WARNING: This story contains GIGANTIC spoilers for Trials and Tribulations. If you have not played the game in its entirety, or have not already spoiled it for yourself, please read with caution.
My special thanks goes out to TheInsane for her help editting, and to KingMobUK because I got this idea while I was reading one her stories. Thanks guys!
Dahlia Hawthorne laid back precariously on the cot in her jail cell, occasionally taking a hit from her cigarette. It had been a few weeks since she was sent to prison on two charges of first degree murder and one charge of attempted murder. Her sentence was death. Dahlia figured most people died before they were executed anyway, so she'd be here for a while. It didn't matter how long they kept her, she'd find some way to exact her revenge on Mia Fey no matter what.
"Hawthorne. You got a package." Barked one of the guards as he tossed a small package in between the bars of her cell carelessly. Dahlia didn't move or even acknowledge the guard at all, simply put out her cigarette on the stone wall and let out her last smoky breath.
She waited for the guard to leave then sat up, reaching for the package on the floor, she cursed to herself. She was going to need a knife to get it open with all the tape. She turned the package over and grimaced at the sender's name and address written on a paper taped to the cardboard front. Without a second thought, she pushed it off her lap back onto the floor, not caring if there was anything breakable inside that could be damaged.
The guard who was making his rounds on her floor several hours later noticed the package still laying there.
"Do you want me to open it for you, Hawthorne?" The guard offered, reaching for his pocket knife.
"No, I want you to get it out of my sight." She said, lighting another cigarette as she kicked the box across the cell so the guard could take it.
"I'll have it sent back to the sender." The guard took the package under one arm and was ready to leave with it.
"Actually..." The guard heard at the end of the hall, just as he was about to open the door to the staircase. He heard creaking noises from the cot and light footsteps, so he turned around and walked back to Dahlia's cell.
"Yes?" Dahlia was now standing up, right in front of the bars with her cigarette between her fingers.
"Your pen." She demanded while putting the cigarette in her mouth to free her hand and holding out the other to retrieve it. She knew he had one. All the guards had them. The guard took it out of his front shirt pocket and handed it to her. She took the cap off and walked towards the cot where she flipped open a notebook she had and wrote something down on one of the pages. She tore the page out and handed it to the guard.
"Send it to this address then?" Dahlia had already resumed her position on the cot and began tapping the ashes off the end of her cigarette. She showed no signs or intention to answer the guard's obvious question, so he went about his rounds with the package.
Dahlia thought maybe it would've been more fun for her to just burn the package before even bothering to open it, but then what a waste that would be. Why when it could cause grief and regret to another person who was stupid enough to backstab her? She only wished she could have the satisfaction of seeing her face when she opened it.
Two days later, the very same package arrived at the post office of the village at the base of Eagle Mountain.
Iris parked the snowmobile just outside the village and walked to the post office as she did at the end of every week when she would check for any mail. Once inside, she stopped at the door and let the warm air surround her comfortably before she flipped her Demon-Warding Hood off her head and reached into her backpack for the key to their box. She pulled out the envelopes first and thoughtlessly placed them into the backpack, then reached in for the package. Iris examined it for a moment and upon seeing the name of the sender on the white paper taped to it, immediately shut the mailbox and rushed out of the post office back to the snowmobile.
Iris got back to Hazakura Temple in record time, rushed into her room and shut the door. She threw her backpack onto her futon and used a small fruit knife to cut through the tape that held the package closed. Once it was open, she froze and tears filled her eyes. She brought her hand to her lips fought her tears for a moment, trying not to let them fall for no particular reason.
She then noticed a piece paper crushed between the box's contents and its own side and reached for it, unfolded it slowly, unsure of what to expect. She braced herself and read through it slowly, still fighting to get a handle on her emotions.
Dollie,
It's so strange how I could want to say so many things, but not know where to start or how to say it all. It makes me wish I had studied literature with you, so I could just think of a poem or sonnet to describe exactly how I feel right now, but I guess there wouldn't be one either way. I'm so confused and lost right now, that I'm not even sure if I know what I'm doing anymore.
When they first let me out of jail a few weeks ago, I didn't want to see anybody, or talk to anybody. All I wanted was to be left alone. I went back to my dorm and I drank for the rest of the night. I just wanted to forget everything and I did forget for a little while. I don't remember how many shots I had or when I passed out, but I do know that when I woke up, I didn't feel better and everything came back to me all over again and it hurt just as much as the first time, if not more. I felt even more stupid for getting myself sick from drinking so much, and thinking that I would be woken up by my cell phone ringing with you on the other end, asking what I wanted for lunch or by you rubbing my back, whispering that I'm going to be late for class.
This whole thing has turned my entire life upside-down. I've made so many huge changes lately but I have no idea what's striving me to do all of this. I changed my major over to law, and dropped all of my art classes. My professors and counselor all told me that it was a bad idea as a third year and that I need to settle down to find my head again, but I didn't listen to them. It's scary for me, considering how I didn't hesitate at all. I know that I've been studying to be a lawyer on the side, but I guess I wasn't really sure what that meant. I'm even less sure now, and I might regret doing all this later, but for now, I guess I'm just going with the flow.
I was so tempted to visit you the other day, but I remembered that Ms. Fey told me that I should forget about you. It hurt to hear her say that, but something told me that she was right. It bothered me how easily I listened too. I never doubted you for a moment while we were dating, but I never doubted Ms. Fey while she was representing me either. I believe in you, but then, I also believe in Ms. Fey. I know that you didn't do anything, but I know that Ms. Fey wasn't lying to the court. What's worse is that I know that you made this sweater for me because you wanted everybody to see that you loved your Feenie, but I just don't feel like I deserve to wear it anymore. I'm sorry Dollie. Jail sounds like such an awful place, so cold, wet and lonely, so maybe you can wear it. It's really, really warm.
Now that I've been writing for a while, I think I've figured out exactly why. I'm writing to say goodbye and I think that's why I sent your sweater too. I think if I kept it, it would just remind me of that terrible incident, instead of how devoted you were to me and that's why it's not fair for me to keep it because I know that's not why you made it. I hope it maybe reminds you of what we had, but I don't know; maybe it'll just keep you warm in there. I hope that someday you can forgive me, Dollie.
Goodbye Dollie. I Love You,
Feenie
Iris put the paper down and buried her face in her hands. She took deep breaths and sobbed quietly. She was ashamed of herself and how selfish she was being. How could she sit here, crying like a baby when Feenie was actually trying to turn things around and put all this behind him? It was probably hurting Feenie so much more than she could imagine. Regardless, she still sat there sobbing, blaming herself for everything.
She wanted so desperately to get a scroll from the main hall and write a letter back to Feenie, telling him everything. She would tell him that he had no reason to apologize and that he did nothing wrong then beg him for forgiveness. But most importantly, about how she and Dahlia lied to him from the start. Her head told her to do the right thing, to tell the truth and take responsibility for what she'd done. But she couldn't ignore the pull in her heart that told her that she couldn't do that to him.
Feenie had just told her about everything he's done, everything he was now letting go of for the sake of leaving this all in the past. If she were to tell him now, everything he's done would be for nothing. All the life lessons he learned from being on trial, deciding once and for all to become a lawyer, dropping his art classes despite being told not to, he was doing all of that because leaving things the way they were would only make his wounds heal much slower, possibly never truly closing. Writing this letter to "Dollie" and sending her sweater back was the final step in getting back to his life.
Besides, leaving everything behind and moving on wasn't easy for Feenie but she was proud that he was strong enough not to look back. She could tell that the last paragraph of his letter was the easiest for him to write, but the hardest as well. She picked it back up and looked at the writing of the last paragraph again. The ink was smudged in some areas, and the blue lines of the paper faded in certain places. He must have been crying when he wrote it and his tears wet the paper, then he tried to wipe them away. Realizing that made her tears gather faster and she quickly shoved the letter away so she wouldn't ruin it further. With her composure completely lost, she threw herself into her futon and let herself cry. Trying to stop at this point was impossible for her, so she planned to just continue until her eyes were dry. She finally was able to stop her tears when Sister Bikini knocked at her door.
"Iris? Did you get the mail?" Bikini spoke loudly from the other side of the sliding screen door. Iris quickly sat up and wiped her face of any tears and sniffed quietly.
"Yes, I'll bring it in a moment." She said trying not to let her voice sound shaky. Apparently it worked as she saw Sister Bikini's short, stout silhouette continue walking from behind her screen door. Iris peeked up at the clock; it had been three hours since her ride to the post office. Iris knew she was a weak person, but to spend three hours crying and feeling sorry for herself was pathetic and unforgivable.
Iris got out of bed and cleaned herself up a bit better, straightening out her clothing, fixing her braids and allowing the redness in her eyes to fade. She went back to her futon to grab the backpack with the mail in it and caught a glimpse of the box again. She turned to face it and ran her fingers over the soft pink material inside, lightly tracing the heart she embroided.
She finally found the strength to pull the sweater from the box, and held it out in front of her. She brought it in towards her and tried to capture his smell. Feenie always had a manly, musky smell about him that she remembered well. But as she inhaled she smelled nothing but a faint, lingering scent of the detergent he uses when doing his laundry. She searched the material inside and out for a strand of his thick black hair to keep with her, but she found nothing, not even inside the box. Iris put the sweater down and fetched her bag of things she brought from her six months away from the temple. Inside her bag, she pulled a framed photograph of her and Feenie that she kept on her night table at the campus dorm. She then folded the sweater neatly and placed it into one of her drawers with the picture resting on top of it, just next to the yellow "P".
Iris then brought the letter to her face and planted a tiny kiss around the word "Feenie" at the very end. Folding it perfectly into eight sections, she then carefully put it into her obi, to carry with her always. She then made a decision that made her want to start crying all over again, but she was determined to stay strong, and hoped that perhaps the spirits of Eagle Mountain would channel what little strength she had to Feenie. She would never forget him, but she prayed that he would forget her. It would be better for him this way.
She told herself that after what she'd done to him, she had no right to see him, speak to him, let alone touch him. She convinced herself that the only way to protect him was to make sure that he never saw her again. This decision, she thought would rip her heart into pieces, literally causing her to live a life of emptiness and loneliness, but even that was much more than she deserved. She would stay at Hazakura Temple for the rest of her days and atone for her terrible sin of deception - the deception of the man she loved.
That's all out of me for now. Thanks for reading. :D