What are you waiting?

By

Alicia.Emilia

January 7, 2008

Dedicated to Ai, Angie, Anj, Jenn, Kristine, Preeti, and the readers

You guys, this fanfic is for you and a thank you for all of the support. I would not be as developed as I am now. Thank you. All of you helped me and inspired in so many ways.

To the girls who know Sasuke more than Kishi will ever let on.

"I remember the days we spent together, were not enough, it used to feel like dreaming except we always woke up, never thought not having you here now would hurt so much".

-FM Static 'Tonight'

Disclaimer: Naruto does not belong to me but the creator Masashi Kishimoto.

That night Sasuke left me, I was devastated. I depended on Naruto to bring him back, but it was a failure. Sasuke, in the end, had chosen Orochimaru.

As I stared at Naruto that day at the hospital I could see the look of defeat in his eyes. His spunk, which had always shown through his many grins, was gone. I could only guess what happened as he saw Sasuke for the last time.

Did Sasuke leave him with a parting as well?

All wrapped up in bandages I could still see a spark of determination. When I looked down and saw his bruised, grazed, hands clutch the headband, I looked out the window and saw Konoha in all its entirety. The beauty and what it stood for. I was tired of being weak, from that point on I decided to become something, and be someone they would count on.

Years passed and I trained under Tsunade-shishou.

I could overhear the remarks from the villagers and past instructors as they said I would surpass my own master. It was a great compliment and I knew deep inside that I would become a strong kunoichi.

I just didn't imagine how strong, or how much I would want to see him again.

I worked my body until I could feel nothing; I learned to dodge a punch and kick. I could bring small creatures back to life minutes after their death, fight with force powerful enough to push holes and destroy the toughest elements. I stayed up till dawn remembering plants and poisons. Healing and extracting toxins from the injured. It was all for them, but mostly it was because of him.

I knew when I woke up every morning to a new day with my head buried in books it would be for the best. I didn't care about my looks or if my hair was long enough or unkempt. My eyes held bags under them because I wanted, needed, to know if the equation was correct. When my hair got in my eyes I would chop it off because it was easier for me. I knew once I gave up on wanting him to love me I would learn to love myself. Find out that my strength was far better than any other man could expect. Know that my beauty was accepted, along with my huge forehead. And still, a little piece of me contradicted everything I worked hard to achieve.

-

As the wind hit my face I could hear the slight crack of a branch under our weight. I followed closely between the rest, just in case someone was injured. Sasuke would be here any moment. News had spread across Konoha that he had defeated Orochimaru and was on his way toward Itachi.

My heart dropped as I remembered the last moment I saw him. A few months to be precise and even then we failed to bring him back, again.

The twelve year old body had grown into a young man, and the arrogance he had disappeared into his own determination. That killing intent he held lingered in the emotions he withdrew within his subconscious. There was something different about him. Something about his eyes that had me attracted to him all over again. The way he just stood there as if he knew we were coming, as if he was not surprised to see us. How each syllable flowed out of his mouth as he said my name, "Sa-ku-ra". It sent a shiver down my spine, and an anger so close behind it.

It was that calm, deep tenor that grabbed your attention and pulled you out of your own thoughts.

I hated him at that moment. It was for a split second but my mind raced and observed, calculating everything three years had changed.

Each facial asset was just as perfect as I remembered it. The way he would turn his head slowly to the left and how his side profile accentuated his nose. How his jaw line would slightly tilt down as he calculated in his mind, the quiet calm as he closed his eyes for brief seconds at a time. Just a small moment for him to formulate the plan that would get him out of any situation. Five Steps. That was all he needed. Five steps ahead of everyone and he would win.

His hair had grown longer than what I remembered. During the Chunin exams, after Kakashi had appeared before the proctor, Sasuke's hair was long but this time it was kept shortened from the sides but even spikier in the back. Long enough to where his hair would brush against his neck, and lightly stroke his collarbone. Each strand moved in sync with wind, freely grazing his jaw line, touching his bottom lip.

And how his face still held that un-annoyance as raven hair lightly kissed his lips.

From his collarbone my eyes skimmed lower noticing how define his body had actually grown through training. A small glance, but large enough to notice that his upper torso was well kept but still unattainable. No more hiding his body within the confinement of his high collared shirts, he seemed comfortable displaying what nature had given him. He had lost the childlike body and matured into a growing man, that's how it worked, right?

My eyes reared back to his features. The way his lips would slightly part as if speaking to himself, not wanting others to know. And how his bottom and top lip would lift a little from the side to show that smirk I loved so much. I remembered thinking my lips would fit perfectly with his, but that was just a second. Inside his mind I still had not challenged in knowing. He would be just another boy to someone else, but to me he was not just someone else, he was the ambition I had in my mind all along.

Even as I stood there staring at the man that held no boyish charm, he seemed lifeless. His eyes were empty, as if we were nothing but that obstacle that burdened him from the start. I knew deep inside he still held on to his own ambition, his own selfish need. Even if it would cost him his body, Sasuke didn't care. From the time I knew him as a child to now, he was different. It was just for a few minutes but Sasuke was not the same.

Orochimaru could have taken possession of his body, and he would have given it willingly, but that was what my mind said. Inside my heart I knew he would never stoop that low. Five steps, that was all he needed, I knew from the start. Him leaving the village was for good intentions, even if they were for his own. Leaving us he had us grow, strive each day as we trained, that this was how life would be. No more weak Sakura, no more immature Naruto, and this time we needed to learn and mature. Sasuke knew and in the back of my mind, within all the logical reasoning, he cared.

Still it didn't help when at that moment of my own analysis he was aiming to kill, or at least made it look like he wanted to kill. Something during that whole scenario didn't feel right.

Watching him piss off Naruto as I stood there as if nothing had changed, that pissed me off. The way he would say he didn't care. If Yamato hadn't intervened he would have killed me, me because I was weak. Weak, because I didn't and couldn't do anything. Bringing him back together at that moment felt useless. I felt useless as I reminded myself of my strength, my power, our determination. It was pointless. He didn't listen, he didn't care, but I still thought he did. I still held on to that faith, even in that predicament.

After he left with Kabuto and Orochimaru and I saw the hurt look in Naruto eyes, as tears were welling in mine, I knew I had to be strong. Naruto had to learn to be strong; we had to bring him back together. Nothing would bring him back if we cried, Naruto needed to learn it the hard way, we didn't get what we wanted through crying. Still, it didn't ease the pain that ached in my heart.

I remembered how my whole body would tense up when I was around him. How every time I tried to talk to him I would easily lose all self-confidence I had. Just something about his very appearance had you forget everything in your mind, once the comment came to mind he was gone. He had patience, but with me he was annoyed. The way he would knit his brow together, release a fed up sigh and turn his back toward me again. With Naruto you could see the bond they had, what we shared was nothing.

Every moment we had was not physical, and when it was, it was either a brush of his hand or a slight grab on mine. No matter how much I wanted him to notice me, he didn't. Still I grew to love him.

I knew from the time we were genin that this wasn't just a crush. I had, in all actuality, fallen in love with him. I had always been in love with him. I noticed how much I wanted to hear his voice or just feel that certain presence next to me bu-

"Sakura-chan, you doing alright?"

"h-…huh? Yea, don't worry about me, Naruto. We said we would bring him back together, right?" A small, hopeful, smile present on my face.

I looked at Naruto and how he had grown up so much. Had I done the same?

He had matured and I noticed. Before he would annoy me, but now I loved him more than ever. My dependence on him was that of a teammate and a long time friend. Ahead I could see Hinata blush after Naruto had slowed down to talk to me. They had tagged along. Yamato was next to Kakashi talking. I was in the middle; Sai was annoyingly next to me, while Shino, Kiba, and Akamaru were behind.

Naruto had been moody all day, more-so than his usual anxious self. Everyone tried to distract him and keep him calm; I think Hinata handled that quite well.

I had a lot on my mind but I had to hide it. My emotions were not something I learned to command but disciplined.

Before we knew it the nightfall had already surrounded us. Yamato suggested we camp for the night and leave before dawn. So set up we all did, and with this process came the drama. I could hear Sai talk about Naruto's penis again, Naruto getting angry, Hinata fainting at that thought, Kiba asking Hinata what was wrong, Akamaru whimpering, Shino talking to his…bugs, Kakashi reading Icha Icha, because apparently he didn't give a damn, and Yamato…staring at all of this situation happen in less than ten seconds. I felt bad for him being the only responsible adult.

I was, in all honesty, tired and felt a little sick. My head kept swarming with lots of thoughts and memories which I couldn't make heads or tails with. I rubbed my forehead to ease out the pain, but there was just too much racket added to this situation. I looked over to Yamato for some kind of release from the noise, he knew how short tempered I was. I saw him sigh and release an approving nod. My mind was already jumbled and hearing other voices was not something I wanted to live with, again.

The crunch of the grass below me was the only sound around, once I was away from the racket the others were making. Ahead I saw an open field and above I saw the stars shining so carelessly. It was dark, but not too dark, considering the moon was full tonight. Yamato had strictly said not too far from camp but sometimes I had to just clear my head from all thoughts.

I sat myself on the ground and felt the cold prickle from the grass rub against my thigh and palms. My mind kept wandering to the past team seven, how we were all together even at the academy. How each night I studied and studied, just to get that right answer during practice drills, hoping maybe he would look my way. Remembering chakra, levels, traps, jutsu's, but never getting that slight turn of his head. Nothing had him look my way. Even when we became teammates all Sasuke ever saw was an annoying fangirl. A weak, twelve year old girl, who only cared for dating and that perfect fairy tale ending.

Naruto had been something else. He was the person Sasuke only wanted to surpass, challenge, and notice. In a way I was very envious of Naruto for having that small part of Sasuke I wanted. The attention I just needed to have even if it was for a moment.

I sighed to myself as those memories were just part of the past now. I doubt anything was going to change what happened three years ago anyway.

That's what I hated about sitting alone in the dark. The memories you don't think about for so long, just pop out of nowhere.

I don't know how long I sat there staring up. I hated thinking about him sometimes, it wasn't so much as an obsession, and I just wanted to learn more. Like the many codes, strategies, and medical medicines, Sasuke was someone I wanted, needed to know.

I wanted to know what he was thinking. What went through his head as he lived each day? Walking that dark path that he walked since his whole family was taken away from his life.

For some reason I had stopped showing those simple emotions that gave me any sign of weakness. It left me vulnerable to the pain I tried to forget. I laughed and smiled but in a deep part of me, when I went home and looked in the mirror I saw the old kunoichi. That same damn dependency she had on other people. Never training hard enough because all she wanted was a perfect boyfriend, the perfect kiss, and the perfect life. I was blind to the reality around me because I knew that would never happen. Nothing was perfect, and if it was, something was hidden beneath that sick layer of perfection, clawing its way to surface ready to be seen.

Tenderly my pink strands covered my face; I tucked my knees in closer to my chest. Three years and nothing had changed; during this whole time it just seemed like my mind was full of useless drabble, repeating itself over and over again. Contradicting one thing and thinking another. Doing this but wanting to go that way. It all didn't make sense.

Time had passed and I still felt as if nothing was resolved, even with the noise level to a minimum. As I looked ahead I could see a shadow slowly approach the moon light. Something inside me said to turn away, but deep inside, the part where I knew and believed, said it was him.

"Sasuke…kun…?"

'This could be a trap, how could he approach someone in the dead of night.'

Out of all the moments he would always be there. As he steadily approached me, I noticed he was injured. My eyes scanned him a once over. A fractured left arm, cuts and gashes across his arms and legs, and from the looks of that loose bandage wrapped around his forehead he had already been injured. His eyes were tired and he looked like he hadn't slept in days. Fatigue and

sleep deprivation was surely something that was noticeable and needed.

I stood up and ignored the grass stuck to the bottom of my shorts. I didn't run to him, but I didn't walk either. I held caution within the stride to get closer to him, one hand free and another on my holster, just in case. He was using his sword for support under his right arm. My heart beat faster as I got closer, noticing each definition of his features. Even in the moonlight, in all his injuries, he still seemed…

perfect.

It didn't seem like he noticed me, I heard him mumble another woman's name, Karin, as he lightly dropped to the ground.

"…Sasuke-kun?" my voice was low but I kept my emotions in check. This was no time to be crying, I had to help him first. Before I knew it, I was crouched next to him, looking into his half lidded eyes, barely open to see.

I saw him mouth my name, as he drew his eyebrows together, that questionable look all over his face. I asked him to lie down on the ground but I could feel he didn't intend to stay. I knew if he had just the smallest bit of energy he would have pushed me away and ignored me. Again he opened his mouth but I stopped him.

"Don't speak Sasuke…-k-kun," his name felt foreign on my tongue. He was always on my mind, but I hardly ever said his name as much. "I need to treat your injuries first. So…p-p...please, don't move," I lightly smiled.

Tears welled up in my eyes as I removed each gloved hand. I had to do this quick so the others wouldn't find out. I had to get my questions answered first. I needed to have this one moment alone with him. Just for a few minutes. I prayed that they wouldn't become worried about my whereabouts. We had already talked about plans so maybe, this one time, things would work out.

Controlling my chakra was simple; as I concentrated on his injuries I ignored him completely. I needed to concentrate, I pretended for once he was just an injured boy and not my injured teammate I had fallen in love with.

The green glow healing every small injury and then some, fixing the fracture I thought correct. As my hand reached his forehead a brief memory entered my mind as Tsunade had done the same thing for him when he was a child. I could remember how much I admired her from the start, how much dependency people had on her. All I could do was hope for him to wake up, be better, and to just look at me again. After she walked out and I saw him open his eyes, I was happy. Everything else around me hardly mattered anymore, my heart was full and he was awake, I didn't care about Naruto or how he had brought Tsunade to his aid. I didn't care about how hurt he was from the embrace I had on Sasuke. All that was on my mind was Sasuke, and it pained me now. A mixture of regret and turmoil, like my heart was pulled to two sides and neither of them were right. That small regret that would eat at you and not seek an escape.

The shadows contouring his face, as his eyes were closed peacefully together. From the looks I would say he was relaxed. Not asleep because he still had that hard concentrated mixture over his features. My fingers tickled by the small strands over his forehead. I really missed him; I missed his certain presence he had when I was around him.

It didn't take long for him to realize where he was at. I saw him reach for his sword that lay by his side, he would be leaving. Slowly I felt him push himself up.

"Sasuke…kun…you can't leave yet," my voice holding a firm assertiveness. "If any, you need to lie down for a bit. Look at you, you need rest," I gently placed my hand on his shoulder, stopping him. "Do this for your own self Sasuke, for once just listen-"

"…what do you know," his voice leaking out that annoyance and threat I hated so much. He glanced at my hand, placed his above mine and moved it away. For a moment I felt a jolt of surprise from his touch, but his voice held my attention. "Why can't you mind your own business, Sakura?" I could feel the anger I withheld within me rise a little, but I didn't argue I only explained and rationed. Even he wasn't stupid enough to walk off as if nothing happened. He was tired. If he were to get up he would surely fall back down.

'Just a moment, Sasuke-kun. Please, just a small moment. Give me at least that. I don't want to hear a parting anymore.'

"What happened," I had to try and get answers. "You did it, didn't you, Sasuke-kun? You finally defeated your brother." I looked at him for answers and my guess was possibly correct. He was sitting up looking ahead, and for a moment he seemed relaxed.

"…Sakura. This doesn't concern you…if you know the answer don't annoy me with questions."

We stayed quiet for a moment and I felt the tears fall. I couldn't be strong anymore. I didn't want him to leave again. No matter how much we tried to pursue him, it hurt. It hurt because I knew he wouldn't budge. Sasuke was stubborn. He harbored so much inside him that I didn't understand.

How could he not have all these emotions that I feel? Why didn't he cry out for help? I cried for him so many times it was tiring. After he left I cried for Naruto. I cried for us, but I had to try and not cry anymore. I couldn't.

I had to prove to myself that I was strong. I had to show Naruto that I was strong, that I didn't cry about everything. I wanted to show Sasuke, even with him gone, I stopped crying and being pathetic.

It didn't work.

With each tiny sob that escaped my lips and every tear I held inside over the accumulation of time, it didn't work. With the back of my hand I started wiping my face. I looked at him and he showed nothing. As if crying for him was hopeless. His whole features were lost in thought; with his eyes closed I couldn't tell if he was aware of his surroundings anymore.

"Sakura…stop staring at me."

Maybe he still was.

"Stop crying, it's annoying." I saw him open his eyes and look at me, as if studying me. "I see you hardly changed, you still let your emotions get in the way."

"What…what is that suppose to mean?! I just saved your ass and you tell me this. After I cried for you countless times. Sasuke-kun… you-"I felt all the emotions come back to me, all the helplessness I didn't want. The uncontrollable tears and the shaking that came with it.

"I never told you to, Sakura. I'm not worth helping. All this time and you still don't get it do you? That night I left Konoha was for my own reason. I knew that if I stayed there I would not gain anything. I said we would be walking different paths. I did say I was like you all, but I noticed we had different goals."

I remember that night. It was similar to a night like this one. I cried for him and threatened to scream if he left. In the end, he still left.

"Why? Even after all this time, you still hate me…and I still love you," I knew I was speaking to him but arguing with my own emotions. "I never stopped loving you. That night when I said I would go with you and do anything for you, I would still do it. I just want you to be happy…Sasuke-kun."

Again.

I bet I was as pathetic as the night he left. The pain from the emptiness I feared without him. Lost without him, it was the fear I had of losing him that kept me awake all those nights. No matter how much he wanted to sever bonds, cut the ties, it wouldn't be that easy. He was a part of us, someone we looked up to. A person I loved. A brother Naruto never had. A comrade we would not lose or be called a traitor of Konoha. If he liked it or not we would put our dreams on hold for him. Stop caring for ourselves and do anything for him. It was an attraction that had us all come back together. The pain we felt we shared.

As I cried he slowly got up, wobbling but he made his way up. I stared up at him and all the answers I had inside he answered. Sasuke wanted us to stop pursuing him, even if he didn't want to admit it, he cared. He didn't want us hurt.

"Get up, Sakura." That sounded more of a command than a statement.

I knew at that moment he still had other unfinished business elsewhere. It was as if my whole life was slowly going to hell. I didn't want him to leave me, us. I just wanted to convince him to stay.

With one last sniff I got up, wiping away the excess tears he had me shed, again.

"Sakura," his voice was softer. "Live your life without me."

As I looked up to him, I saw him smirk. That small up lift of his corner mouth and how his eyes had softened. I knew it was only for me, just as last time it was just another goodbye. A thank you.

I didn't do anything, I just waited for him to walk off and leave, but he didn't. Around my waist I felt his arms wrap around me and push me toward his chest.

"Sakura…thank you." I couldn't help but not sob into him or hold him with just as much affection. I felt safe in his arms, as if time were just for the two of us. I wished for this when I was younger but I knew he had other things on his mind. Sasuke, back then, just wanted to be noticed and praised. He wasn't the kind to hold respect, only when needed, or call out for attention. He was just someone that you were drawn to. Not for his looks, brains, or skills, no; there was just something about him. Like the way Naruto had people believe in what they thought wasn't possible. Sasuke had the power to have others push themselves to unimaginable strength and confidence from within.

I could smell the dried blood on his clothes and hear his heart beat silently and steady. Each breath he took was silent and the warmth from him was comforting. All the emotions I had were displayed in tears and soaked on his chest. Every thank you, every please don't go, and every I love you.

Slowly he released one of his arms from the embrace and placed his hand under my chin. He was no longer annoyed by me; he just wanted me to understand something he couldn't say.

"Sasuke…"

"You have to go back, Sakura…I have to go," I could feel his warm whispered words on my lips. I felt the light blush on my cheeks and that drop in my heart. I closed my eyes and waited for something but felt a cold chill on my face. I opened my eyes and he had already pulled away. "Try to live your life without me. It wouldn't be fair to either of us if I left you with false hope. I don't want to start something I can't finish."

"You can't leave, not now. Sasuke-kun?" I wanted to yell, but I knew inside he would come back. I had hope in him.

"Maybe our paths will cross again, Sakura. Right now we have another threat to worry about. I will return when the time is right. Go back to the others and don't tell them about this."

I saw him walk and leave me again. That would just be another memory between the two of us. Just like that night a few years back, this will be buried in the back of my mind. I might tell the others about spotting him, but not details.

Just as I turned my back he was right in front of me.

"Naruto…?" I jumped at the surprise to see him standing there as if he might have seen the whole scenario. So I played coy.

"…Sakura-chan, what are you doing out here," He smiled lightly at me, his head tilted to the side and arms placed behind his neck.

Did he know?

"What are you doing out here, Naruto?" I kept my voice steady as my heart raced from the fear of the commotion.

"Nah Sakura-chan I came out here to take a leak and noticed you walking back"

I wanted to punch him, cry to him, and tell him about everything.

"Oh…okay Naruto."

Instead I turned around and walked back to camp. I had a long day tomorrow. In the morning we would pursue Sasuke-kun all over again. Word was that he had defeated Orochimaru and was on his way to see Itachi.

-

"Teme…we'll see you again…tomorrow."

Okay, this fanfic surely did a number on me. As you can tell I did without a beta this time, but props to Anj for the push and the constructive criticism. If there are grammatical errors please tell me about them so I can edit them.

On another note. This is dedicated to all my readers and the people I have listed above. I wanted readers to understand why I wrote this,

I want Sakura to be heard, I want at least her feelings to be heard, and I want her to feel humanly as possible. To break out of the archetype people seem to categorize her in. People see her as annoying but I believe she grew up a lot, and just as Kishi says "Sakura has to grow up". This is, of course in latter chapters. I see her as a normal girl in love with a boy, but with more complications. I love Sasuke and I wanted to show that through Sakura. How much she cares for him and all the conflict that goes through her mind. Mostly I do this for you, my readers, also. You have given me so much support, especially from the start. A lot of you have stayed loyal to me and wanted, asked for more, and I think its time for me to give back. Thank you for putting up with my laziness.

For the flamers, yes they are fictional characters, but sometimes they seem a lot more real than you think. What are fictional characters but characters based on real people.

You're Invited and Tie me up and you'll love it will be updated sometime…in the next few weeks, I am starting school again. Wish me luck. If you haven't read, go and enjoy. Good luck on everyone with their new semesters.

Much love as always.

Alicia Emilia

Soundtrack: Yui and FM static.

P.S. Title is based on 'Tonight' by F.M. Static. Youtube it! While you're at it…look up Naruto Shippuden Movie 2…

Summer 2008!