"...You know how I feel." The smiling brunette said while observing her friend.
The said friend opened her mouth but no answer came forth. So she closed it and looked intently at the other. 'I wish she wouldn't say these things...' was her first thought.
"What is that in your hair?" Maple eyes grew wider, a hand shot up in front of her mouth and the other pointing at said spot.
"What?! What is it? WHERE?" Fingers ran franticly through raven tresses trying to find whatever was in it, but nothing was there. Giggles brought her out of her frantic search and a glare was directed at the offending laughter's owner. "Why did you do that? I thought it was a damn spider!" After the words had left her mouth an odd mental movie of mini spider Nao crawling in her hair played. She literally shook her head to get the oddity out of her mind, but only succeeded in making the movie continue and Nao shrieked in fright as she lost her grip and fell dramatically towards the ground. Natsuki's eyes followed the creature which fell towards its impending doom. Cliffs and water formed itself around her sneakers. She was shook out of her daydreaming when a gentle apology was sung into the air. She looked up at remorseful eyes which seemed overwhelmed by sadness for a fraction of a second. It was always too hard to see if it was a manipulative move or a genuine one. Shizuru was a master after all.
"You changed the subject." Was the reply her stoic nature would allow.
"Yes, I did." Came the curt and honest reply. The wretched smile that was delivered so perfectly to everyone, was once again found on the former Kaichou's lips. It seemed calm and friendly, but it was just a way for her taught ways and iron defence to take control... For her walls to be brought up at full strength, hiding. She was mentally readying herself to get hurt.
"Why?" Was the following vague inquiry which was aimed at getting a knock at the smile that grated her nerves. The question could be interpreted in many ways, but an honest reply was not something she expected at this point.
"I just wanted to change Natsuki's serious face to her cute scowling embarrassed face. Who would think the ice-princess and brave HiME would be afraid of cute little imaginary spiders?" Came the teasing reply in melodic kyoto-ben accent.
"Liar." Green grenades were shot repeatedly at the high, blood coloured wall.
There was no answer. The replies had not been totally dishonest so far, it was true that the serious face was troubling and she sought to relieve the pain and worry evident on the features after all.
It seemed to both like long moments passed.
"Tell me the truth for once." Came the clipped and annoyed ice-breaker.
"Ara, is Natsuki insinuating that I am a pathological liar? I'm hurt." The lines were delivered almost dramatically and of course with a smile.
"Not as hurt as I am by lies from someone I trust to be honest."
The truth of the statement was like an earthquake. The power of Gaia rumbling it's displeasure, and so the walls started to crumble. The smile disappeared.
"You can't handle the truth." There was an odd detachment behind the words, an arrogance that was most likely comparable with an animal's desperate attempt to break free from its captor by attacking.
"The same way you can't handle reality?" There was anger and hurt in the voices that carried through the hall they were standing in. Both of them were by now totally oblivious to their environment.
You could almost hear an audible snap.
Intense maroon orbs locked with emerald green as she stepped forward.
"Reality is that life is brutal towards anyone who opens their heart to feel, you would agree, would you not? There is so much harshness in life, so many truths that would mutilate your mind would you think of them all at once. In this life, the truth is that everyone is on they're own. Everyone is fighting for their own survival, their own reality. Do not talk to me about honesty, Kuga-san, as you do not speak it. You probably think it, but you do not speak it. Your mute ways are hiding it, you are a mute! Where I am a smiling sun, blinding you so you cannot see the truth. But that is just deception on a different level then yours. Your silences speak more lies then my smiles ever do. At least I am gracious about it!" She had raised her voice gradually through her rant, so the last part sounded almost like a scream.
Shizuru had just lashed out while ranting. She was more human now then ever.
Natsuki's heart ached. She stood there immobile for a full minute... Tears welled up in her eyes at the sight of her most precious person in such obvious pain. Shizuru was now mere inches away from the raven-haired beauty whom was backed up against the wall. Furious flaming eyes glared at her and she turned her head and drew her breath. Shizuru's scent, a small hint of tea and perfume mixed together intoxicated her mind, while the forceful anger frightened her somewhat.
She didn't avoid saying things to hurt her friend, she merely hadn't all the info she needed and wanted to form answers. She didn't have to face facts this way, like she had avoided the truth in the past to stay mentally sane, making her capable of taking care of herself. Of course something incredibly selfish and self deluding, but needed for a very long time.
Did she have to let it go?
She took a step back. She had lost her cool and ranted at her friend, her walls had crumbled for the longest moment in her life, and she felt horrible for it. Tears were slipping down the cheeks of the young woman in front of her, and she felt like she had lashed out with her naginata, delivering a mortal wound to the one she loved. No... This was unacceptable. She was rebuilding her walls rather efficiently when they were not mentally, but physically shattered yet again. A palm had swiftly cut through the air and hit her cheek unsuspected. The noise echoed down the hall, and it was the only thing heard as both were frozen solidly in place.
Shizuru was overwhelmed by flashbacks to the Carnival, and Natsuki didn't know what had come over her. It had seemed to be some sort of a reflex to the attempt to yet again form distance, so she lowered her head in shame while looking the opposite way. Shizuru had not recovered from the slap that drew her face along with its power. The head was hanging, the cheek was throbbing and her hair covered all of her face. She did not move except from a few ragged breaths that shook her torso.
Her hair was shifted behind her shoulders, a firm grip took a hold of her jaw turning her back towards the black-veiled beauty. Her lips were captured by soft and salty lips, and the unreal moment began, throwing her mind into chaos. It lasted longer then what mere friends would do to cheer the other one up. The thought of pity ran through her head, but was discarded, and it left only jumbled confusion in its wake. The sensation abruptly ended as she was pushed back by a hand on each shoulder. She ungracefully stumbled a little backwards before regaining her balance. Her fingertips touched her lips as they were missing the divine contact.
"Can't you understand that I cannot truly love someone who's not real?" The younger girl started to storm off, but was whirled around following the guidance of strong arms, leading her into a warm embrace.
"I'm not like that to you! You have to see it, Natsuki. I love you, completely. Please, try to understand me. I can't let you go… I can't." Sobs escaped the brunette as she buried her face in pitch black silk tresses. Her eyes were closed firmly, and she tensed when arms touched her back but didn't dare open her eyes. A worry of being rejected dug itself up from deep within. Thankfully it was finally batted away when the arms circling her waist gained strength and eventually equalled her own desperate grip.
"Please, don't lie to me like you do everyone else, ever again." The stern tone and icy voice would have chased anyone away. But Shizuru read it perfectly clear and a genuine smile graced her lips. She had yet again been forgiven by this gentle and honest personality. There was an underlying threat along with hidden promises which she was willing to sacrifice all of her walls to discover more about.
Authors Notes: I wanted to write a ShizNat story that wasn't all about blood and sex, so it ended up like this. Please, please review. This is my first ever submitted piece of fiction, and it's like the fifth voluntarily work I have ever written. Flame, praise, just say what is on your mind about the story, I would really like to know. I think I wrote this in like... A couple of hours (yeah, I'm slow), so it's not as deep and thoroughly gone through as I would have liked, but it's done.
Some of it might not make sense... But you have to consider that the characters are trying to read each others body-language, and sometimes reading it all wrong. Communication gets you one step closer to understanding.
Edit 23. Jan. 08: I tried fixing a few errors and such, but no content has been drastically changed.
Edit 24. Jan. 08: Fixed a couple of errors and edited the first and last line in the story. This is the last edit I tell you, unless someone reviews and informs me of a mistake. winks
-Trinity-