in the land where no one smiles Chapter 6: Shinigami, a death note fanfic

Lawli: First of all - THANKS SO MUCH to everyone who wished me a happy birthday! I had a great birthday, thanks in part to all of your wonderful reviews! -hugs for everyone-

I really wanted to update this sooner, but July was so hectic for me - finals for my summer Stats classed (which I passed, by some miracle!), Metrocon, Lobster Mini Season, and getting a new job. I've been swamped. D: I finally forced myself to just sit down and write this chapter, because it's been way too long since the last update.

I'd like to give a big thanks to my friend Mariposa137, who proof-read this chapter for me.

Hope all of you enjoy the chapter! Prepare for another emotional rollercoaster... Please read and review!

in the land where no-one smiles
-V-

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We're on this slide now, and gravity never gives up what it has claimed.
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Light didn't wait around to see the effect of writing Takuo Shibuimaru's name in the Death Note; he knew very well what would happen. As soon as the name was written Light snapped the Notebook shut and quickly left, trying to act natural as though he hadn't just sentenced a man to death. As he rounded the corner he heard what could only be a body dropping to the ground.

"Taku? Hey, T-Taku, what the hell?!"

Light ran the rest of the way home, his thoughts racing with him. The Notebook was clutched tightly to his chest, its unprotected back cover getting soaked by the rain that continued to leak from the gray clouds overhead.

When he reached his house, he didn't stop to greet anyone. Without even pausing to take off his water-logged shoes, Light made his way up to his bedroom and slammed the door shut behind him. His book bag fell from his shoulder, landing at the corner of his desk as he sat down. After setting the Death Note face-down on the desk, Light leaned forward, burying his face in his hands.

Only now that he was beginning to settle down from the exhilaration of running such a distance so quickly did the realization of why he had been running in the first place catch up with him.

Oh, God...

One of his hands darted to cover his mouth, acid burning in his throat as his lunch threatened to expel from his body.

Two people, I've... I've killed two people.

How could he have allowed himself to use the Notebook a second time? It didn't matter that he'd saved a woman from being assaulted; he didn't know that woman, it wasn't his job to protect her. Even if he had equated her to L, it wasn't right. Was it?

And that man, Takuo Shibuimaru... Light didn't know anything about him – about what kind of person he was. He could have a wife, a family (it wasn't very likely, but it was still possible). So he was about to do something unforgivable... who was Light to deem that worthy of the death penalty? Who was Light to judge him?

No, no... He couldn't keep thinking that way. He'd made his decision and he couldn't take it back now, even if he wanted to. Maybe it wasn't the right thing to do – the most moral thing to do – but he couldn't beat himself up about it or else he'd go crazy from guilt.

He needed to focus on the positive aspects of his actions.

He'd helped a woman, saved her from being raped. And perhaps Takuo's sudden death set an example to the men with him.

Light tried to reassure himself with these facts, and after he'd spent several minutes telling himself he'd done absolutely nothing wrong, he felt better. A tiny smile crossed his features as he placed a hand on the Death Note, running his fingers gently over the spine.

I had a right to judge him, he decided, brows furrowing. I did. I did. If I hadn't done something, she would have been... No one else would have done anything! I was the only one who... the only one who coulddo anything! I wasn't wrong!

"Light-kun?"

Light snapped out of his thoughts, spinning the chair towards the door. L stood there, a look of concern on his face.

"Are you okay?" he was asking as he took a hesitant step further into the bedroom.

Light glanced down at the Death Note, wondering if it was safe to leave it out in the open like this. Of course L wouldn't suspect anything of a simple book, but still Light didn't want to take any chances, and so he slid the Notebook into the top drawer of his desk.

"I'm fine. Sorry, I just... I wasn't feeling very well. That's why I came straight up here."

"Oh." L rubbed his elbow, staring down at the floor, looking as though he wanted to say something but not daring to.

Light could read the expression easily enough; he knew L long enough to usually know what was on L's mind without having to ask him. "Don't apologize."

L's head jerked upward, his otherwise blank eyes portraying his surprise. "L-Light-kun, I wasn't—"

"You were," Light insisted. L should know better than to lie to him. Even if they weren't as close as they used to be, Light still knew him better than any living soul.

L opened his mouth to argue but then promptly snapped it shut. There was nothing for him to deny. They gazed at each other silently for a short amount of time before Light slowly rose from his chair. Seeing him approach, L took a step back and Light paused, hurt by the retreat.

"Your... your mother wanted me to tell you that dinner's ready." L turned away, beginning to walk out the door when Light stopped him with a hand on his forearm. "L-Light-kun..?"

Light didn't say anything at first – didn't know what he could say, or even what he wanted to say. He wanted to apologize, because really he was the cause of this cavernous distance between them. He didn't want L to go on thinking this was his fault, to go on drowning in guilt when Light had the ability to rescue him this time.

Fingers pressing gently into L's arm, Light guided him backwards, pulling the smaller teen against him. L shivered (whether from the touch or the fact that Light's clothes were still wet from the rain, Light didn't know), unable to bring himself to look over his shoulder at Light. There was a distinctly awkward quality to the air around them.

Light sighed, closing his eyes and burying his nose in L's hair. The silky black tresses had the sweet scent of strawberries that Light always associated with his friend.

He hated this – hated the wall that separated them. Light wanted his friend back. L was the only one Light was willing to sacrifice for; he was the only one who mattered. To have him so close yet, at the same time, so far away, killed Light. To have him in his arms and still feel as though they were miles apart..

Slowly, L's hands came to rest over one of his own. Amber eyes blinked open to stare at the adjoined appendages.

"It can't be the same, can it?" Light asked. L squeezed his hand gently as a response and Light shook his head. "But I want it to be. I don't want things to stay like this, L, I–"

"Light-kun—"

Light didn't give him the chance to interrupt, speaking over him. "I'm selfish. I'm so selfish, because I just..."

What was he saying? He sounded like some lovesick fool pining for a lost lover who moved on already. But weren't the positions supposed to be reversed? L was the one who had feelings for him, not the other way around. All his life Light had viewed L as his best friend, occasionally likening him to a brother but never anything more than that.

But ever since L kissed him, things hadn't been the same. Ever since L kissed him, Light felt... differently.

"I just want..."

What did he want?

"Light-kun."

L stepped out of his arms.

"L..."

This time, it was L who did not give him the chance to finish.

"Things can't be like they were before," he said softly. "They just... they can't be. And it's my fault, I know that. I shouldn't have... I shouldn't have ever... but I did, I can't fix it now, and we can't go back to a time before that, Light-kun. But I'm..."

He turned around to face Light, an unreadable emotion in his dark eyes. "I'm selfish too."

Light felt something rush through him, a strange thrill of excitement that seemed to grow more intense with each second he stared into L's wide eyes. He remembered the way L kissed him that one afternoon that felt as though it were an entire lifetime ago, and couldn't decide if that was what he wanted again. If those desperate lips against his own were something he desired to feel a second time.

L's lips curled into the slightest of smiles. "I'd like to start visiting more than twice a week."

Light swallowed the lump in his throat, trying to figure out why he suddenly felt so nervous. "I'd like that too."

The smile widened a fraction and L reached out, taking his hand and tugging on it. "Dinner's ready."

Wordlessly Light followed, not bothering to change out of his damp clothes because he didn't want to break the connection of their hands. They'd held hands in the past, but this was different – for many reasons, not just because of the strange fluttering of his heart. One of the things Light just couldn't push out of his mind was the softness of L's fingers (something which he'd never really noticed before).

He tried not to think of the fact that his own hand, now gripped so innocently by L's smaller one, had already been the cause of two people's deaths.

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Dinner was relatively uneventful. Light sat between Sayu and L (which his family commented on smilingly, since as of late L had been sitting next to Sayu).

"It's nice to see you two getting along again," Light's mother said. "We were getting worried." Light and L exchanged looks before shrugging practically in unison, which only further amused her.

"I hope this means you'll be visiting more often," Sayu said, grinning widely. "We've missed you, you know."

L's smile was a sad one. Light stared at him out of the corner of his eyes. He didn't know exactly what compelled him to do it, but he silently reached under the table, brushing his hand against L's. His friend's eyes grew a fraction larger, the reaction so miniscule that it went unnoticed to everyone save for Light, who showed no change in expression.

"If it's not too much trouble," L finally answered. Under the table, his fingers curled around Light's.

Light tried not to think about it, for too many strange feelings arose when he did. There were far more important things to focus on besides the strange budding emotions he felt towards his lifelong friend. Furthermore, the thought of what those emotions might develop into frightened him, so he preferred to give them as little attention as possible for the time being.

Still, he held L's hand until the end of dinner, when he was forced to let go to help clear the table.

As he brought the dishes to the sink, his father left for the sitting room to watch the news. L followed him and, once the table was cleared, so did Light. The brunette sat on the brown leather couch beside his father while L situated himself on the plush armchair on the left side of the room.

The news brought up one horror after another, but the air of the room was more peaceful than it had been in a long while. A tiny smile graced Light's features as he reclined on the couch, resting his arms behind his head comfortably.

This was how it should be: he and L – as friends – relaxing after a delicious dinner. Emotions shouldn't be allowed to infiltrate this serene place they'd create.

And neither should the rottenness of the world outside.

Kidnapping, assault, bank robbery...

Light closed his eyes, trying not to let stories of the latest Kanto lowlifes ruin his good mood.

"Thirty-seven-year-old Takuo Shibuimaru died of a heart attack at exactly 14:53 this afternoon outside of a local convenience store. Shibuimaru was the eldest son of Makoto and Ai Shibuimaru, a good man and a beloved friend of many..."

The newscaster continued to talk about Takuo for several more minutes – explaning how Takuo's friends described him to be in perfect health before the unexplained heart attack, but Light couldn't listen to her anymore, too disgusted. He resisted the urge to snort loudly.

If nowadays a rapist could qualify as a good man, the world was in an even worse state than he ever imagined.

"Heart attack," L whispered from the arm chair on the other side of the room.

Both Light and his father glanced over at L, equally worried about how he would react. L sat still, his head bowed.

"How sad," he finally said.

Light's father quickly shut the television off, saying, "I think that's enough of the news for tonight."

Light nodded his head in agreement. L didn't say anything for a moment, and then:

"Beyond was healthy too. Too healthy for a heart attack." His voice dropped to a whisper. "It's strange."

Swallowing the lump in his throat, Light tried to ignore the niggling feeling of culpability.

He was right, he was right, he was right!

"Maybe it's judgment."

Light looked over at L curiously. "Judgment?" he repeated.

L bobbed his head in affirmation. "I know you don't believe in God, Light-kun. Neither do I, really." Yet he still wore that rosary, red like Beyond's eyes, around his neck.

"Don't be stupid," Light said quickly, looking down at the floor, his amber eyes dancing.

L saw it as judgment as well? Punishing the wicked – or someone deemed wicked? That meant L acknowledged his brother's sins – realized that he was deserving of such a fate. The thought that L actually agreed with his view elated Light.

But wasn't it L who told him that, regardless of the crimes they might commit, no-one deserved to die? Was his friend experiencing a true change of heart, or was he simply not aware of what he was saying?

"Sorry," L replied. "It was just a thought." After turning his head to check what time the clock on the wall read, he got up off the chair and stretched, his vertebrae cracking upon being straightened. "I should probably be going."

"I'll walk you."

Light said the words without even realizing it, standing from the couch. L's charcoal eyes found his questioningly and Light just smiled in return. Having no objection to this, L went and said goodbye to Sayu and Sachiko before fetching his old sneakers and stepping into them.

"Let's go, Light-kun," he said, watching as Light finished zipping up his cream-colored jacket.

It was no longer raining outside, but the night air was chilly. Thankfully by this point, Light's clothing had sufficiently dried. They walked side-by-side on the nearly deserted road, arms touching every once and a while. Neither said a word, but perhaps words weren't really needed. They were feeling more comfortable with each other. Things seemed almost as they had been before everything with Beyond and the Death Note.

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When Light returned home later that evening, he'd gone straight up to his room after pausing briefly to tell his mother and sister that he was home (his father was already asleep on the couch by this point). Sayu had tried to corner him and ask about what was going on between him and L, but thankfully she'd bought into the lie Light fed her about still having some homework to finish and let him go without much complaint.

After reaching his bedroom, Light proceeded to change into his pajamas – a plain white short-sleeved shirt and a pair of blue pajama bottoms that almost matched the color of his bedspread – before reaching into the top drawer of his desk and extracting the Death Note, which he carried back over to the bed and sat down with, beginning to flip through the pages slowly.

There were a dozen or more pages of rules before the blank lined portion of the Notebook, not even half of which Light had read through by this point. Many of the rules struck the teen as irrelevant or just plain inconceivable, however considering the actual Notebook itself did as it advertised, Light couldn't bring himself to dismiss any of the rules as impossible.

It was irresponsible of him to have not read all of the rules before using the Notebook, but now that he had the idea of Judgment in his mind he figured it was the best time to take a look at them.

--The person in possession of the Death Note is possessed by a God of Death, its original owner, until they die.

Light blinked, tilting his head to the side as he stared down at the first rule on page four. "Shinigami?" he whispered. He'd been in possession of the Death Note for several weeks now, and no such thing had appeared before him.

--If a human uses the Note, a God of Death usually appears in front of him/her within 39 days after he/she uses the Note.

Light's lips quirked into a tiny smile, tempted not to believe any of this but knowing better than to disregard the rules. "It must have been a lazy Shinigami who owned this thing," he said to himself, turning to the next page. What the Notebook stated about the Death Gods was interesting, but not relevant when it came to instructions for using the Death Note.

Outside, the weather was worsening yet again. There was a crash of lightening, followed by a boom of thunder.

"Not lazy... just distracted."

The voice was so unexpected that it caused Light's heart to seize up, making him believe in a moment of panic that he was experiencing a heart attack like he'd inflicted upon Takuo Shibuimaru and Beyond Birth Day. A sharp cry escaped him as he tumbled sideways off of the bed, the Death Note forgotten on the sheets as both hands shot out to protect him from hitting the floor too hard.

Laughter rang in his ears as Light opened his eyes and slowly sat up. His heart was still racing, but thankfully it hadn't stopped. Light placed a hand over the left side of his chest to reassure himself that it was still beating strongly, as he raised his eyes to meet those of the one who had spoken and was now chuckling gleefully.

The only way to describe it would be by calling it a monster. Gargantuan in size, the creature had pale blue skin and eyes that were bulgy and yellow like some kind of nocturnal animal. It was dressed in all black, and it's blue-painted lips were curved upward in what seemed to be a perpetual grin.

"Wh-what the hell?!"

The thing continued to smile stupidly down at him, obviously amused by this entire situation. "I was going to introduce myself sooner, but I didn't know if you were ever going to use the Notebook again or not," it admitted before thrusting one clawed hand in Light's direction. Light stared at it with wide, slightly fearful eyes, not quite sure what to do. His insecurity only seemed to further entertain the creature, for it laughed loudly.

"Name's Ryuk, and that's my Death Note you got."

Lawli: Yay, Ryuk's finally made his appearance! I know some of you were wondering when he'd show up...

As always, if you notice any errors in spelling/grammar/etc, please point them out to me! Constructive criticism is always welcomed and appreciated! Please leave a review on your way out, it would make me very happy! :D