Rating:PG-13
Pairing: Kakashi/Iruka Iruka/Kakashi I like my boys to switch xD same with Raidou and Genma
Status: WIP, but hope to finish soon... yes, I know you've heard that from me before, lol.
Summary: Kakashi returns from a mission; Iruka patches him up and fluffiness ensues. Kinda…
Genre: WAFF, fairly mild angst (it always slips in there if I'm writing Kakashi, doesn't it?) HC
Warnings: biseinen ai, yaoi, coarse language and provocative conversation, medical imagery, cross-dressing
Disclaimer: I asked Kishimoto-san for several shinobi for my birthday… I kinda conveniently forgot to put them back when I was done… So technically they aren't mine, but I think they have a lot more fun with me…

Author's Notes: Thank you to Hatochan, for more than you know. You're the reason I started writing again and the reason I continue, despite my doubts and all the little bumps in the road… this is part of Hatochan's Tolerant Intolerant universe and occurs just before Hato's Playing Doctor, but works better if you read it after hers. This and Playing Doctor occur about 3 - 3 ½ months after the wedding from her Along the Way: Ch.10 – Prancing. They are married and living together in a house, so the old apartments are now gone... Hatochan's Playing Doctor is fairly explicit, guys. DO NOT read if you're not legal... or if you can't handle some yummy kinkiness... ;) it's on the KakaIru LiveJournal and Adullt Fanfiction Net

Shizune examined the test. Damn. The results are off again. But they can't be, not twice, and I performed them myself, this time. The only thing I can do is try one more time, and examine the senbon. Maybe there's a clue, there.

She placed a new set of gloves on her hands and retrieved one of the long, slender needles. The normally shiny surface looked dull, and she could see an odd twist at one end. The other weapons all bore similar oddities.

She considered fetching the senbon specialist from ANBU HQ, then realized she had someone even better right here in the hospital. Now, to figure out a way to smuggle him into the lab…

"No, you're supposed to be resting, Genma."

"But Rai, I can go to sleep easier if we cuddle a little first. Tsunade said she'd make sure the nurses didn't interrupt. The bed's big enough… Take a nap with me, or at least stay with me till I fall asleep. You look a little tired, yourself, and you know what you'll feel like in the morning if you sleep all night in that chair. Come on, it isn't like this is a mission. You can choose the more comfortable option without compromising anything, babe."

Raidou paused a moment. He's only here for observation. Tsunade treated him, so it isn't like there is any chance of anything still being wrong. It won't hurt, this one time. Maybe Gen will behave if I give in. "Oh alright, scoot over…"

Genma did scoot, and Raidou settled himself carefully next to his husband. "You know I wouldn't have agreed if Tsunade hadn't promised about the nurses, right?"

"You heard her, Rai, whatever else you can say about her, she keeps her promises."

Raidou curled protectively against Genma. "I was worried. Don't go pulling any tricks like that again any time soon, okay?"

"Speak for yourself, love. When I saw that chidori headed towards your head…"

"Shhh, it's okay, now. We're fine and Kakashi will be, too, soon."

Genma nodded quietly, hands reaching around the big man, drawing him closer. Lips met and parted in a long, lazy series of kisses. Raidou hissed as a cold, calloused hand slipped beneath his waistband. "Can't fuck you through the mattress, tonight, but that doesn't mean I can't have a little fun, babe." Deft fingers undid the button fly and yanked the uniform pants halfway down Raidou's thighs.

"Gen…" Raidou groaned. "Please…"

Genma never did learn whether Raidou was begging him to stop or continue, because at that moment two knocks on the door barely preceded Shizune. "Genma?" Raidou jerked his pants up quickly. She broke off as she saw the other man.

"He made me do it!" Raidou squeaked out in a guilty voice, much higher than his normal bass rumble.

"Oh. I'm sorry, I just, oh… damnit, I'll come back in a minute, when you're umm presentable..." She took a lingering, considering glance at the two men as she left.

"The look on your face when she walked in, Rai…" Raidou scowled as Genma doubled over with laughter.

"She might have told the nurses to stay out, but apparently Shizune doesn't count. That's it, you're not getting me back in this bed." Raidou swatted Genma on the shoulder.

"Awww, but Rai…"

"No."

The discussion came to a close as Shizune knocked again. "Everyone decent this time?"

Raidou threw her a glare, too. No use wasting them all on Genma; he was oblivious.

Shizune bowed slightly. "I'm truly sorry, Raidou. I didn't mean to interrupt." Raidou flushed slightly at the implication. "That is, I mean, oh hell. I'm making things worse. I'm sorry. I came to ask something, actually. Genma, I know you're supposed to be resting, but I found something when I was examining those senbon that hit Kakashi, and I'd really appreciate your input if you'd care to come to the lab and take a look."

"Sure, I'll take a look if you want, but what can I help you with? You're the one with lab experience."

"I don't know. The senbon just don't look right, but I can't put my finger on exactly what's wrong. I know I could have asked the current ANBU specialist, but I trust your experience more. I apologize for disturbing you, but I can't help thinking something is off, and maybe it would help explain what happened."

"One question. How are you going to get me in the lab?"

"Don't worry, Genma, I've got it all taken care of…"

Raidou lay back in the bed, wondering how he always got talked into these situations by Genma. It reminded him of the times Genma had convinced him to cover for his all night brothel hopping when he was unable to convince the older teen to join him when they were younger. He had the same feeling of dread this time, the certain knowledge that something was going to go wrong. What bothered him hadn't been his own capitulation, though, that was an almost foregone conclusion these days. The real surprise had been that it was Shizune's idea. He really supposed he should re-evaluate his opinion of the kunoichi, afterall if she'd stayed around Tsunade all these years and could bend that strong-willed woman to her will, there had to be even more to her than Raidou had realized. He sighed. He just knew this was going to end badly.

Don't pick and pull, Genma, you'll make a hole. And take a shorter stride. You can't walk like that in those, you'll break an ankle. And don't bite your lip, or it will all come off."

"How can you get anything done in these? They're distracting." Genma tried taking a smaller stride, and somehow added a sway to his hips when he did. "You're sure I look alright?"

"You're fine, Genma. Your hair really looks nice like that, too. I can't believe you cover it all the time. It's really one of your better features."

"It goes all over the place if I don't cover it, remember? Are you sure the plum looks alright? Because I really liked the blue."

"I told you, you have to condition it or it's going to fly everywhere. And yes, the plum looks good on you, and it's just in the crease, not over the whole lid. Blue would clash with your eyes. You really do make a stunning woman, Gen. Not that I don't think you're a fine man, but it really is surprising how good you look in a dress. And those legs… wow. I mean, you have well-muscled legs, and they aren't at all girly or feminine-looking, but in those hose, they're just stunning."

"Still distracting. All silky and they move with me when I walk… And besides, you saw me in a dress at Kakashi and Iruka's rehearsal dinner, so it's not like this is a surprise, or anything."

"True, but that clingy, pink thing would've made almost anyone sexy, Genma. Looking like this in a plain, white nurse's dress is a little more difficult. I don't have a fetish for them, either, so I know that's not it."

"I suppose." Genma smirked. "Speaking of fetishes, did you see the look on Rai's face when I came out of the bathroom like this? Hmmm. Maybe we need to explore medplay a bit… or at least some nice roleplay…"

"I promise, Genma, if you help me figure out what's up with Kakashi, I'll make sure to get a nurse's dress and a medic-nin uniform for you and Raidou."

"How could I say no with an incentive like that?" Genma laughed.

Shizune unlocked the door to the lab, and they went in. Genma followed her into the empty lab. "Well, that went even easier than I expected."

"Yeah." Genma pulled a senbon from within the dress and stuck it in his mouth as soon as they were sure they were alone. "Although I almost wish we'd run into someone. I wanted to see their reaction."

"Genma… We weren't looking for a reaction, we wanted them to ignore you, remember? That's why you're running around the hospital in a nurse's uniform when you should be in bed, to blend in, not stand out."

"Oh yeah, I sorta forgot that part. It was fun, though. Why can't all my hospital visits turn out like this?"

Shizune muttered something under her breath that sounded suspiciously like Karma? and handed Genma a pair of latex gloves. It was so hard to tell when he was serious, sometimes. "The senbon are here, and there are extra gloves if you need them. I assume you still remember how to use everything from when you took the ANBU Poison Specialists training?" At his affirmative nod, she pointed to the counter beside him. "Equipment is to your right."

Genma examined the stack of metal objects. "Rubber tipped tweezers and magnifying glass?"

"Somewhere. I'll find them." She began rummaging in the drawers beneath the counters.

"What type of tests did you run?" Genma asked as he leaned in to get a closer look.

"Just standard swab tests so far, I figured we should start with less destructive tests first. Results have been inconclusive through three attempts, though. Nothing to account for any of the symptoms Kakashi is exhibiting. I'm almost wondering if he tweaked the jutsu and made a mistake, and now the infection has mutated into some super-germ."

Genma shook his head. "I doubt Kakashi made a mistake. Hmm, I see what you mean. They don't look right. These senbon have seen a lot of really heavy use. Any decent shinobi would've replaced his weapons with about a tenth the wear these show." Genma picked up one of the weapons with the tweezers and examined it carefully. "See how dull this is?"

He handed her the magnifying glass. Shizune noticed a series of fine lines and scratches over the finish of the metal. Genma handed the dull, twisted metal to Shizune.

"I bet if you look under the microscope, you'll see there's significant cracking and pitting at the tips, too."

She took the weapon and slid it into place. "You're right. Then how did he clean them properly?"

"First, the dullness shows it's a cheap, low-quality metal, but it also means he didn't take proper care of his equipment. I'm guessing he used acid from time to time when they got too rusty. See all the pitting about an inch away from the tip? He didn't clean them right away, so there was rust and blood on all of these, right about there. He didn't use just one tip as the throwing end, either. See how they're all warped and twisted at both tips? Senbon aren't impact weapons. They're for using with poison or immobilizing a chakra or pressure point, mainly for assassination and kidnapping, although they work well to slow down an opponent, too. You replace a senbon anytime it hits anything harder than a soft wood, because the tips get mangled and the balance is thrown off."

Genma pulled another senbon from behind his ear. "See how sharply defined the ends are, and how smooth and shiny the metal is? They should slip easily into the flesh. These others would have done some damage going in and coming out. And all those nooks and crannies and pits in the metal? There is no way to clean those properly. Senbon are easy weapons to take care of. Wipe them down as soon as possible after battle and then give them a quick dunk in disinfectant and poison neutralizer and rub down with clove oil and a polishing cloth when you get back to the village. Replace after impact or when there's any visible wear. That's it. This guy didn't even bother cleaning until the rust had already damaged the metal, and then used a shortcut with the acid. Low-level scum, but this goes to prove they can do more damage than well-trained shinobi, sometimes, just because they're unpredictable."

"So all those crevices trap poison residues, bacteria, dirt, rust, everything…" Shizune slumped to a stool and handed the thin needle back to Genma.

"Exactly, and a swab test probably wouldn't pick up on anything in sufficient quantities to show, because the contaminants aren't on the surface, but any wound would still be exposed to everything present in the crevices. I'm guessing multiple infections and residual poison damage. You probably want to check the status of his tetanus booster, too, from the amount of rust you can see. Probably localized poison damage in the immediate area of the wounds, along with whatever damage those points made going in and coming back out. Depending on how long ago the guy 'cleaned' these, there could be a reaction to unknown cleaning agents or other foreign matter. Does that pretty much sum up what you needed?"

"Yes. Damn, it's just never easy when Kakashi comes in, even when it's not his fault. I'm glad we know what we're facing, although I don't like the implications, especially since he used that jutsu. I'm afraid that will complicate things even more than we realized."

There was a knock at the door and Genma pulled the telltale senbon from his mouth. Shizune opened the door. "Usagi-san? Can I help you?"

The rabbit-masked shinobi turned to look at Genma, head tilted slightly. "Hokage-sama sent me to inquire how much longer before you have Hatake-san's test results." The voice echoed slightly behind the porcelain.

"Oh. Uh, we're taking care of that now. Please inform her there was an error with the tests, and I am repeating them myself. Results should be back within the hour. Tell her not to sedate Hatake-san or give him any other antibiotics until I finish with the new set of tests. Thank you." Shizune muttered something under her breath about 'mutant infections, headstrong jounin, and that damned jutsu' as the ANBU nodded and left.

Shizune released a deep breath and Genma twirled the senbon back into its proper place, ease of habit shifting it into a grooved spot between his teeth. "See? Nothing to worry about, Shizune."

"Genma. He's ANBU, you know he saw right through you. We are so busted." Shizune sighed.

"I know he saw through me, but he doesn't care. He was amused, and not a little curious. Couldn't you see?" Genma's head canted ever so lightly to the side, in unconscious imitation of the other shinobi.

"If you say so, Genma. I could never keep up with all the nuances of ANBU 'non-communication.' I'm sure you've had more than long enough to perfect your understanding of it."

Genma raised an eyebrow at her. "You could at least pretend you don't know, Shizune. I'd feel a lot better if you did. Even if I'm not ANBU anymore, I'm not comfortable talking about it like this."

"Fine, as long as our friend with the buck-toothed mask stays quiet I don't care." Shizune gathered all the supplies necessary for a new round of tests. "At least Tsunade can decide on medication options after just a few quick tests. I hate to delay the antibiotics, but there's a chance for interactions between some of the substances likely to be on the senbon and some of the most effective drugs."

"That's not good." Genma had always had a flair for understatement.

"If I had my choice, I'd have him pumped full of sedatives, painkillers, and antibiotics, as well as some more anti-toxins, but some medicines lessen the effectiveness of others or cause nasty side-effects when combined. The biggest threat right now seems to be the infection, though, so we'll find one of the strong, broad-spectrum antibiotics and get that under control. That damned jutsu probably suppressed Kakashi's resistance as well as the pain receptors. I know the exhaustion would have left him vulnerable, as well. The only good thing is that it also delayed the onset of symptoms till he managed to get home, although it also hid everything from Iruka, as well."

"Shizune, what about the antidote and de-tox cocktails Kakashi was taking, won't they have an effect, as well?"

"You're right, they will. Do you or Iruka know which ones he was taking?"

"No, Iruka didn't even know about them till I explained tonight. I told Iruka I'd help Kakashi tweak his a little, but things went to hell before I ever got a chance to talk to him about which ones, or anything."

"You're right, we should find out what he's already taken. I could do a blood test, but those take so much longer. If you're right about the senbon, there will be minute traces of multiple poisons. I hate to say it, but we're probably going to have to take the chance that they'll be neutralized by whatever he's already got in his system. Giving him any more will only reduce the effectiveness of the antibiotics. We can always heal any local damage which is all small amounts of poison will do. I hate to do something potentially painful like that, but it's the best choice. We can always manipulate chakra points or something else to block the pain since sedatives and painkillers interfere with the antibiotics, too. I just hope Tsunade hasn't given him any medications yet. He needs a good effective dose of a strong antibiotic quickly, as soon as we can determine which one is going be the most effective and have the least side effects, especially with what is already in his system. Thank you Genma. We wouldn't have known any of this so fast if at all without your help. I really do apologize for dragging you out of bed, but you know I wouldn't have asked if it wasn't important."

"It wasn't any problem, Shizune. Besides, I owe a lot to Iruka and Kakashi, so I wouldn't mind, anyway."

Shizune nodded, then her eyes narrowed as she took a good look at Genma. "I know the lighting in here is horrible, but you're starting to look a little pale. Are you feeling okay?"

"Yeah, just starting to get a little tired." Genma tried to hide a yawn behind his hand and almost poked himself with the senbon. He glared at the offending needle, and the expression, somewhere between a pout and a snarl was so cute on him that Shizune couldn't help the smile that came to her face.

"Get back to that husband of yours and let him put some color back into your cheeks. Are you ok to walk that far?"

"Are those Doctor's Orders?" Genma obviously still felt good enough to smirk. "I'm fine. I can manage walking, really, Shizune."

Shizune smirked right back, "Let's just say it's not prohibited, ok, Genma? Laughter's an awfully good medicine, but maybe not the best." They laughed together, companionably.

They had always been... comfortable together. It was the best word to describe what they had had so long ago. Genma shook his head out of his reverie, he had loved Shizune once, but that was years past, and he had a wonderful, caring husband he loved dearly waiting in bed for him right now.

As always, she seemed to read his mood. "Raidou's a very lucky man, Genma, and I'm glad to see you so happy with him. I bet he's ready to have kittens by now, though, we've been gone awhile. Go get some sleep and let him fuss over you like you know he will."

Genma smiled, a rare expression marred by no hint of a smirk or any sexual innuendo. "That sounds like a wonderful idea."

"Sleep well, Genma, I'll see you tomorrow morning." She grabbed the senbon and started another in the seemingly endless round of tests.

Genma nodded, then turned with a jaunty wave and left.

Maybe kittens was too weak a metaphor. Raidou was ready to birth a litter of bobcats. He performed the henge much quicker than he ever had before when he heard the knock at the door and prayed Shizune's chakra transference jutsu would get him through this.

The door opened softly and no answer came to the quiet query. "Genma?"

Raidou lay still and silent, feigning sleep.

Tsunade moved towards the bed, tucking the sheet closer to the body and adding a blanket. Her hands glowed a soft green with healing chakra as she moved them towards his head to assess the newly-healed injury. "Good thing you're so hard-headed, Genma, although we have to patch the wall where you hit."

Raidou relaxed slightly in the bed, finally convinced they might just pull this off without incident. "I'll leave you to your rest, you're just fine. Both of you. Tell Genma and Shizune they better have a good explanation when I see them, Raidou."

Raidou sat up, sputtering, as Tsunade left the room. Maybe having a litter of fully-grown Siberian tigers might better describe his mood?

Genma walked slowly down the empty corridor. Surely it wouldn't hurt to see Iruka and ask him to get Kakashi's packs for Shizune's tests. It was on the way back to his room. Mostly. Besides, the quicker they got the information, the quicker Kakashi would get the care he needed. Yeah, that was a good explanation. And he'd be in and out before Tsunade even noticed him. Yep, a fine plan. Nothing could go wrong.

It was a bit of a letdown when he knocked on the door and entered to find Iruka alone with Kakashi. The chuunin was dozing in a chair pulled close to the bed, head pillowed on his hands, hair fanning out on the crisp, white sheets. "Iruka."

Iruka jerked, blinking awake, then blinked a few more times as he stared at the nurse before him.

"It's me, Iruka."

"That's what I was afraid of. What the hell are you doing out of bed? Tsunade and Shizune will kill you when they find out."

"Naah, I'm good. It was actually Shizune's idea. She has this jutsu to make Raidou's chakra patterns look like mine and vice versa. So Rai is back in my bed probably sleeping and pretending to be me. I wish I'd known this jutsu when I was younger." Genma chuckled. "And as long as we end the jutsu before it drains our chakra completely, there are no side effects. I think I almost caught how she did it, too. I may have to do a little research." The typical smirk seemed somehow out of place on the feminine-looking face. "Anyway, like I said, it was Shizune's idea. She had questions about those senbon and asked me to help. Looks like Rai was right. Those needles were nasty. Turns out the guy didn't take good care of his weapons and so they were dirty and had traces of multiple poisons. Shizune is finishing up the last sets of tests now and wanted me to send Raidou to ask you to bring Kakashi's pack so that she can see what antidotes he was taking. Your room was on my way back and I figured the sooner we got everything to her the better."

"Oh. Well, I guess if Shizune knows, it's ok. You sure you're ok, though? You look a little pale."

"I'm fine, Iruka, just getting tired. It's been a long day. I'm headed straight back to my room. Rai's probably having a fit by now because I've been gone so long."

"Probably." Iruka smiled. "I'll go get the pack and take it to Shizune, right now. The quicker she gets it, the quicker we'll know what to do, and the quicker we'll get Kakashi out of here."

"Yeah, he didn't look too happy when we brought him in..." Genma smirked. "You get his gear, and I'll get back to bed. See you in the morning."

"Sleep well, Gen. Thanks for everything, tonight."

"No problem. You've helped me and Rai for years. The least we can do is be here for Kakashi, we owe it to him for putting up with you." Both men laughed.

"Asshole." Iruka's scar crinkled with the smile stretching across his face.

"Dickhead." Long years of friendship blunted any rancor in the epithets.

They grinned and parted ways, Iruka in a swirl of chakra smoke, and Genma with the tap, tap, tap of sandaled heels and swaying hips.

He was almost to his destination when another body turning the corner collided with him and almost knocked him to the ground. A well-endowed body... with blond hair. Shit... Not again. And not now, this close...

"Oh, nurse, I need some help with a patient. Please follow me." Tsunade turned around and walked back the way she had come, expecting nothing but unquestioning obedience.

"I... uhh... that is..." Genma had no idea how he was going to get out of this one.

"Please hurry, it's Shiranui-san. He's unconscious and appears to be almost drained of chakra."

"What? Already? But we still... I mean... Yes, Hokage-sama. We should hurry." Genma wanted to run, and was quite upset at the seemingly slow pace Tsunade set.

They finally reached the room and Tsunade opened the door, gesturing for Genma to precede her. Genma entered, eyes on the bed, and stopped.

Raidou was sitting in the chair next to the bed, drinking tea from a mug covered in cavorting felines.

"Ok, Genma, what's going on? I'm guessing Shizune's involved, since I sincerely doubt either of you know the chakra mirror jutsu. What was so important that she let you run loose in my hospital in that get-up?"

"The senbon. She had a hunch and asked me to look at them. All I did was look and talk with her, answer some questions, and give her my opinion on what I saw. On my way back here, I asked Iruka to get Kakashi's pack so Shizune can find out what antidotes he was taking. Then I came right back here."

Tsunade raised a hand glowing softly with green chakra to Genma's head to monitor his condition. "Back in bed, now, Genma. No arguments."

He sat down, and before he quite knew what was happening, Tsunade swabbed his arm with alcohol. "You'll feel a little prick, Genma." She quickly pushed the plunger on the small hypodermic needle she pulled from her pocket.

Wha?? Mere seconds later, he giggled. Little prick. Obviously she doesn't know about Raidou... Genma swayed a little, and Raidou and Tsunade lowered him back against the pillows. "It's just a light sedative, Raidou, to make sure he gets a good night's sleep. He'll be a little loopy for awhile, but I doubt he'll be wandering the halls anymore, tonight, now. With any luck, he'll drift to sleep in an hour or so." Genma had a silly grin on his face that Raidou recognized all too well from numerous nights of alcoholic overindulgence through the years. "I know I don't need to tell you, but make sure you get some quality sleep, yourself, Raidou. It's been a long day and knowing Kakashi, Iruka may need you and Genma before this is all over with."

"Yes, Tsunade-sama."

"I'll check with both of you two sometime tonight. I hope to find you both asleep."

"Me too."

Tsunade snorted. "Sleep tight, boys."

Raidou laughed and Genma waved goofily as she quietly exited the room.

Tsunade made her way back to Kakashi's room. Shortly before she reached the final corridor, she met up with Iruka.

"Tsunade-sama." Iruka greeted her.

"Iruka-sensei. Out to stretch your legs?"

"Oh, I went to get Kakashi's gear so Shizune could examine the antidotes. I was just on my way back to the room after giving it to her. She said we should have everything we need in about half an hour."

"That's good. I'll feel better knowing just what meds he should be taking for all this."

They turned the corner and entered the room.

The bed was empty, IV dripping in a puddle on the floor.

"Oh fuck."