Her Past

Disclaimer: I do not own General Hospital. Carly and Jason are the property of ABC and Disney.

Summary: A night with Jerry Jacks brings up Carly's horrible past. Implied Carjax, Jarly.

Jason got a call from Coleman late one night. The bartender said that Carly was at Jake's. She wasn't causing too much trouble yet, but it might be best if Jason came to pick her up.

So Jason, the great best friend that he is, finished up his business and headed towards Jake's. He didn't like to go there anymore; it held way too many memories. It hurt even more when he was there with Carly.

When he arrived at Jake's, Carly was drinking out of a bottle of tequila at the bar with three guys hanging on her every word. She's smiling flirtatiously, in her element, but Jason notices the sadness in her gaze. When she catches sight of him, her eyes dim even further, and she dismissed her fan club. Two of the guys grumble but leave immediately. The third starts to bother her for a dance. She shoots him a glare and turns her back.

Jason can tell that the guy is getting angry, so he makes his way over to the bar and steps in.

"Back off," he says dangerously, with his patented ice blue glare. The guy freezes, recognizing the infamous Jason Morgan.

"S-sure…" he stutters, stumbling back and looking for different prey.

"Hey, Jase," Carly greets, still facing the bar with her back to him.

"That was dangerous, Carly. What if I wasn't here?" he questions her softly. He can almost hear her eyes roll, and then she tells him that she wouldn't have dismissed the guys if he wasn't there. Same old Carly, always twisting his words to make her point.

"Why are you here?" he switches topics. He wants to get out of Jake's as soon as possible, but he knows that she won't leave until she talks about what's bugging her. She only went to Jake's when she wanted to talk to him but didn't feel like calling or putting herself on the line. He didn't know why they repeated the same routine when she knew that she could come to him for anything.

"I need to go on fertilization treatments so Jax and I can have a baby," she replies. "I just found out I wasn't pregnant this afternoon. Again. Dr. Lee says once I start the treatments I can't drink anymore. I want to get it all out of the way tonight." If he turns her to face him, Jason knows that there will be a bitter smile on her lips and a brittle look in her eyes.

"Carly…" he trails off, uncertain. "Dr. Lee knows what she's doing. If you want to have a baby, I know you'll have one. You're the most stubborn person I know." She turns around at this, genuinely smiling through her tears.

"You really are something else, Jase," she says quietly. "Jax doesn't even know that I want to have a baby. I have to bring it up to him tomorrow, and tell him how difficult it is going to be. This is not a conversation I was looking forward to. I was hoping for a miracle, that I would get lucky and surprise him. Life doesn't always work out the way we want it to."

"What is this really about?" he asks her. He knows that if the problem were this simple that she would have come to him directly instead of using their Jake's routine.

"When I didn't want kids, I got pregnant. With Michael and that child that I lost with Sonny. When I desperately want to have a baby, it is just so difficult. Morgan was a miracle, and I just hope that I get another chance so Jax can be a father. He's amazing with the boys, and he deserves one of his own," Carly tells him.

"Carly…" Jason warns, letting her know by his tone that he knows that isn't what's bothering her.

"Dr. Lee suggested that Jax might be the problem. That he might have a low sperm count, or something. He needs to have a sample tested," Jason just sighs as he waits her out. He hopes that they get to the root of the problem soon.

"Jerry Jacks drugged and raped me last night. Or at least I think he raped me, I don't remember exactly what happened. God, Jase, this is just like with Ric!" Carly exploded. Jason is shocked by her confession.

"Why?" he whispers softly, reaching a hand up to wipe away her tears. Carly slaps his hand away as she turns her face out of his reach.

"He's been hitting on me forever. I thought his love for Jax would make him respect our marriage. I was wrong," Carly whispered back.

Jason's eyes go cold as he sees the impact Jerry's actions have on Carly. He wants to get his gun and go after Jerry right now for hurting his friend. Damn Jax! Why didn't he protect her from that filth he calls a brother?

"I want to leave," Carly states firmly, getting up immediately and slightly swaying due to the alcohol. She shouldn't have told him that. Now he's going to go after Jerry. If that bastard dies at Jason's hands, her marriage with Jax will be over.

"Carly…" Jason trails off, unsure of what to say. "Let me take you to the penthouse. I think we should talk about this."

"What is there to say?" she questions angrily. "I just want to go home."

Jason sighs softly, and then tells her that he wants to hear the whole story. Maybe they can decide if Jerry really raped her, or if he is just messing with her mind for some reason. Jason knows that he is going to kill the bastard either way, but it might make Carly feel better to know she wasn't violated.

"Fine," Carly agrees. Jason and Carly leave together and take the limo to his penthouse. The ride there is silent, with Carly purposely ignoring the issue and Jason staring steadily at his best friend.

"It's so quiet here," Carly says as they enter the suite. "Where's Spinelli?"

"Probably at the office. He's been hanging around there even more since Georgie's death," Jason answers. "Tell me what happened."

"You know what happened, Jase?" Carly questions angrily, turning towards him. "I was stupid, and I let my guard down! I know better than that! Even if he is my brother-in-law, he obviously doesn't respect Jax so why would he respect me?" After her outburst she turns away from him again. She doesn't want him to see the tears forming in her eyes.

"Carly…" Jason trails off helplessly. She always trusted him to make things better, but he had no clue what to do in this situation. All he wanted to do was go out and kill Jerry, but he knew that revenge would not help his best friend right now.

"Did you tell Jax?" he eventually questions.

"Tell Jax what, Jason? That the older brother he loves so much and saved so many times drugged and raped his wife? How do I break that to my husband?" Carly asks.

"Carly, how is he your husband if you can't tell him these things?" Jason says quickly in the face of her anger and pain.

"Is that what you want, Jase? For me to turn to Jax now whenever I have a problem? I know I rely on you to fix my messes, but you're my best friend. You're right though; I should trust Jax more. He's my husband. I don't need you to save me; Jax and I should work through this as a couple," Carly whispers with tears in her eyes.

The thought of Carly ever going to someone else, ever letting someone else take his spot as her best friend and protector, rips a hole through Jason's heart. He knew that once she realized she didn't need him, she would be gone. He's been waiting for that moment for ten years. But he doesn't let his pain show; it wouldn't help Carly right now, and all he wants is for her to be alright again. He can't be happy, or even content, if he knows that she is in pain.

"You probably should tell Jax as soon as possible," Jason agrees quietly, silently cursing himself and her and the gods for the situation they are in now. There was a time in their lives when Carly didn't care about any man but him. A time that he was her first priority, after Michael. But they both messed up their chance back then. And he'd be damned if he lost her as his best friend too.

"Jason…" Carly trails off, a helpless look in her eyes. She throws her purse on the coffee table, kicks off her shoes, and plops down on his couch like she belongs there. He wishes that she did.

With her eyes closed, Carly begins to tell him how she got herself into the situation with Jerry in the first place. She had seen him leaving Alexis's room at the MetroCourt and asked him again why he wouldn't go into business with Jax. She told him that it was a great chance to make money while doing something legal, and he and Jax could make up for all their lost time. She didn't mention that it would also hopefully keep him out of trouble and in the country where Jax wouldn't have to run to all corners of the earth to save him.

Jerry was his normal flirtatious self, and he told her that he would consider it if she had a drink with him. Carly called him crazy, but agreed to have a friendly cocktail with her brother-in-law. She had emphasized that part, reminding him of Jax.

'Oh, that Golden Boy,' Jerry had said with his obnoxious accent. 'You'll tire of my little brother soon enough.'

Something in his voice had raised Carly's hackles, and she went to storm off. Jerry quickly apologized and convinced her to have that drink.

"I only had one martini, Jase," Carly told him quietly, opening her eyes and staring directly into his. "I know my limitations, I wouldn't have blacked out from that. He must have slipped something in my drink. I remember the first couple sips, and then the next thing I know I wake up naked in Jerry's hotel room."

"Was there any…evidence?" Jason has to ask.

Carly tells him no, that there wasn't any…residue... anywhere, and she wasn't sore when she woke up. But she's already taken a shower, so she can't have a rape kit done. Jason doesn't say anything for a moment. Then…

"You'll get through this, Carly. You're the strongest person I know," he tells her.

"Or maybe just the best actress, Jase. You ever wonder?" she asks him, laughing mockingly.

"Wonder what?" Jason asks. He is confused at her words, and her pain is slicing his heart.

"How I turned out the way I did, Jase. I mean, look at Bobbie. She started out from nowhere, built herself up. She has stability now. I'm more like Luke, I think," she ponders musingly, still splayed on his couch.

"Carly…what does this have to do with anything?" he asks her.

"My adoptive father, Frank…he left when I was eight. I didn't know I was adopted then, though. All I wanted to know was why 'Daddy' had left. Wasn't I pretty enough, nice enough, sweet enough? God, I couldn't hold onto a man even as a baby. Even if the man was my supposed father. I didn't know it then, but he was the third man to leave my life. Pretty great track record, huh Jase? I'm such a fool," Carly tears into herself viciously, exposing her pain to his piercing blue gaze.

"Carly…it wasn't your fault," Jason is floundering, unsure of the right words to comfort her, if right words even existed.

"My real father, Luke, and then Frank. God, three men by age eight. He liked it when I called him 'Daddy.' Not enough to stay when Virginia found out, though," Carly spat.

The words scare him. He doesn't want to know what she means. It will explain so much though. Why she was attracted to older men – Tony, Sonny, Stavros. Why she was so insecure. Why she treated sex as a weapon. God, he's going to have to track down and kill this man, too.

"And Virginia blamed me too," Carly continues. "Don't think she didn't. Everything was my fault. If my mother didn't want me, well, then I'd find another family. Carly's family." Her laugh is brittle as she gets up and heads towards his liquor cabinet. He goes to intercept her, thinking she's had enough. Then he changes his mind and asks her to pour him a shot too.

"But, you know me Jase. If anything, I follow a pattern. And I never seem to learn," she tells him seriously, before downing another shot of whiskey. The liquor burns his throat as he matches her.

"Carly was perfect. Rich. Beautiful. Sweet. Nice, involved parents. And I fit myself nicely right into that family for a while. We swore to be sisters forever when we were ten. By sixteen she found out that I had been fucking her father for two years and tried to run me over with her cherry red convertible. Last second, she couldn't do it. Swerved, hit a tree. Dead on impact," Carly whispers stoically. A single tear makes its way down her face as she stares down her glass. Looking into her reflection, she scowls angrily and throws it against the wall.

"Carly…I…" Jason is still floundering. He can offer an ear for her pain, and a shoulder to cry on, and a bullet to kill whoever hurt her. But the right words to soothe her pain don't come, and Carly is refusing to cry let alone rest her head on his shoulder.

"…don't know what to say, Jase. I know. There's nothing for you to say. God, I was sixteen. The police found out…Mr. Roberts…Tom," she spits his name like it has a foul taste, "he committed suicide before he could be arrested. The kids at school blamed me for Carly's death. She was my best friend. All my other so-called friends were really Carly's. Once she was gone, I had nobody. I transferred schools, but not far enough. The stories followed me, so I got my GED, started working. 'Exotic dancer.' It's a pretty word for stripper, ain't it?"

Carly never wanted to talk about her past before. She always evaded any thoughts of her childhood, sometimes letting little things slip. She always covered up the worst parts, he could tell. But he let it go because he saw how much pain the past caused her. Having it all out there in one night was hurting Jason. Hurting him because it saw how much it hurt Carly. He wasn't sure what was worse: not knowing what was hurting her and not being able to help, or knowing what was hurting her and still not being able to do a damn thing about it. And he wasn't sure if it was better for Carly to keep it to herself or tell him, but she had always told him in the past that talking about things made people feel better.

"I love you. I'd do anything to make this better for you," Jason says softly. For a second, he thinks he's finally found the right words. Then she bursts out crying and flings herself into his arms. The tears come out in a flood, and she's babbling, crying, telling him how Virginia had finally turned her out of the house. How the only mother she'd ever known told her that she wasn't her mother at all in a fit of rage. How hurt, devastated to find out that she'd been adopted, and it was kept a secret until she was seventeen. How she hurt Virginia back when her adoptive mother had come crawling for forgiveness, apologizing, saying that she was sorry, and she didn't mean any of it.

"I took off the next day. Flung the most hurtful words I could've thought of at the woman I believed was my mother for seventeen years. Then, I just up and disappeared," she whispered softly into his neck. The words were muffled, hard to hear. He wouldn't have heard her if she wasn't so close to his ear.

"Where did you go before you came to Port Charles?" he questions her lightly. He tries to make the words as non-threatening as he can. He doesn't want to scare her, hurt her anymore than she already was.

"Here and there. Stayed mostly in Florida. Went to Miami. I worked as a dancer, a waitress, a secretary. Any job I could get my hands on. I was smart enough, even then, to stay away from the drugs and the pimps. At least until I came to Port Charles, that is," she claims bitterly.

"Carly, you're not a whore. And you obviously did something right. Look where you are now," Jason tells her soothingly.

She rips herself out of his arms and laughs mockingly. Staring into his eyes, she searches him for the truth. When she sees that he believes what he is saying, she wants to cry again.

"Jason, the only good thing I've ever done is become friends with you. And I almost screwed that up," Carly says scathingly.

"Your boys…" he protests, but she cuts him off with another chilling laugh.

"Jason, I didn't even know who Michael's father was. I kept AJ away from him when I found out. I almost died giving birth to him, and then when I woke up I wouldn't touch him. I left for a month when he was a newborn. I let him get kidnapped, and then I shot Tony when he wasn't convicted. I was kept away even longer because they thought I was insane. I married Michael's biological father and tried to destroy him. I pushed Michael's real father, that's you by the way, away. And then I made you leave town when I slept with your best friend when you finally told me we might have a chance," Carly bites out. She makes everything sound likes it's one hundred percent her fault.

"Carly, there were extenuating circumstances…" Jason protests.

"What, so now your making excuses for me, Jase? That's not like you. What about when I practically threw myself down the stairs at the Quartermaine mansion and killed my baby? Or getting kidnapped when I was pregnant with Morgan and refusing to eat for days at a time. God, or almost giving into Lorenzo when I was months pregnant with Sonny's child? A child I almost lost more than once. Not to mention the fact that I went into a coma while giving birth to Morgan, and I was gone for his first days too," Carly was blaming nobody but herself. Piling up all the guilt until she almost suffocated on it.

"Carly," Jason snaps at her, "none of that was your fault. AJ PUSHED you off those stairs. And you can't blame yourself for Ric kidnapping you. He's a psycho, and I should have kept you safe. And Lorenzo played mind games with you while holding you captive; there's no logical way to blame yourself for that. And Sonny shot you in the head in a bout of jealous rage when you were giving birth to his son – THAT'S what put you in a coma. So don't blame everything on yourself, Carly, because there are a whole hell of a lot of people who contributed to the bad things that happened to you."

When Jason is finished with his tirade, Carly just stares at him. He just stared levelly back at her, catching his breath. If she wasn't trying so hard to keep it together at the moment, her jaw would be touching the floor.

"I think that's the most I've ever heard you say in the decade I've known you," Carly laughs, breaking the tension. "But…"

"No buts, Carly," Jason interrupts her firmly. "I know you, and I know you would never purposely do anything to hurt your children or put them in harm's way."

"I killed my baby," she sobs slightly at his last words.

"AJ," he reminds her gently.

She shakes her head and tells him no. He thinks that she's refusing to let anyone else take the blame for her fall.

"Carly, AJ pushed you down the stairs. It wasn't your fault," Jason tells her softly. He steps towards her, attempting to take her into his arms again and comfort her. She turns away from him sharply.

Jason sighs. He knows that he's not acting like his normally stoic self, but Carly's pain always managed to touch his compassionate side in a way few others could. Emily, Michael, and Morgan being the only other exceptions.

Suddenly, Carly turns to face him.

"I had an abortion," she blurts out.

Jason is shocked. He cannot reconcile the idea of the Carly he knows ever having an abortion. Even with the circumstances surrounding her pregnancy with Michael, she never gave up.

Carly takes his silence as judgment. She scrambles to repair the ideals she sees breaking in his bright blue eyes.

"I…Caroline had an abortion," she explains softly, talking in third person to distance herself from the situation. "She was sixteen. It was Tom's baby. God, it was Carly's brother or sister! It's how she found out about the affair with her father. It was a tubal pregnancy, and I…Caroline needed to have an abortion. She wanted to know who the father was. I was in pain, regretting the loss of that tiny life even before it happened. I broke down and told her. God, was I stupid. I was looking for understanding, but all I got was hatred."

"Carly, that wasn't an abortion, it was a miscarriage," Jason points out. "There was nothing you could have done to keep the baby. You would have died from that pregnancy."

Carly just shakes her head sadly.

"God is punishing me now for having that abortion. I want a baby with Jax so badly, but I just can't seem to get pregnant. Now, with Jerry…I'm just afraid that I might be pregnant from last night," she explains, shaking and obviously terrified.

Jason realizes that they have finally gotten to the true reason why she is so upset, why she is pouring her heart out to him about her past. Jerry drugging and raping her reminded her of her helplessness with Tom, and now the baby she wants so much with her husband might be the result of a night of violence from his brother.

"I'm going to kill him, Carly," Jason promises firmly. "For drugging you, for raping you, and for ever even thinking of laying eyes at you at all." And for bringing up your past, he adds silently to himself.

He curses Jerry Jacks for the nightmares that he knows will plague him for the rest of his days. Nightmares of the worst kind – Carly hurt, in pain, and him unable to help her. Because even though he was Jason Quartermaine back then, even though they hadn't even met, he still takes responsibility for her pain. Because Carly always loves him, trusts him, needs him, and depends on him to make things better.

And he will. Because even though her past was horrible, Jason will do his best to make sure her future is whatever she wants it to be.