Gunslinger

Chapter Twenty- R&R

Wallis glared at me. "You became a junkie just like them, didn't you?" She asked suddenly interrupting again.

I sighed heavily before replying sharply. "Sure, Is there anything else you want to get off your chest so I can continue?"

She gave me a sympathetic look and I nearly punched her in the face. "I thought I knew Darley, just another ruthless gang leader and drug dealing junkie but then you get dragged in here and talk about him like he's a saint. Now I honestly don't know what I think of him."

"Thought," I corrected. "Billy, he was no saint, no where near a saint but he wasn't pure evil. He wasn't always a monster."

She paused and stared at me before speaking again. "He really did love you Cassidy Miller."

I shot her a glare. "What makes you say that?"

"Why do you deny it?" She shot back.

I sighed again. "It's easier just to believe he didn't."

My head throbbed, I felt weak, my muscles barely responding to my brain screaming for them to move. Once they finally did begin to move I felt nauseas and barely made it to the closest trash before vomiting up the contents of my stomach. It burned my throat on the way up and the smell made me even more nauseas. I just laid there on the floor bawling my eyes out until the pain subsided enough for me to climb to my feet and stumble back over to the bed. The world was spinning in a whirlwind, my heart thumping heavily against my chest. Slowly I rolled over and grabbed the bedside phone from it's cradle. Every inch of my body trembling I leaned over as close as I could and punched in a number I somehow managed to remember from the night before.

"Yeah?" I was greeted by a very tired sounding voice.

"Heco?" I asked quietly.

"Cass?" he responded in a worried tone. "What's wrong?"

"It hurts so much. Please make it go away."

The week following was a blur. I remembered events in fragments. Flashes of Heco tying a rubber band around my arm and sticking a needle in my vein taking the pain away. The next of Billy coming back furious, constantly in a fit of rage and taking it out on me by fucking me so hard it left bruises and making me scream so loud everyone in the building heard. Then of Elias holding my hair back as I puked, trying desperately to get me to eat a few saltine crackers and a bowl of soup but me always refusing and the endless glasses of water he made sure where always by my bedside. Then at the end of the week around 4 am I woke up to my heart racing as I gasped for air fully alert and aware of my surroundings. I was naked on the living room floor. Billy passed out snoring on the couch completely naked as well. The coffee table was covered in razorblades, cigarette butts and syringes. Multiple used condoms lay on the floor across from me along with empty whiskey bottles.

"Unclean," I muttered getting to my feet and heading toward the kitchen piled high with empty take out cartons, pizza boxes and empty beer cases and cans. After picking up every single piece of trash around the apartment I took a shower and put on the closest thing I could find to clean clothes. Then I piled all the remaining clothes into a basket, washed all the dishes, grabbed a few quarters from the bedside table and went to the apartment building washer and dryer where I started a load of laundry. After finishing the laundry, taking out the trash bags, cleaning the bathroom and making the bed I made my way to the bus stop which I got on and went to the grocery store. When I returned Billy was gone from the couch and the shower was running. I stocked the fridge and cupboards the sat down on the couch with a Chardonnay. I was reading the newspaper a good third of the way done on the wine when Billy entered the room, it was ten o'clock.

"Wow really went nuts didn't you?" he laughed plopping down beside me and taking the bottle from my hand so he could take a good long drink for himself.

"Unclean," I muttered staring down at the track marks on my arms.

Billy sighed then leaned over and kissed my forehead before handing me back the bottle and getting to his feet.

"I'll be home for dinner," He informed me and then he was gone.

I put the Chardonnay in the fridge and went to the bedroom to make a phone call. Bodie answered on the third ring. "Cass?"

"Can I borrow the car?"

"What do you need it for?"

"To run and errand."

"What kind?"

"Please Bodie this is important and I need to be home before dinner or Billy will know."

Eventually Bodie caved and brought the car over for me to borrow. "Have it back before 3 or I'll get my ass killed," He ordered before calling Spink to pick him up with the van.

I shoved the keys into one of my front pockets and went back into the bedroom where I got down on my knees and pulled a shoe box out from under the bed. Inside was a copy of my favorite book Catch-22, my two revolvers, ammo and a couple of old photos. I picked up my copy of Catch-22 and flipped through it a couple times and pulled out the 20 dollar bills stashed in between the pages. Throughout the entire book a good five thousand dollars was stored. I stashed a couple hundred in my back pocket and loaded a revolver which I tucked in the waist line of my pants and got back up to my feet.

My first stop was Dairy Queen. Finally conscious enough to process what I was eating I needed something to comfort me. I ordered a banana split and ate it on the roof of the parked red mustang savoring each bite like it would be my last.

The next stop was half way across town so I had a good twenty minutes of driving to do but the car ride turned out to be more soothing than stressful and I found it easy to get lost in the classic rock songs the radio station was playing. The sound of the engine made me feel content with it's constant rumble. It was perfect but of course it was considering that it was the twin car of Billy's own beautiful mustang. If Billy knew I was driving it halfway across town he'd probably kill me but I needed to go somewhere I wouldn't be recognized, somewhere I wouldn't get in trouble or risk the chance of Billy finding out.

When I got to my destination I parked in the student parking and killed the engine. The building was an old dorm that had seen better days but compared to our apartment building it was nice. I probably should have dressed less like a thug and more like a college student but I wasn't really thinking when I threw on one of Billy's shirts and an pair of jeans with the red banana still pinned to the thigh. Sighing I got out of the car and walked towards the entrance. I told one of the girls I had forgotten my key in my dorm room and that my roommate would only be there for a couple more minutes to let me in so the girl let me in the front and I quickly made my way up five flights of stairs. On the fifth floor I took the right hallway to last door and tentatively knocked. A small blond girl answered the door and nearly fainted when she saw me. "Cassidy Millar is that really you?"

I nodded as she wrapped her thin arms around me and gave me a hug. "It's so good to see you. I thought you had died or something."

"Might as well have," I muttered to which she gave me a curious look but quickly shrugged it off. She then stepped out of the doorway and let me enter the room. She shut the door and then turned to me. "So let me guess you and Eli ran away to the Bahamas and eloped right."

I laughed and shook my head as I took a seat on the futon. "No Sara, Eli and I are still just friends."

She came and sat down beside me and gave me a good once over. "Fuck your running with the dealers. Which gang?" See the thing about Sara was she grew up in this town on the wrong side of tracks. She knew more about the drug dealers and the gangs than anyone else on this campus probably more than anyone else in this part of town. That's why Eli and her got along so well, I had always just been the clueless one, until now.

"Darley's," I replied.

She laughed. "Just like Elias. God I haven't seen that boy in months, shit you either. You guys forget how to use a phone or something?"

I sighed. "It's been hectic. Sara I came for a reason and I really don't have much time."

She nodded. "Whatcha need sister?"

"Detox meds and quick."

She nodded again making a mental note. "Come back tomorrow and I'll have them for you, no prob."

"Thanks," I said giving her a hug and then getting to my feet.

"Stop by again and do me a favor slap Eli when you see him."

I opened the door as I nodded. "Of course." Then I walked out of the room and shut the door behind me.

When I got back to the apartment Bodie was already there waiting for me. "How bad are the damages?" He teased.

"You my dear," I responded placing a finger under Bodie's jaw and stroking down to his chin. "Worry way too much."

He grabbed my wrist and twisted it causing me to shriek in pain. "Careful there Cass, don't want to push your luck." He then got in the car and drove away leaving me there staring dumbfound after him. What the fuck was wrong with me?

I practically sprinted up to our apartment and locked myself inside. Groaning heavily I leaned back against the door and slid down it until I was sitting in the fetal position. That's when I heard a soft meow. Glancing to my right I discovered a small black kitten peering at me from behind the kitchen wall. Tapping my fingers on the ground it slowly made its way over to me where it rubbed up against my leg and purred. That's when I noticed patches of fur missing from all angles of its body obviously having been attacked by something not to long ago. I picked up the kitten and set it in my lap. "Poor baby." It curled up in my arms and purred a bit more loudly.

"You like it?" came Joe's voice from down the hall. I looked up to see him walking towards me a goofy grin on his lips. He bent down in front of me and gave the kitten a pet. "I found him in the dumpster this morning and decided he could live with us." I nodded.

Joe then continued. "I was thinking we could call him something sweet like Rex or Killer."

"No," I spoke. "We will call him Dean."

Joe thought about it for a second before responding. "Hmmm Dean. It fits."

An hour later I was working on dinner while Joe had just come back from getting kitty supplies and Scooter had tagged along.

"Hey Cass! Still alive I see," He greeted.

"Yeah," I laughed. "For the moment."

Joe and Scooter entertained the kitten while I finished baking chicken casserole and mixing together a pasta salad. By the time Billy walked in through the door around six we had the table set, glasses of wine poured for Billy and I and food on the table. I even manged to changed into a skirt and fairly nice tank top.

"What is this?" He asked in confusion.

"Joe and I thought we needed a good dinner. A nice meal for once. Is that not okay?"

"No," he sighed. "It's fine." He smiled weakly down at me and kissed my forehead. Something was off. Something was horribly wrong but I pushed those feelings away and enjoyed the almost family like meal.

Billy even seemed to like Dean which for me came as quite a surprise. Especially when Dean curled up on Billy's chest while he was resting on the couch before a long night of work for the both of us.