Chapter 5

Disclaimer: I don't own 'em….

A/N: Sorry guys, real life sucks sometimes and aside from that, I've just been lazy.

Catherine's POV

As soon as I pull up in front of the house, I know something was up. The lights are off. They are never off with a teen in the house. Lindsey knows how to turn a light on, but not how to turn one off. A quick glance up and down the block tells me that it isn't a power outage. What the fuck is Sara up to?

I slam the door of my truck shut and stomp up to the door. I take a few calming breaths before slowly and quietly swinging the door open. Soft music—Sara McLachlan—assaults my ears. I slip inside and shut the door behind me, dropping my bag to the floor. I put my keys down on the table and shed my jacket before heading into the kitchen. The candles randomly lit around the room are not lost on me. The faint scent of roses fills the air and as I narrow my eyes to look around the room, I see a trail of them heading up the stairs.

A romantic evening after what she's done? She has to be kidding me. This rollercoaster ride with Sara is getting monotonous. I love the woman with all my heart—every fiber of my being—but even love isn't enough when I feel like my heart and my emotions are being toyed with.

I grab a beer out of the refrigerator and move to the bottom of the stairs. I know she's up there and waiting patiently for me. I can't find it in myself to give in and walk up those stairs. I stand there a few more minutes and think about Sara, our life and the possibility of what could have been before sitting my unopened beer on the table by the door and grabbing my keys and shutting the door behind me. I'll just spend the night at Nancy's and avoid the confrontation with Sara. I have neither the energy nor the desire for a fight with her and despite her overwhelmingly romantic gesture, that's exactly what it would become.

A few minutes later, I find myself on Nancy's doorstep.

"Hey sis, room for one more tonight?" I ask with half a smile.

Her reaction is unreadable at first and then crystal clear. "Sorry, the inn is full tonight. You'll just have to go home and deal with your problems instead of running away from them."

With that, she shuts the door in my face and the porch light goes out. I stand there for a few moments expecting her to the open the door and let me in, but she never does.

With my head hung low, I trudge back towards my truck. As I open the door, I catch light pouring across the lawn. I turn back around and find my little or not so little girl standing in front of me. I try to pull her into my arms. Instead of hugging me back, she stiffens and pulls back.

"I love Sara, Mom. Please don't leave her."

I smile weakly as the tears puddle in the corners of my eyes. "I'm not leaving Sara, baby. We're just having a hard time right now. You'll understand when you get older," I try to soothe her as I tuck an errant strand of hair behind her ear.

"I understand right now. You're being stubborn and selfish."

I look up and see my sister's shadow standing in her doorway. "What else did Aunt Nancy say?"

"A lot of things that would get me in trouble if I repeated them," she cast a backwards glance at her aunt before continuing. "But she didn't say that, I did. You always tell me to talk through my problems, Mom. Please talk to her. It's not as bad as you think it is."

She turns on her heel and runs back inside as quickly as she had come out.

Nothing compares to being set straight by your teenager. I get back in my truck and drive back to the house. The living room light is on as is the light in our bedroom. I feel sick to my stomach as I climb out and cautiously approach the front door. As soon as I open the door, I notice that the candles are gone and the petals which had littered the floor have disappeared. There is no music playing and the house feels cold—devoid of all warmth. I'm sure the last is merely my imagination.

I put my keys on the table and turn out the living room light before ascending the stairs. I push our bedroom door open and see Sara still rushing to put everything away that she had out for our romantic evening.

She doesn't bother looking me, just walks past me to put the candles away. I grab her arm as she passes, but she yanks herself free and keeps going. I know better than to push the issue right now. Instead, I brush my teeth and strip down to my underwear and slide on a tank top. I'm putting my hair up when I hear the bedroom door shut. Before I can get back into the bedroom, Sara is already beneath the covers and as close to the edge of the bed on her side as she can get without falling to the floor.

I turn off the lights and slide in bed behind her. I mold my body against hers and drape an arm over her waist as I lightly kiss the back of her shoulder. She stiffens at my touch and shrugs away from me before taking my hand in hers and flinging it from around her.

"Baby, I'm sorry," I attempt to smooth things over. Lindsey might not have been right, but she wasn't far from it. Unless Sara and I can get back on track, we're headed toward our end.

Her tone is flat and emotionless when she says, "Don't worry. It's okay."

I know she's hurt. Actually that might be an understatement. I sigh heavily and attempt to pull her back against me, "No, don't say that. It's not okay. I know that. I know that."

She jerks away from me again and adds, "What do you care anyway?"

That stings. I wonder if she really believes that I don't care or if she's so hurt by my actions of only an hour ago that she's trying to convince herself that I don't.

I lower my voice and try to convey how much I care. "I do care, Sar. You know I do. It was all so romantic. It just," my voice trails off as I weigh how to broach this subject with her.

"It what?" she asks curtly.

"Romantic gestures just seem out of place when you consider that we've barely been talking."

She flips over to her back and laughs harshly. "I was trying to reach out to you and you," she tosses the sheet off of her. "You ran away. You ran away from me, Cath. It doesn't matter now. I'm tired. Just…just go to sleep."

I can't stand the state of things between us right now. This is the woman I would willingly risk everything for…this is the woman I plan to spend the rest of my life with…this is the woman that I am utterly and helplessly in love with.

I roll over on top of her and gaze down at her. She's not amused.

"Get off of me."

Like a child begging for absolution, my voice quivers and shakes as I utter one simple word, "Please."

She lets out a slow, deep breath and opens her eyes to gaze up at me. "What do you want, Catherine?"

Tears are brimming at my eyes and threaten to spill out, "I love you. I fucked up and I'm sorry."

She looks away and adds, "I'm trying here. I really am. Things have been really rough, but I'm trying, Cath."

"…and I haven't," I interrupt her.

"That's not what I'm saying."

"No," the tears finally start to fall. "I'm saying it."

She pushes me away as gently as possible and stands.

I reach for her hand but she moves farther away, "Please don't, Sar."

"Do you," she pauses and then turns around to face me, "Do you want to give up on us?"

"What?" I jump to my feet. "I'm not giving up on us. Are…are…are you?"

"Do you think I'd have gone to all the trouble tonight if I was giving up on us?" She motions wildly around the room, reminding me of the lengths she had gone to in order to give us a special evening.

I grab her hand and pull her to me, "No….I'm sorry."

"You hurt me," she breathes.

I cup her cheek in my hand, "And you changing your mind hurt me."

She yanks free of my touch and anger flares in her again, "I haven't! I thought we had been through this already. You know what? I don't want to fight. I don't have it in me."

The will to fight her left me long ago. I sit down on the edge of the bed and hold my hand out to her, "I don't either. Please come back to bed."

When she sits down and leans against my shoulder, I know that our discussion has not ended.

"You know, I…" her voice trails off.

I wrap my arm around her shoulder and kiss her temple, "You what, baby?"

"It doesn't matter," she admits weakly. "I just…I ….I just wish you hadn't run away. Now, let's sleep."

She slid beneath the covers and moved over to what was ordinarily my side of the bed and held the covers up, wanting me to slide in behind her.

"But I came back," my answer is almost a whisper and surely barely perceptible even to her.

My response is weak, I know that. But knowing my Sara, she's going to want to explore my answer.

"Why? Why did you come back?"

"What? Why wouldn't I come back? You're here. You're my home," I offered.

When she speaks, her tone belies that she knows more than she's admitted thus far, "I know you, Catherine. What's the real reason you came back?"

"Nancy wouldn't let me stay and then, let's just say that our daughter is more mature than I am sometimes," I turn to face her, moving closer to her on the bed and taking her hand in mine. "If I hadn't left…If I had come upstairs…what would have happened?"

"I wanted us to have a special night. I wanted all the problems to disappear. I just wanted it to be like it was…just you and me…and in love. I wanted all of that to come back. But the thing is, you didn't come upstairs."

I lie on my side and face her, "But they haven't left, baby." I pull her firmly against me, "I'm hurt about the baby situations, but my feelings for you have never wavered. Have yours?"

I can feel her shaking her head against me and I continue, "I love you, Sara Sidle. I love you and all of our problems and everything that makes us…us. And I'm going to fuck up. I'm going to do stupid things and say ignorant things and despite that, one thing will never change. I will always love you. My heart…my love…will eternally be yours."

She turns to face me and our lips meet in a tender yet fleeting kiss. My fingers slide easily through her hair and my breath hitches as I feel her body press against mine. She rolls me over, easily straddling my body with hers. She laces our fingers together and pins my hands at either side of my head as she begins to grind against me slowly, rotating her hips.

My blue eyes lock on her chocolate orbs and we move in unison, our bodies fused together in a dance as old as time, each intent on bringing the other pleasure and closure to our fight.

XXXX

The next few weeks go by in a haze. Both Sara and I are working 12 hour shifts since someone is always at a conference and several people from day shift are in isolation after being exposed to TB at a scene. There is very little time for the two us to spend together and we are merely two ships passing twice a day. When we do see each other, we try to grab whatever time we can for a quick kiss or an obligatory, yet affectionate 'I love you.'

After what had been a particularly awful shift, I walk out into the blistering Vegas morning sun and see Sara leaning against her truck. I walk toward her and find myself pulled into a warm hug.

"Hey there, sexy," she purrs as she kisses my temple. "I feel like I haven't seen you in…"

"…twelve hours?" I interrupt. I pull away from her and stare into her eyes, "Your shift started a couple of hours ago. Are you just now getting here?"

She takes my hand and walks around to the passenger's side and opens the door for me. I just look at her blankly.

"What's going on here, Sara?"

She reaches into her back pocket and pulls out a blindfold and slips it over my eyes. "We're going for a little ride. I want the destination to be a surprise. Do me a favor and leave this on?" she asks she uses my hand to guide me into the seat of her truck. She reaches across me and fastens my seat belt and then I hear the door close.

Her door opens a few seconds later and soon the engine starts and we're on our way to wherever she's taking me. The ride to our destination is in silence. I don't question her and she doesn't speak. Her hand is on my thigh and gently squeezing. I'm both nervous and fearful of what I have no idea.

The truck stops and I hear Sara's door open and shut and then my door is being opened. She leans over me and undoes my seatbelt before taking my hand and helping me out of the truck. She pulls me to her and kisses me deeply. I immediately surmise we're not in a public place because there's no way Sara would kiss me like that if we were anywhere that someone might see us. I'm faintly aware of her hands on either side of my face and sliding into my hair. Only when she pulls away from the kiss do I realize she's removed my blindfold. I blink rapidly and squint against the bright light and take in my surroundings.

I turn to face her and find her smiling cheekily at me.

She takes my hand in hers and dizziness overtakes me.