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It was still raining as Grissom followed Sara outside to the parking lot of Desert State Mental Hospital. It seemed as if it had been raining for days, and as if they had been working this case for even longer.
He wished he hadn't assigned Sara to work this case with him, he should have realized that it would remind her of her childhood. Grissom had read the case files and knew that Sara's mother had spent considerable time in a California State mental institution after she had killed her husband; after she had killed Sara's father, in front of Sara.
He should have assigned Nick to work the case with him. But Grissom had been thinking of himself, wanting to spend as much time with Sara as he could now that they were friends again. Now that they were a little more than friends. He'd been thinking of himself and now he regretted it, as usual.
He shouldn't have left her alone in the nurses station either. He'd put her at risk and now felt as guilty as hell. Grissom knew that the patient's rooms were left unlocked at night, and yet he'd left her alone when any one of half dozen different rapist and murderers had access to her. He just hadn't thought.
"Sara, I'll drive you home. You don't need to go back to the lab until shift tonight." Grissom reached out to touch her back and was startled when Sara jerked away.
"Please don't touch me, Grissom." Sara was pacing back and forth next to the Denali, waiting for him to unlock the door. "I'm okay, I can finish the shift."
"Sara, I'm taking you home. You need to calm down before you go back to work, honey." Grissom unlocked the passenger side door and tried to help Sara into the truck, but she dodged his hand and closed the door.
Not only do I blame myself for this, so does Sara, Grissom thought to himself as he walked through the steady rain to the driver's side of the truck.
Grissom turned over the ignition and backed out of the parking space, awkwardly avoiding putting his arm on the back of Sara's seat as he looked over his shoulder.
He had hoped that during the drive to her apartment, Sara would calm down and let go of some of the tension she was obviously bottling up inside. But whenever he glanced over at her, he could see she was still sitting rigidly, staring out the passenger side window. She wouldn't look at him and he was afraid that she was angry with him; he was angry with himself, so why wouldn't she be as well?
Dawn was starting to touch the sky and the rain was letting up as they pulled into the parking lot behind Sara's apartment building. Grissom walked around the truck to open the passenger door, and stood with his head bowed, the light drizzle highlighting the grey in his hair.
Sara walked towards her apartment building. When Grissom didn't follow her towards the stairwell, she stopped and turned to face him.
"Aren't you coming up, Gris?" she asked, her brows drawn together in consternation, hands balled into fists at her side.
Grissom raised his head and squinted, focusing his attention on Sara's face. "Do you want me to?" he asked hopefully.
"No, I need you to." Sara turned and started up the stairs.
By the time Grissom caught up to her, Sara had already entered her apartment, leaving the door open behind her. He crossed the threshold into the dark room and quietly closed the door behind him. Before his eyes could adjust to the gloom, Grissom felt Sara crumpling against his chest, sobbing.
Wrapping his arms gently around her thin frame, Grissom began to rock her back and forth. "Shhh, honey. You're safe now. I'm so sorry I let it happen, Sara."
Grissom guided her to the sofa and drew her down beside himself, making comforting sounds and holding her heaving form against his chest. "Please don't be mad at me Sara, I know it was stupid of me to leave you alone. I just didn't think."
Sara took a deep shuddering breath and rubbed her tearstained face against Grissom's shirt. "I'm not mad at you, babe. You didn't do anything." Sara snaked her arms around his waist, burrowing into his chest even further. It was as if she was hanging on for dear life.
"I left you alone, it was my fault that Adam locked himself in that room with you." Tears began to seep out of the corners of Grissom's eyes. "I thought when you wouldn't let me touch you that it was because you blamed me."
"Oh Grissom, it wasn't your fault. I'm not mad…I just knew that as soon as you touched me I'd lose it." Sara loosened her grip on Grissom's midsection and sat up to look at him. She was surprised to see his tears, and reached up to wipe them away. "I just needed to get here first, babe."
Grissom reached out to softly touch the angry red mark where the pottery shard had been held against her neck. "Jesus Sara, he could have killed you." He leaned forward and gently brushed his lips across the tainted spot, his warm breath cleansing the damaged skin. "What would I have done then?"
Sitting back against the cushions of the couch, Grissom pulled Sara gently, but securely against his chest. He could almost feel the adrenaline draining from them both. "Honey, I was so scared, and I felt so impotent; all I could do was stand there and watch."
Grissom started to shake, imperceptibly at first, but the shudders seemed to grow in strength with each breath he took. Sara wrapped her arms tightly around him again, pressing her forehead against his neck and murmuring soft words of love and understanding until the tremors passed. She then rose and tugged Grissom's hand, leading him over to the bed.
"Will you stay and hold me while I sleep?" Sara sank onto the bed and curled in upon herself.
Grissom laid down on the bed, wrapping himself protectively around her. As Sara's breathing deepened and became steady, he whispered into her hair, "For as long as you'll have me, my love."
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