0Disclaimer: Don't own them just borrowing.
Rating: CSI SUPERVISOR
Spoilers: AU - but the entire show is taken into account.
Author's Notes: This story is based on different people's ideas, inputs and rumors about Marg leaving the show. This is my take on how that would happen, what actually happened and what was left.
Summary: It's been three long years since Catherine left Las Vegas. She left her job. She left her friends. She left him. Now the time has come to face the past and the feelings they have kept buried ever since.
Chapter 4
Come on…
Didn't I make you feel like you were the only man, well yeah!
An' didn't I give you nearly everything that a woman possibly can?
Honey, you know I did!
And each time I tell myself that I, well I think I've had enough,
But I'm gonna show you, baby, that a woman can be tough.
I want you to come on, come on, come on, come on and take it,
Take another little piece of my heart now, baby, (break a..)
Break another little bit of my heart now, darling, yeah. (have a..)
Hey! Have another little piece of my heart now, baby, yeah.
You know you got it if it makes you feel good,
Oh yes indeed.
- Janis Joplin
--
Late July 2011
The 1789 Restaurant
1226 36th Street, NW,
Washington, DC 20007
Friday Night
Catherine closed her eyes as she felt Gil's hand close softly around her wrist as he pulled her from Peter's arms. His voice sent shivers down her back but the instant Peter's angry voice seeped through her cloudy mind, she snapped back to reality and took a step away from Gil towards Peter. Mostly to distance herself from him momentarily, but also because she wanted to stand between the two for whatever was to come.
"Excuse me, but you're interrupting our date" Peter told Gil his irritation obvious; he moved to stand beside Catherine, something both her and Gil pretended not to notice.
"Gil... I..." Catherine began to speak, but nothing really came out.
Their
eyes had locked in on each other. For a little while they just stood
there staring at each other, the tension so strong people at the
nearby tables couldn't help but look. Peter had fallen silent. He
knew this was not good. Gil Grissom.
Eventually Catherine tore
her eyes away, quickly stepped around Peter and grabbed her purse.
"Let's go," she stated as she passed Peter grabbing his arm and dragging him with her. Gil was left standing in the restaurant. Did he just lose her all over again? He shook his head. He was going to fight for her until she told him right out she didn't want him and even then he still wouldn't accept it. He had to go after her.
Outside Catherine was debating in her mind if she should go back in or run as fast and as far away as she could. Peter, who had heard the story of Gil Grissom and for a long time had expected her to never get over this guy, was watching her, seeing emotions clouding her eyes. He thought tonight would be the proof that she had finally moved on. He knew now that she never had and based on what he had just witnessed back there never would.
"Get
in the car," he told her, watching as her eyes snapped to his. He
saw the insecurity and confusion in her eyes.
"I'm gonna take
you back to your apartment," he told her reassuringly. Catherine
felt bad for him. Peter was a really great guy. He was caring,
understanding and in any way you could imagine the perfect match.
Just not for her.
"Thanks"
she told him and got into the car. Just as he turned the key, they
both saw Gil as he came running from the restaurant.
Catherine saw
him nearing the car but then tore her eyes away and whispered:
"Please, keep driving." She tried to ignore the sound of Gil yelling her name over and over again as the car pulled out of the restaurant drive way and into the street.
Mid September 2008
Catherine Willows apartment
Dupont Circle
2000 N St. NW, Washington, DC 20036.
Late
Afternoon
Catherine locked herself into her apartment, put her keys on the small coffee table and placed her purse on the kitchen counter. She went to the fridge and pulled out a bottle of water and grabbed an apple. On her way to the couch she grabbed the white envelope sticking up from the purse. She went to sit down and placed the water and apple on the living room coffee table before she slowly pulled the content of the envelope into the light.
A smile spread on her face as she looked at the black and white print in her hand. Her fingertips softly traced the image. For the first time in days, weeks, maybe even months she actually felt happy.
She had brought Lindsey to the ultrasound and had truly enjoyed seeing her daughter's face light up at the sound of the baby's heartbeat and the tears in her eyes when she saw the blurred image on the screen. Lindsey's hand had never left Catherine's during the examination and ultrasound. Lindsey even took notes during the conversation with the doctor, making sure she had everything down on diet, exercise and rest cycle. She eagerly accepted the pamphlet on Lamaze class and eventually asked several questions. Catherine was pleasantly surprised. Lindsey had really done research.
After the ultra sound appointment they went out for lunch and took a walk down The Washington Mall enjoying the warm day.
It had been a very good day until Lindsey had asked her about Gil. Catherine sighed. What was she supposed to say, that she wanted him there, which she didn't? Lindsey demanded the answers Catherine knew she owed not only Lindsey but also herself. She closed her eyes, leaning back, her hand resting on her abdomen tracing light circles on it as she thought back to the conversation Lindsey and she had a couple of hours ago.
"Mom did you decide what you wanted to do about Gil?" Lindsey asked holding her mother's gaze for as long as she could before seeing her turn her head.
"Lindsey... not here" Catherine fiddled with her napkin, her fingers turning the cup of tea she was drinking.
"Yes mom. You need to deal with this. Either you tell him or you don't but you need to make that decision and soon. It will make you feel better when you finally settle on something," Lindsey said, Catherine knowing she was right.
" I know" Catherine whispered, slightly cursing as she felt tears well up. She angrily brushed away a single stray one.
"Mom I know it's not easy. But you need to do this" Lindsey was quiet for a second contemplating how to let her mother know what she thought was right.
"Don't you think he has a right to know?" she saw her mother's eyes snap up to meet hers, and immediately knew why her mother had not wanted to start this conversation in public.
"Lindsey!" her name came out with an angry edge.
"He lost that right when he went back to her. Sara. Don't you think I don't want him here besides me, with us, holding me at night, watching our baby grow and be part of this family?" Catherine's voice had slowly faded from a high pitch to a low whisper as she noticed two young women at the table next to them turn and stare.
"Excuse me" she quickly rose and fled to the bathroom tears streaming down her cheeks.
"Damn" Lindsey muttered under her breath. "Damn you Gil Grissom". She knew her mother had already decided what to do. She was doing this alone, and as much as Lindsey wanted to tell Gil so he could own up to his responsibly and possibly admit his true feelings, she knew it was her mother's decision and decided there and then never to mention Gil again and to support whatever plan her mother had worked out.
In the café's tiny bathroom Catherine dried her eyes. She looked into the mirror, her hand softly coming to rest on her abdomen.
"We're gonna be just fine you and me" she slowly caressed her stomach while she spoke before looking into the mirror:
"I don't need you Gil, we will be just fine." With that she left the bathroom and joined her daughter to begin a new phase of their lives. The three of them against the rest of the world.
Catherine awoke with a start. She had fallen asleep on the couch, the ultrasound still right beside her head. She rose determinedly and walked to her bedroom. Within minutes she had compiled a small pile of things on her bed and went to her living room to retrieve a small box. She put all the things into the box, an old t-shirt, a small flower card, two small notes, a dried rose flower head and a thin gold necklace. She put the lid on and went the hallway closet; where she placed the box on the top shelve before closing the door with a deep breath.
--
Late July 2011
Catherine Willows apartment
Dupont Circle
2000 N St. NW, Washington, DC 20036.
Saturday 02.00 AM
It's been the longest winter without you
I didn't know where to turn to
See somehow I can't forget you
After all that we've been through
Going coming thought I heard a knock
Who's there no one
Thinking that I deserve it
Now I realise that I really didn't know
If you didn't notice you mean everything
Quickly I'm learning to love again
All I know is I'm gon' be ok
Thought I couldn't live without you
It's gonna hurt when it heals too
It'll all get better in time
And even though I really love you
I'm gonna smile cause I deserve to
It'll all get better in time
Since there's no more you and me
It's time I let you go
So I can be free
And live my life how it should be
No matter how hard it is I'll be fine without you
Yes I will
- Better in time, Leona Lewis
Her eyes fluttered open. She lay completely still for a couple of seconds. Then it all came back to her. Peter, the date and Gil. She closed her eyes again wanting to escape the pain. Seconds later she heard it again. The sound that had woken her. Was it Annabelle? No. Then it occurred to her, it was the sound of someone knocking on her front door. Not banging loudly, just softly knocking.
She had collapsed on her bed, then moment Peter had left her earlier. He had been so sweet. Driving her home and making sure she got to her apartment. She was grateful because she wasn't entirely sure her legs would have supported her.
For hours she lay there thinking and crying. Life had finally been good again, she had been moving on. There were even days she didn't think about him until she went to bed as opposed to the beginning where everything reminded her about him and them. It had taken time but her third degree emotional burns were finally healing. Annabelle had been a big help. Even though she reminded her of Gil, she also reminded her of herself, of Lindsey and their new life. It had been hard, especially when she was just born, all Catherine wanted to do was to call him up and tell him, but she had promised herself and Lindsey that he was out of their lives.
Now it seemed he was doing everything to get back in. She sighed and rose. She didn't even know what to do or say. It wasn't until she passed Annabelle's room on her way to the door she remembered. He didn't know. Within the few seconds it took to realize that she felt panic spread throughout her body like rapid fire.
She stopped dead in her tracks in front of her front door. Just then the knocking stopped. She took a deep breath. He had left. Equal amounts of relief and sorrow swept through her.
"Catherine, please just open the door" his voice softly filtered through the door.
--
September
2008
Las Vegas
Gil Grissom's townhouse
Gil stepped back and let Brass in. Brass looked around. The place looked like no one had cared enough to clean for weeks. Brass didn't let on but he noticed the half empty bottle of scotch and a half full glass standing on the coffee table.
They went to the kitchen where Gil pushed away some dirty plates to make room for them and poured a couple of cold cups of coffee into the sink. They sat down on opposite sides of the kitchen counter.
For minutes none of them said anything. Finally Brass took a deep breath and stated talking.
"Gil what are you doing? You should be anywhere but here looking for her. She is not coming back until you do, you do realize that don't you? If you want I can look around for you?"
No reaction. Brass tried again.
"The guys miss you."
Still nothing.
"Sara called me yesterday. San Francisco is treating her well, she said to tell you hello."
Silence.
For five long minutes Brass watched Gil stare into the thin air.
"You want me to find out where she went?" Brass asked, seeing something flash in Gil's eyes. Brass knew Gil had screwed up. Badly. And he wanted to help. For years he had watched the two of them dancing around each other none of them wanting to admit they wanted each other. Then Sara came along and for some reason Gil thought she would make him happy. When all was said and done Brass knew Gil never loved Sara. He was sure Gil had care deeply about her but he never really understood why Gil didn't just open his eyes to see Catherine wanted him as much as he did her.
Then one day things had changed. Brass knew immediately that the two had finally admitted how they felt. They had always been incredibly close, long stares and occasional touches. However, after they got together everything became about occasional touches and stares. And then nothing. Brass had never seen Catherine so defeated. Her usual bobbling personality was now bland and she constantly looked like she was about to crumble and cry. And then she left.
Gil had not been much better. After Catherine had left all he wanted to do was sit at home. He had become completely isolated. Not wanting to talk to anyone. He missed work several nights in row, which made Brass go to his home only to find him completely broken down. Brass called in a weeklong sick leave for him that night. Now he came to work most nights, and did his job but he never seemed to enjoy anything anymore. Once or twice every week Brass would go see Gil after work just to make sure he wasn't doing anything stupid like killing himself.
"I'll see you at work tonight" Brass got up to leave but Gil's hand stopped him.
"Don't...leave...just yet, okay?" Brass saw the desperation in Gii's eyes and then he realized, he was terrified of being alone.
"Okay..." Brass assured his friend.
"Why don't I order us some food and a cleaning lady" Brass said, the last part muttered mostly to himself.
Brass went into the living room to make a couple of calls. Gil watched him leave, making sure he was out of eyesight he pulled a piece of paper out from his pocket. It was completely crumbled and worn; it had been looked at and folded again hundred if not thousands of times.
His eyes moved from the: Martin LeBlanc, private investigator seal to the sentences below he had reread a million times by now.
"Dear Gil Grissom,
Our investigation found that Ms. Catherine Willows and daughter Lindsey Willows boarded American Airlines flight 307 Las Vegas to Washington DC on July 7 at 5.20 PM local Las Vegas time.
If you require our services for any additional information please let us know, and we will be glad to help you. And thank you very much for your very generous payment. We would be more than happy to work for you again in the future. "
Brass returned with their take out and as they began to eat, Brass leaned over and turned on the radio. The two friends ate in silence to the sound of a song on the radio:
I never meant to tear your world apart
I never meant to break another heart
I've traded a moment's bliss
for the price of our happiness
I didn't wanna mess things up again
I never meant to cheat and hurt a friend
I've traded a moment's bliss
for the price of our happiness
- Moment's bliss, Julie
--
Dear
everyone.
Thank you for waiting so patiently for this chapter,
life just got in the way. I am back, and I'll do my best to update
soon again. Since this is a very complicated story I tend to look for
several hours in a row for writing, so I can get all the details and
research down for each chapter, just to let you know why it sometimes
takes a while to update!
Hope you still enjoy it. It's been a pleasure writing it! Kisses C