Suing the Unsueables

Chapter One: Harry Potter, the Boy Who… Died?!

A/N: This is my second story longer than a one-shot. The previous one was around 5000 words. This one might be a bit shorter.

Voldemort isn't dead, Ginny and Harry are [were dating, and Ron is in love with Hermione. Takes place in Harry's seventh year. Non DH compatible. Non HBP compatible. Sirius is… Abroad. Had to go into hiding as the Ministry is determined to catch him, so he won't be in this story. He is alive, though.

OOO

This was it. If they won this match against Slytherin, then they would be in the lead for the house cup. Then Harry spotted the snitch. Barely. It was in the middle of a snowstorm, on the coldest day of winter. The snitch was up really high.

Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy were neck and neck for the snitch. Rising all the time. Higher and higher. Harry would get in the lead just a little, then Malfoy, then Harry would get a better lead, then Malfoy and back and forth. It was really high…

Harry heard the commentary with half an ear.

"Katie Bell scores! 70-40 Gryffindor! And the seekers have seen the snitch! Go!" Hermione's voice echoed through the stadium.

"Hang on… Harry is slowing down. Oh no, professor, there's something wrong with him!"

And indeed there was. He couldn't move any part of his body. He was slipping down, off his broom. Malfoy had actually stopped and was looking down on him in surprise.

Then it hit Harry. The cold feeling that Harry had had, had multiplied. By like, a million!

He had frozen.

He had frozen to death!

He felt his body slip away from him, down to the earth. Well, that confirmed it. Definitely dead.

Oh my god, he was a ghost!

Harry felt himself float gently to the ground, where people were clustering around his body.

Hermione spotted him and ran over to him in horror.

"Harry… What happened? Are you okay?"

Harry looked at her scathingly. "Do you think I'm okay? I froze to death!"

He looked at what he was wearing. The flimsy Quidditch robes over a heavy cloak, but not that heavy since anything heavier wouldn't fit right.

"I… Froze… To… Death…" He replied, shocked.

Lost of students were clustering around him. They kept asking him questions.

"Harry, are you really dead?"

"Are you okay?"

"What happened to you?"

"Why are you a ghost?"

"Did you see a bright light?"

Harry looked at all of them, shrugged, then floated through the crowd, making many people shiver.

Harry ignored them and headed towards the castle, determined to talk to a ghost. Maybe Myrtle…

OOO

Two days later, the news of Harry's death had spread through-out the school, the student's parents, relatives, close friends, old friends, new friends, pen-pals and Rita Skeeter.

Harry had spent the time in hiding, quickly escaping if anyone living came near him.

Eventually, he found himself in a part of the castle he had never seen before. There was a ghost in front of him. He looked like an old ghost, and he was looking very bored. When he saw Harry, he brightened up.

Harry told his story to the ghost for something to do, and the ghost frowned, then brightened. This was not the reaction he had been expecting.

"Why are you so happy?" He asked, a little annoyed.

"Because. I so happen to be a lawyer. And we are going to sue the school!"

OOO

A/N: Well, that's it.

Kidding! Sorry, I just couldn't resist. Anyway, continue.

OOO

Harry looked at the ghost in shock. "Sue the school?!"

"Yes. They should know better than to let you play Quidditch in the middle of winter, in the middle of a snowstorm without the right heat spells. So we sue them."

Harry stared at him. It was insane. But they could do it…

Harry agreed. The ghost told him he would work pro bono, since then maybe more ghosts would want a lawyer.

Then they created their plan. An evil plan. Totally ingenious.

And it was going to start at the next staff meeting,

OOO

Dumbledore looked around at his staff.

"So… How did Quirrel manage to stay around for more than a year?"

"I don't know."

"You're right; that is weird."

"Maybe… I dunno."

"That is strange."

Came the voices of many of Hogwart's staff.

Dumbledore shook his head. "Anyway, it doesn't matter."

"What are we going to do about Voldemort?" McGonagoll said. "Now that Potter is dead, aren't we all doomed?"

"I think we were doomed anyway. Our savior was someone who froze during a Quidditch match." Snape said, scoffing.

Dumbledore let out a long sigh. "True, but I don't think we have to worry about Voldemort."

"Why?"

"Well…" He held up a card.

Lord Voldemort and Bellatrix Lestrange invite you to the…

Voldemort/Lestrange wedding!

Time: noon, March 22

Place: Hearts Church

RSVP: 555-LOVE

The card was covered in gold edging, pink hearts and glitter.

"I don't think we have to worry about Voldemort anymore."

Everyone stared at the card.

"Who was it addressed to?"

"Me." Dumbledore said, showing them the envelope.

It was pink and gold, and had 'Albus Dumbledore' written on it in swoopy letters.

"O… K…" Snape said, shaking his head.

All of a sudden, two ghosts came through the wall. Harry Potter, and some other ghost.

"Hello!" Harry said cheerfully.

"Potter! Get out of here!" Snape snapped. "Or we'll have you out of Hogwarts!"

"Nope! No can do. I am not allowing you to make me leave Hogwarts."

Snape was livid. "What! You're not allowing us?!"

Dumbledore looked at him calmly. "Sorry, Harry. If we want you out, you have to get out."

Harry turned to the other ghost. "That's good, right?"

"Yes. They tried to get rid of you! We can probably get another five hundred thousand galleons."

Dumbledore suddenly had a really, really, really bad feeling.

"What do you mean…?"

Harry smiled at the all.

"I'm suing you!"

"WHAT??!!" Snape said standing up. "You can't sue us!"

"Why not?"

"You don't have a lawyer!"

"Git, meet Steven. Steven, git."

Snape glared at them, and Steven came forward.

"You don't have a case!" Snape said, before Steve could even open his mouth.

"Ahem…" Steven started. "Harry Potter was playing an innocent game of Quidditch, relieving the stress of defeating Voldemort so many times, most likely… When he had to go too high to get the snitch. He froze to death. Here are my questions: why were you playing Quidditch during the worst snowstorm in five thousand years? Why didn't you have proper protection? Why weren't the Quidditch robes warmer? Why did you cast a spell to stop the snitch from going too high? And why, would you kill a student then kick him out of Hogwarts, the very place that was home to him for six and a half years until that very home killed him?"

"Um…" Dumbledore gestured to the other staff members and they went into a huddle.

"We're screwed. He'll get millions of galleons off of us!"

"Well, what do we do?"

"Settle."

Dumbledore turned back to the ghosts.

"We're willing to settle…"

"Good." Harry said, coming forwards. "I want to remain Head boy, I want my own rooms, I want to have my own class, I want to be able to attend any lessons I want, or don't want, I want my own puppy and I want a person to go around interacting with the world for me. Oh, and I want you to research how to make me into a poltergeist."

"Deal!" Dumbledore said, quickly.

OOO

A/N: What do you think? That's it for now. Here's a sneak peek:

Harry attends potions.

Dumbledore tells the school about Harry.

Snape gets really angry.

They have it up to here. ''

Alla