Delia Ainsworth

I opened my eyes. Nope, nothing there. I turned my body, my arms feeling out for the man who was supposed to be there right next to me, but I couldn't feel anything. He wasn't there.

Crap.

What was I supposed to do?

We hadn't planned on that. He said he would be there… to guide me through the day… my first day without sight or sound. In the night everything went away completely and he promised that he would be around to help me. He promised that he would help me out better than my father could. That's why I agreed to spend the night with him instead of my father.

But he was not there. What was I supposed to do? How was I supposed to find him?

"Remus!" I shouted, but I could not actually hear. I felt the vibrations of my voice echoing in the room, as I desperately needed his touch. I was so dependent on him. I did not like being dependent on other people. But there was nothing else that I could do.

I tried to stand up from the bed. I pointed my arms out, dependent on feeling for the edge of the bed, so I could know where to move my legs to achieve the status of being on floor level.

I twisted and turned and it felt like I found the correct position, but as one leg found its way over the edge, it pulled the other one too strongly and suddenly I plopped onto the ground, my butt hitting it with a characteristic loud boom.

It was my first try. I would do better. I had to do better.

I positioned myself on my knees, putting my arms on the floor so that I could push myself up and as I was halfway there I put my left hand on the bed to push up with further support. I made it to my feet by myself and I was quite proud. Not a bad start.

I put my hands out in front of me, ready to walk. I was still wondering where Remus was, but I could do it on my own. I had to learn somehow. He would not be there for me every single moment of my life, even if he said he would.

I started walking, slowly and hesitantly, but I was walking. My two feet were moving in slow steps, aiming to just move. But then, I ran into the wall, my hands colliding with the hard surface. I tried to push myself further, but my hands were tied to the wall and I was not a superhero. I could not push the wall down.

I turned, sighing, but still alive, sensing that I could make it to wherever I wanted to go. But then I realized that I did not know where I wanted to end up. Where was I supposed to go?

Making it out of the room had to be my first objective. I could decide from there what I wanted to do.

I let my arms guide me again, hoping that there wasn't anything on the floor to trip me or to cause me to fall. I knew there shouldn't be because Remus made sure of that, but I was still worried. The difference between blurred vision, even very terribly blurred vision, and no vision was phenomenal. It was the difference between independence and dependence.

I continued to walk, turning myself around to make sure that I was walking to the door. It had to be in the opposite direction of the wall, so I should have been walking in the correct direction.

My hands pressed against the bed and I readjusted my position slightly. I continued to walk, with the hope that I would make it to the door.

I knew that I was slow. I had tried to practice from getting to the bed to the door with my eyes closed before, but this was different. This was real. I could not open my eyes to cheat, so this was slower.

But I did make it. I felt the doorknob, cold and slippery and I took a moment to pause... to recollect my thoughts…

I still wondered where Remus was. He promised he would not leave me. He was as loyal as a dog and this was the first time that he had ever truly disappointed me. I needed him and he was not there.

I thought of where I wanted to go. Down the stairs? That would be tricky. I had tried it before, but that was with Remus there. And it's not like it was a successful try. If Remus wasn't there I would have fallen down a long set of stairs, probably landing on my face and requiring a trip to the ER.

But where else was I supposed to go? I needed to learn it sometime.

I remembered the track to the stairs. It should just be a slight right, and then a gentle journey straight. I kept my arms in front of me to be sure and each step I took was slight, as I was worried that I was going to find the stairs sooner than I expected.

Soon I stumbled upon the banister. I grabbed a hold of it with both my hands and I knew that I stood at the top of the stairs. I took a deep breath before I decided to continue.

I placed my right foot forward, knowing that it would go down a few meters and I carefully let it drop.

Not bad.

I repeated the action with my right foot, carefully dropping it down, but I dropped it down a little too quickly, and I stumbled on my feet. I felt a breeze quickly rush past me as I started to fall forward, taking a grasp of the banister as tightly as I could, so that I would not fall completely.

Suddenly, a touch startled me and I instantly knew what that meant. He was in front of me and I felt confident enough to take my grip off of the banister. I feel forward into his arms and I smiled as I felt his touch once again. I was safe.

He picked me up, carried me down the stairs slowly, but efficiently. I couldn't tell his emotion at that point, and I slowly lifted my hand to touch his face to see if I could feel his emotion.

I lifted my hand slowly across his face, first feeling his chin and then going up slowly to his mouth, where I would be able to read the emotion the best. As I was feeling his feelings, he crouched slightly, positioning himself onto the couch, me in his lap. I thought that he would immediately take my hand off of his face, but he was patient as he waited for me to observe him.

At first I felt his lips as they were slanted, the corners falling towards the ground, frowning. But as I continued to touch them, the position changed. His lips formed a smile. He was telling me that he was happy.

I took my hand off of his face and I spoke, "I love you."

He took my hand and he pulled it up closer to him. He pulled back on all of my fingers so that only my pointer finger was forward and he pressed it against his eye. He then brought my hand down, and pressed it against my chest, specifically near my heart. He finally exposed my pointer finger again and pointed it to my head. I love you.

I leaned back against him in his arms, and he held me tightly, squeezing me a little bit too hard, but I did not mind. We sat there for several seconds, just thinking and breathing.

I did not know what our next step would be, but I did not care for the moment. I was peaceful, just resting in his arms.

I tried to remember his voice. I last heard it a long time ago, several months, and my last remaining sound was of him. I was not exposed to his beautiful voice or his beautiful face for long enough. I had to do my best to remember what he sounded like and what he looked like, but I could not remember his voice completely. That meant that in months his face would be lost. I did not want that to forget his beautiful face.

"I'm sorry," I soon heard a voice in my mind that reminded me of his voice. But it couldn't be. Unless I was trying so hard to remember that I actually did. "I shouldn't have left you this morning."

The voice sounded so familiar, so distinct. Yet, it could not really be his. I had gone deaf awhile ago. My hearing couldn't have just suddenly come back. It didn't work that way.

"This is really me by the way," the voice spoke again. How was I to be sure that it was him? "Just say something out loud and I'll respond."

"Remus," I spoke.

"Yes?" the voice spoke back.

That was just luck. "Where were you?"

"I was getting breakfast," the voice responded.

Okay, weird. But I wanted to make sure that it wasn't just me making up the answers. "Take me to it," I said, without much description. I would believe it if he took me to the breakfast.

And he did. Without further thought he carried me to the table and he put food in front of me, telling me in my head to eat. He had placed a spoon in my hand, but I still was not quite sure what to do. I did not know what I was eating and where it was.

"What am I eating?" I asked, waiting for the little voice to pop up and answer me.

"Oh, I should fix that too," he answered, confusing me. But soon he stood behind me and placed his arms on the back of the chair. Seconds passed, while I wondered what he was doing, but then it was all clear.

I could see like I could when I was younger. I could not even remember the last time I could see that well. I saw a bowl in front of me, filled with some type of cereal, which made me wonder why he had left to get breakfast, when it was only cereal. I could see the cottage that I remembered as being relatively nice, but in actuality looked like a dump, like he had told me it was.

"What's going on?" I asked him. He seemed to know exactly what was happening. "Why can I see and hear?" But as I said that I realized that I could not even hear my own voice.

"It's in your mind," he told me. "You can hear what I want to say to you and you can see things from my perspective. If I change positions and look at something else, like you, you'll see yourself."

"That's weird," I told him.

"I'll try to keep my thoughts closed so that you don't see yourself too often," he told me. "I know that might get annoying."

"Why is this happening?" I asked, still confused.

"I'll explain that to you later," he proclaimed. "But for now we should enjoy this moment."

"Is this what Madam Pomfrey told you to do?" questions continued to fly out my mouth.

"Yes," he answered. "I know it's weird, but just trust me on this for now. I promise I will explain it to you."

I was comforted by his words and I did trust him. There was a reasonable explanation, but I did want to enjoy it for the moment. "How will I ever get to see your face again?" I asked.

"Come with me," he told me. I stood up and he took my hand as we started to walk. It was a bit odd the way I was walking because I was standing next to him and he was the one with my vision. Everything that I walked past was slightly to the left.

As we continued to walk, I realized where he was taking me. We approached the mirror slowly and I saw his reflection… his beautiful blue eyes staring intently and his light brown hair combed perfectly straight. He was even more beautiful than I remembered.

"What about when you're not here?" I asked him, knowing that he would be my means of communication. I was even more dependent on him than I thought I would be.

"Hopefully that won't happen too often," he told me and I smiled. "But I have a plan for that. That was actually another reason I was missing. Come here, Padfoot!"

A large black dog came racing to me, his black hair messy and ragged, which somewhat reminded me of Remus's friend, Sirius. And suddenly I remembered, "Isn't that what you call Sirius?"

"Yeah," Remus instantly answered. "And now you know why. Don't you think they look pretty similar?"

"I was just thinking that they did," I laughed.

"Well our friend got this dog," Remus started to explain. "And when we saw him for the first time we saw the similarities, so we decided to start calling him that."

"That's pretty funny, seeing as Sirius is the Dog Star and all," I made the connection.

"Yeah," Remus quietly laughed.

"That boy doesn't like me, does he?" I suddenly asked, as I scratched Padfoot's head.

"He does," Remus went on to explain. "I didn't think he did either, but he really does. He was just being protective for your sake. He thought that I would be putting you in danger because of the world that I live in, but that won't happen. I'll always be here to protect you. I think he gets that now."

"I know you'll always be there for me," I said. "Thank you."

He answered by pulling me closer to him, and holding onto my hand.

"Now this is a nice dog and all," I started to realize. "But why do you think he can help me."

"He's a seeing eye dog," Remus explained. "Or at least he knows how to be." Remus pulled out a brown leather harness and put it on the dog. "He's a very smart dog. You can just tell him a command or a place where you want to go and he'll do it."

"Sure," I said, doubting Remus. Some things that boy said were just odd.

"Okay, I'll show you," he responded. "Padfoot, open your mouth."

The dog approached me closer and opened his mouth. So he really did listen well.

But then I looked closer into his mouth and I saw a shiny object inside, like a ring.

Remus turned me around at that point, making me face the mirror. He stared into the mirror, showing himself on one knee. "Delia, I do not think I could live my life without you. From the moment I met you I knew there was something special about you. Something that I could not quite understand, but as I grew to know you I found that you are the most beautiful, charming, and loveable woman. I love you. Delia Ainsworth, will you marry me?"

Tears emerged from my eyes, streaming down my face. I saw the ring that was quite slobbery, but precious in Remus's grasp. He held it in front of me, waiting for me to respond, but I could not speak.

I soon saw a familiar face emerge into the mirror. I saw his lips move and I waited for Remus to interpret. "Your father says to say yes already."

"Yes," I answered, knowing that Remus made sure that my father gave permission before asking me. "Yes," I repeated making sure that he heard. He slipped the dazzling jewel onto my finger and he stared into it, giving me the in-depth view of the ring.

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Do you really know what it feels like to get lost in the sense that you cannot see what you're looking for? Because I know what it feels like and it feels pretty darn good.