(AN: Here it is! Our greatest story yet! And our longest!)
Albus, Severus, and Tom
By R.E.D. and Double A
Chapter One
A letter from Snape
On a hot August day, Dumbledore was walking down a Hogwarts corridor. Professor McGonagall quickly ran up to him.
"Headmaster, Snape has sent you a letter."
"Oh goodies!" said Dumbledore.
They both stood still for a few seconds.
"Would you like to read it?" asked Professor McGonagall.
"Read what?"
"The letter!"
"What letter?"
"The one from Snape!"
"Snape sent me a letter?" asked Dumbledore excitedly.
Professor McGonagall slapped her forehead then shoved the letter into Dumbledore's hands. Dumbledore opened the letter.
Dear Dumbledore, it begins. I have written to you to tell you that... VOLDEMORT IS ATTACKING THE MINISTRY OF MAGIC!!!
Love, Severus Snape
Dumbledore looked at the letter for a few seconds. Then he re-read it two more times. Then he stared off into space for a minute. Then he read the letter once more and finally decided that he needed to get Professor McGonagall to explain it to him.
"It means," said Professor McGonagall, "that Voldemort is attacking the ministry of magic."
"Oh!" said Dumbledore. "I knew that. I just wanted to see if you could still read."
"ALBUS!" cried McGonagall.
"Wha?!"
"Shouldn't you be alerting the Order of the Phoenix? Or going down to the ministry to stop Voldemort?"
"What a great idea!" said Dumbledore. "I shall go at once."
Dumbledore stood still for several more seconds.
"Get going!" cried McGonagall.
"Sheesh!" said Dumbledore as he walked off.
"What is this?" asked Harry at the Weasleys house.
"Yeah, what are these?" asked Ron.
"Well you see," said George.
"Old Dumbly thinks that some student's parents are sending them to other schools because they think Hogwarts isn't good enough," said Fred
"So he put us in charge of doing some advertising!" said George.
Harry flipped through the ten-page catalogue again. " 'Hogwarts has the best Defense against the Dark arts class.' As I recall we need a new teacher every year!"
"Well it never hurts to stretch the truth," said Fred.
"I could understand stretching the truth," said Ron, "but this is outright lying! It says that the potions class is the most cheerful!"
"It is cheerful!" said George. "That is, if you're Snape."
"You can't publish this!" said Hermione.
"Actually," said Fred, "we were just about to go down to the ministry to get them published."
"What?" asked Harry.
"You can join us if you like," said Fred. "Dad's renting a car for us."
"Do you think that we have no lives and that we want to go with you to watch you publish lies?!" asked Harry.
"Sure we'll go!" said Ron.
Harry and Hermione both slapped their foreheads.
Dumbledore appeared at the Ministry and walked up to the security guard.
"I'm here to stop Voldemort," said Dumbledore calmly.
The security guard waved him through. "He's on level nine, down the hall and to the left."
"Thanks!" said Dumbledore jollily as he walked off.
Fred, George, Harry, Ron, and Hermione came out of the phone booth elevator and walked up to the security guard.
"We're here to publish a catalogue," said George.
The security guard waved them through. "The publishing office is on level nine, down the hall and to the right."
"Thanks!" said Fred as they walked off.
Dumbledore ran down the hall but forgot which way to turn. After thirty seconds of thinking, he heard the sound of glass breaking coming from the door on the left so he decided to try that one.
"Isn't it funny that the publishing office is right next to the Department of Mysteries?" asked Ron.
"Just a coincidence," said George.
"Actually," said Hermione, "In the late 16th century, it was necessary for the publishing-"
"Whatever!" said Ron as they stepped out onto the ninth level.
They went down the hall and through the right door and up to the publishing desk.
"We'd like to publish this," said Fred to the witch at the desk as he set the catalogue down.
The witch for some reason was staring off at something behind them.
"Excuse me!" said Fred angrily.
The witch continued to stare blankly.
"Maybe she's enchanted," suggested Hermione. "Try a disenchantment spell."
Harry pulled out his wand.
"Not now!" said the witch angrily.
"Well what the heck is it?!" asked Ron.
The witch nodded towards the Department of Mysteries that could be seen through the glass doors.
"Isn't that Dumbledore?" asked Hermione.
"Yeah," said Harry, "and isn't that Vol- OH MY GOSH!!!"
"And isn't that Snape over there?" asked Ron.
Voldemort and Dumbledore were sending curses back and forth while Snape sat in the background. Voldemort hit Dumbledore with a tickling spell.
"Ha ha ha ha!" said Dumbledore as he gave himself the countercurse. "You got me again Tom!"
"Good one master!" said Snape.
"Thank you Snape," said Voldemort before blocking a spell. "Now would you be so kind as to help me here?"
"I'd love to master," said Snape, "but I have a terrible cramp in my wand arm."
"You always have a cramp when I need you to fight Dumbledore!" said Voldemort angrily.
"I had a cramp once," said Dumbledore. "It hurt like crazy! So I got Madam Pomfrey to put some cream on it and that fixed it up good."
"Really?" asked Voldemort. "What was it?"
"I can't remember," said Dumbledore as he sent another disarming spell. "I think it was some kind of herbal thing."
"Could it have been essence of dung weed?" asked Snape.
"Yeah!" said Dumbledore. "I think that was it."
"Ooh," said Voldemort. "You'll have to get me some."
"I'll make you some right after this master," said Snape.
"Dumbledore?!" shouted Harry.
"Hi Harry!" said Dumbledore happily.
"Potter!" said Voldemort. "My plans are always ruined when he's around!"
"Don't say that master," said Snape.
"Oh yeah?!" asked Voldemort. "Name one incident where my plan wasn't ruined when he's been around."
"Well actually-" began Hermione.
"Not now!" said Voldemort.
"Hey Harry," said Dumbledore, "what are you doing at the ministry?"
"I came with Fred and George to see them publish that catalogue that you wanted them to make."
"They're finished already?" asked Dumbledore as he dodged a killing curse. "I hope you did a good job!"
"Don't worry!" called Fred. "You'll love it!"
"Umm... guys?" said Harry. "Shouldn't we go help Dumbledore?"
"No no! I've got it Harry!" said Dumbledore.
"Let's go help him!" said Hermione.
"Bu-bu-but Dumbledore said-" began Ron.
"Come on!" said Harry as he grabbed Ron by the sleeve and dragged him across the hall.
"Master," said Snape, "Potter is coming over."
"Oh no!" said Voldemort. "Is your cramp almost gone Snape?"
"Nearly."
"Good! Then go grab the you know what, while I fight them."
"Right away master," said Snape as he ran through a door.
Harry, Ron and Hermione all joined in the battle.
"So how was your summer?" asked Dumbledore.
"Quite nice actually," said Harry as he sent a disarming spell. "Dudley's on a new diet and he's been quite mellow because of it. Then half way through July I went over to the Weasley's house."
"That's good," said Dumbledore. "How about you Tom?"
"I've told you," said Voldemort angrily, "my name is Voldemort!"
"That's not what it says on your Hogwarts records."
"I haven't gotten around to changing that yet," said Voldemort as he sent another killing curse at Dumbledore.
"You're avoiding the question Tom," said Dumbledore.
"Actually my summer was pretty nice as well," said Voldemort. "You know, plotting and scheming."
"You know," said Ron, "I never liked the word scheming. It sounds so devious. Not to mention it's tricky to spell."
"I disagree Ron," said Hermione. "Just because you can't spell doesn't mean-"
"I've got it!" said Snape as he returned.
Everybody jumped in surprise and shot a curse at Snape, causing the object that he was holding to explode. A bright blue light expanded outwards, engulfing Snape, Dumbledore, and Voldemort before disappearing.
Harry, Ron, and Hermione looked at the wreckage.
"Where's Dumbledore?" asked Ron.
Harry looked around. "Where's any of them?"
"We're finished!" called Fred and George as the walked in with their arms piled high with catalogues.
"How did your fight with Voldemort go?" asked George.
"And where's Dumbledore?" asked Fred. "We need to show him our catalogues."
Ron sniffled. "Dumbledore's gone!"