Title: Probie's Pages
Genre: Angst/Episode Related (Contains very slight McGee/Abby pairing as well, but it's not very shippy)
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimers: Own it? Yeah, right. And I don't know how McGee feels about people reading his private journal, so if you get put in one of his books as revenge, don't come complaing to me!
A/N: No pipes were used in the writing of this story.
Summary: Five pages from McGee's journal. Written for Lady Aracne for the NFA Secret Santa Challenge

Heavy spoiler warning for Witness, Probie, Twisted Sister, Driven, and Grace Period. Also minor spoiler for Cover Story, as well as the ending of the Lawanna Blackwell novel Leading Lady.

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February 15, 2005

I just got back from Erin's memorial service. Well, the service was actually over several hours ago—it's about 3:00 A.M. right now and—I just got back into town. I flew out to Boca Raton for the funeral.

It sounds ridiculous, I guess, that I'd go that far for the funeral of someone I barely knew, but I felt like I had to. I sat in the back and left pretty much as soon as the service was over. I don't know if her parents noticed me—I kept praying they didn't. I saw them, though. I can't get that look on Erin's Mom's face out of my head. Erin was their only child...and it's basically my fault she's dead.

I keep remembering when we were talking on the phone and the way she hesitated when she first heard the noise. I was afraid something was wrong then—why didn't I just run over? I could have got that bastard, I could have saved her.

Actually—why didn't I just not call the team in? Nobody would have blamed me—the cops didn't think there was anything, Tony didn't think there was anything, even Gibbs didn't think there was anything. Maybe his gut was telling him something too—that it would be better if we just stayed off the case. Okay, I know that's dumb—I mean, there was a real murder despite what everyone thought. But right now all I can think is that if this was a test, I failed it bigtime.

I can't write anymore.