Many thanks to Keyanna for her corrections and guidance. AU to Outcast and Phantoms. Spoiler for The Storm.

She listened to Sheppard and McKay talking. She heard him laughing and the anger boiled inside her. How could he stand there, laughing knowing what he had done? How could he live with himself when he had robbed her of her brother?

She was going to show him how it felt to have the people you loved taken from you. She had originally tried to find a connection on earth, but he had no one and it hadn't surprised her to know that a man like that had no one in his life. It had taken her four years to find out where he had gone and to orchestrate acceptance to the most classified project in the government, thanks to the connections of her military family.

She had thought he would be alone here too and she would find her revenge in his death, but here she found something better. He cared about people here, and although it surprised her she decided to show him her pain, to make him understand by living it himself. No one here knew what he was really like. They all treated him like a hero. They had no idea he was a murderer. Soon he would know what it was like to live when a part of you had been ripped out, leaving you dead amongst living.

She had been assigned to repair the power conduits in a laboratory on the South Pier, punishment duties. She was unsure where the maintenance panel was and had rested her hand against the main column whilst she scanned the room. It was as she went to move away that she felt her hand press into the column, and as she cast her eyes up to see what had happened, she heard the sound. As she turned to it, she saw the wall at the back of the lab move, sliding open to reveal the laboratory behind. She could tell by the level of dust that it had never been disturbed. She ventured in and found a control console and to the side of that lay a copper bangle, She picked it up unconsciously as she scanned around the room.

Thinking she had best report this to McKay immediately, her eyes fell on the dirty glass panel door in the wall. Although it was coated in a thick layer of dust, she was able to see McKay's face looking back at her. Surprised and, thinking it must lead through to yet another room, she walked over to him, watching him walk towards her. As she neared the glass door she began to realise. As she saw the conduits behind the panel she realised she was looking at her own reflection. She reached the door and as she leaned her head to the side, she saw McKay's head lean as well, a characteristic she had never seen him do.

She pulled her hand up to touch the glass and then she saw the bangle she held in her hand. Rubbing her thumb over the intricate design, she watched curiously as electrical pulses ran across the surface from her thumb. She looked between the reflection of McKay and the bangle as she started to comprehend. She thought of her brother and there he was standing before her instead of McKay. She realised that this bangle altered her outside appearance, that with this bangle she could be anybody. She looked back at her reflection and experimented, each time another person looked back at her but each time with her own characteristics. She thought of her brother again and there he was.

She looked at the reflection of her brother and held her hand up to the face that was never out of her thoughts, to touch her brother's hand once again. "I understand Steven, I know what you want me to do" she whispered reverently, and it was her brother's voice she heard. She smiled at him, only to see him smile back. She stayed there for a long while, enjoying seeing her brother's face once again. Then she located and fixed the broken panel, she made sure it was done properly as she could not risk anybody else being sent down here, finding her secret, her killing place. She returned to the lab and made her report.

It was pure luck that she had found the device and with her natural ancient gene it had activated immediately. It was just pure luck that there had been a glass door that showed her that her reflection had changed. She didn't think it was luck: she thought Steven was with her, he was helping her to avenge his death and she thought that in this he was still with her, telling her what she was doing was righteous.

With this device she could be anyone and so the plan started to settle into her mind, and as her feelings of anger and revenge intensified so did the acceptance and logistics of the plan. She waited, with time fuelling her anger, until the time was right. McKay always worked late into the night in the labs and always on his own, so confident that he was safe. Sheppard came by most nights but tonight she had seen him retire early and so she got the copper bangle from her rooms and stood at the entrance to the south pier. She radioed McKay, hearing Sheppard's voice and feeling violated that his voice passed her lips. "McKay, come in McKay."

"What?" McKay said over the radio, clearly irritated.

"There's something in the South Pier that I need you to take a look at now. I've found a hidden laboratory and I think it may have a something to do with ZPM's. I don't want to wake anybody up until we're sure. Can you come over here now?" She smiled - she knew he wouldn't be able to resist and it was confirmed when she heard his reply.

"On my way, Colonel," McKay said, already jogging to the South Pier, no doubt with his laptop gripped under his arm, excitement clear over his heavy breathing.

She waited, the excitement climbing inside, trying to contain it but a grin that kept exploding on her face and having to struggle to push it back down again. It's almost time Steven, we are so close. She saw McKay struggle down the short corridor to her and her face broke out in a grin, which McKay answered. "Seriously, ZPM laboratory?" he asked, glee in his voice and a broad grin on his face.

She just nodded, grinning. "This way," and headed down the stairs, leading to the laboratory she had found the device in; it was perfect. He followed, babbling all the way, about ZPM's and how he would install them and the plans he had for them and he just kept going on and on. How did Sheppard stand it, the constant droning? Finally, they reached the labs. Rodney ducked in and by the time she had entered he had entered and slipped his laptop onto the nearest bench and done a 360 degree turn of the room and turned back to her with a questioning glance, "Well, where is it?" he asked impatiently, almost desperately.

She smiled as she raised the stun gun and shot him as his brow furrowed in confusion. He crumpled to the floor with a name whispered on his lips, "John?"

She opened up the rear of the laboratory and dragged McKay into the room. She had everything prepared. She removed his radio and tied his hands with the strong black cords. Using the pulleys, she heaved him up to hang from the ceiling. Perfect, it was so perfect. She had worked under McKay for a month now and every time he had sneered at her, barked at her, humiliated her she had kept her tongue because in her head she had seen this. Finally, he will pay too.

She pulled up a chair and waited. It shouldn't be long.

She saw him start to come round and still she waited. She wanted him fully aware when she started, she wanted him to see Sheppard for what he was before he died, wanted him to comprehend how stupid he had been to believe Sheppard was anything other than a murderer.

He looked at her with confusion clear in his face as he tried to comprehend what had happened. She smiled at him. "You shot me! Again!" he whined. He still didn't comprehend the danger he was in.

He raised his face to his hands tied above him as he tried to fathom the reason for being tied up. He lowered his face to her - still trusting in Sheppard, he had figured this was for his own benefit. "Oh, you've got to be kidding! What's taken over me, this time?" he asked, resigned to the fact that something bad was happening to him - but he still didn't comprehend. "What am I doing down here? Wouldn't the infirmary be a better place, nice fluffy pillows?" he asked. He was starting to realise he was the only one talking.

"Sheppard?" and she saw that the silence was starting to get to him. He pulled at the ropes, but she knew they were sturdy. "Damn it Sheppard! This isn't funny, talk to me damn it!" he shouted. "What the hell is going on?"

She stood up slowly and sauntered over to him. She cocked her head to one side and studied him as if he were just some curiosity. He pulled his head back, looking at her, trying to find the answers in her face and then she watched as an idea occurred to him, watched as his eyes narrowed. "You are you, aren't you? I mean, it's me that's got the thing in them, right? You are you?" his voice started to rise as panic started to sneak in. He was starting to comprehend.

She smiled. "You don't have anything in you, McKay, and I'm me." She dropped the smile, "I think it's about time you met the real me, though - not the pretender I've been for the last four years. Time to re-educate you, time to show you what I am truly capable of."

"So I'm alright then? Not going to die?" he nodded to himself as he realised he was fine, still trying to figure out what was going on. "You're capable of what? You know, you don't have to tie me up to make me watch you do your latest party trick. You don't think this is a little overboard? I mean, I've heard of a captive audience but…"

You don't know how wrong you are, McKay. You will die, eventually, once you have served your purpose.

"Oh, you are going to die" she interrupted him, "and you should know that it will be by my hand. I've killed before after all, and now I will again, starting with you," she said almost blandly. She moved over to the bench and selected the knuckle-dusters, flexing her hands to see how it felt. It felt good. She turned to see McKay watching her, trying to process the unthinkable. As she walked towards him she saw realisation starting to dawn on his face as he started to comprehend what she was about to do.

"Sheppard…..John…..What are you doing? John? What did I do, tell me, let me fix it, I'm sure I can fix it," he tried to pull away from her as she advanced towards him.

"This is a joke, right? …a really bad joke, right? I don't know what's going on, John. Damn it, talk to me, Sheppard! Tell me why you're doing this," he whined, his voice getting higher as the panic started, "John?" She pulled back and hit him as hard as she could, and his face was knocked to the side. When it whipped back round, with grazes across the cheek, she saw eyes full of pain and shock.

It was not just the pain from being hit that registered in his eyes, but the pain of betrayal mixed with confusion and a refusal to believe that Sheppard had hurt him. Excitement filled her, gave her butterflies in her stomach. At last, I've waited so long. Finally it's begun.

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He could feel his eyes brim with tears, stinging, and knew it was not all from the pain. Why?! What did I do? He could feel the betrayal as a pain, heavy in his stomach, and his heart clenched with it. He could feel a gasp of shock travelling through his body as he tried to comprehend, as he tried to deal with the fact that John Sheppard had hit him intentionally. That John Sheppard had hurt him so deeply.

Sheppard was smiling at him and when he looked into his eyes he saw nothing of the man he had known for four years. The John Sheppard who stood before him was a stranger to him. He still couldn't comprehend, still couldn't process what had happened.

With his thoughts blinded by shock, he watched dumbly as Sheppard walked back to the bench and slipped off the knuckle-dusters and placed them on the bench. It was then he noticed the other things that were laid out on the bench, shining in the light. It was then that he began to comprehend that John Sheppard was going to torture him, inflict pain on him, and hurt him more deeply than anyone ever had.

He had spent four years learning to trust, learning to open himself to another, learning to love Sheppard as a brother and now he was going to hurt him. More deeply than any wound, John Sheppard was going to betray him on every level.

There has to be a reason, this isn't John. Something has to have taken him over; he wouldn't do this to me. He's spent four years protecting me, why would he suddenly want to hurt me? Maybe he's lost it – post traumatic stress or whatever it is. His thoughts stopped abruptly.

Suddenly all he could think about was Sheppard walking towards him, holding the knife up by his own face, twisting the knife to catch the light. He thought about the gleam in his eyes and the smile that played across his lips as he advanced slowly, nearer and nearer. He felt his heart clench even as it began to beat faster and faster, and he felt the fear start to rise.

Then he felt the knife sink into his skin.The knife cut into his arm and for a moment it was Koyla who stood in front of him, but when the initial pain and shock receded his eyes focused on the face of John Sheppard. Oh god, it hurt so much. Much more than when Koyla had cut him, during the storm, because this time the pain of betrayal accompanied every wound inflicted, and because of it this time the cut went deeper. The cut was twofold, and as it pierced his skin he felt it in his heart.

He tried to tell himself that this was not John Sheppard, or that if it was that he was not aware of his actions, but he couldn't stop the feelings from rising, couldn't stop the doubts from creeping in that this was John Sheppard. And he couldn't stop the panic climbing when he realised that he was going to die, down here in the depths of Atlantis at the hands of his friend.

He looked up at the blood on his arm as he started to hyperventilate, trying to regulate his breathing and trying to control his emotions as they overwhelmed him. As he saw the bright red blood trickle down his arm, he watched his vision blur as tears ran uncontrolled down his cheeks. Damn it, it hurts so much. I can't believe this is happening. Through his tears he tried to understand.

"Why are you doing this, John? Can't you tell me why? What happened? After everything we have gone through, four years, John, how can you do this? This isn't you, you're ill, there's something wrong with you. You're not yourself."

Through blurred eyes he saw John approach him again; he saw the blurred edge of the knife as it caught the light. He felt it as it pressed cold against his skin, he felt the initial pain as it pierced and then he felt the pain increase tenfold as it slowly sank into his skin. And all the while he begged through the tears, "Please John, please stop, you're hurting me, please, please John. Please don't hurt me anymore."

As the knife dragged through his flesh he threw his head back, pain arching through him. His torso convulsed as he tried to flinch away from the knife, from his friend. Rodney screamed. He felt his own blood trickle warmly over his skin and down his side, and he felt hot tears roll down his cheeks.

No questions, just pain. This was not an interrogation. This was pain inflicted for malice alone. All his energy was spent trying to fight against the pain and he could no longer spare a thought for why. And so it continued until eventually his mind and body could take no more and succumbed to darkness.

To Be Continued...