The Holi-Daze
By S-Chrome
Disclaimer: We know the drill, gentlemen and ladies. S-Chrome is not the property of Disney. However, the following Disney-related characters are. I am also, on advice from legal counsel, not at liberty to release the names.
Chrome Warning Label: This is one of Mr. Chrome's silly fics. And he's trying diligently to get back on his writing grind... so silly fics such as the following can lead to... ahem, better attempts. And, yes, this is a Holiday-themed fic even in parody..
1: 'Toeing The Line
December 22nd
He knew it was a mistake.
Sure, it seemed like it was a perfectly fine career move at the time, but now, it seemed like one big, nasty mistake.
Then again, the former Drew Lipsky, now known the world over as Doctor Drakken, was fairly apt to making mistakes. In fact, his numerous schemes for world domination would have come to fruition, had it not been for small, insignificant mistakes that turned a molehill into a giant, Everest-like mountain. At the time, he remained resilient, thinking that mistakes came with the territory of being an absent-minded genius scientist.
But this whole do-gooder thing was beginning to be too much. In fact, it was wearing paper-thin.
Then again, the entire decision wouldn't have come about if he hadn't conned a certain space alien into thinking he was something that he wasn't. And that little, innocent white-lie led to the threatening of the same world that he wanted to conquer. Just to think of that fact made his head hurt; his own mistake, which the blue-skinned doctor thought to be harmless at that time, led to him changing his tune on the fly.
Yes, alongside his despicable arch-foes, Kim Possible and that boy, ah yes… Ron Stoppable, he and Shego managed to save the world from certain catastrophic doom. Yay. Big fireworks display, and everyone was supposed to be happy and tranquil, right?
Wrong!
Well, maybe for Possible and the buffoon, Stoppable. But what about him, dang it?!
The mad scientist milled around his laboratory that he used to know in the back of his hand. He looked upon it with fond and not so fond memories. Normally, the place would be bustling with out-of-shape henchmen and various underlings, but on this quiet night, the place was empty. No henchmen. Not so much as an underling. It was almost depressing, what with the total lack of underlings and all. Scratch that, it was depressing. One week ago, he was in this very lab, cooking up a plot so spectacular, so devious and so cunning, the entire world would know who the real Doctor Drakken was; Not some disgraced scientist looking for acceptance and redemption for his past transgressions, but the evil genius to be feared 'round the world that he knew he was. Well, not many others… but darn it, he was an evil genius!
Too bad no one else in the evil community thought so. Stupid Dementor and his more successful, better thought-out schemes…
Even the gall to carry out his plan over the holiday season would have caught everyone off-guard. But, no, it never got off the ground. Heck, he could admit to himself, while it was a great plan, it wouldn't be long until that college-attending Kim Possible foiled it. Secondly, his heart wasn't exactly in it, nor was another certain henchwoman-for-hire.
Oh… speaking of decisions. That's one decision that he didn't even want to think about.
He almost missed the acid-tongued Shego that constantly took jabs at both his schemes and his foibles. In her place was this quiet, timid woman that didn't seem to have that flair for the incredibly evil. Heck, she didn't even take off for a tropical vacation this year! That was strange enough for the mad scientist to begin making inferences about where her head was at. The blue-skinned doc didn't need to wonder why she was acting the way she did. It was another product of the Lowardian invasion that he helped thwart. How the heck was he supposed to know behind all the attitude and sarcasm that Shego cared for him as much as she did... and who the heck told those roots that never seemed to leave his system to wrap themselves around her and draw her closer to him!? How could he predict that she'd look at him the way she did when he received a medal for saving the world? Who knew that the fiasco with the Moodulators would foreshadow with the present? Heck, who knew that the Patriots had the officials in pocket in their season finale against the Giants? Who, darn it?
After all, he was just a garden variety mad scientist that was in his early-40's... and he was Drew Lipsky... couldn't forget that.
And she was just a young woman... no more than 24... too young for him. Even if she was bold, dangerous, and more beautiful than anything else that had the privilege of being green.
Whoa! Where in tar-nation did that come from?
OK... this had to be settled. And settled quickly before he had a chance to dwell on it even more. He shut the lights to his lab off and ambled toward the room where Shego stayed in. He wanted to see if those inferences that he was making indeed held true. After all, he was a scientist... and scientists always conducted experiments. Didn't they?
Then again, he thought as he stopped at the unopened green-painted door, Drew wasn't exactly experimental with women. In fact, in almost every expedition into that field, the end result was 'epic fail.' It was the only thing keeping from turning the knob of the door... along with the always-present threat of the green-tinted woman absolutely disemboweling him for barging in without knocking.
Darn it! He was a man, not a gawky teen boy! Well, maybe not a gawky...
He turned the knob carefully, hoping that a green plasma blast wouldn't come through the door and blacken his already blue skin. His heart began to rapidly pace as he gripped the knob... the anticipation was too much. He turned his head and closed his eyes as the door graduated to a level where it could be called 'ajar.'
"Drew?"
The blue-skinned man opened his eyes to see that his faithful partner was standing right in front of him. She didn't look angry or ticked off or anything, which was good. She stood there with a slight expression of surprise in her normal jumpsuit. Nothing serious. Still, it didn't do much of anything for the mad scientist's nerves.
"Shego, I... I... uh..." He tried diligently to form a coherent sentence to no avail. All that came out was a portmanteau of gibberish and prepositions; gibbersitions.
The man never had a history of stuttering problems. But, staring at a woman as both dangerous and beautiful as Shego could do that a man, as he was just beginning to learn.
There were several outcomes that Drakken was expecting how Shego would react as a result of his awkward behavior. Probably the door being shut in his face or a snide remark or both. All he had to do was just wait for the whoosh of the door. Yet, after several moments passed by, it never came.
Shego licked her lips and sighed. The snide comment was moments away. 3... 2... 1.
Then the most unexpected outcome came forth—in about a split-second, Drew felt a pair of arms wrap around his neck and a full pair of lips thundered upon his own… and it stayed like that for several moments. Lipsky felt that unfamiliar cross of this experience being the best thing ever and 'Oh my goodness, am I dying?' Finally, in about the time that he realized that Shego was kissing him, he was released. He stood there, the whites of eyes glazed over and his body as still as freezer-burned beef.
And then the snide comment came: "Jeez, Drew… you act like you've never kissed a girl before," she said with a thin grin.
And then his ability to coherently speak came: "For your information I haven't!" He replied indignantly
Critical Error 212G5: Data Overload Error
Layman's Terms: Too much information, genius
Before Shego could pick that little nugget of information to dissect over and over and over and over again, Drew spoke up once again… at least seventy thousand questions on his mind.
"W-why on Earth did you…?"
His question was answered by the younger woman pointing upward at a plant-like object hanging underneath her door—Mistletoe.
"Oh… well, in that case…"
The doctor-slash-mad scientist returned the favor by applying his lips to Shego's mouth. Sure, there were several things that he could try and hypothesize, like why mistletoe was such a pathetic plot device for writers to use to attempt at developing romance… and things of that nature, but that could wait. All he knew right now was cold hard facts: he was kissing Shego, and damn it, Shego was kissing him right back.
Besides, who was he to doubt the mistletoe?
2: Wrapped Up
December 24th
How could Ron Stoppable live with himself? How could he live with the shame?
It was the 24th of December, a single day before Christmas, and there he was in the Possible home, taking into the usual Possible Christmas festivities. However, a quandary was presented to Ron Stoppable. It was bad enough that the Possible family considered him as their own, but the fact that his girlfriend of over a year, Kim Possible, was more than pleased to see him. Maybe it was the fact that it was two months since he had saw due to them attending different universities, but he could see in those telling eyes of hers. In addition to that, she took several advantages of the mistletoe... and then some, much to the displeasure of her dad. Not that the young man was complaining. (He'd be a total idiot to complain.) But, that wasn't the problem at hand here.
The problem was that on a day before the Hallmark holiday to end all Hallmark holidays, the young man found himself without a gift for his girlfriend. Throughout the month, he kept putting off going to the shops, thinking that he would get around to it when he was good and ready to. And now, there was no time to be good and ready. Heck, not even the biggest, baddest, smelliest heel of a boyfriend would not have a gift for his girl when the Hallmark holiday to end all Hallmark holidays came around! Sure, he was all calm and collected on the outside, but darn it, on the fleshy, muscle-infested, organ-filled inside, he was more of a wreck than the Atlanta Falcons—and the Miami Dolphins, put together! He needed to do something about this, and time was of the essence.
It had to be about 4:30 in the afternoon as the daylight's sun rays were falling upon the horizon. He rose from the couch and took a look out of the window. Yeah, night was about to fall, and the stores were hours away from closing. Ron's mind was made up, he had to venture out into the wild jungle that was the sea of shoppers looking for that last-minute present... and he had to do it for the most important person in his life; Kim.
Besides, she was more than worth it.
He was about to gather his winter gear when a soft hand touched his shoulder.
"Leaving so soon, Ron?" Kim asked him, the slightest bit of a pout appearing on her face.
Of course, he wouldn't dream of leaving this quaint, picturesque family setting of wonderful togetherness and what-not, but this was something he had to do... or risk feeling like the biggest piece of trash on the known planet. Sure, he was Jewish, and he didn't celebrate Christmas as it was a Christian holiday, but that was neither here nor there. Ron could barely bring himself into looking at her. Still, he put on the biggest false grin ever recorded this side of a politician's.
"Leave? Me? No way, K.P.," he answered as cheerfully as he could. "I just have to go out for a sec... I won't be long."
"You'd better not," she replied with a wink. "I don't want you to open your present late."
Oh, Jeez! She had a present for him?! OK, now was the time for him to go, especially if it was the present that his wandering mind may have been thinking about.
"Right," Ron simply uttered, turning back toward the door. He was going to go for the door, when the same hand halted his progress again.
"Ron, before you go. I need you to know that has been the best holiday season ever," she said with a smile. "I'm with my friends and everyone I care about…"
The young woman was interrupted by a loud boom that came from above them. Both of them cringed, knowing who the culprits of the disruption were.
"…even the Tweebs," she continued, rolling her eyes toward the ceiling. "Everyone I need to be with are all here together with me. To me, that's a better gift of anything I can unwrap," she said, looking into the young man's eyes. It was about as sincere as the redhead could put it. It was much more sincere than something that would out of those soulless Christmas specials.
To Ron, this meant one of two things… and neither one of them were particularly good. One, it meant that she wasn't expecting anything from him or she already knew that he had forgotten to get her something. Not exactly the best thing if the love of your love knew you that well after a year. Boy, he had to make this quick. But, how was he going to make this inconspicuous. Heck, he barely knew how to spell the word 'inconspicuous.'
"Weren't you going somewhere, Ron?"
Whoa! Back to the present! He had to make his move quickly. "Right, be riiiiight back, K.P. I won't be long. Besides, I'm sure your present can't be as good as the one standing in front of me."
Where was that 'gushing audience' studio track? Oh, never mind.
"Aww," the redhead gushed. Ron knew that he could able to quell her with those words... not that the words weren't true, of course. He gently took hold of either side of the young woman's face and softly kissed her. Of course, the kiss didn't stay soft but for a couple moments... in fact, it became as hard as the stare that the redhead's father gave the both of them as their kiss turned into something that could be classified as a 'Holiday Face Suck Fest'.
"A-hem," Mr. Possible, the renowned rocket scientist and ferociously overprotective father half-muttered and half-growled at the both of them.
There were two things that immediately made Ron break from Kim and focus on his task. One, the fact it was nearly 5 o'clock, and two, Mr. Possible was staring ICBM's at him... and heck, knowing his connections with the United States government and its weapons, it probably wouldn't be hard for the forty-something man to get his hands on one.
"Yeeeaaahhh," the sheepish Stoppable said, amassing a crooked grin. "Like I said, I'll be back in a flash." With that, he zoomed out of the door. With his job completed for the most part, the Possible patriarch left the room to return to his devices.
The blond boy set out of the Possible home and quickly shivered. It was much colder than it was when he came. He gripped his winter coat closer to his body and began. He would deliver this gift to Kim! She deserved it! And he deserved to not put himself through the torturous ways of last-minute shopping ever again!
Speaking of shopping, the boy dug in his pockets to find... two paper bills. He took the money out of his pocket and to his eye level to see what bills they were. He hoped that they were two identical Benjamin Franklins or at least Ulysses S. Grants.
A ten, and a five.
15 dollars?! How in the world was he supposed to get Kim the best gift ever with fifteen friggin' dollars?!
Oh yeah, 'tis the season for committing robbery.
Back in the significantly warmer Possible home, Kim was doing her best to cool down after that kiss. An effective way was to rewind the look on her father's face, but that wasn't exact the correct way. As she sat down, waiting for her boy to come and turn up the heat a tad more, her mother came into the otherwise quiet living room.
"Kimmie, who had just left?" She asked.
"Oh, that was Ron," the younger redhead answered. "He waited until the last minute again."
Anne Possible chuckled good-naturedly and shook her head knowingly. "When will he ever learn?"
Before the question could be answered, Mr. Possible ran through the living room at a frenzied pace toward the door.
"Gottagooutforamoment, don'taskmewhy, loveyou," he said as fast as a rocket could go before kissing both his wife and daughter on their cheeks. He reached for his coat and exited the house fast or maybe even faster than Ron did.
And as the sound of a screeching car destroyed the tranquility of the neighborhood, it was Kim's turn to grin back at her mother. "Not fast enough."
3: The Great Insinuation of The Holiday Season
January 2nd
At last, the Holidays were finally over and a new year had begun all across the land. Then again, some people never wanted the holiday season to end, others were eagerly awaiting the end, several others were happy finally watching a log burn monotonously into cinders... and then, there were those folks by the side were already gearing up for the returning of the gifts. The year of 2008 was a couple of days in, which meant that nothing overly horrific had happened to the state of the Earth at the moment. Everyone knew what the final weeks of the calendar year meant; family, friends, togetherness, public drunkenness and emptying pockets to the point that moths flew out of your wallet or pocketbook or purse... or something or the other.
Yes, t'was the season to spend money on gifts until one was up to his neck in debt. But, unfortunately (or thankfully?), all of the holiday madness was over. Well... unfortunately for the economy, anyway.
However, for two rather different people, there was some kind of emptiness that came with the season ending and a new year beginning. The only thing between the two of them was that they both resided in the fine city of Middleton, located in the great state of... hang on, what was that state again? Well, it certainly wasn't Massachusetts, that's for sure.
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One of them sat at a desk in a darkened room, Christmas-themed decorations and designs hung around the room along with a multitude of technological equipment from tracking systems, to cameras on top of cameras, to supercomputers, to microphones and other such devices. At first glance, one would believe that it was a room belonging to a CIA agent, an FBI agent, or a stalker of the highest magnitude. However, it just belonged to your commonplace, garden-variety teenage supergenius who went by the name of Wade.
As the technical expert, and part-time sidekick of Team Possible, the young man was always hard at work, whether he was strategizing a way for the three-person team to carry out a mission successfully, or if he was developing new equipment for Kim Possible, the captain of the team, to use, Wade always had something to do. Why, the rare occasions he did step foot outdoors were the times when the free world as we know it, was in danger.
However, today, the youngest member of Team Possible wasn't engrossed in anything that involved saving the world or saving someone, the young man was dwelling on something different this day. He felt like there was something missing. Something wasn't quite right. It was a great week, he got everything he wanted for the holidays, and what he didn't get he built for himself... another perk that came with being a teenager with an IQ of well over 180.
Still, something was missing or wrong and he was drawing a blank on what it was.
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Monique didn't know what the best part of the holidays was the fact that she was back in her hometown, celebrating the last days of the past year with everyone she cared about, or the fact that at long last, she had vacation from the extremely tough challenges that came with attending an Ivy League university. She'd try figuring that one out, but the break was more about not thinking. However, there was this nagging feeling that she had forgotten something.
She literally had to tell herself to stop thinking. The only thing she should be thinking about was what she was going to wear. The old crew. She was meeting up with her friends, Kim, Ron and Wade before they all set forth in their separate directions. It was definitely going to be a blast.
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A few hours, and several changes of wardrobe later, Monique stepped into the mall where the foursome was going to meet, looking how she always looked -- like a million bucks and good enough to eat at the same time. If there was one person who knew about looking great during every season, it was her. Now, if a non-scrub could figure that out, maybe she wouldn't have the problems finding...
"Monique?"
The dark-skinned young woman turned around to see one of her friends who was already in the building.
"Wade!" She excitedly exclaimed. She enveloped the teenager in an embrace and kissed the young man on the cheek. "How's my little..."
Well, he actually wasn't exactly little anymore. The days of his height barely reaching beyond her torso were long gone. "...man?" In fact, young Wade was nearly at eye level with her... and he looked as if he dropped a pound or two as well. Still, when she released the fourteen-year old boy, she could tell that he was blushing. She guessed that he still had a crush on her.
"Oh... um, nothing much," Wade replied coyly, trying to remain cool as possible at the sight of his dream girl. "Gosh, you look great, Monique."
Yep, she could tell by the look in his eyes. His eyes that were scanning her figure. The crushing was still there... like peanut butter that you just couldn't get from the roof of your mouth... except less disgusting and slightly flattering.
"Now, Wade..." Monique feigned embarrassment before looking at him sternly. "What did I tell you about..."
"I know, four years..." Wade replied.
"...until you turn eighteen..." she continued.
"...and then I can shamelessly flirt with you," Wade said, staring at the floor. "But I am going to hold you to that," he said with a little glint in his chocolate-colored eyes.
Monique smiled. Ah, that was her Wade. Her kinda cute, supremely intelligent, highly hormonal...
"Mo!" The familiar sound of Kim Possible shook the African-American girl out of her thoughts. Seconds later, she was nearly tackled to the floor by the embrace of the aforementioned teen heroine.
She struggled to keep her balance. "Nice to see you too, Kim." Monique ignored the pain in her ribs from that atomic hug. "So, where's Ron?"
"Oh, he's here," Kim coolly replied. Behind her, was a blond-haired young man with about six or seven bags occupying both of his hands. Monique had little doubt from the struggling noises he made that it was Ron. When he finally made it to where she, Kim and Wade were standing, he dropped the bags and let out a weary sigh.
"Hey, guys..." He said unenthusiastically.
"He waited until the last minute again?" Monique asked Kim as they began walking toward the food court. Ron, of course, struggled behind them as he lugged around the cargo.
"You know it," the redhead replied offhandedly. "So... how's the Ivy League treating you?"
"Let's not talk about that," Monique cut in, instantly changing the subject. "How was Christmas and Hanukkah for you guys?"
"Great," Kim replied. She turned to Ron and kissed his cheek. "I got what I wanted."
Monique held back from chuckling as the redhead's boyfriend sighed as if it were his breath.
"Mine was OK," Wade replied. "Could've used more Monique though..."
The dark-skinned girl shot daggers at the younger boy. "Waaaaade?"
"Oh, right... I forgot," he said, his hands innocently behind his back.
"Soooo, Wade and Monique," Ron began, still struggling with the bag full of what probably were... late gifts. "Did you guys study all seven principles this year?"
"Seven principles?" Wade asked dubiously.
"Seven principles of what?" Monique asked, her tone concurring with Wade's.
"Oh, you know... Seven principles... the Nguzo Saba..."
Both Wade and Monique exchanged looks at each other then both glanced at Ron, an invisible question mark above their heads.
"Uh, you know... the Seven Principles of... Kwanzaa?" He asked as if both of them knew of what he was talking about.
Somewhere, a lightning bolt struck both Wade & Monique at the same time.That's what they were missing! After all both of their collective pondering of what was missing, that was what was missing... and...
Waiiiit a second, neither one of them celebrated Kwanzaa.
"I don't..." Wade trailed off.
"...me either," Monique finished.
At the same time, both Monique and Wade turned toward Ron, their curious looks forming into bemused glances.
"Why would you think we celebrated that holiday?" Monique asked evenly.
"I-I-I mean, because you're both..." Ron struggled with the words, but now that he saw that the expressions on their faces turned darker after he said 'you're both...', he figured that any answer past this point was going to be wrong.
Boy, there was no time like right now that Ron Stoppable needed a chat with the Politically Correct Police.
The End
1 - Tales of The Awkward, Drakken/Shego style. Yes, it's true that I'm not a D/S fan at all (Hence the lousy plot device.), but heck... had to bring 'em together somehow.
2 - Er, yeah.
3 - I wrote this part to raise Kwanzaa awareness for all of the good readers of Because, I, most assuredly aware. And on this final day, Imani (Faith), I have faith that you readers will take this entry into account.
Wait, d-did I mention I don't celebrate Kwanzaa...or any of the other December holidays?
Right. Anyway, review folks... Review! And celebrate that the Christmas Tree is being called the Holiday Tree!
No, wait… don't celebrate that.
S-Chrome