed and rested his head against the boy's shoulder. "I would never do this without it, it would be too painful for you."

"Lube…" the boy muttered, then blushed fiercely to the other's confusion. "I…I have some. In my pants pocket…"

Tsuzuki blinked, wondering if he'd heard that right, but when the boy didn't look at him he reached over to where he'd dropped jeans and rifled through the pockets. Coming up with a tube of lube he gaped at his young lover. "Hisoka…"

"Watari gave it to me, okay?!" he groused. "I went to ask him about…stuff like this and he gave it to me…" And a magazine that's still hiding in my desk drawer at work, but you don't need to know that. I didn't need to know half that stuff!

Amethyst eyes still stared. "Hisoka…you really do want this, don't you?"

"Would I have said I wanted it if I didn't?" he growled.

"No, no…I'm just…" He smiled and kissed his cheek. "I'm just very moved you'd go through something so tough for you to do for me."

The boy smirked and drew him into a proper kiss. With that little admission the tension he'd been feeling seemed to be cut in half twice. "It's worth it."

Tsuzuki smiled even brighter before uncapping the tube. "You—"

"And if you ask me if I'm ready one more time I'll smack you one upside the head."

He chuckled and nodded, smearing some of the lube across his fingers. Pulling his leg apart a little more, he gently moved his hand down to his entrance. The lithe body froze as the digits circled it, his breath hitching at the strange feeling.

"It's okay, I'll make it good," he said. His breath ghosted over the twitching member and he smirked as he figured out how to take the boy's mind off the intrusion.

"Asato!!!" Hisoka half yelled, half gasped as a hot tongue flicked across his sensitive member. He groaned through gritted teeth as it did it again, then engulfed him. When he began to bob his head up and down, sucking gently, he had to keep one hand up against the boys knee so he could keep at his other administration. One hard suck and he gently slipped a finger past the tight ring of muscles. Hisoka whimpered from the double stimulus assaulting him, the pleasure of the mouth coupled with the strangeness of the probing finger.

He grunted when another finger was added, his breathing now coming in pants as Tsuzuki continued both his tasks. When the fingers began scissoring him he moved his hips slightly against the burning sensation they caused.

"It's okay," Tsuzuki whispered, taking his mouth away for a moment. "It's a little odd at first but this will make it better later. Or do you want me to stop?"

Unable to form words at the moment the blonde merely shook his head vehemently. It was obviously uncomfortable but he was bearing it. Tsuzuki smiled then pushed his fingers up until the brushed against something deep inside him. Hisoka gasped, his eyes going wide and his body arching as pleasure sparked across him. Tsuzuki wet his lips at the sight and moved across his prostate again, subtly adding a third finger as the boy shook. The tightening of the muscles around his fingers and the sight playing out before him was too much though and he finally removed them.

"Hisoka, I don't think I can wait anymore."

Lusty emeralds looked at him from under half lids and he nodded, reaching once more for the belt. He helped Tsuzuki off with the offending articles so that they were finally both naked. Hisoka gasped as he took in the sight of Tsuzuki, all of him, and felt a faint trace of nervousness return as he followed him all the way down.

As he slowly positioned himself over him, thumbing his member against his entrance, Hisoka's mind flashed to a night with a red moon and another man looming above with a twisted grin on his face. NO! He shut his eyes quickly and gripped Tsuzuki's shoulder hard enough to bruise.

"Hisoka, are you okay? Hisoka!"

It's not him…it's not him…this is Tsuzuki. This is Asato. I want this to be with him. This is the man I love. I love him. I love him. I… As his heart began to slow down with these thoughts he opened his eyes, this time to worried purple orbs staring down at him. He smiled and let go of his shoulders to cup his face and bring him down for a sweet kiss. "I'm okay now, Asato. Don' stop."

He nodded and put himself in place again, holding his close with his other arm. They both groaned as the tip went in. Hisoka took a few deep breaths to relax his muscles and Tsuzuki moved his hips further up to move more in. When he was finally seated all the way to his hilt they both let out a shaky breath. They stayed still for a few minutes, reveling in the time of their first coupling. Tsuzuki's member was hard inside him but the feeling was becoming, if not pleasant, at least tolerable. The pain was fading now but it made it some how harder to breathe. Hisoka's walls rippling around him was the most amazing thing he could remember, hot and tight and so, so right.

"How do you feel?" he whispered hoarsely. "Tell me when you're ready…"

Hisoka nodded, to lost for words. When the pain was nearly gone he shifted his hips to try and get more comfortable. The sensation of Tsuzuki moving inside him made him gasp and move his hips more. Tsuzuki groaned at this and gave a small thrust. When his hips moved again he took this as a sign and pulled out slightly before moving back in. He pulled out more each time until he had a proper thrust going.

"A…Asato!!" He gasped and wrapped his arms around his neck. By instinct his hips began moving in tempo to the older man's, rocking in time to each thrust.

"Hisoka…so…so good…" He wrapped one arm around his back and reared up, now impaling the smaller shinigami on his member as their thrusting became more frantic. Hisoka cried out as the new position made it possible to hit his prostate on nearly ever move, sending jolts through his whole body. His member was also being rubbed between them.

"Asato…Asato….Asato…" The name was a mantra in the dark, spoken with every gasp of air he managed to take in. It was only silenced when lips crashed together feverishly. They needed to connect more, more, to become one.

Hisoka gasped, his back bending like a drawn bow as one more thrust hit him squarely and all his shields came crashing down. He could feel Tsuzuki deep with in him, body and heart and soul, and all the love he had for him came flooding in as orgasm wracked his body.

"I…I love you!!" he screamed.

Tsuzuki groaned as he walls clenched around him and the words echoed in his ears. Leaning him over to the bed again, he thrust wildly a few more times before he came deep inside his lover. "I…love you too."

They laid there for a few more minutes, sweat soaked and semen stained, until Hisoka feebly pushed at his shoulder. It was difficult to breath with him bearing down like that. He hissed when they came apart, the muscles of his back already getting back at him for their abuse. When a hand began massaging the muscles of his lower back though the pain began to lessen.

"That was…" Hisoka whispered, cuddling up to Tsuzuki's side and throwing one arm across him.

"I know…Hisoka? Hisoka, what's wrong?" He didn't understand why he was so concerned until one hand reached up and wiped a little moisture from his cheek. Evidently tears were flowing down his face, not in great gushes but in tiny little rivers. He prushed the heel of his palm against his face and shook his head.

"Nothing…it was just a lot to take in one moment." So many emotions…for a second I think I really was one with him…

"You almost passed out for a second…are you sure you're alright?"

He nodded, a soft smile on his lips. "I'm fine. I'm more than fine actually. I don't think I've ever been this…content before. This happy."

Tsuzuki smiled and kissed his temple gently. "I'm glad. But it looks like we're quite a mess now," he said ruefully.

"We could go take a shower." When he moved to rise he grunted and doubled over. "Owwww…"

"Yeah, you're going to be sore for a little bit."

"And whose fault is that? Stop laughing!"

He just laughed a little more before kissing him and making him lie down. Rising, he disappeared into the bathroom and came back (already clean) and with a warm wet towel. He ignored Hisoka's outstretched hand and instead bent to begin cleaning the pale skin himself. Hisoka blushed, fighting his initial response to hide himself. This was going to take some getting used to.

When he was cleaned up Tsuzuki threw the towel into the bathroom hamper and returned as Hisoka was gingerly crawling under the covers. He crawled under with him and pulled the lithe body against his so they were spooning back to front. He grinned when he realized they were a perfect fit.

"I love you, Hisoka."

"…I love you too."

He was glad that Hisoka's head was turned away from him or the smile he had on might've scared him. He nestled down with his arms securely around him and still languid from the night's earlier activity.

Hisoka was glad he was turned away not only for the fact he was blushing but because of the serene smile that was still playing about his lips. It didn't seem to want to leave. Closing his eyes, his last thoughts were: Maybe I'll take another look at that magazine on Monday…