The Best Laid Plans

Arun

Chapter 34: The Prodigal Son

Disclaimer: Progressive education makes the world stupid, one kid at a time.

xxxxx

What does one do when one has achieved one's goals and exceeded life's ambitions? And what ambitions and goals those had been! Saving one's nation by extirpating errant family and clan, protecting family honor by murdering sociopathic, unsane, mass-murdering cousin, and saving the shinobi world from a gang of mass-murdering thugs and madmen! And with all that over and done, Itachi was at a loss. He'd never expected to be alive to see the end of Akatsuki. If everything had gone according to his plans, his death would have given his little brother the power to burn down the organization.

Itachi had pondered his future for three weeks as he walked to the gates of Konoha, but he hadn't been able to come up with a clear, definitive answer. End result: Time had run out. He was going to have to improvise for the first time in a very long while.

"Next," the bored chuunin guard manning the gate called, his eyes buried in his paperwork.

Itachi approached the man and his desk. Already, a few folks had given him disbelieving looks and then gotten the hell out of dodge. Clearly, they expected fireworks in a wee while and did not want to be caught in the crossfire.

"Name?"

"Uchiha Itachi."

"And I'm Uchiha Madara," the chuunin retorted hotly, raising his head to glare at the joker who was wasting his time. "Look, wise guy…"

At this point, the chuunin recognized Itachi. Whatever words he was about to utter died on his lips. His complexion turned from ruddy and harried to wide-eyed surprise and finally, settled on pale and scared shitless with mouth hanging open.

"Cat got your tongue?" Itachi asked. A wicked smile lit his face as he got into the groove and leant over the chuunin. These were the last few minutes of his life and he meant to enjoy himself to the fullest.

The chuunin blinked once. Blinked again. Then, shrieking like a little girl who had a big centipede crawling up her leg, he stumbled back so fast his chair fell over and he fell on his ass. This did not stop him from retreating. Somehow in his terror induced panic, he crawled backwards over the chair on his hands and feet, his eyes never leaving Itachi's.

Itachi rolled his eyes. Being a shinobi boogeyman could be soooo aggravating. It was a good thing for the chuunin that he did not have to be a crazy, kin-murdering, bloodthirsty, megalomaniac psychopath anymore. Because it was usually at this point that he inflicted major bodily harm, caused all sorts of mayhem, and scared the shit out of everyone in sight and beyond.

"Honestly," he mumbled, shaking his head in disgust. He wondered aloud, to the chuunin and the rapid response squad that had deployed to surround him, "You go on a few murdering rampages and suddenly you're persona non-grata on everyone's social calendar. I mean, what's up with that?"

No one responded. There was plenty of shuffling and clatter, and a few 'oh my gods' and a single very feminine shriek from a well-built civilian guard as every civilian in sight that hadn't wised up to the situation so far, finally did and ran for it. Still, none of the shinobi attacked. If there was one good thing about being a shinobi mad god, it was that the reputation cut down the number of people who were willing to start an armed confrontation with you to the bone. It was practically the only thing about being associated with the Akatsuki that Itachi had enjoyed.

"Anyways," Itachi continued, turning the visitors register to face him and reaching for a brush, "let me fill this out since you seem to be out of sorts. Name: Uchiha Itachi. Country: Fire, back in the day. Currently, nationless. Shinobi: Yes. Status: Mass murdering missing nin with a touch of insanity and a hankering for arterial blood, wandering about and indulging in pointless massacres and gratuitous bloodshed. I even have a motto: Have kunai, will murder. Sex: Not in the last few weeks. About time for my ashes to be hauled! I tell you, the next massacre is going to be interesting for certain. Address: Don't have one really. Goes with the whole missing nin gig. Purpose of visit: A tete-a-tete with the Hokage. And perhaps, a private get together with my brother, followed by an evening of violence, bloodshed and slaughter. And rape. Definitely rape. Sign: Yes. Here you go."

Seeing that no one had moved and every civilian within a couple of blocks had successfully fled, Itachi pushed the register over to the chuunin with his pointing finger. And because he felt like it, he whistled a children's rhyme. The better to disconcert people with.

"If you don't mind," he said, turning slightly to sit on the desk, "and I know you don't, I'll rest my feet for a few. It's been a long walk from Rain to Konoha, my feet are very sore and I foresee some major physical activity in the evening."

The Chuunin did not respond. Gripping his kunai tightly with both hands, he struggled vainly and failed mightily to stop the shaking. It was really a sad, sad sight.

Itachi shook his head and with a twitch of his finger, ensnarled the chuunin in a genjutsu of his worst nightmares. The chuunin's eyes rolled in his head and he fainted. Frontline material, clearly, the man was not. But you had to make allowances with rear echelon guards and whatnot when there was a major war afoot.

The rest of the ANBU Rapid Response platoon showed up just then and brought multiple squads of reinforcement with them. Konoha's defenders were on the ball, though clearly, there were exceptions like the now unconscious chuunin. No one initiated violence, however. So long as Itachi remained seated, the responders were willing to await further reinforcements.

At last, the Hokage and his posse of guards arrived at the scene. Itachi, who'd hoped for a few minutes more to bask in the sights, sounds and smells of his home before he committed suicide by Kage, sighed inwardly and slid his travel bag off his shoulder and got off his perch. He stretched, eyeing his opposition speculatively. This was his final duty to his country and he needed to make it look good, possibly without leaving fatalities, which was going to be extra hard. Afterwards, when the Hokage's personal ANBU examined his belongings, they would find his mission report and the sealed bodies of the various Akatsuki. He expected whomsoever did the examination among the ANBU to have conniptions.

"Let's get started, shall we?" he sneered at his Konoha nin. "I haven't much hope, but do try to give me a better challenge than my late family and those useless blowhards at the Akatsuki."

ANBU shifted stances and shuffled as they prepared to engage.

"Stand down, ANBU Captain Uchiha Itachi!" Kakashi barked in his command voice, interrupting the fight before it began.

Silence. None of the ANBU took their eyes off Itachi – these were all hardened veterans of many battles and they knew how dangerous the oldest surviving Uchiha was – but there was a subtle hesitation in the ranks. The eve of a battle with an S-ranked ninja wasn't the best of places to learn that your commander's lost his wits, after all!

"I'm your ANBU Captain? I'll be sure to feed your entrails to street dogs after I tear off your limbs for thinking that a worthless weakling like you could command me," Itachi replied menacingly, breaking the quiet. Is Kakashi out of his bloody mind?

"Your mission has ended. In fact, I decree it so right now. I repeat, stand down," Kakashi repeated, stepping forward.

Immediately, ANBU moved to interspose themselves between the madman they had sworn to obey, and the madman who had once commanded and then betrayed them and their sacred oath to Kage and country.

Itachi did not hesitate. Didn't the Godaime understand that he had to die here? He boosted to his best speed, barreled through the defences of the ANBU directly between him and Kakashi. The lady's arm bent in an unnatural direction and broke with a loud crack. Itachi flung her aside as he would a puppet and beelined for the Hokage with his kunai bared to slash at Kakashi's throat faster than anyone but ninja legends could react.

Kakashi, the madman, stood like a statue. His posture screamed trust, calm, poise, nonchalance and utter conviction. He might as well have been dictating a letter to his aide.

Itachi swerved so that his kunai missed the Hokage's carotid by the barest of whiskers and jumped sideways to escape the ANBU who were desperately trying to cut him down before he assassinated their principal. He had expected Kakashi to defend himself or even flinch – he was a nukenin, after all – but the Godaime had thrown him off kilter.

After so long being actively distrusted by all he dealt with, to experience that level of trust… Itachi was filled with pride and love for the Godaime. Who wouldn't give their life for a kage who treated their men so! And while he had done a lot of terrible things in his life, Itachi wasn't going to add the assassination of Kakashi, his kage, to his list. Not even for duty or clan honor.

"Stand down, ANBU!" Kakashi ordered cool as a cucumber.

This time, the ANBU obeyed the Godaime's orders as Itachi dropped his kunai and made no move to attack or defend himself. After so many years on the run and so many murders and so much bloodshed; all with no hope for a future, Kakashi's actions were akin to a helping hand to a dying man. Itachi decided he would trust his kage to do the right thing by him.

The Godaime stepped in front of Itachi and put his hands on the Uchiha's shoulders..

"Welcome home, Itachi. Your mission's over. Welcome home!"

xxxx

Two weeks later. Land of Iron…

The Meeting of the Kages and the various Heads of State was to take place a month in the future. But the actual negotiations were happening now between duly appointed plenipotentiaries of the Elemental nations and the Shinobi villages. Much progress had been made towards a formal ending of the war, though much still remained to negotiate.

The issue of Konoha's monopoly on Seals of Power, which all hidden villages had assumed would be the main object of contention, had been resolved with ease. Against the implied threat of continuance of war and a multi-national alliance Konoha should they refuse to share the secrets, the Leaf Village had been unruffled and unyielding, initially. Then, in a surprise decision, they had changed tack and announced that they would make all their hard-earned knowledge available to the public a week ago. Most surprising of all, they had even shared how they'd created and used the world's first nuclear weapon at Kusa. The decision had flummoxed everyone at the conference – in private, members of the Fire delegation had confessed to being caught off-guard and had bemoaned the fact that no one knew what had changed the minds of the junta ruling their nation.

Still, while it hadn't been the outcome that the informal alliance of villages against Konoha had wanted, it had been enough to prevent a resumption of war on an even wider scale. Wiser and paranoid minds in the villages were already cautioning that it was a subtle ploy by the Leaf village to undermine the status quo of the Elemental Nations.

Today, however, Konoha had done something so farfetched that the prospect of war loomed larger than ever. So much so that the Cloud delegation had to raise the subject as soon as the day's private meeting started.

"These negotiations simply cannot move forward until we have a satisfactory explanation as to why Konoha's suddenly cavorting with the rogue Akatsuki. Especially since the atrocity that organization committed in Tea was your raison d'etre to destroy Kusagakure," Masahiro Iwa spoke plainly and calmly, but there was steel aplenty in his voice. He was an old retired shinobi who was at the conference as a representative of the Kumogakure and the Raikage, and as such, he had the power to make or break it.

"I assure you Masahiro-dono that The Junta aren't working with Akatsuki. They remain a foresworn enemy of my nation," Koharu, Fire's representative at the negotiations, categorically stated his nation's official position on the subject.

Masahiro cleared his throat. It wasn't considered polite in the circles he moved to be direct, but he could see that the Fire delegation would ignore the indirect approach.

"Perhaps it has escaped you, Honorable Koharu, but I can't help but notice that you walked into this room with Uchiha Itachi. I'm talking about the very same nin who was formerly of your village and currently, a member of the Akatsuki. Uchiha Itachi, The Kinslayer. I truly want to believe you, but your assurance would bear more weight if one of Akatsuki's most feared assassins didn't stand guard over you at this very meeting."

Masahiro's guards faced off against Uchiha Itachi in a tense standoff. They hadn't unsheathed weapons – unsheathing weapons at a peace conference being considered oafish behavior and all that – but they were chakra adepts and they were priming their chakra for release.

Itachi smiled beatifically and ignored the Cloud ANBU. Without question, the guards were skilled adepts, but there was skilled and there was skilled. Frankly, he could take on the whole Cloud detachment with his hands tied behind his back.

Koharu nodded sagely.

"Ah, I see. I understand why you might be discomfited by Uchiha Itachi's presence. He does have somewhat of a reputation in certain circles. But rest assured that his presence is neither unwarranted nor does it indicate that Hi no Kuni are now allied with Akatsuki."

Masahiro clasped his hands together and leant forward.

"Pray explain."

Koharu smiled and seeing that smile, Masahiro tensed. He did not know what was behind that smile, but he was certain neither he nor his country were going to be advantaged by the coming revelation.

"It is a good thing that you brought up the subject of my guard, Masahiro-dono, because it allows me to make a couple of announcements without seeming to stray from the objectives of these negotiations. So, I thank you.

"Hi no Kuni has two announcements to make today. I suspect that the data we provide will give you much to ponder and I want to make it clear that we understand if the Kaminari delegation wants to adjourn for the rest of the day to discuss amongst yourselves and formulate a response.

"The first and perhaps the most critical announcement is that Hi no Kuni have struck a major blow against Akatsuki. As of this morning, there are just two S-ranked members alive in the organization."

One of Masahiro's adjutants leaned over to whisper something in his ears. The ambassador nodded and held up a finger.

"You have questions, Masahiro-dono?"

"Yes. Our intelligence services haven't reported any large scale battles involving large numbers of S-ranked nin in the last month anywhere in the Elemental nations. Off the top of my head: how many Akatsuki dead are we talking about? Where were they attacked? Who attacked them? Which of your units took part in the action?"

"All good questions. I'll endeavor to answer them, national security and information confidentiality allowing. Hi no Kuni have now accounted for seven Akatsuki agents in three separate actions. Two were engaged and eliminated while they were operating alongside rogue Suna and Kumo nukenin in Kaze no Kuni. One more was liquidated during operations on the Hi no Kuni border with Kusagakure. In the last operation, which was conducted within the last three weeks in the Land of Rain, we executed another four, including the two leaders of the organization."

"I note that you haven't answered the last two questions. Further, that makes seven. Akatsuki are ten in number," Masahiro pointed out.

"Yes, that is correct. And I'll state categorically at the outset that we'll not provide further details on the first two actions."

"But you'll brief us on the mission in Rain?"

Koharu nodded.

"As already stated, national security and information confidentiality allowing, we'll share intel."

"Go on."

"Akatsuki were headquartered in Rain. In fact, our intel sources confirm that the organization had deposed of Hanzo years ago and were running the country."

"That is hard to believe."

Koharu cleared her throat.

"It's quite true, Masahiro-dono. Uchiha Itachi, whom you see behind me, had infiltrated the organization on our orders and struck the decapitating blow in Rain."

"The same Uchiha Itachi who assassinated his entire clan in a single night?" Masahiro's adjutant asked in a disbelieving voice.

"Rumors of Jounin Itachi's insanity were quite exaggerated, I assure you." Koharu responded. "The Uchiha massacre was merely internal squabble – however unfortunate it was – and we used it to our advantage to infiltrate Akatsuki."

Masahiro opened his mouth and paused. Had Konoha just confessed to an internal power struggle and wiping out of the Uchiha clan? There had to be a way to exploit that piece of freely given incendiary information, but that could wait for another time. Then retried again.

"You mean he executed his family on Konoha's orders."

"That was the story we wanted the world to believe. The truth is, the traitor Orochimaru was responsible for the massacre," Koharu replied with a hint of insincere sadness. "His lust for the Uchiha's Sharingan is well documented. He had poisoned the Uchiha well prior to the events of that terrible night with a terrible drug that made everyone who drank of it paranoid, delusional and murderously insane. From what we were able to piece together, he had meant to gather all his victims eyes in harvest. We cannot prove it, but we suspect that his actions may have been influenced by the leader of the Akatsuki through mind control."

"Another frightful power of the Eyes of Samsara," Masahiro murmured, stroking his chin. He knew for sure that he did not believe Konoha's new official story and he was certain that his initial surmise about a brutal extermination of a wayward clan was on the mark, but for now, he'd go along with it. "How did Itachi end up being scapegoated for the massacre? I would think that producing this evidence to the world would have helped Hi no Kuni in the court of public opinion back then."

"Yes, quite," Koharu agreed readily. If Masahiro was going to assume that the Rinnegan wielder was the leader of the Akatsuki, she wasn't going to disabuse him of the notion. There would be endless recrimination if it ever got out that the Godaime's genin teammate and one of the Yondaime's praised students had been the real power behind the throne.

As to the other assertions, why it was child's play to handle that line of question! "You see, Itachi had to take the fall because we had intelligence that Akatsuki were interested in jinchuuriki and the tailed beasts. And the Sandaime decided that we needed someone a spy inside the organization so that we could act at the opportune time. That moment finally came, and we have."

"But Orochimaru was a member of Akatsuki at that time as best as our intelligence could figure out. How did Itachi survive initiation if he merely took credit for the Snake Sannin's crimes?"

"Because of the drug, of course. He argued that he felt an insane rage come over him at the thought of his weak clan and went on his rampage to prove the point that they were a bunch of weaklings unworthy of the Uchiha name and pedigree."

Masahiro's adjutant leaned forward and murmured something in his ears. Whatever it was, Masahiro perked up.

"And what of the fate of the eyes and the body of the Akatsuki leader?" he asked.

"Destroyed. It was thought that since the leader had demonstrated the ability to resurrect himself multiple times during the attack on the capital of Tea, it would be prudent to destroy the body and the eyes in their entirety. Jounin Itachi used special techniques to ensure that the body was consumed completely in fire after incapacitating the leader."

We'll have to have our spies independently confirm that, Masahiro thought. The thought of those eyes in the hands of Hi no Kuni already grown so immensely strong… Heaven forbid!

"And how were he and the other – was it three? – Akatsuki members incapacitated?"

"Jounin Itachi poisoned the air in the Akatsuki HQ building."

The barest hint of a smile hit Masahiro's face.

"Yes, that would do it," he confirmed. Then, turning to eye Itachi, "And now that your infiltration mission is complete, you've returned to Konoha."

Itachi did not reply. As a guard, it was not his job to speak at these meetings without leave.

"Jounin Itachi, I give you permission to answer this question."

Itachi nodded.

"Yes, Masahiro-dono."

"And Kumo can believe as much of it as we like."

Koharu smiled.

"We have said what needs to be said. Remember, Masahiro-dono, you asked us to trust everyone at this table with some of my nation's greatest military secrets; namely, our seals of power. As our late and much beloved Shodaime before us, we have shared those secrets without demanding concessions from this group as a sign of our goodwill. If you would question our trustworthiness at this juncture, after we've performed the second single greatest act of magnanimity in the history of the Elemental Nations, we would be forced to unilaterally withdraw from this summit and rethink some of our confidence building initiatives. Especially since none of the other nations have ever come close to demonstrating such altruistic actions through the years."

Masahiro nodded. He'd wondered what Hi no Kuni were going to demand in return for sharing the seals of power. Turning a blind eye to Itachi's return to Konoha's ranks was apparently it. It was pricey, in the usual course of things, but worth it because of the seals of power.

"Very well. Moving on…"

xxxxx

"Well, what do you want me to say, Tsume?" Godaime asked pointedly.

"Itachi is a killer!" the Inuzuka matriarch snapped back, her pitch rising in frustration at her failure to get through to her audience. "He massacred his whole fucking clan for crying out loud. And here we are, discussing how we're going to integrate him back into the daily life of Konohagakure. What the hell is wrong with you people?"

Kakashi took a deep breath and pushed back against his seat. He'd known he would have the hardest time getting the clans to accept Itachi back into the shinobi ranks, but the thing had been harder than his worst expectations. He and the clans had been at it the whole morning with plenty of shouting and precisely no progress! Good thing he'd sent Itachi off to the negotiations to end the war or someone would have gone behind his back and tried to assassinate him. The bloodshed an assassination would have sparked regardless of whether Itachi committed suicide by shinobi or not, did not bear thinking. Love his darlings much as Kakashi did, there was no predicting what Sasuke and his teammates would have done under the circumstances.

Shikamaru stood up. The Godaime looked up at him and raised a questioning eyebrow. The Nara heir had been silent so far through the deliberations, letting his dad take point, and Kakashi was almost afraid of what he'd say when he opened his mouth.

"If I may have the floor, Godaime-sama?" he asked with a nod.

"The heir to the Nara clan has the floor," Kakashi announced with a polite nod.

Shikamaru cleared his throat, straightened his shoulders and faced the gathered clan leaders.

"The Nara clan supports the motion to re-enroll Uchiha Itachi into the shinobi rolls."

The room erupted into cacophony.

"What the hell is wrong with you!" Tsume screamed into his face, her voice easily overwhelming everyone else's.

The Nara waited silently until order was restored.

"Let me explain. The Godaime welcomed Itachi back to Konoha in the presence of ANBU and god knows however many civilians were around nestled behind hidey holes and spying on the confrontation…"

"So what?" snapped Kiba. "This is a shinobi village. There are spies everywhere and apocalyptic rumors are a dime a dozen. The fact that there are witnesses doesn't mean a damn thing."

"Nevertheless, the rumors have spread among the civilian population like wildfire that our Kage embraced an S-ranked member of Akatsuki in broad daylight and called him his loyal shinobi. For all intents and purposes, the cat is already out of the bag…"

The discussions continued on late into the night, but with the Nara camp firmly behind the Hokage, Itachi's rehabilitation was a foregone conclusion. All that was left was the wrangling to soothe the ruffled feathers of opposing clans, which required some costly sacrifices and expenditure of political capital which Kakashi was all too happy to expend. He was under no delusions that Hi no Kuni owed its survival to his children. And if bringing Itachi back into the fold kept them happy, then it was a small price to pay.

Xxxxx

Author's notes: One or two more chapters to go. This chapter is focused entirely on Itachi's rehabilitation into Konoha. My apologies for the many year long gap between his chapter and the last one, but real life and a lack of the will to write are to blame. I'll try to complete the story within a year. But no promises!