Bonus Features!

Will's List of "Words That Only Beckett Uses"

(referenced in Dead Man's Parody)

1. snazzy

2. kibosh

3. bunkoed

4. butthead

5. groovy

6. by golly

7. behold

8. Oh my OMG!

9. coolies

10. halt

11. holy OMG

12. dodo-brain

13. boons

14. phooey

15. decree

16. fiddlesticks

17. egads

The List of "People Norrington Wants to Have Touching his Awesome Commodore Sword"

(referenced in Dead Man's Parody)

(includes all the characters from my three parodies - along with rationale)

1. Norrington, obviously

2. Will - it's inevitable since he made it anyway

3. Elizabeth - what's yours is mine, or something like that

4. Governor Swann - he signs the paycheck, and he also has a delicious recipe for blueberry scones

5. The Smart-Aleck Cartographer - the guy is just awesome and makes Beckett look foolish

6. Groves - would have been ahead of the cartographer except for the "that's got to be the best pirate I've ever seen" comment

7. Julius Cunningham (criminal in the jail with Jack who caused the death of the previous commodore) - thanks to this guy the Commodore job opened up

8. Scarlett & Giselle - ;)

9. Captain of the ship Elizabeth stows away on

10. Inventor of Aspirin - definitely a good idea to be on this guy's good side

11. Arthur William Bartleby IV (Governor Swann's butler)

12. Mercer - they were BFF's back in college but their friendship just doesn't show up in the movie

13. Official at Jack's hanging - would have come before Arthur William Barbleby IV, but he couldn't pronounce "egregious"

14. First Mate Francis (from the stowaway ship)

15. Phil Collins - because he's Phil Collins

16. Samuel E. Brunswick (money collector guy at the docks) - he'd definitely be up higher if he didn't charge so much to tie up a boat at the docks

17. Cotton's parrot

18. Estrella - why not

19. Guard who won't let Will into the prison to see Elizabeth - he's a good judge of character

20. Random Soldier who is always put out about being ordered not to shoot people

21. Officer at Beckett's hangings - would come before the random soldier, but the random soldier paid good money for spot #20

22. Murtogg

23. Gibbs - he's got the best prices around for bootleg rum

24. Mullroy - would be ahead of Gibbs if not for his annoying comments about Jack Sparrow in front of Will

25. Key Doggie - man's best friend...?

26. Joseph R. Shelton & Christopher Lowsley-Hughes (sailors fighting over the dress)

27. Captain Teague - because he's freaking awesome

28. Darth Vader - originally came before Teague but Teague would have none of it

29. Anamaria - she's cute, in a piratey sort of way

30. Surviving Sailor Sam (from the shipwreck where Will meets Davy Jones) - he stuck it out and his bravery is commendable

31. Bilingual sailor guy who takes Will to the cannibal island - his command of languages is impressive

32. Drunk Guy (Mr. Brown) - he's probably already touched it anyway, unfortunately

33. Mapmaker (Will stabs his map with the hatchet) - would be way up higher if he weren't so egotistical about his mapmaking

34. Jack Sparrow - he had to be on here somewhere, and he did save Elizabeth a couple times

35. Betrayer Seagull (from the parlay scene with Beckett) - because the randomness was awesome

36. Barbossa - would be ahead of the seagull, but he kidnapped Elizabeth

37. Bubba (guy who handcuffs Governor Swann) - he's dim-witted, but does good work

38. Marty the midget - something about equal opportunities for minorities

39. Random Soldier/English teacher - he was a role model for proper grammar and would be higher up if not for the whole creepily appearing out of a disguise thing

40. Pintel & Ragetti - would come before the English teacher but their grammar is horrendous

41. Mr. Cotton - he's unique to say the least

42. Jack the Monkey - would come before Mr. Cotton but the monkey makes annoying noises

43. Barbossa's undead crew members - creepy yet effective

44. Scared Surviving Sailor (from the shipwreck where Will meets Davy Jones)

45. Stupid Surviving Sailor (also from the shipwreck) - stupid people are lame

46. Wyvern

47. Helmsman Joe - would be way higher up if his only line hadn't been bad news

48. Sam (the criminal who only spoke Spanish) - it never was confirmed that this guy actually did anything illegal so he deserves to be on here somewhere

49. Thaddeus (caffeinated sailor from the stowaway ship) - would be way higher up if a sword in his hands didn't mean hyperactive havoc

50. The guy who brings Governor Swann the execution orders - nothing against this guy except the fact that he brought execution orders

51. Old Geezer (from the Tortuga crew)

52. Wannabe sailor (from the Tortuga crew)

53. Drunk Guy (from the Tortuga crew)

54. Cabin Boy who gets hanged and has the piece of eight

55. Sucker (from the Tortuga crew) - who needs suckers anyway?

56. Tia Dalma/Calypso - would be way higher up if she wasn't freaky, but she couldn't be much farther down without risking her wrath

57. Any of the cannibals - cannibals are uncivilized and weird and don't talk in real words

58. Agent047's English teacher - she'd be way higher up, but it was just too creepy how she just appeared and disappeared

59. The Brethren Court (any of them)

60. Annabelle Lucinda Whitetail (Aunt Kyle's lover) - she's fluffy and cute, but she's a cat so she can't be too far up on the list, what would she do with a sword anyway?

61. Seagull that knocks Elizabeth off the plank when she gets marooned

62. The Kraken - better him than Justin Bieber

63. Justin Bieber

64. Sao Feng

65. Any of the Undead Fish-Men - creepy

66. Any of the Jack Replicas - the reason they're not up with Jack is because they're not actually real

67. Pirate in the other cage (on the cannibal island who races Will) - that guy is just not cool

68. Gillette - giving him a sword of any kind is just a bad idea

69. The crow that lands on Jack's coffin in the water

70. The skeleton in the coffin

71. Agent047's brother - he helped write this parody

72. Agent047 - this whole thing was her idea/fault

73. Aunt Kyle - too creepy, and eats too many scones

74. Bootstrap - not a fan, for obvious reasons

75. Randy - he orchestrated the shanking

76. Davy Jones

DEAD LAST: Beckett