Akatsuki Go Spongebob

Chapter Ten: Tobi

Tobi: Ahh, Deidara-senpai, this chapter title has my name in it!

Deidara: Tobi-baka, it's clearly a mistake, un.

Cyndi: Nope. It's not a mistake. Anyways, tell them the disclaimer.

Tobi: I love dango dango dango, un. -copies Deidara-

Deidara: ... Shut the f*ck up Tobi, un. You will never be as great as I. Cyndi does not own Naruto, un...

Pein was walking to the grocery store, which was located halfway across town. Wait, Pein was walking. Only normal people walked, not the great leader of the Akatsuki. He frowned, looking at the high speed boats that were whizzing by needed a chauffeur who could drive one of those things.

After spending an hour at the grocery store, he went and bought a boat. Someone promised him that the boat would be delivered to the hideout in a few minutes. He would send someone to learn how to drive that boat. And if one of the Akatsuki knew how to drive a boat, he could abuse his power as leader to make them drive him! He snickered evilly, running past a white-haired guy wearing a bra made out of shells over an orange top.

All of the Akatsuki, except Konan, were sitting in a circle watching TV. There was a pretty good documentary that explained how squirrels were migrating to Bikini Bottom in order to-

"Hey guys, who wants to drive?" asked Pein. The Akatsuki looked at him with wide eyes. Sasori opened his mouth to speak.

"Leader-sama, did you forget about the time when Hidan drove a car?" Sasori glared at Hidan, who was whistling nonchalantly.

Pein felt his face heat up. How could he forget? That bastard broke his car, dammit!

Flashback

Pein was wiping the windshield of his new, ultra-luxurious Porsche. He had just purchased it this morning from... Ok, well, he didn't really purchase it. Let's just say that his best friend had passed away and left it for Pein in his will. He was so excited about finally getting a car that was going to make him look awesome. He called the Akatsuki to come and see this fantastic car, and he left the keys inside of it.

Hidan, upon seeing the car, hyperventilated. "No fucking way! This is..." He ran over to the car and jumped on it. "Holy Jashin, is this for me?"

"No."

"B-But, I'm a great driver! Come on, Leader-sama, I can fucking drive a car!"

"No." Pein turned to Kakuzu to start ranting about the car.

Deidara grinned. He saw Hidan slipping into the car. He turned to Pein, pretending not to notice Hidan driving away from the scene. "I bet Konan would totally date you for a chance to ride this, un."

"We all know that you would date him to ride." Sasori smirked, and Deidara blushed. Sasori continued to mock Deidara's sexuality until Deidara finally slapped him. Sasori gave Deidara a murderous glare and ignored him by retreating inside of Hiruko for the rest of the week.

"Can Tobi drive? Because Tobi is such a good driver, and besides you wouldn't believe what Tobi just saw-" Tobi stared at the place where Hidan had just left with the car. He was about to tell Pein about the car, but Itachi cupped his hand over Tobi's mouth.

"If Leader-sama sees this, he won't be lacking hatred for a while... So shut up Tobi." Itachi watched Pein with squinted eyes as the Leader continued to rant about the car to Kakuzu.

Kakuzu dropped onto the ground, noticing that the car was gone. "H-How much did you pay for this?!" There was a bit of anger present in his voice.

"None," smiled Pein, "My friend gave it to me, and no way in hell am I letting Hidan drive-" He turned to glare at Hidan. Wait, where the hell was Hidan? He turned around to see the car missing, along with Hidan.

Pein turned around to look at the Akatsuki with a furious look on his face. "Why didn't you tell me he drove off?!" Pein heard a car crash in the distance. His legs gave in, and he fainted.

Hidan walked over to the Akatsuki. It was obvious that Hidan had life-threatening wounds. He looked at Kakuzu. "Man, Kakuzu, I just had the best fucking ride of my life! Too bad I had to sacrifice a good car though, right Kakuzu?" He looked at Pein. "Why the fuck is he sleeping?!"

Back to the Present

"Earth to Leader-sama?" Tobi looked at Pein through his mask. "He's not here, everybody."

Pein's eyes opened suddenly. He obviously needed someone to be properly trained before they drove his new boat. He looked at Tobi, then passed on to the others. "Who wants to undertake a mission?"

"I need to re-count my money," said Kakuzu, "I think that Krabs cheapskate cheated me, because I wasn't supposed to receive a whale for winning the stockmarket bet." Kakuzu had bet on stocks last week with Mr. Krabs. He looked at Pearl, who he remembered from Hidan's dating disaster. Pearl was not happy to be tied up, and neither was Kakuzu for having received a whale.

"Not I," said Sasori, "I need to work on one of my fish puppets. Mario." When Deidara laughed, he gave Deidara a small smirk.

Deidara thought that this was a perverted smile and jumped up. "I'll go, Leader-sama, un." He backed away from Sasori.

"Pfft. You'll just blow everything up. I know you." Pein looked at Itachi. Nope, it couldn't be Itachi because Itachi was nearly-blind. He looked at Kisame. Nah, Kisame would just tear the instructors to shreds with Samehada. He looked at Zetsu. Oh wait, Zetsu was on his honeymoon... Pein sighed and saw Tobi, who was shaking with joy.

"Tobi is the only one left!" Tobi dropped to his knees. "Oh please, please, please let Tobi go!"

Hidan glared. "It's either me or him! Who do you fucking think has more self-control?"

"Tobi, you're going to boating school. Congratulations." Pein shook hands with Tobi and gave him the directions to the school. Hidan was furious and cussed at the air. Kakuzu dragged Hidan and shoved him into the trash can behind the boat.

"Tobi. Is. So. HAPPY!" Tobi ran towards the boating school. Pein gulped, maybe this wasn't the best idea. He turned to Sasori and Deidara, who were arguing with each other.

"You two. Go make sure he doesn't fail." He glanced at Deidara. "Don't touch anything."

Sasori was angry. "If I must go, why does he come with me?"

"Because if you two are constantly flirting, my eyes would rather not be subjected to it." Pein saw this as an opportunity to let Sasori and Deidara "come out of the closet".

Deidara was appalled. "Nuh-uh, Leader-sama, I am not withSasori no Danna, un. We don't even agree on love." Deidara looked at Sasori with red cheeks. "Love is supposed to be short, not left to linger on Earth. If it lasts forever, we start to lose interest and appreciation for it, un."

Sasori frowned. "Love is supposed to be eternal, like art. True love never fades nor do the partners lose interest or appreciation for it. Apparently your undersized brain cannot comprehend love in addition to art." He smirked.

"Burn!" cackled Hidan. Deidara gave Hidan a dark glare.

Pein sighed, defeated. "Just go." Sasori and Deidara reluctantly started for the boating school, and they bickered the whole way.

Tobi walked into the boating school. Some fat blow-fish was staring at him.

"Hello, my name is Tobi!" Tobi sat down on the desk. Spongebob, Sasori, and Deidara walked in the door and sat down as well.

"Hey, long time no see, pal!" laughed Spongebob. The blow-fish looked at Tobi, Sasori, and Deidara, then at the class.

"Hello everyone. I can see we have some new students today! Why don't we introduce ourselves?" asked Mrs. Puff. "I'm Mrs. Puff, your boating instructor." She sat down.

Sasori gulped as Deidara and Tobi looked at him expectantly. "My name is Sasori. Your danna."

"Danna? Well I guess if that's what you want to be called then." said Mrs. Puff, confused and unable to comprehend Japanese. Sasori chuckled.

"My name is Tobi, but you already know that! I'm here to learn how to drive a vhroom-vhroom boat!" Tobi stood up from his seat in the corner and plopped down onto the seat next to Deidara, who was sitting next to Sasori. Deidara scowled.

"My name is Deidara, un." Deidara punched Tobi in the face. "Sasori no Danna and I are just here to look after him, un."

Mrs. Puff frowned. "You can only be in this class if you are learning. If you're not, you'll have to leave."

Sasori and Deidara sighed and glanced at each other. "We're here to learn."

"Ok, Tobi come with me. Mrs. Flounder will give you a quick test." She then escorted Tobi out of the classroom so that his skills could be evaluated. In other words, Tobi was given a pop boating test. She came back in a few minutes and started teaching.

"I see that this brat and I will have to endure the class." thought Sasori. He looked at Deidara, who was giving him a sketchy look. "What the hell is he doing?" He looked at the blowfish, who was starting to talk about intersections and whatever. He turned to look at Deidara again, who was giggling with another student, pointing at him and mouthing the word-

"Rapist."

He got up from his seat and violently shoved Deidara off the desk. "Are you trying to piss me off, Deidara? I am going to kick your-"

"Danna!" yelled Mrs. Puff, furious. "There will be no buttkickers in this school! Go sit in the back." Sasori moved to the last row, scowling at Deidara.

"Oh, come on Sasori no Danna, un." whispered Deidara as Sasori passed by him. "It was just funny, that's all."

"Deidara, it won't be so funny for you when you're lying in a hospital bed tomorrow." Sasori frowned.

After class, Sasori (who refused to walk with Deidara), encountered Tobi happily skipping towards him. He sighed, trying to avoid Tobi. But alas, Tobi caught up with him.

"Guess what Sasori-san?" asked Tobi. "I passed the test!!!" He held up a license with his name on it.

Sasori gasped. "What? You got a license? Well, I guess the good thing is that we don't need to come back to this place... But wait," He looked at the license closely, "Who's Madara Uchiha?"

Tobi gulped. "C-Codename Sasori-sempai! Just a codename!" They walked out the doors of the school. "Should we wait for Deidara-sempai?"

"No." Sasori answered. "We would know when he leaves the school."

When they went around the corner of the street, the boating school burst into flames. Sasori couldn't help but chuckle.

"Guess Deidara left, huh Sasori-sempai?" Tobi giggled. Then Tobi stopped. "Wait, wasn't Spongebob in there?"

"All the better." answered Sasori as he walked into a kinky shop. "I'll be back at the base later."

At the Hideout

Pein's eyes were about to pop out of their sockets. "Tobi got a license?!"

Tobi pouted. "Of course, Leader-sama! Tobi is an excellent driver, Tobi told you before!" Tobi went over to the boat and started to drive it. The boat burst into flames.

"My boat!" gasped Pein, not really caring about what happened to Tobi. His vein was throbbing in his head. "Deidara..."

Deidara laughed nervously. "Wow! The boat exploded, un. I didn't expect that!" He started backing away. Pein moved forward to hit him but something blocked him.

"Don't worry, I'll deal with this brat." said Sasori, completely serious. "I've actually wanted to kill him for a while since the incident that happened in class."

Deidara saw the whip in Sasori's hand. "You... You creep, un!" He ran for his life. Pein couldn't help but look at the whip with curiosity. It was pink and covered in feathers.

"Where did you get that whip? Why did-" asked Pein, nearly gagging.

"Some store in town." replied Sasori. He saw that Pein's repulsed facial expression needed more of an explanation. "Well, it is certainly not my color choice, but it was the only one they had left. Well, at least it's a torture weapon?"

Pein began to laugh, and then he gave up. "Ah, yes. Go on and do whatever you were going to do then."

From a distance, Deidara saw Sasori's eyes light up. He ran faster.

Cyndi: Reviews are highly appreciated. Right Tobi?

Tobi: Deidara sempai, are you a girl?

Deidara: ... Grrr.

Cyndi: Holy- RUN!

Tobi: Did Tobi say something-

Deidara: Katsu!