This is written as a birthday present for Siacatmesecat! Hope you enjoy!

Disclaimer: Don't own Harry Pothead :-(

Ignition

Bellatrix watched Voldemort carefully with her blackened eyes and a slight smirk on her lips. When Voldemort looked up irritably she pretended she hadn't yet noticed and continued using her wand to try various nail colours. Midnight black suited her best, it seemed. Or blood red. Then again daffodil yellow and bubblegum pink would have sufficed if she hadn't been wearing such dark and macabre clothes. Rolling his eyes, Voldemort continued with the task he had been carrying out and only when a grunt of frustration arose from his lips did Bellatrix decide it was maybe time she leant a hand.

"Need some help, love?" She asked, smiling as sweetly and as innocently as she could and knowing it was probably the furthest thing from sweet and innocent known to mankind.

His snake-like eyes snapped to the left to look at her, his upper lip curling impatiently. "I think I can manage, thank you very much," he snapped.

Bellatrix shrugged and turned away to hide her sniggers. He made a few more attempts, none of which were successful, and cursed loudly in anger. "It's clearly broken."

She cocked a black eyebrow in disbelief. "Is it? Why don't you try to fix it with your wand then, dear?" He gave her a look that would have made most run and hide from its intense evilness but to Bellatrix Lestrange – who was more than used to evil – it caused her to giggle childishly, covering her mouth with her multi-coloured nailed hand. She held out her own enticingly and teasingly, knowing he would never lower himself to use another's wand unless desperate.

"And waste my time?" He snarled.

"Well, I'll do it for you!" She said the mending spell and frowned in mock confusion. "It doesn't seem to have done anything. It must have been fine. Why don't you try again?"

Voldemort crossed his arms and glared at her. "I don't want too. It's pointless."

"Now now, dear. I can hardly teach you if you can't even turn it on and it won't run unless it is."

"Well maybe I don't want to be taught. What need have I to know? I have magic. That's all I need."

Sighing, Bellatrix tried another tactic, one she'd seen from ministry law enforcers to get their prisoners to cooperate with them: empathise. "I know how difficult it is but imagine you lost your power again. Think how much easier your life would be if you could do this. Plus you can still kill or maim people. All it will take is a bit of patience and tolerance."

Voldemort turned to her sharply. "Bellatrix. I am neither patient nor tolerant. It's a bad idea. Besides, the blasted thing's broken."

"Let me try," she muttered, reaching over him and with one quick gesture the thing sprung to life. Amused, she looked at her master as he was visibly seething and smiled. "My Lord, you are the most powerful wizard in the world. You make grown men cry and have one of the greatest followings ever known. With one word you can turn wine into water and destroy all those who oppose you."

He regarded her from the side of his eyes. "And what of it?"

"If you can do all that why then is it impossible for you to turn on a car's ignition?"