A Few Dead Monkeys: A Mass Effect Story

By Who Is Caligula (2007)

Dedicated to Bioware

Part I

Turian

The caves were extremely dark and stuffier than expected. There was a sour fecal odor that even Garrus Vakarian's airtight helmet could not damper. His boots splashed the murky water around his ankles, creating more echoes than he would have normally preferred during a stealthy infiltration. Still, the team moved cautiously and everyone seemed to do well watching their sectors and covering all room openings. This may have been a cave, but there were still structural patterns and expectations that would allow them to progress in an orderly fashion.

It was always easier when Commander Shepard acted as team leader.

"Hey, let me ask you something".

It took Garrus a second to realize that the casual request had been directed at him. He'd been a bit surprised to hear Chief Williams speaking to him in such a relaxed manner. On the one hand, they were in the middle of a mission, and an attack could come at any moment. However, the complexities of human etiquette and societal norms often left him befuddled. Human expectations changed so much depending upon contextual cues, he was unsure if he would ever feel truly comfortable among humans.

"What is it, Chief?"

"I was just wondering if you make a habit of murdering primates", she asked. The Chief's question clearly had an undercurrent of aggression, but Garrus was unsure if this was intended as a joke or if she was making a serious inquest.

"I'm not sure what you mean", Garrus answered truthfully.

"Well, there's monkey blood all over the Mako's treads. You were the one driving, as I recall-"

"I didn't see the little beasts sitting there when we came over the hills. If they were smarter, they'd have jumped out of the way when they heard the rover coming. Mako isn't a stealth vessel, her engines can be heard from dozens of meters away".

"I get the feeling this planet doesn't see many rovers crawling over the hillside. I guess it's not like you blasted them with a pistol, though. Nevermind."

Garrus suddenly understood the Chief's concerns.

"I'm sorry I killed the monkeys. It was an accident, but I suppose I should have realized you'd feel exceptional sympathy for them, since they are primates. I don't make a habit of needlessly slaughtering animals, despite whatever Turian stereotypes you might have."

"Garrus, I'm not-"

"We've got a job to do, Chief. For someone with your rank, it wouldn't hurt to show a little more professionalism once in a while".

He immediately recognized his error, but knew it was too late to correct it. Chief Williams was extremely aggressive and eager to prove her competency to others. She did not take constructive criticism well, even from her CO. Actually, Garrus considered the Chief to be his equal in combat. She was just a showy little human trying to prove to everyone that her great skill justified her military rank.

But Garrus knew it took more than skill to make someone worthy of a promotion.

"Back at ya, pal", came the hushed quip. Williams probably didn't want her pointless chatter to distract Shepard, who was wading through a deeper puddle ahead of them with her weapon sighted. Garrus had hoped Shepard's efficient and professional nature would rub off on the officers that were under her command. It certainly had rubbed off on him. Chief Williams hadn't seemed to improve much since he'd first met her on the Citadel, though. It was too bad. She could handle a shotgun as well as any Krogan. Unfortunately, she could also handle a piece of helpful advice as well as any Krogan.

"Hey, while we're getting along like old chums, maybe you could watch my back while I check up on the commander's status? Thanks a bunch".

With that, the Chief darted past a stack of cargo bins and headed in the depths of the cave. With a gentle sigh, the young Turian stripped his pistol from its holster and checked its functionality, twisting it in his gloved hands and glancing down the sight. He hadn't used this pistol in some time. There was a fresh batch of ammunition on board the Normandy, but he didn't take the time to bother with petty upgrades. Maybe he should have, but it was only a pistol, and not even his favorite brand. It was a minor concern, though.

Guns don't win the battle. Only those who know how to use them.

Words that seemed true when Garrus first heard them back in training, and they seemed to ring with even greater truth as his own skill improved.

"Garrus, is everything alright in there?"

His com hissed with the voice of that little Quarian girl, her lyrical tone contrasting sharply with the Chief's brusque words. He preferred Tali's company over that of anyone else on the Normandy, even if she was a little mysterious and strange. She made for a fascinating conversationalist during down time, when she wasn't busy working with delicate tools or intricate devices that far surpassed Garrus's mechanical skills.

"We're fine, Tali. If any of these little monkeys grabbed the data module, I'm willing to bet it's somewhere inside the caves".

"These creatures are all over the hillside. What makes you so sure it's in there?"

"Remember the monkey corpses we found on the probe?"

"Yes".

"Corpses suggest a battle. If these critters fought for possession of the data module, it's safe to assume the spoils went to the victor. And the victor was probably the strongest monkey, right?"

"Right. So you think the strongest animals would probably control the most desirable territory, like this cave? Easier to defend the nesting ground from predators".

"This is where I'd want to settle down. If I were a monkey, at least".

"Hm. That's very sharp of you, Garrus".

"I pay attention to the details. They don't just let anyone become a C-Sec investigator".

Garrus realized that he probably could have thanked Tali for what might have been intended as a compliment, but decided the appropriate time had already passed. Security officers understood timing, even if they didn't understand perfect etiquette for every culture and species. That was the domain of the asari, not his.

"Well, I'll be out here if you need me. I'm going to make a pass, see if I don't run into another one of those monkey colonies. But your logic is sound Garrus, I'm sure you'll find something in the cave".

"Don't go too far, we might need you if something comes up. Shepard thinks the geth will be looking for the module, too. Stay sharp".

"I always do. See you later, Garrus."

Yes, he had to admit a growing fondness for the little Quarian. She was sharp and a determined survivor, even when the odds were against her. Garrus couldn't really admire Tali as a soldier or leader. Not like the commander. But then, not everyone can be a commander, can they?

The Chief was another story, though. Garrus was certainly no grizzled war veteran himself, but he remembered the adventures of audacious Turians in his younger years. They might have been skilled, but their carelessness got them into plenty of trouble. Most of them grew out of it, of course, but the single mindedness of Ashley Williams was a matter of some concern to him. Garrus didn't really care much for the little human's surly arrogance. Chief Williams was a soldier above all else, and looked awkward outside of the battlefield. Still, it was better to stand guard in a quiet cave than sit on the Normandy and review after-action reports written by the people who worked to accomplish the mission.

Keeping Shepard's exit secure was certainly no minor task, though. She knew Garrus was an experienced combatant; Shepard has considerable expectations of every member of her crew, and he wasn't about to let his commander down. Even more importantly, he wasn't going to let this mission fail.

"Garrus? It's Tali, are you there?"

Garrus heard the radio crackle, and the grip on his pistol tightened when he heard the urgency in Tali's voice.

"I read you, what is it?"

"The geth, they're here. I didn't see anything, but I heard their ship's engines not far away. I think they're headed your way".

"Are you sure?"

"I know the sound of the geth better than my own heartbeat, Garrus. Whatever you're going to do, do it fast".

"Copy that. Try to stay clear for a second".

"Alright".

Garrus was impressed. Tali was not only skilled in reconnaissance, she kept a level head even when things started to heat up. He took less than two seconds to switch to Shepard's channel.

"Commander, we've got company".

"Geth?"

"Tali says she heard an inbound geth dropship".

Garrus heard what sounded like the Chief's unnecessary retort through the slight static, saying something like "God bless that little Quarian". Normally, he'd prefer more tangible evidence that might be provided by scanning technology, but Garrus had a great deal of trust in Tali's abilities, and so did Shepard. He listened intently, awaiting his commander's orders.

"We've got the module. Tell Tali to stay put and await my orders, we're on our way".

"Roger that".

Garrus switched back to Tali's channel. He sometimes felt like he was an extension of Commander Shepard's arm. He wasn't sure if he liked the feeling or not.

"Tali".

"Yes, I'm here".

"Commander wants you to stay put for now. We'll clear the area and radio for pickup when we're done".

"I'm already on my way, Garrus".

"What?" Garrus spoke, his voice bearing blatant surprise. "I told you to stay clear".

"I thought you meant the radio", Tali responded defensively. "Keep the channel clear in case you needed to speak to me".

"I meant to keep clear of the caves, away from the geth if they land here", Garrus inhaled sharply, and tried to clear his thoughts. Tali wasn't really a soldier. Her lack of professionalism was not unlike that of the Chief's, but at least she was more cooperative.

"I'm sorry, Garrus. I'm not going to just stand by and let the three of you get swarmed by the geth".

"You'll have to explain that to Shepard later. Can you at least try to keep your distance until we have eyes-on?"

"Will do. I don't see any-"

"Tali? What is it?"

"Looks like they're are already closing in on your position. I see geth armature, and some infantry. About a dozen or so, it's hard to see at this range-"

"Alright, good work. Just try to keep the Mako outside their firing range until Shepard tells you otherwise, alright?"

"Thanks, Garrus. I will".

The com clicked off.

Garrus took another breath, and holstered his pistol. He heard footsteps splashing through puddles of varying depth, echoing through the caves. The Chief and the Commander would be here in a moment.

There was a gentle buzzing sound, like that of an insect. The splashing quieted as two figures slowed their advance. There was a brief silence. Instead of a mediocre pistol, Garrus now wielded the Tsunami IV assault rifle. He wasn't crazy about Ariake Technologies, but they made a great line of omni-tools. In any case, this rifle would serve him better in a large scale conflict that some stupid pistol. It felt more satisfying in his hands, gave him the surge of energy he once embraced back on the Turian training grounds.

The light of the cave was too scarce to make anything visible but Garrus's sturdy, angular silhouette. It was enough for the approaching pair to recognize him, though. The distinctive body shape of a Turian left no room for misperception. Shepard and Williams knew that it was not a human standing before them. In fact, Shepard did not seem to think of Garrus as a Turian, either. He was simply Garrus.

Tall. Efficient. Professional.

The threesome exchanged only a brief glance in the harsh cave light before heading down the tunnels, towards the exit and the battle that waited for them.